Slapping a girl's ass? Really?

[coco489]

Ok fellas, riddle me this: why would a guy who has a girlfriend slap another girls ass? To clarify, not just any girls ass, a girl that he has a 7 year long history with? Yes, the girl is me obviously...it would suck to be the girlfriend haha. But anyways, the guy that I had a thing with for the past 7 years (no relationship just a thing, mostly sexual hence) had told me all along that he wasn't 'a relationship kinda guy' which was fine...until he suddenly got into a relationship with some chick recently. Slap in the face, I know. He's still tried talking to me since and when I told him that I never wanted him to bring anything up about us ever again he was apparently hurt and upset/mad over it, but really someone in a relationship shouldn't wanna reminisce about their sexual past with another gal. Let alone slap her ass. ...about the ass thing, he's ALWAYS had a thing for my ass and the other night when we were at a friends party he kept trying to talk to me and play fight with me but I just ignored him and walked away every time. Then while I was walking to the front door to leave he came up behind me and slapped my ass. THAT got my attention of course. So I turned to him and he asked me why I was being a 'grumpy goose', when I replied that I wasn't he goes "Oh, alright, well your hair looks terrific tonight by the way..." And yadda, yadda, yadda... Is it just me or is this not appropriate or normal behavior for someone with a girlfriend, especially considering our past? What is his f'in deal?

[MrMysteryMan]

The answer is right in the first line of the second paragraph you typed. "he's ALWAYS had a thing for my ass..." Your ass must be irresistible and having seen it for 7 years, he probably misses getting a chance to feel and see it now that he's in a relationship. Yes it's his own damn fault, but... I need to see your ass now please. Just, for SCIENCE.

[Camilus]

He was drunk and horny and thought you looked good (which you do), and since he has been with you before he figured you'd be into it. I wouldn't be to jealous of his current girlfriend because he doesn't sound like a monogamous dude.

[coco489]

I just realized that your answer has been totally neglected in this midst of this chit chatting haha. But yes, that is most likely it (and thank you)...I can't say I'm too jealous of her anymore anyways, I was only jealous of her when for a momentary lapse in judgment I forgot who he truly was -- which is definitely NOT a monogamous dude. At all.

[Anonymous]

Agree with Camilus. And if I were the girlfriend, I wouldn't be jealous either. What's there to be jealous of, really? Clearly, the guy is a douche. To answer your question, that is not appropriate behavior for someone with a girlfriend. His deal: he's a PLAYA. Why waste time with him?

[spyderman]

Because she had a "thing" with him for 7 years. I don't know why you girls are attracted to such douche bags just because he "wins" you over. I would cry too if my play thing was taken away from me. But I'm just p*ssin' in the ocean on this one...

[Opinion Owner]

Don't take the actions of one girl and generalize all of us! You men don't like to be generalized based on the actions of "bad boys/assholes," so don't do the same with us! Most of us have much more common sense and intelligence!

[spyderman]

I just expect all you girls to not take this sh*t from any guy. I expect all you girls to not let such dickheads take advantage of you. I expect all you girls to grow up and be doctors, lawyers, engineers, business women, etc. and not f***ing men keep you as their play things.

[Opinion Owner]

Many of us don't take this "sh*t." Many of us are sensible and smart. Yet, since we are generalizing, why do you men insist on going for the brainless nutcases? Why do you always bypass the drama free girls?

[spyderman]

Some of you girls don't and some of you do. Men are inherently lazy (which should be a sign of their worthlessness) and like to go for the oranges close to the ground because they're easy. So where are the drama free girls?

[Opinion Owner]

In the library, being ignored. Or the supermarket, being ignored. Anywhere, really. You men go for the girls in the flashy wardrobes...and then you complain when they turn out to be batsh*t crazy or stupid...when the good ones are right in front you! You're right; you're just too lazy to get to know us.

[coco489]

Okay, woah, woah, woah. I am sorry but I am being pegged as a non-intelligent/brainless drama queen who lets guys walk all over her for this post? Excuse me? My question wasn't "Should I keep liking him?" Not even remotely. It is a question regarding his ignorance. You both know nothing about what has gone on between us in the 7 years to peg me as his play thing -- he has had play things and he disposes of them usually within a week so trust me, I was not a play thing...

[coco489]

And also, spyder you seem to cynical, bitter, and jaded towards girls which may explain why you haven't found a good one or been in any type of good relationship with them, with that attitude what do you expect?

[Opinion Owner]

Whatever. If you know he "disposes" of "playthings" within a week's time, why do you still associate yourself with him? I've read some of your other questions, and apparently, you're quite hung up over this guy, whom I would have written off AGES AGO. You could deceive yourself all you want and make yourself believe that you are something more to him...but you're really not.

[coco489]

As for the chick who answered, you can be smart AND appealing to guys, It's not one or the other. If you focus on being successful in school, work, and what not but totally neglect your personal appearance and love life then what do you expect? Maybe guys don't approach you because you're un-approachable, don't be so quick to put the blame on dudes.

[coco489]

Hahah of course I'm hung up a bit over him, 7 years don't exactly add up to nothing. And you have no idea what you're talking about when you say I didn't mean anything to him and are clearly delusional if you think that. Then again, like I said, you don't know anything about what's went on between us. If you ever end up falling in love with a guy and can walk away from him at the drop of a hat then you get back to me, until then I would shut up about it.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't neglect appearances. But I don't dress up all the time for every man out there. If there is one guy I want to get the attention of, I make the effort. I was just speaking in general, since he was generalizing. If you're so smart, you wouldn't be making such dumb choices.

[coco489]

Don't tell me I'm making dumb choices when you know nothing about the situation, when you've never been in a situation like mine. And calling me stupid because what? What are you basing this on? A personal relationship that you know nothing of? Or is it my appearance? That a pretty girl can't be intelligent too? If you ask me it's not too smart of you to be giving advice on something you're clearly completely inexperienced in.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm saying you make dumb choices because you let this one guy (clearly a DOUCHE) run your life. Reread some of your other questions. He gets into a relationship and you feel like sh*t and you make yourself feel worse by comparing yourself to that girl. Why go through such turmoil? A smarter girl would have turned away ages ago as soon as he said "I'm not the relationship type." I'm not going to try and think that I can change him. I would have moved on.

[coco489]

Easier said than done. There is a reason cliche's like 'love is blind' were created. When you fall that hard for someone it consumes you, not by choice. I have tried everything aside from murder to get past him and it hasn't worked so there is a point where you accept your feelings and the state of things then separate your heart from your mind as best as possible because that's all you can do. That's moving on for me. But it doesn't mean his actions don't still bewilder me.

[coco489]

...especially because I know he still cares, still likes me, still wants me. That isn't a question. But he picked this girl over me clearly, he made his decision. He made his bed with her, now he can go lie in it. He can't have his cake and eat it too.

[Opinion Owner]

He could still want and like you all he wants...but in the end, he went with someone else. That's f'ed up. You say you will never fall heads over heels in love with him again; I highly doubt that. If he were to dump his girl and go after you tomorrow, I'll bet a huge sum of money that you'll go running into his arms. Again, f'ed up. You are digging yourself into emotional turmoil. It's your choice. Not fate. He won't ever change.

[coco489]

I'm aware of that, didn't blame fate for anything. What I meant by 'not by choice' is that you can't help who you fall for or how hard. It just happens. Everything else is up to me, my self-control, and my common sense. Yes, there is a high chance I would take him back but he has broken my heart this time by picking this girl over me so the chance of me turning him down is, for once, higher. All I'm saying is, this post wasn't about taking him back and I don't appreciate the rude judgments.

[Opinion Owner]

What WAS your intention for this post, anyway? Did you want us to confirm that he still has feelings for you? Was that the real question? Clearly, this is not "normal" behavior. Why bother asking? We judge b/c: "Yes, there is a high chance I would take him back..." Yes, you lack common sense. A lot of it. It's like willingly standing in front of a passing bus. You're not the only one to have "fallen hard." But seven years--goddamn.

[spyderman]

No you are the worst kind of play thing, you are the kind he drags through the dirt and leaves under his bed. The kind he forgets about when the newer, more awesome play thing comes into his light. Take it from a guy who does this stuff. It is so easy that I actually lose respect for women that cheat on their boyfriends with me. Maybe I am having a moral awakening or something. But I am telling you the same stuff I tell my sister, I won't subsidize it in any way, and giving it cold and hard.

[spyderman]

Simply put, if you didn't care, you wouldn't care what he does. Actions speak way louder than words and any man that cares for the opposite sex wouldn't keep you an arm lengths away. But like I wrote, people don't want to hear the real deal and they certainly can't believe it is happening to them. I read your other posts and they all reflect this relationship with this guy for 7 years and its all the same.

[coco489]

Spyder just because you are (or used to be) a heartless kaniving jackass that treated girls that way and never cared for them, doesn't mean that every guy who even starts to remotely fit the description of a player is like you. Yeah, he's not the best guy on the planet but if I were a 'play thing' I would have been kicked to the curb a looong time ago. You talk about how the truth hurts and is hard to take, maybe the truth is that you're just a scumbag and are lonely because of past actions...

[coco489]

...don't take that out on me, you dug yourself into a botomless hole with your shameless womanizing and now you're a bitter, lonely, cynic because of it. What a shame.

[spyderman]

Oh goody, you get on the offensive when you take things personal. This could be A LOT of emotional manipulative fun for me! But I will pass on that. You tell me what you want. Just write "Tell me _________" and I will cut and paste it for you. Then you can have your answer. Look, it is very selfish (or at least childish) for anyone to keep someone nearby only to hurt them. Whether he's doing it on purpose or not doesn't matter because its bad for you. This guy is a douche, not a player.

[spyderman]

Haha, don't you go worrying about me now... Just giving you some inside perspective... if you don't like it well just fill in the "Tell me _________" blank and I'll cut and paste it for ya ;)

[Opinion Owner]

What's the difference between a douche and a player? Btw, question asker, it's "conniving," not "kaniving." Just saying. And, y'all are messed up.

[coco489]

Trust me dear, this is not me on the offensive, if I were on the offensive you may be in tears right now. Don't get me wrong I'm a pretty nice gal, except when someone crosses me the wrong way. On this though, I am just speaking my mind and nothing but. I will agree with you that he is a douche. A huge one. My downfall is that I see the good in him, sometimes when it's not even there. And I know that despite any feelings he might have for me, I'm his security blanket more than anything.

[spyderman]

Oh jeez, who isn't a little bit messed up? Who cares about the spelling?

[Opinion Owner]

Someone who edits a lot of manuscripts.

[coco489]

Yeah no kidding. I see that you're perfect. You've never made a spelling mistake in your life. Let alone any mistake by the way you've been speaking. My advice, since we're so messed up and what not, don't bother talking to us...when you decide to get off your high horse and join us mere morals down here on Earth, then we'll talk. Also your heiness, the difference between a douche and a player -- one is more of a manwhore than an asshole, the other is more of an asshole.

[spyderman]

What kind of manuscripts? Wait, I'm losing focus...

[spyderman]

Look, I am leveling with you so don't take it personal and judgmental because, and everyone this volleying of words doesn't solve anything. Yes, I realize getting on a soap box and telling how it should be done is easier than going through it. In the end that isn't going to change the fact who this guy is, and what you need to do to change yourself from that.

[Opinion Owner]

Screenplays, mostly. I answer to a lot overly dramatic actors and directors. Chill, it's just a habit. I have to correct typos and other errors nearly 24/7, so it's become second nature for me to point these things out.

[coco489]

...you mean 'answer to a lot OF overly dramatic actors and directors'... And I'm well aware of who he is and how I need to redirect myself when it comes to all things regarding him, it's a work in progress. This question was asked because he threw me off completely by his behavior. I never expected it from him since I figured he was super into this chick if he picked her after 7 years of being stag.

[Opinion Owner]

Touche. Can we all be friends now? Read some Proust. Romantic obsession will destroy you.

[spyderman]

Did you read 'I Hope They Serve Beer In Hill' screenplay and is it at sh*tty as people talk about? If he didn't make a honest relationship with you in 7 years, its unlikely he'll do it in the next 7. I am giving a 2.21% chance. It is only so high because I don't know him and have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

[coco489]

Haha I have no hostility towards either of you aside from the things I was pegged as earlier. And I'm not one to hold a grudge so it's all good. ...I do however prefer Stephen King over Proust. I know it will kill me, which is how I know I've been doing okay so far, not great, but hey -- I'm still alive aren't i?

[Opinion Owner]

No, but it is probably as sh*tty as they say. Most scripts I read are pretty sh*tty. The one in a thousand that isn't rarely gets passed to the producer. Sadly, they only make movies that cater to the masses...which are generally pretty...sh*tty.

[Opinion Owner]

Stephen King is fabulous, yes, but Proust--reading Proust is like discovering the meaning of life. If nothing, check out volume one: Swann's Way. You might be able to relate to Swann and his love for Odette. Tormenting love affair indeed. Reading it could be medicinal for you as well.

[coco489]

Hmm I might just have to put that next on my list then, thanks.

[gravygirl]

He wants you and having a girlfriend doesn't stop that.

[coco489]

See that just doesn't click with me, you think if having a girlfriend didn't stop it and he's felt strongly enough to keep whatever we had going for 7 years that I would be his first choice for a relationship? Guys don't make sense.

[gravygirl]

Well maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think guys slap the ass of a girl they aren't attracted to.

[spyderman]

Fuck, get over this guy. He thinks you're a piece of ass and that's it. How do you want me to spell it for you? He is never going to be interested in you beyond sexually. Guys are hunters and gathers so he is on the hunt (with his girlfriend) and he has clearly gathered (you).

You need to emotionally detach from this guy and not talk to him. I don't know why you girls want to keep on to these relationships and be friends with guys after being involved. It didn't work, there's nothing. But you aren't going to take my advice so continue enjoying this because he probably doesn't care either way.

[coco489]

If it were my choice yeah I would try to cut him out of my life but unfortunately he is part of our close knit group of friends who have stuck together since highschool and won't be detaching anytime soon. What am I supposed to do? Become a hermit and never go out with my friends anymore because he'll be joining? Don't think so. I'm not falling head over heels for him again, nor do I even have the same feelings, hence why I was actually capable of ignoring him. I just don't get what his deal is.

[spyderman]

Yes, you do have a choice. You are making excuses to keep him around. If your friends are going out make sure he isn't around or coming. It is selfish for a man to keep someone around he doesn't want or wants to be with. This is the same problem addicts have, when they are around it they constantly have a need for it. It is very difficult to get away from it. Therefore the solution is not to be around it anymore. They can't have the same friends, lifestyle, etc.

[coco489]

Well I'm afraid giving up my friends is not an option since, like I said, I've had them since high school and they are my closest pals. As well as his. I just have to learn to be able to coincide with him in peace if that's even possible with him pulling this sh*t on me...but whatev time will tell.

[coco489]

...let me clarify this before nazi grammar/spelling chick jumps in. COEXIST is a better word than COINCIDE in this instance...hahahah.

[spyderman]

I wasn't suggesting giving up your friends but since you mentioned it, if they're really that close to you then so be it. There is no synbiotic relationship or co-existing. You really need to visually and communicatively separate yourself from this guy otherwise he will always play on your heart strings... Like you have to go out of the way, delete his number, block his IM, all that good stuff. Let him think your a bitch. etc.

[coco489]

That is what I'm trying to do, which is why I ignored him. And it actually didn't take much effort, I found myself not wanting to be around him which is a HUGE change. But here's another question for you -- by completely ignoring him and cutting him out like that, how can I do it without giving him the satisfaction that him getting into a relationship with this gal has gotten to me? Because sooner or later, he WILL corner me at a party or whatever and confront me about it.

[spyderman]

Like I am saying if he is at this party, you shouldn't go. You should be consciously make that choice to avoid him. Don't play this game, who cares what he thinks? The best way to show this hasn't gotten to you is not to see him. Trust me, when he slaps your ass and talks to you its just another way for him to make sure he has you. He knows how you feel and is abusing it. If, you somehow can't avoid him, the best thing is to smile and say you have to go, or go talk to [insert guy's name here].

[coco489]

Fair enough.