My best girl friend is becoming a sex object to me I think so how can I stop that from happening?

[Anonymous]

This girl lived two houses down from me when we grew up so we're truly best friends and have helped each other get into and out of relationships with other people. She is like my rock, and I am hers. We will always be there for each other as best friends. Sometimes if we go out drinking or to parties we'll crash out on the same couch together or on my air bed if there is limited sleeping space but we've never gotten sexual or kissed. We have cuddled before to stay warm and if we're on a couch it's hard not to be right on top of each other but we just sleep and that's it. The last two times we slept together she took her jeans off because they're tight and she is comfy in just her undies. Somehow that changed something in my mind I guess and instead of thinking of her as my best friend I was thinking I have this attractive woman laying with me and the only thing between me and her vagina is her panties which can easily be pulled aside. It made me so horny both times this happened that the day after all I did was masturbate to thoughts of her. Now when I see her my thoughts are half about sex instead of treating her like a sister or guy friend. We can't ever date or have sex because it will ruin what we have together. I don't want sex with her but I can't stop thinking of what it would be like. How do I make this stop?

[siquetumeamaste]

Honestly I think she knew what she was doing. Perhaps the goal wasn't to consciously arouse you, but as you said, she's an attractive woman lying next to you with her pants off. Of course you're going to think about it! If she was really worried about this I think she would have asked you for some more comfortable clothes (or, since you said this was the second time it happened, she would have remembered from the first time that she should've worn something else or brought more clothes). This girl wouldn't just cuddle with you and sleep in the same bed if she had no romantic feelings for you and didn't find you attractive. I think she might be in the exact same place as you--thinking about what might happen if you became more than friends but afraid to say anything. Why would it be so bad to try dating? It sounds like you two have an awesome, strong relationship. Yes, it's normal to worry that you might lose your friendship with her but that's the risk with anything. If you really don't want a romantic relationship with her or don't want to risk it, I think you're going to need to lightly talk to her about this. Make it a joke-- "hey, I love hanging out with you and I don't mind if you sleep over, but I am a guy, so could you make sure to bring a change of clothes next time? " Or offer her something of yours. I hardly think she would be offended or embarrassed if you don't go into too much detail. I wouldn't worry too much about your physical attraction, hopefully it will fade. But if it gets to be a problem then maybe the two of you shouldn't sleep together anymore.

[arb04]

Over time your thoughts may fade. I know in the past there were guys I was super attracted to but we never formed a relationship or anything like that and as my interest turned to other people the thouhts went away and I didn't find them as physically appealing. Not because they looked any differently but becaue my attention had turned elsewhere. I guess try to focus your physical desires on someone else who you would want a relationship with. If the thoughts don't go away over time then you might have feelings for your friend.

[Anonymous]

Your female pal needs to stay in friend zone and she spoiled it by taking off her pants. I have to say that (1) I don't know girls who would do that and (2) I don't know any guys who would complain (not touch her, perhaps, but not complain, haha).

It's normal that you'd feel horny and then awkward about that.

So what sort of feelings do you have for her?

[Asker]

I love her, but like a sister almost. I'm really protective of her and she protects me from myself sometimes. We hang out together and just have a blast sometimes or we just talk and give each other advice. I don't want to ruin all that by just becoming another horny guy trying to get in her pants. Plus since she is like a sister it disturbs me to have those thoughts.

[Opinion Owner]

Fact is... you've sort of evolved already. You should ask what she was thinking that night. Hear her version first and then figure out what to tell her about your experience since that night.

[Opinion Owner]

You should probably just go relieve yourself before you both do something you'll regret. It should be something she wants to do with you when she's sober, not just when she's drunk.

[Asker]

I don't think she remembers coming on to me that strong. I'm really not sure what to do. Should I tell her what she did or just keep my mouth shut? What if she feels awkward around me after I tell her?

[Opinion Owner]

Ignore it. If she needs that from you, you should approach her naturally (stand close but in a casual way, like you're waiting for a kiss). Don't tell her what a hot mess she was...

[mattygfromtheMD32]

The girl is how old? In all the time you've known her she's never taken her jeans off, and now all of a sudden she's getting up close and personal. Yeah, she knows exactly what she's doing. I think she may have beaten you to the punch if you know what I mean.

[Asker]

We're 24. I don't think she is trying to seduce me. We've slept on my air mattress together after lots of parties while both drunk and she has never seemed flirty about it. I know it sounds unusual but for us it's normal to sleep together. We go out bar or party hopping and when people start falling asleep or the sun starts coming up and there is nowhere to sleep I inflate the mattress and we pass out on it within minutes. We've been doing that for years, sleeping together about once a month.

[mattygfromtheMD32]

I know but my point is she's been doing it for years with her pants on. Now all of a sudden they're coming off, and in my opinion, for whatever its worth, I think she's testing the waters of your relationship. I could be wrong, but that's how I see it.

[Asker]

Ok, I might just ask her like one of the girls said. Asking is risky though because then I'll have to tell her it turned me on. I think she is just really comfortable with me and her pants were too tight like she says but maybe you could be right also.

[Distant]

Just goes to show that males and females can't be just friends if there is physical attraction. I would suggest keeping those thoughts to yourself if you don't want to jeopardize your friendship.

[smilingirl]

i think she knew what she was doing to

i seduce my bf/partner with sexy pose, only take my pants off when I m so turned on.

never do that to others.

apparently she wants something more, like best-friend with benefit.

if you don't want to sleep with her just tell her, I guess it is normal to think of something horny when you get to that situation.

but if she does that again and you sure you don't want something more then just tell her

[smilingirl]

i meant, why would you still put the jeans on if you find that is tight? doesn't make sense to me

[RedSmartie]

You might want to physically distance yourself from her for a while. Still talk to her and act pretty much like things are normal, but don't initiate physical contact or closeness. If she does it, act casual but don't further it.

[tswayd]

It's tough. If you really don't want to do that find a girlfriend and hopefully she can satisfy you.

[tswayd]

that's unfortunate just let it die down by itself and be patient. Likearb04 said if you still like her after a while maybe you really have feelings for her and it's not shallow

[Anonymous]

I don't agree with the others that it's certain she tried to seduce you. I mean, it could be, but I also know girls who are really comfortable with guy friends they knew for years. The friendship you have seems special to me so just try to think of her in as sisterly was as possible.