Sexual Health
+1 y

Did He Take Advantage of Me?

Ok, so I recently broke up with Boy A and was really distraught by it and cried over him A LOT. Boy B is interested && wanted to be my friend and helped comfort me when we talked online and hung out 2 times before. I told Boy B multiple times that I couldn't promise anything, neither sex or relationship because I need to be in a relationship 1st too have sex. Boy B comes over, I tell him how I think I still love Boy A, but we flirted and I said clothes must stay on (I wanted to kiss and cuddle). And so we went to my room to watch TV to do cuddling and comforting for me. Chemistry sucked, but we were kissing and cuddling and grinding a bit, but w/e, it was human contact. If it stopped there things would have been fine. I was teasing him verbally and gesturally but I've done it before to boyfriends with little effect. But like he just was getting REALLY turned on. I was surprized Because like before I was locked in my dorm room for hours with my then-bf "Ben", teased him && and he NEVER pushed me to do anything. So this guy Boy B knew how I was super confused about him and Boy A and how I was crying all day over Boy A the day before. And I said in the beginning of the visit "Look I think I still love Boy A and I can't promise a relationship or anything. I'm just confused." So then the trouble started when he started touching me down there... And while I was lonely, I just needed someone to comfort me. When he did it I said" No. nononono." And he still continued (over my pants but still). But then like I felt like such a slut and it felt okay I guess so I just kind of gave up. He looked very uncomfortable and overheated so I suggested he take his shirt off (I wanted it on, but I felt bad because the fan was all the way up and his skin was burning) Then my shirt ended up coming off and I was adamant about keeping the bra on. I let him touch me and whatever but I started staring at the wall, thinking about Boy A. But I started crying and sobing in the middle: "This isn't right" "I still love Boy A" "I feel like a slut/will feel like a slut if we do this" So he's finally hugging and comforting me like I wanted him to do in the first place but it feels wrong. And I was apologizing for crying. And then he's trying to convince me with a firm "this IS right!" and "you're not a slut" and "you want to play the field right?"And I just felt kind of pressured and said a weak yes. And several times I tried getting us to stop making out and just cuddle and watch the show, but he kept saying how hard he was and stuff so I felt bad and like there was no turning back. So I try to make lemons out of lemonade and go for it to pleasure myself. It sucked and I never came or even got close. And he was following suit... I was uncomfortable and barely turned on bit turned on so in the heat of the moment he take it out cause I asked. But he insisted on cumming when I was uncomfortable and my bra went off. I asked "can't you do that at home?" but no.
Updates:
+1 y
Next morning I felt OK with it but kind of sad and depressed and uncomfrtable. And was convinced it was my idea. But I talked to a friend about it and she said he took advantage of me? Is this true? I confrunted him over text and he said I should have pushed him off if I felt that uncomfortable but I was so vulnerable and confused and he KNEW this. I wish he sztopped when I was cryin.
+1 y
When he had his d*** out he pulled my hand toward it and thankfullt I culd pull away in time. I just wanted it to b over and he was gonna get kicked out by me earlier until I cried and he started to be "sensitive" an let me talk. So I let him stay longer. but then he pushed himself on me aagain and blamed me for half of it starting up again :(
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Most Helpful Guys

  • It's always interesting to see what information people choose to pick out and evaluate in these kinds of situations.

    The FACTS are you said no, he didn't listen, you gave up the fight because you felt pressured, he kept going even though he knew full well that you were far from enthusiastic about it. How is it not clear that he's a douchebag?

    My opinion: He was NOT there to comfort you, he was there to fool around, and worst of all, he didn't even care if you wanted to or not.

    I worked at a sexual assault help center for a few months. You should hear how common it is for women to say "it was my fault" or "the whole thing was technically my idea because I invited him over." It's complete bullsh*t. Guys like this need to be held accountable for THEIR actions.

    • But the guy below is saying I used him and stuff. I don't know what to think anymore. I wanted human contact but it wasn't right. I didn't want him jacking off in front of me. In theory, maybe, and I tried being cool, but I wish he stopped when I cried :(:(:(

    • I didn't have the heart to tell him it wasn't doing it for me

    • And he knew FULL WELL I was emotionally unstable. I told him :(:(

    • Show All

  • I would say he took advantage of you . But you weren't firm enough. When you say '' I don't want'' and some guy keeps touching you . you stand up , show him the door ..cause he isn't a true friend.

    • I wish I could have been more firm and I don't know why I didn't. Maybe not to be a bitch?

    • Stop calling yourself a bitch. Girls these days are so brainwashed. If you tell a guy no that does not make you a bitch. It's your right to decide and nobody else's.

    • I was confused and hesitated. Usually guys don't pounce on me like that so I didn't kno what 2 do

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I will say yes, he was wrong. What guy would continue to have sex with a girl who's clearly crying and sobbing like it's okay? Yes, you could have been a lot more clear and firm but you're young and sound very naive and not sure of yourself. He should have stopped and left when he knew this was something you were uncomfortable with. Guys (and dumbass brainwashed girls who make excuses for them) know good and well when a girl doesn't want it, they just pretend not to notice so they can continue getting off. He wasn't a friend of yours, simply an opportunist waiting in the wings for a chance to have sex with you. You need to be a lot less trusting of guys to have your best interest at heart. Only you can do that. Don't nobody care about you but yourself

    • Thank you. We didn't have sex but he touched me "down there" over my pants without permission so I just gave up and tried to enjoy it because I felt like a whore already. But it sucked and I cried. Then he insisted on jacking off in front if me. At first I thought I was OK with it cause I felt bad for him but I asked if he would do that at home instead and he said no :( So I felt like I had to let him get off and help him clean up. It was awful. I'm never talking to him again.

  • It doesn't sound to me like you were taken advantage of because you put yourself in this situation. You knew you weren't ready but you still cuddled, kissed, and fondled him. You also suggest he remove his clothes. You lead him on so to speak and once he was hot and bothered you no longer wanted it. Most guys would have acted on this because you sent him mixed signals but he saw signals he wanted to see and the ones you showed him. He probably thought he was doing the right thing because your body was telling him yes and if he wouldve rejected you in his eyes it wouldve made you feel worst. You should probably sit down with him and talk this out and establish y'all's relationship as strictly friends.

  • Yeah, he took advantage.

    Guys don't care about anything or think about anything except for sex and how they are going to get it.

    • Yur right :(:( He saw how upset I was and I hoped he would stop && get turned off when I cried. It was too much and I was relying on him to have my best interest like he said. :(

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 1

  • " I suggested he take his shirt off"



    No.^^ You wanted it at that moment it seems.. You just sound emotionally unstable. One minute you're fine, then next you're not, then you're fine again, then you're not.

    • I wanted to cuddle and kiss and maybe grind. I didn't want him to touche me and said no.

    • Why did you tell him to take his shirt off? Why didn't you tell him you didn't want to do anything anymore? I mean, if you really meant no you would of been like "get the f*** off of me"

    • Because he was so uncomfrtable and wouldn't drink water :(

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  • "take advantage of me' is a really vague term.

    He was pushy. He had his own interests at heart more than yours.

    You were trying to use him to make yourself feel better. You were 'taking advantage' of his desire to get him to do what you wanted. You ended up feeling used. That's why the whole 'someone used you' or 'took advanate' thing is blah. TBH, in a healthy relationship people use each other to get their needs met too - but they also try to meet the others' needs.

    When you said no, he should have stopped at that moment. I don't mean stop everything, I mean stop what he was explicitly doing.

    It sounds like during sex, you asked him to pull out, and he did. I don't think mid way through sex telling someone to stop and they do, you get to complain that they finish themselves off.

    The whole thing was a terrible idea. He could have been a better person, but I'm not sure he was trying to be that bad.

    • We never had sex, he just touched me without my permission the first time then jacked himself off in front of me. And I told him all about my situation and he claimed to understand and be patient. I just wanted to kiss and cuddle. :( So I didn't "use" him, I asked for his permission.

    • No. You used him. You wanted him to come around and make you feel better by doing exactly what you wanted. You don't love him - you love guy A. And if guy B had agreed to this, it would have been only because he wanted more. But you know what? You're allowed to try to use people as long as you're not tricking them or forcing them. As you say, you asked his permission. And that's what it comes down too. Regardless of what you -wanted- if he forced you or tricked you, he did wrong..

    • If he simply went for it at a time when your own needs made you consent to things you might not have if you'd been thinking clearly, that's on you, not him. It would be nice if everyone around us always put our own needs above their own, but its unfair to expect that, and frankly the world becomes neurotic if everyone tries to guess what everyone else wants all the time.

    • Show All

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