Why Do I Need A Guy?

[Anonymous]

Let's start with sex. I can take care of myself. I already know exactly what I like. If I want to orgasm six times in one day I can. If don't want to at all I don't have to. As a virgin, I don't have to learn how to have sex, who I'm going to lose it to, when I'm going to lose it. I have a high sex drive, and I can take care of it and not have to depend on anyone to help me contain it. STDs aren't a problem, and I don't have to worry about cheating. Unwanted pregnancy, nope. As for kids, I want to adopt anyway, so that isn't a big issue. And no pressure about going through pregnancy from a guy who wants kids of his own blood. Also, most women end up being single mothers anyway. And I get to raise my kids exactly how I choose with no interference. Moral support? Love? I have family and friends for that. I'm not without either. And these people already know me pretty well. Loneliness? I already prefer being alone, but I don't have to be. I can be a bitch at times but who isn't, and in this case I don't have to worry about a boyfriend getting offended or mad. I can do whatever I want, talk to whoever I want. I don't have to worry about controlling or jealousy. Money? Well even on dates I always prefer to pay for myself. I want to make my own way anyway. I wouldn't be satisfied to have someone else make my living for me. Protection? I've been through a lot in my life, and there was no guy there to take care of me. I've obviously proven that I can get through it on my own. If I didn't need one before why would I need one now when things are going pretty good? I'm also very protective of the people I love, it would be just one more person I'd be worried about. There would be a big issue about me protecting him. I can live without that problem. Commitment? I suck at commitment, and every guy I have ever looked up to, that wasn't family, left when things got too rough. Drama? Who needs it? I get enough of my fair share with my family. If I want an argument it's not hard to find one. (I hate arguing, I was being sarcastic.) Marriage? Most guys don't even want to be married anymore. And I think I can live without a wedding. In conclusion, I'm seeing a lot of upsides to being single. I'm free, no one to answer to, no one I have to cook for but myself. Any responsibility I have is for myself for the most part. In this day and age I have everything I could need to live a single yet suitable lifestyle. I get to choose how I want my house decorated. I get an entire bed to myself every night. I can have any career I want until I decide to adopt. Any money I get I get to spend how I like or need to. It just seems to me, that to bring a guy into it would just be the pure definition of lunacy. I'm fully comfortable with myself and who I am. And yes I'm attracted to men but only when I'm not with them. Did I miss anything?

[Anonymous]

I've read your updates and I guess now it makes more sense. I get the feelings that things you love will only end up hurting you or going away. But think about it like this, would you rather have not known your brother at all or known him for as long as you did now.

Now, a relationship from your point of view may not seem nessecary, and that's completely logical. You should not go searching for one either. But maybe one day you'll meet a very sweet guy, who you really like and suddenly you find yourself falling in love. And that's when a relationship will become sort of a necessity, when you feel like you would rather be with this person and take all the hurting he could do for granted, than not be with him at all.

It is true that you can have all the resources to 'replace' a human being, but you can never fully. The presence of another person is something magical that no thing can replace.

Life is suffering. Or at least, for most of us. We are born in this world where no one really explains nor knows what we are here for. I myself have not figured this out, neither has someone else I think. But what I can tell you is that life is too god damn short. And that you are here for your own happiness really. If not being in a relationship will make you the happiest, than that is fine. But maybe you are just afraid, and deep down inside do really wonder what it feels like to be in one. I have never been in a relationship myself either, but many people around me are so there must be something good about it...

Any how, this is a long answer, I am sorry for that. But what I want to make clear, is that it is your life and you are here to make yourself happy and no one else. Never let fear hold you back. Loving someone hurts, it always does. But not loving someone will hurt a lot more, that is a given.

Good luck, I am sure you'll figure it out.

[CeepSmiling]

Some people do NEED a person in their life, it's just the way they're made. They need someone for emotional support, comfort, etc. Other people just need someone around for sex. Other people, like myself really don't. It looks like you don't NEED one either. For a really long time I refused to go steady with anyone for very long because I thought that I didn't need one. There's a lot of things we don't need though, that can be a huge blessing. I'm fine on my own. I'm happy on my own. I'm independent. BUT having a companion is always great. Those things you can do by yourself? So much better with someone there with you to be close to and share yourself with. I'm married to the most fabulous person of my life, and I could go on without her, but why the heck would I ever want to? Of course, as you said, there are upsides to being single. There are also down sides. Same thing with not being single. You need to find one of those people perfect for you in order to fully experience just why people go and throw that bachelor party :)

[Lizzielu]

Being with someone shouldn't be about needing someone it should be about wanting to be with someone. I don't need a guy but having one sure makes me happy.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read your entire message because it's so long, but from the little I read, it sounds like you would be OK without a man. But...

When I was your age I didn't think I needed anyone either. But I married a great woman and am so glad I did. It's hard to explain exactly how, but our lives fit together like a hand and a glove. It's just so nice, and I can't imagine my life without her. I do know that without her my life would not be nearly as good.

There was no way I would have been able to foresee all that at your age.

[Opinion Owner]

LOL @ your updates. Certainly you knew when you posted it that it would be seen as devaluing men, and you posted it anyway so your intentions were clear. You're a hypocrite.

[Asker]

Well I am truly happy for you. That's wonderful to hear. It's not a completely lost hope for me. I'm not trying to push anyone away but find myself comfortable the way I am until I can get the right strength and head to change it. I had a very rough past and also my brother passed away just a few months ago. He was 20 and it was hard, and I don't think right now would be a good time anyway. Not when I'm still truly grieving over that.

[Asker]

No, actually, I didn't. I saw it as I could have my own opinion about the topic. I'm sorry for ever thinking that I could think for myself and express those thoughts. And I'm sorry for what I just shared with you before I saw your next comment. Unfortunately I can't take it back.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry to hear about your brother. There are so many man haters in the world and it breaks my heart because I know how good it can be for both genders in a good relationship. You came off as a man hater with your question. Sorry, but that's not my fault nor is it the fault of the others who took it that way and responded. I'm glad to hear you're not one, but you do need to accept some of the blame for what you got.

[Opinion Owner]

You are collateral damage in the war against men. Sorry about that.

[Asker]

I already know I'm a terrible person. That's why God took why brother away from me. I just want him back. I just to see ym brother again. I didn't get to say goodbye.

[Opinion Owner]

You know that's not true, right? You weren't being punished for anything, and you're not a terrible person. Find someone who loves and cherishes you and your perspective will improve. All of what I wrote initially is true, and I know a lot of other couples in the same situation as my wife and me. There's just so much negativity in the world today that I think young people lose sight of what it's really about..

[Opinion Owner]

Actually they don't lose sight of it, they just haven't discovered it yet. Based on your past I would say you have good reason to feel like you do. Just know that what you experienced with your family is not the norm, even thought it may appear that way. Life isn't easy no matter what, but people who are lucky enough to find themselves in a good, healthy relationship tend to agree it is FAR better than being alone.

[Opinion Owner]

I hope you find happiness, whatever road you choose.

[Opinion Owner]

If you're interested in talking offline, friend me and shoot me a message. I would be happy to talk and help if I can.

[Asker]

Then why does it feel like a punishment? My whole life I've tried to be really, really good and I keep getting punished. I always try to do the right thing and put others first. I must be doing something wrong for me to be in so much pain. I must deserve it for some reason that I just don't understand yet.

[Opinion Owner]

No, you do not deserve it. I have dealt with more than my share of pain in my life, and there were times I felt like I was a bad person. But I know I'm not and that I wasn't being punished for doing or being anything bad. Hang in there beautiful. You'll be OK.

[Asker]

I just hope you're right. But don't you see if I was with a guy right now, if I broke down like this in front of him, he'd run away. I have so much pain and there's no way a guy could deal with this. Trust me, I know. Only my best friend, he's the only guy that tries to talk me through these things. Any other guys, they get scared. They think I'm crazy probably. But I'm just heartbroken. And I guess that's just not okay.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes I can see that. It's called baggage an we all have some of it. Yours is really heavy right now and it's hard to find someone willing to help you with it. But I know you will. It will get better. Time heals all wounds. Thank goodness for that. This too shall pass. In the mean time, hang in there. It's worth it.

[Asker]

Exactly. If I want to be alone, I'm wrong. If I want to be with someone, I'm wrong. What am I supposed to do? I don't want any guy to have to deal with this. It's not fair to him. When I've had so much unfairness in my life the last thing I want to do is be unfair to someone else.

[Opinion Owner]

You're not wrong to want to be alone, nor would you be wrong to want to be with someone. What's wrong is assuming all men are like your dad. We're not. Don't base your life choices on a false assumption. There are plenty of bad men, and unfortunately they are the ones we hear most about. And sadly you've experiencing them. But the truth is that most men are good, and some of us are even better than good. I hope you find one of those, if you choose to.

[Asker]

I don't think that all guys are like my dad, but considering where I come from, why would I think I deserve a good guy anyway? A good guy probably has a good past, has everything in check. I feel so terrible even considering to ever do that to a good guy. I just want to do what's right.

[Opinion Owner]

You have more to offer than you think. Some guy is going to fall in love with you and won't be scared off by your history. Everyone has a history but it's just not apparent on the surface, so don't assume you're any different. We're all f***ed up inside at times, but that doesn't mean we're not lovable or won't make someone else happy.

[sovetskii13]

Well, nobody really needs sex in life with the exception of making babies (if they want kids someday). People have sex because it's fun, it gives them a stronger emotional connection to someone they already have a strong emotional connection to. It provides numerous health benefits too. Most people have sex for pleasure these days. Anyway, you are correct. You don't need a guy if you don't want one.

[vmw2008]

Sounds like you know what works for you, if that's what you really want. If you don't feel you need one, then don't get one. Some people never get that strong urge to pair off.

[randomhobo]

Us human beings are psychologically programmed to seek out, to actively reproduce in order to survive. We are also sociable creature who crave the support and love of others, to survive against dinosaurs you needed to stick together.

There are people out there who are single parents, and that's fine. But the support you gain from family and friends, in my opinion, is no way near the level and support you gain from a partner. Yes you can pleasure yourself but then that's just physical-the intimacy is what makes sex so great. Having someone with you makes life easier, you can trust and depend on someone else and know they are always there for you.

Finally if you want to adopt then there will be men who want that as well, want to avoid pregnancy then take the pill or get an implant. But most importantly don't rule out the chance of a relationship if it ever arises. Most people don't realize what a relationship is like until you have one.

[rougecerise]

It's your choice with what you do with your body. But, it sounds like you could really benefit by seeing a therapist. Maybe they could help you. It's up to you.

Good Luck

[BBKAT]

You don't need a guy, and guys don't need us.
Love is about choosing each other, not necessity.

[Betwyn]

Lot's of people don't "need" a guy...

If you don't think/feel you need one...

Then, YOU, don't...

Me personally, my mind spirals out of control when I'm without a guys touch for too long...

It's like, guys are my drug...

[kheserthorpe]

No.

Please don't date.

[Dio_Brando]

If you get married you get tax cuts

[UlsterScot]

As far as your self dependence goes, no. And it sounds like you have nothing I'd want anyway. But children's best interests are best served in being raised by resident fathers and mothers. And "most" mothers are not single, even if many are. I will say that your autocracy would likely end you up single eventually.

[nate18]

to long did not read. stopped at the part where your a virgin and laughed. that explained it all. ain't nothing like a real d*** in you ;) ask any girl.

[Glitzee]

Preeeeeeach. Hahah was going to say the same exact thing.

[Moloch]

I think you're just rationalizing because you've had unsuccessful relationships. It's like the nerd who says, “I don't want to date, I'm gonna focus on my studies.” Like he had a choice.

[Moloch]

Told ya. Not gonna rub it in your face or anything, because my dad was also an alcoholic who used to beat the sh*t out of me, my mother, and my dog, but I will say that you gotta leave that stuff in the past. Use that hatred to fuel you into other areas of life. Most people don't understand the pain and suffering felt as a child when you were abused, but pick yourself up and learn to trust, little by little. I'm guarded with most people, but I make sure to trust the right people.

[Dragan]

You sound like a spoiled daddy's little daughter.

[Asker]

My dad was an alcoholic who made my life a living hell. Good guess though.

[Dragan]

Sorry, but there are good guys.

[Asker]

I'm not saying there aren't. But I know what I deserve. And it's not a good guy. So it's either be alone or be with someone I deserve to be with. I'd rather be alone.

[edgyfox]

This is why I stay single. I'm almost 33 and tried the whole relationship thing and was hurt and worse every time. Now that I live a single life the only stress I have to deal with is from a corrupt Government.

[loyaltyisall]

I'll be your guy

[Anonymous]

It's not an obligation.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to offend here, but maybe you should go see a psychologist. Judging from your update, you seem to have some unresolved issues you need to take care of. Talking through these problems may change your current state of mind and hopefully change your opinion on this matter.

Good luck with your life, I wish you well. Take care.

[Anonymous]

I'm think the same way as you, girl. I find this life more comfortable compared to people who live with a partner. But mom says: nobody will stay with you, your parents might die and you need someone to protect you, and I want to see my grandsons and granddaughters. So I'm confused and don't know what to do.

[Asker]

I think your mom just wants to make sure you're happy and taken care of, and I can understand that. Yet some people are truly happy alone. Not everyone is programmed the same way. Right now this lifestyle really suits me, but if I fell for a guy I wouldn't push him away just because I don't want to deal with a relationship. Just be comfortable with where ever you are, and let the rest work itself out.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah and when she tells me that she wants to see my children, I feel I'm selfish for just thinking of myself. But yeah I'm in the same situation as you, I feel my life is better like this, especially because my parents relationship was really bad because of my dad and I lived with this bad example since my childhood. So I think I wouldn't repeat my mom's mistake and get involved with men. Life like this feels better. By the way it sounds like you're a strong girl. I'm looking forward to be like you. :)

[Opinion Owner]

I understand you, girl. I'm in the same situation after all. I know you can't believe in love easily now, and so I do. But there are still some lucky girls who found it. Maybe you would be one of them in the future. Now live your life your own way and the way you truly like and if you find your real love everything will change.

[Anonymous]

You DON't need a guy. And guys don't need a woman like you!

Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

well, good for you. I'm sorry you have been let down so many times before.

[Asker]

You know, it's not even really being let down. I'm not mad or anything, I'm just not seeing any point.

[Opinion Owner]

i hope you find someone to change your mind one day.

[Anonymous]

You don't need one, but I'll bet someday you'll meet a guy you crave and you won't be able to stop thinking about him. Also this is going to sound bad but for real, don't you wonder what a real penis feels like in your vagina? Toys aren't the same from what I've heard.

[Anonymous]

Seems like you indeed need no guy and no guy would need you either.

[Scoopie]

Good thing she doesn't need a guy then, because I doubt any guy would want her to begin with.

[Asker]

Probably not. I don't have anything against men. Truly, I just don't see the point in a relationship.