Long term relationship, is this normal to lose sexual attraction?

[AlessandraRossa]

I am with my boyfriend since 2 and half year and first I was crazy about him , could have sex everyday ! Then slowly something started changing.. with time I was less and less excited.. Then I realized I fantasise a lot about other boys , then I started falling for other boys.. And then suddenly I realized I don't feel any attraction to my boyfriend anymore. I have to say he didn't change ,and isn't ugly , but I've lost sexual attraction.. Does it happen in long term relationships generally? would like to know if it's normal in long term relationships and happens

[bobair]

It's definitely normal for the daily need for sexual connection to fade in a long term relationship. Mostly because the hormones involved during the first year of courtship fade.

The "falling in love" phase is deeply influenced by hormones and the appeal of novelty (something new.) Learning and exploring someone new is fascinating and fun!

And, once you've gotten to know someone intimately they slowly become common... and maybe even boring.

There are simple strategies for keeping the attraction within a relationship - things like being less available, being less predictable, being more playful, and fun. But this requires both parties to be participating, not just you or him.

I think it's not that difficult to re-spark the romance, if that's what you want. It takes a few fun but honest conversations with the boyfriend, which should be easy if the relationship is open and healthy. I'm sure there's tonnes of books on this topic. (I'm currently working on a book called "Seduce Your Wife, Before I Do" and my focus is entirely on re-sparking the attraction within a long tern relationship.

I might warn you - if there is a need for the attention and approval from men outside the relationship then you're either not getting what you NEED from your current man, or you're still too immature and needy to be in a committed relationship.

I hope that makes sense...

When in doubt talk to older wiser women in your life... find a mentor who has wisdom and perspective to help gain some insight. The worst thing you can do is ignore your frustrations and hope that finding someone new will "fix" things.

Good luck!

~ Robby

My Blog ( link

[Red_Arrow]

Love needs to be based on something other than sex. You can have a great sexual relationship that lasts for year, maybe forever, but that is not what defines love. If you had said just that you fantasize about other men, I would have said that that is normal and you need to explore ways to spice up the sex life you have with your boyfriend. But you also said you started "falling" for other guys. It sounds like you are not yet mature enough to understand the difference between love and sex. At this point it may be wisest to break up with your boyfriend and enjoy the sex with guys you are attracted to. Then when you realize what you want in a love relationship, you can look for that.

I normally would not advise one to drop someone and go for the sex, but it seems that that is where you are right now. With someone who still feels in love, but the sex is not great anymore, my advice would be totally different. I would agree with what others are saying about this being common and you should look for ways to spice up your sex life with him. But you seem to be realizing that you are not in love with him.

[MrOracle]

The other answers here addressed most of your questions pretty well, so I have a question: is it possible that you've gotten so familiar with each other that you've stopped treating each other like you're in love with each other? Is he not giving you the amount of attention, or the kind of attention, you need to feel close to him? Sometimes these things change very gradually, but if you stop having quality time together, it's easy to drift apart. Relationships require regular maintenance, or they don't work anymore, and both people have to work at it.

And when women aren't being satisfied in other areas of the relationship, it very often affects their libidos. I've heard women say "seeing him mop the floor is FOREPLAY." And they're only half-kidding; when their guy is paying attention to their wants and needs, and doing his share, they feel much more bonded to him, and that in turn will super-charge her libido and attraction to him.

[martyfellow]

Yes, it's normal t slow down after the honeyoon phase. Don't worry about it, these things come and go in cycles. You will other 'up' cycles down the road together.

[kheserthorpe]

It's not universal but unfortunately it's very common.

Have other things changed?

[Konnour]

It's the end of your relationship.

Is it normal? It happens, you're not the only one, but you both have no future.

[Anonymous]

You need female Viagra.