How to keep a guy interested?

Anonymous

How do you keep a guy interested? It seems I can maybe get them interested a couple weeks or so, but then they lose interest. I'm in University, so I'm busy with school and such. Of course guys my age are only interested in sex and I'm still a virgin. So of course, no action=bye girl. Which is super annoying. I do ask dumb questions, like, "Am I weird?" but my parents said I should ask my friends. And this one guy, yeah I had a crush on him, but knew he probably wouldn't wanna go exclusive, but I asked him. I just don't know what to do to keep them interested. I don't want to do sexual stuff, I don't want a relationship based on that, but I'm also super nervous about bjs and don't want to do them (don't give me the lecture, I already know guys want them and blah blah blah, let's focus on what I"m asking-how to get them interested). I have been told I'm cute, sexy, beautiful and I try to be me when they meet me. I try not to text a whole lot or like/comment on their Facebook stuff. I try not to be annoying. But whatever I'm doing isn't working, they lose interest. I get I shouldn't ask them questions like "Am I weird?" or what not. But this has been happening every effin time! I'm sick of it. I know it's hard when I'm 3 hours away in another city, but I can't help it that that is where my University is.

Updates:

+1 y

And by I don't want to do anything sexual, I mean like having sex with them and not be in a relationship. I don't want a friends with benefit thing, I'd probably form and attachment and I would be so hurt if I knew they were screwing other girls including me. I want to know how they can stay attracted to me right.

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Most Helpful Guy

Dionysos Guru
+1 y
I hate to say it but you need to find someone who's into not having sex if you want a relationship where you don't have sex. That's not going to be easy but there are a few of them even here.

It's not a no action = bye girl thing either. It's the economics of sex at work. You're competing for attention with women who are offering more than your values will allow you to offer. Once the guy hears "I'm not going to sleep with you", one of the main things motivating his interest in you as opposed to other women goes away.

I'd suggest a christian dating service. GAG has an add for one that sometimes pops up.
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- Asker
  +1 y
  Ha ha, I swear waaaay too much to go on a Christian dating site. I used to want to wait for marriage, but once I got in the real world, I think I'd wanna have sex, BUT in a commited exclusive relationship. Sex is given out like candy nowadays and I have too much pride in myself to sleep with every guy I meet. I just wanna know how to keep them interested in me for me, not just my vagina.
- Dionysos
  +1 y
  Be their friend first. As a girl, you can un-friend zone someone. We guys can't do it but you can.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Oh I know, my parents told me that. This one was a friend, but I still made out with him and he fingered me. But I guess the distance and probably no sex=lost interest? I don't know, I try for friends, but I do like making out. I think I'm just not meant to have someone like me more than a friend. There was this other guy, but he's being a total ass right now.
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- Dionysos
  +1 y
  Once you kiss em they're going to expect to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I think that's when they get out of the friend zone and you have to deal with em on a romantic level. If you let em into that zone, but tell em no further than a kiss it makes sense that they would look elsewhere.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Well this last guy said he was going slow with me. And I kinda think he was telling the truth, it's been the last month things have changed. I know, guys want sex, I get that! I'm asking HOW to keep them interested in me.
- Dionysos
  +1 y
  So you want to keep them interested in a kind of relationship that normally involves sex, but not give them any? That's gonna be hard once they realize it. Come on into the restaurant and smell all the good food, but don't eat any. That's how it'll feel. Better to keep em out on the patio. Sex really isn't that big of a deal. It's just like eating breathing and drinking. It's a part of life. I think all the extra baggage we load it up with makes for challenging relationships sometimes.
- Asker
  +1 y
  My generation hands sex out like candy, they don't care. I'm old school, I think it should be between two people who care about each other. It's a big deal to me. I've told them upfront "Hey I'm a virgin. I don't want sex unless in a relationship." and they get that. It's not like I hide it from them. They're fine with it, but leave. I just don't think it's right for me to give them sex, and they still leave. I'm way too emotional for that kind of bull sh*t.
- Dionysos
  +1 y
  I understand. You gotta do what your values dictate. Just don't be mad at others when they do likewise.
- Asker
  +1 y
  There's absolutely no other way to keep a guy interested in a girl unless you give him a bj or sex? That's what you're saying. I know those are "important" but there's gotta be other ways. I'm asking what to do (besides those things) to keep them wanting to get to know ME. Please help with the latter.
- Dionysos
  +1 y
  I'm not saying that at all. :-) Being fun to be around, being happy, and a positive influence in their lives etc. All those things make people want to be around you...as a friend. If you want more than that though, you'll probably find most want to share more in return and if you're not prepared for that you'll find fewer partners out there. Neither good nor bad. Just reality.
- Asker
  +1 y
  But I do be happy and such, but they don't stick around. I mean it's hard with distance and being in classes, but come on.
- Dionysos
  +1 y
  I guess you gotta keep looking. Not sure what else there is. Expanding your set of interests into some traditionally "guy" type activities is always a good way to get lots of attention from a bunch of guys. It might improve your odds.
- Asker
  +1 y
  What do you mean? Don't think I'm a prude, I've been fingered and stuff by guys (actually a lot) and they went down on me. It's just I want to be seen as a person, not just a piece of ass. I don't know how to meet guys, I go to bars and that's where I most the guys. I know they're all players, but I'm a shy person and can't walk up to a guy and be like "Hey, wanna go for coffee?"
- Dionysos
  +1 y
  I think bars might be the problem. We go there to drink and look for a piece of ass. (sorry, but that's what bars are for, lol!) I'd take up a sport or other activity that guys like, something you like and can get good at, and try your hand with the guys you meet doing it. They'll be interested in your being in their sport at first, not your ass...unless it's a really epic one. :-)
- Asker
  +1 y
  Oh I know the guys in bars are players, but good guys go there too right? Anyways, I haven't played sports since high school and I wouldn't say I was the greatest. I'm a perfectionist, and I'd want to be good at something the first time at it (which is unrealistic, but I don't want to make an ass of myself). I just let the guys come to me. So it's not me picking the guys out in the bars. F*** it, I'm not meant to be with a guy I'm thinking. I don't want to be a whore and I'm too shy.
- Dionysos
  +1 y
  I've gone to bars looking to play pool and relax but they aren't the place to find a soul mate. It doesn't have to be a sport. Just something fun you like to do that guys do too. Get the interaction out of the singles scene to de-couple meeting them from the prospect of sex. Shooting is the best one. Guys LOVE to teach girls to shoot and they tend to be conservative. Other things like that work too if you're not OK with those loud nasty guns. :-) Girls at the range are like goddesses.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I'm in University, so I don't have a lot of money. I don't even know where a shooting range is in this stupid city. I don't want to play the damsel in distress "oh help me shoot this gun," I'd actually wanna show them I'm good ha ha. But really, who am I kidding. It all boils down to sex anyways. I'm not stupid. Even the two guys who I thought were gentlemen in the end wanted sex too. I gotta stop, I'm gonna cry.
- Dionysos
  +1 y
  You don't have to play damsel in distress. Just find something you enjoy and enjoy it. And yes, they're guys. They all want sex at some level, It's the nature of the beast.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I like dancing and horseback riding. But all the cowboys are players. I'm not a city girl, and I'm surrounded by city slickers.
- Dionysos
  +1 y
  Sounds like you have some challenges there. I think you know more than enough to get what you need though. Good luck!

Most Helpful Girl

Anonymous
+1 y
Pretty much you stated the main issue in your second paragraph, males are dull creatures if you are not putting out then they will move on to a different sex provider.

You are not weird, the situation is they are only interested in sex for the most part.
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- Asker
  +1 y
  But how can you keep them interested without saying, "Here, lets have sex." I don't want to be used, I would feel like sh*t and I don't want to go through that.