Why do I feel like I'm losing my morals?

Question

I'm 17 year old Christian and when I was about 13 or 14 I decided that I would stay a virgin until marriage. But recently I started getting close with a guy (we're not  involved anymore though) even though I don't get much attention from boys. Sometimes I feel like I want to have sex but at the same time I don't actually want to go out and have sex with someone, if that makes any sense. I get worried that I won't keep my virginity till marriage and sometimes I think that if I had sex with someone whilst being in a relationship with them then I would feel loved and feel special to that person, but I know it's stupid to think that because love and sex aren't the same. I didn't really used to feel like this when I was younger and a few months ago I had a dream that I lost my virginity and I was really ashamed about it, and I think I cried in the dream as well.I know that if I did have sex before marriage then I'd probably regret it and wish I hadn't, and I'd feel like I've let myself and God down because waiting till marriage to have sex is probably one of the most vital things to do in Christianity, so I feel like I'm losing my morals. Sorry if I'm just rambling on! Do you have any advice for me to stop feeling like this and have any of you felt like this, especially if you're religious? Thanks :)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I love the Lord but at the age of 28 after finding the tension of wanting sex but not 'being allowed' too hard to cope with any more. My mother and house helper both would tell me stories of sex related to spiritual death and physical death of others. It scared me but it didn't help me secretly entertain myself with p*rnography (on and off) for many years.

I lost my virginity at the age of 28 with a guy I barely knew. It wasn't fun. He was an online find, an alcoholic and reformed/cleaned up drug user who actually had a good job in a good company but had many issues from his past. I left after 2 weeks and told the Lord that I now understand why you would want me to marry someone who is a Christian and not just a 'good guy.' A few weeks later, I met another guy who was 'Christian' but searching. We were together 4 months but sex came into it quickly. I found it difficult because on one hand I wanted SEX so soo badly and on the other hand, I knew I didn't want to sin. I told him and he was not really pushed about change. We broke up because of it even though it was the hardest thing to do at the time.

6 weeks later, I met my husband:) who is on fire for Christ and a relief!

On reflection, what could I have done differently...well, for one, not listened to the negativity re sex from people who never gave me a solution - just the negativity. It doesn't help and I used to give out to churches who never gave young adults the answer!

I battled with p*rnography and it's interesting...after my first sexual intercourse, I didn't returned to p*rnography. I felt it was off putting. I still do. It's a ploy to get one to sin and to create an addiction.

What I do know is that when there is something which is at you and taking your mind off Christ, this is the time to read the Word, meditate and really get closer to Him. It's your only answer. It truly truly is. Not negative tag ons, but healthy Words from our Lord Jesus.

You're not losing your morals by responding to an innate sentiment such as sexual desire. It's created by God and is a part of you. The problem is that for one, we are marrying later and therefore unattended needs are causing rampage in our bodies. Either way, this is the time to fill this hunger with the Word. In life if anything becomes an idol or causes you to take your focus off Christ, get on your needs, read His Word and spend time in His presence. It's the only answer. It's the only way you will be strong and keep going on.

It's a hard battle and that's why we need strength from others - whom we can link in with if we need more support.

He will help you! :)

selfishstars · Accepted Answer

What you're feeling is incredibly common. Humans are sexual beings; the desire to have sex is completely normal and you aren't a bad or immoral person for desiring it.

If you want my completely honest opinion: Religion is set up to make people feel guilt and shame over sex and sexual urges on purpose. You experience these totally normal sexual urges (and everyone does: your friends, your parents, even your pastor), you may or may not act on them, but then you feel guilt and shame and that brings you back to religion. Religion both makes you feel guilty about having these urges, and then offers you a way to ease your guilt (asking god for guidance and forgiveness).

You aren't "losing your morals"---your morals are just coming into conflict with your biology, and that's a difficult thing.

I was a Christian when I was your age, and I went through the same feelings you're having. I did end up having sex with my boyfriend. I loved having sex with him, but afterward I felt guilty about it. I felt weak. I would pray for god to forgive me and to give me the strength to resist my urges. I'd always falter and have sex again, and the cycle repeated itself. Eventually I started rationalizing my behavior, telling myself, "Well, I'm going to marry my boyfriend some day anyway" (I didn't, for the record), "God knows that I'm not perfect and he'll forgive me", etc.

I don't regret having sex now. I'm an atheist, and I'm glad I didn't let my religious beliefs (that I now believe to be false) prevent me from enjoying my life and experiencing sex with my loving boyfriend at the time.

But my advice isn't for you to go ahead and have sex. You need to do what's right for you, and if waiting until marriage for sex is what you think is right for you, then that's what you should do. If you have sex and you believe it to be wrong, you're going to feel guilty about it. If you don't want to have sex, don't put yourself in positions where you'll be tempted (i.e. being alone with a guy), pray, maybe find someone you trust that you can talk to about it. But please, trust me when I say that you are not a bad person for wanting sex, you're not a bad person for thinking about sex, you're not a bad person for questioning what the right choice for you is. These are feelings that every single person (except asexuals, I guess) has experienced.

snowangle · Accepted Answer

As a fellow Christian who's waiting until marriage, I understand how you feel. I made the promise when I was 13, and it honestly didn't start becoming difficult until I was 19. I just have to keep reminding myself that the wait isn't meant to be easy, but I'm expected to stay strong regardless. In other words, I'm not just waiting because it's convenient; I'm waiting because God asked me to and I made a promise. And I also know it'll be worth it when I finally do get married. :)

You can do it! My advice is to pray every day (if you don't already lol) and tell God that you are human and ask Him to help you resist temptation. Reading the Bible also helps; a good system I have is to just open to a random page and see what God wants me to read that day. :) It also helps tremendously to have friends who have the same goals as you; my best friend and I are both waiting until marriage, and we help each other stay on track.

You can always message me if you need anything or want to talk more!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'm proud of you for wanting to keep your virginity until marriage. Just because it seems that everyone else around you is playing around with sex and enjoying it doesn't mean that you should. You don't have to do what everyone else is doing. Remember the narrow path versus the wide path? The temptation for the Christian is to take the wide path along with everyone else, but the wide path has consequences that you probably don't want.

You will get a lot of advice on this site from people who are not Christians and who hate everything about your faith, and they hate churches and say they just put guilt on people. They will tell you that your morals are outdated and that the Bible is old fashioned and irrelevant in today's world. Remember that God never changes, and what he says about morals and marriage and purity will never change. He will bless you if you choose to follow his book of instruction instead of what the worldly culture suggests to do.

Here's more advice about getting advice for your question. Since you are a Christian, seek "Godly counsel" from people who have the same beliefs and faith as you do. I caution you from considering advice from others who will put down your faith and who use profanity in their answers. These are not good signs if you're looking for wisdom and encouragement.

Here's what you can do to help you achieve your goal. Spend time in the bible. Pray, telling God what you're struggling with. Reach out to real people (girls) where you live who support your convictions and will encourage you. And avoid tempting situations that will get you wanting to have sex before marriage. Be patient. Blessings come to people who wait. Think of the special gift of your virginity that you can give your future husband and not have the guilt of knowing that you've been to bed with a bunch of other guys.

bruvleigh · Accepted Answer

im a christian, I'm saying this before I go on so you don't just assume I'm a run of the mill pig, which a lot of girls do when they hear the blatent truth lol

sex before marriage is probably one of the LEAST important things as a christian. in fact having read the good book a few times it NEVER and read that word again NEVER says "thou shalt not have sexual intercourse before youve had a ceremony with a vicar or a priest" it never mentions sex before marriage in the bible because it assumes, back when it was written, that people only had sex with their wife or the committed adultery.

the ONLY thing you NEED to do as a christian is beleive jesus died for your sins and accept him in your life John 3:16. the rest is a good guide on how to live life not a rule book. and even if it was it cleary states SEVERAL times that NO-ONE is perfect and that all wrong doing has the same weight in Gods view, he's after perfection, wether youve murdered someone or slept around, doesn't matter they both have prevented you from being perfect. hence JESUS...

so don't kick yourself too hard if you do have sex with a guy who you later come to realize it wasn't a great idea, that's why the bible focuses the whole of the new testament on forgiveness...

having got that hardcore sh*t out the way I can be my usual cynical self...

as I said the book is a good guide to life, NOT a rule book. so no there isn't a rule STOPPING you from f***ing around the market.

but the general guide says to wait for the right person...

(dont care how much of a p**** you guys think I am lol)

wish I had but I f***ed up, we all do, its not something to get too stressed over

just try not to rush in with every guy. And that's a good moral for everyone bible basher or not

wpmason · Answer

Abstinence =/= morality

That's just a load of crap the MEN of the church made up to keep women subjugated.

Yeah, you've gone back on what you were taught, but what you were taught was a crock of sh*t anyway.

God doesn't care about you vagina or it's goings on.

TheGoodTheBadTheHOT · Answer

An old dying man once said "at the end of it all, you regret what you didn't do more than the things you did."

Now personally I think the whole sex after marriage thing is incredibly outdated and rather silly considering how fundimental it is in a relationship (moreso than a band of gold and some holy words) but enough of that.

Youre not loosing your morals, you're just waking up to your hormones and your basic HUMAN desires. Depending on how strictly religious you are masturbation is an option to help curb your urges.

systemsuck · Answer

I feel the same exact way. I am 19 years old and I have always thought that I want to reserve myself  for that one special girl I am going to marry, but lately I've being feeling like experiencing the world and I don't know what to think anymore. But what I do know is that your virginity is just as precious as you want to make it, reserving yourself for one special personal sounds like the perfect romance but it could very much lead to deception if it isn't quite what you thought it would be, AKA if your husband sucks in bed. I'll probably lose the fight and give my virginity to my next girlfriend, but I know that at least I'm gonna make sure she is one heck of an amazing girlfriend and I will love her to death maybe that will justify it. Just make sure you are listening to your heart and not the world when you make your decision (or your bf's horny thoughts ).

Alonso14 · Answer

You just have to make a decision about what is more important to you, your beliefs about morality or your desire to experience sex. Only you can make that decision.

LilKim · Answer

Your hormones.

Anonymous · Answer

If waiting until marriage is important to you, it's really not THAT hard to do. This is more of an issue about how strong your beliefs are. Think about what made you have those beliefs when you were younger and why they feel weaker now. Then you'll be able to figure out what's right for you.

Anonymous · Answer

Morals and sex have very little in common unless you are cheating on a loved one. Do what pleases you and remember you are a mammal. We all have physical needs and people are not immune to urges and if there was a god he would not punish you or be ashamed for you or anyone expressing their sexuality.

Anonymous · Answer

masturbate?

Anonymous · Answer

Well, there are a lot of other people that claim to be Christians that have sex and some are having a lot of different partners. If you did decide to have sex or sleep around, you're not alone. Plenty of gone down that path.

Why do I feel like I'm losing my morals?

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