Sexual Health
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GUYS: Why do you LOSE interest in a girl once he finds out she is taken?

Hello! Let me tell you what prompted this ?: So tonight I met a guy at my local Obama campaign organization (Yay, he won! :D) and we hit it off right away. Honestly, I did find him attractive, but I have a boyfriend so I refuse cross that line. Anyways, so we spend a majority of the night hanging out and a huge group of us Obama supports went to celebrate at the local pub. Well, at the end of tonight he walked me to my car (plus earlier in the night I agreed to drop him off at home because he lives close to me and he had his bike). As we were walking to my car he came on to me and asked me if I wanted to stay at his place. However, once I informed him of my relationship his mood suddenly changed and once we got to my car he refused the ride. Now, here is where my ? comes in: Obviously he wanted me to sleep with him tonight, but if you hit it off with a girl you just met and she isn't available, do you seriously give up on that potential friendship? Does it matter that you got along with her really well and wouldn't mind seeing her again (he said he liked my brains and looks...)? Do guys seriously only talk to girls they are sexually interested in and once that possibility ends, they lose interest? Do guys not genuinely get to know a girl for just friendship purposes? Sorry this ? is uber long. I tried to condense it as much as possible. Anyways, please answer as truthfully and thoughtfully as you can. I've had this issue before with previous male friends and it hurts when they are willing to give up on our friendship just because I am taken. Thank you so much! I really appreciate it for those who answered the ? and let me know if you need any clarifying! Side note: Obama WON! :)))))))
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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have become friends with other men whilst in a relaionship, but this tended to be people who knew my boyfriend in some way. I became really good freinds with my boyfriends best mate, he said I was like a sister to him. I also got to be good freinds with a lot of other males that were connected to him in some way. Also I have a few really good guy mates who are nothing to do with boyfriends and actively encourage them all to get to know each other.

    Although I must say sometimes boyfriends have got jealous of my male mates, taking it the wrong way and not understadning we get on the way we do as we are freinds not wanting to sleep with each other or being attracted in that way.

    • "Although I must say sometimes boyfriends have got jealous of my male mates, taking it the wrong way and not understadning we get on the way we do as we are freinds not wanting to sleep with each other or being attracted in that way." Yeah that's the tricky part. I've had that too and I had to talk to my boyfriend about it.

Most Helpful Guys

  • "Do guys seriously only talk to girls they are sexually interested in and once that possibility ends, they lose interest?"

    Correct. A lot of inexperienced guys sit around because they haven't figured out the possibility has ended.

    "Do guys not genuinely get to know a girl for just friendship purposes?"

    Guys rarely make a big effort to know anyone for just friendship purposes. Their friends are just guys they do stuff with and eventually bond with. The kind of emotional connection women form with each other (and with male 'friends') men don't actually treat other men that way.

    • "Guys rarely make a big effort to know anyone for just friendship purposes. Their friends are just guys they do stuff with and eventually bond with. The kind of emotional connection women form with each other (and with male 'friends') men don't actually treat other men that way." But what if the girl has a great personality. Would you want to hang out with her again to enjoy her company? lol

    • Unless you're having sex with girls at least as hot of not hotter then her, it would probably just be frustrating. A lot of guys feel they have 'enough friends' as it is.

  • He may have just been coming on to you the whole time and just wanted to sleep with you so when you said you had a boyfriend he gave up... Or there are also some guys that have a problem with just being friends because they know they would want more than that and it sucks seeing someone you like with someone else. And then there's some guys that see that as a bad situation in case the boyfriend might be the jealous type.

    • "Or there are also some guys that have a problem with just being friends because they know they would want more than that and it sucks seeing someone you like with someone else." Awww okay :(. That helps clear up a few things.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 12

  • Why waste any more of his and your time if you are in a relationship? Also he might have felt a bit led on.

    On a side note... America doomed itself last night so I'm not seeing a reason for celebration.

    • "Why waste any more of his and your time if you are in a relationship?" That's a negative way of looking at it. I don't see friendships as a waste of time...

  • You guys obviously had a misunderstanding where this was going. If you felt like there was "more" and then have found out he had a girlfriend you would have felt the same way. That doesn't mean all guys only want one thing. It means he was interested and then was disappointed. That's natural.

    • Hmmm understood. I think I mislead him :/ I honestly didn't mean too, but I told my boyfriend about it and he says I'm a "friendly flirt"...

  • His error was in not finding out that you had a boyfriend sooner.

  • It sounds like at the back of your mind you were thinking like you would want more than just his friendship

    • Hmmm that's the tricky part. I acknowledge that I will find other people attractive while I am in a relationship, but like I said, I won't cross that line because my boyfriend has never done anything to deserve that. My theory is it's fine to find other people attractive as long as you don't act on it.

  • If you guys were friends and hung out he would always have an attraction to you in the back of his mind. It may frustrate him because he can't act on it or he may feel guilty that you and him would eventually hook up in spite of your boyfriend. I'm guessing your not that into your boyfriend or you just like hanging out with guys your attracted to and like you said hit if off with.

    • What I meant by "hit it off" was that we clicked. Not necessarily that there was a sexual attraction. I wouldn't say I am not into my boyfriend because I'm really social and I am interested in talking to new people so I think that can easily come off as flirting when it wasn't my intention. But the reason why I became motivated to ask this ? is because I've experienced this before. I've had guy friends that like me and they make a move, but I've never crossed that line because of my relationship.

  • I'll tell you the truth:

    It depends how horny is the guy for the moment.

    If hormones soar high, then you don't give a damn about taken or not, you see, you want, you take - you blatantly flirt with her and don't care at all if her boyfriend is there.

    If you're cool, then you don't go because you think this way: "If she will just simply leave her current boyfriend because of me, why couldn't she leave me same easily for someone else?"

    • If you're cool, then you don't go because you think this way: "If she will just simply leave her current boyfriend because of me, why couldn't she leave me same easily for someone else?" I thought that too! I asked a guy friend (whose been cheated on before): "Do you wanna be the guy I cheat on my boyfriend with?".

  • He wanted a relationship with you not friendship. The real question is what do you gain from having someone who you find attractive as a friend? (when you have a boyfriend)

    • See I didn't think of it like that. I didn't know anyone at the place and I was alone. I just had met him that night. It was more like I enjoyed his company rather than "come hither!".

  • Hmm... No I wouldn't mind another good friend whether she be male or female. Personally I'd worry more and respect how her boyfriend might feel.. Is he comfortable with me hanging out and having a close friendship with her? I also may feel strange that I wanted something with a taken woman because I wouldn't want a guy to move in on my girlfriend that way.

    Anyway that's my opinion.

    • I never thought that they guy would feel guilty for hanging out with a taken girl he is attracted to. Thanks for the insight! :)

    • you're very welcome :)

  • I believe in leaving Married and Taken Ladies alone..there is no friendship that can lead to someone not tempted to cheat..NO Men can befriend women that are taken without potential problems

    • I have a hard time accepting the fact that men and women can't be friends if there is a sexual attraction...

  • It breaks your heart!

  • "Why do you LOSE interest in a girl once he finds out she is taken?"

    Because, believe it or not, we're not ALL a bunch of relationship-wrecking douchebags.

    "I have a boyfriend so I refuse cross that line."

    And because of that. Most girls who are taken don't want to actively wreck their own relationships, so when we find out that you're taken, we leave you alone and start looking for someone who isn't.

    • "Do guys seriously only talk to girls they are sexually interested in and once that possibility ends, they lose interest? Do guys not genuinely get to know a girl for just friendship purposes?" Most of the time, yes.

    • "Because, believe it or not, we're not ALL a bunch of relationship-wrecking douchebags." But you are implying that the friendship WILL lead to more. Why does it have too? "And because of that. Most girls who are taken don't want to actively wreck their own relationships, so when we find out that you're taken, we leave you alone and start looking for someone who isn't." See, my theory is its fine to be friends if there is an attraction as long as it is not acted upon.

    • I'm not implying that. I'm implying that he wasn't looking for "friendship" in the first place. Actually, I'm not implying that, I'm stating it very clearly. And it IS fine to be friends with people you're attracted to, but most single people (and especially men) aren't interested in finding members of the opposite gender to be "friends" with.

  • Once a guy is in to a girl (interested in anything more then friendship), and girl turns them down or friend zones them, guys pride is hurt and won't contact you much more. (As I have done on multiple occasions).

    If a girl has a boyfriend and I want her sexually then my interest drops about 95%.

    • So are you saying you are only sexually motivated to be a girls friend?

    • Thanks for answering btw! :)

    • No, he said if...

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