Why lose virginity before marriage ?

[johnfeelme]

First of all, I am a virgin guy.(from India) A short story about my friend(girl) and I need to ask question to girls who have been in this situation. My friend was in love with a guy, and she first told me he was a nice guy. So their relationship went to the next level, they became very close and they have been having sex for 9 months. He said that he will marry her. but after having sex for sometime, at last he said it won't work out. They can't be together... Blah Blah... So she too got away from him. Now the tragedy starts, She is suffering from problems in her body, lot of pain during periods, and now she has got cervical cancer(initial stage) too. These are just some of the physical pain she crosses in daily life. And the mental stress is much worse, because her dad and sister is no more. Now her mother tries to get her married(arranged) to a guy. She doesn't know what to do. The worst thing is the guy who done this doesn't even care about it. So I had this question, When a guy have sex, he doesn't loose anything. It is a simple thing for guys. If a girl has sex she looses virginity(which you can get it back). And comes pain stress of pregnancy etc. But if they are married, the guy will have some responsibility to take care of her. So isn't it good to have sex after marriage ? Girls what do you think? please do explain with your life experience. I do care for my friend very much. That is the reason I am warning those who think sex is just for pleasure. .

[HandsomeRaj]

1. Let's be clear that she obviously didn't get cervical cancer because of having sex

2. Pain during her periods is a natural thing that happens to women. Each woman has a different situation during her periods. So this pain she experiences is neither owing to her having sex nor cause she did it before marriage. Every woman goes through many hormonal changes in the course of life at every stage, something that men don't experience much. Hence, their symptoms vary.

3. Once a relationship has ended it has ended why expect them to behave as if they are still in it? The relationship ended cause there was something or things that they didn't vibe well with even if one way. If this friend is married tomorrow to someeone else is she going to wind up feeling the same way for this guy and caring for him if he has cared for her now even though they don't have a relationship anymore? If you dig into graves you'll only encounter unsightly stuff :)

4. Marriage is an institution created by society and not nature albeit with various good of the individuals and communities put together. Sex on the other hand is something created by nature itself and meant to be pleasurable, meaning for which we keep twisting and manipulating based on our requirements and perception. Sex is not bad by itself, it's our perception and thought that is.

4.1. If this guy had sex with her with a commitment of marriage she also accepted the barter

4.2. If he enjoyed sex with her then so did she at that point of time

4.3. In which case why create such a furore over it?

4.4. What you see is one side of the coin. What if reason for their separation was logical and sex just a mutual byproduct? Why is the only that guy blamed for it (I'd ask this even if it was a guy who was anguished)

4.5. Why do we consider sex and 'virginity' the epitome of existence? Who told you that men don't get devastated after a separation?

4.6. It's more her ego (I'd say this even for a guy in this situation) than anything else that's holding her back. She opens up her mind beyond narrow thoughts and she'll see the light (I've been dumped by the woman I love with every breath & beat, I never curse her or show anguish in which way people around me dont' get to think negative about her - it was our relationship, our call, NO ONE gets into it with their judgements. Everyone feels pain at separation, I've cried uncontrollably for over a year but in private. No one so much as got a whiff that I'm low).;

4.7. Your saying that 'if they were married he'd have to take some responsiblity for her' is again perforce & not by choice. In such situations there is a legal term known as divorce :) that he could very well apply for

5. Last statement there: SEX IS FOR PLEASURE! let's get that clear. Mixing it up with everything else is what has created this abomination in thought. Responsibilites and commitments are another part of life & are mutual always

I'm not writing in support of anyone but merely stating what I perceive

[RasmusAiken]

Sorry, but she got sexually transmitted HPV and it caused her cervical cancer.

[HandsomeRaj]

The question doesn't say so buddy

[RasmusAiken]

Whoa! There is way too much ignorance being thrown around here. This from the National Cancer Institute:

Some types of sexually transmitted human papillomaviruses (HPVs) can cause genital warts. Other types, called high-risk or oncogenic HPVs, can cause cancer.

High-risk HPVs cause virtually all cervical cancers. They also cause most anal cancers and some vaginal, vulvar, penile, and oropharyngeal cancers.

Most infections with high-risk HPVs do not cause cancer. Many HPV infections go away on their own within one to 2 years. However, infections that last for many years increase a person’s risk of developing cancer.

Read line 3: HIGH RISK HPVs cause virtually all CERVICAL CANCERS. It's sexually transmitted!

WAKE UP EVERYBODY!

[Anonymous]

Wait, are you saying that she got cancer because she had sex!?

"When a guy have sex, he doesn't loose anything. It is a simple thing for guys.

If a girl has sex she looses virginity"

This is utter nonsense. Guys and girls lose exactly the same thing, i.e. their virginity. Sure, girls have a hymen which might break during the first intercourse. But it might break due to other reasons that are not of sexual nature (such as sports, tampons, etc), a few girls are born without a hymen. It's simply some cultures that basically degrade women and try to control them by claiming that they somehow have this holy virginity dangling above their heads which they must treasure or else their life will end in a disaster. Women should be free to choose what they want. If they want to have sex, that's fine. If they choose not to have sex, that's fine as well. But to force some virginity on them and make them believe things that are simply not true disgusts me.

I'm not a virgin, and I'm not married. I would never marry a guy who hasn't had sex because sex for me is an essential part of a relationship and I wouldn't want to 1. spend much time with a man as a partner without being able to have sex with him or 2. rush into some marriage just so that I can finally have sex with the man I love/want. Also, there is such a thing as sexual compatibility. I know some people like to pretend there isn't, but just like you have a preference for pretty much everything in your life, we have sexual preferences as well.

"That is the reason I am warning those who think sex is just for pleasure"

Are you suggesting that those of us who have sex merely do it for the pleasure? Has it ever occurred to you that love and affection exists outside of marriage as well? Sure, you never have the guarantee that a partner will stick around, but marriage doesn't give you that guarantee either.

[skmishra]

well said. "That is the reason I am warning those who think sex is just for pleasure" F**K you. whom you are to decide that some boy/girl want to do sex or not?

[RasmusAiken]

Yes, she got cancer because she got HPV from sex.

[Opinion Owner]

But the point here is that she would have gotten it even if she had remained a virgin until marriage. She did not get infected with HPV because she had sex outside of marriage, so the point the OP is trying to make here is moot.

[RasmusAiken]

How do you know which guy she got HPV from? The virus has a long dormant period.

[Opinion Owner]

The OP claims she got it from this guy, and by the sounds of it, this guy was the only guy she had sex with. Plus, the OP is claiming he said he'd marry her, hence my point: if she would have waited and they'd gotten married eventually, she still would have gotten infected with HPV. Maybe it would have been wiser to preach about the use of condoms and the need to get tested rather than go on about the preservation of a hymen until one gets married.

[RasmusAiken]

Agree that condoms would prevent a lot of HPV. Celibacy is even more effective (but far less popular).

[Beetledove]

Cerivical cancer is genetic and has nothing to do with sex. Married or not women still get it. Marriage doesn't mean that the guy will take care of her or have the responsibility to take care of her. It doesn't quite have the same meaning to people these days.

Let's say you were to get married and take of the girl. That's fantastic, but the next to guys over might treat her like garbage instead of caring for her. Marriage doesn't make life better. If anything it increases the difficulty of life if you want to succeed at it.

I get that you care for your friend, but she is an adult woman capable of making her own decisions. Sex didn't do that to her. Marriage wouldn't help her and virginity doesn't make you a better f*** than another.

[RasmusAiken]

Bad info. See below.

[Beetledove]

Cervical cancer runs in genes

[RasmusAiken]

Cervical cancer is caused by HPV. That's why you get Gardasil vaccine to try to prevent some cases.

[Anonymous]

I beilive in waiting for marriage! Now I'm not a virgin, due to abuse during my childhood. I did engage in sex with my ex as well (it wasn't 100% consensual I did it out of fear from my past). I've never really had sex with a guy where it was consensual, I enjoyed it, and I felt loved. Some would say being that it was never consensual I'm technically a virgin (not physically) but I've never had that sense of virginity and innocence ! Some say you need to be sexually compatible with a person in order to get married, but I don't believe it! I think marriage is about exploring your sexual side and becoming sexually engaged with that one person! If your relationship doesn't work I doubt it's because of sexual incompatibility!

[RasmusAiken]

It sounds as though you are not yet over your wounds from the past. But I feel immense hope for your future. May God bless!

[Opinion Owner]

i believe you are right, its hard to get healed when no one is there to help. thank you :)

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for the BA! :)

[Racez]

Most argue that it's for sexual compatibility reasons.

Though I would say that it's up to them.

[prophecy]

give it a rest, pal.

she didn't get cancer because of his d***.

plus, why would he care? do you care about some baby in africa that just died - this very second? you don't.

[RasmusAiken]

Yes, she did get cervical cancer from his "gift" of cancer causing HPV.

[RasmusAiken]

Hey, fellow Americans. This is a chance for us to learn some Indian culture if both sides can just avoid being judgemental. In the US we recognize that while there are healthy reasons to remain celibate, we don't judge those who take some risk to be able to enjoy sex. (Just as we wouldn't call a woman bad for taking an airplane flight because she's risking leaving her children as orphans?)

Did you know that in parts of India a widow is considered bad if she eats fish twice a week? Different cultures have different values and the challenge is to try to understand them without judgement.

[justme20]

I believe in sex before marriage. I am perfectly fine with it. Its a choice. Someone who saves themself isn't better then someone who doesn't. My grandma had sex before marriage with my grandpa. They were married for 75 years. I am having sex before marriage and my boyfriend and I want to get married and have kids. Just because you wait doesn't mean it will last not does it mean you are sexually connected to each other. To me its a waste of time but to each their own

[TrailOfTears]

Lets assume they got married instead. Then she would have cancer AND be in a binding relationship that does not work out. You want to talk about mental stress?

Its much better if you find out if you can work out as a couple before marrying and that also includes sexually. Everyone also has the responsibility to have safe sex. Its not like its risk free for guys either with accidental pregnancies and STD's around.

Not to mention the fact that id much rather know what I am doing the day I meet the love of my life then be a fumbling virgin.

[satyam7487]

Western girls are not good for long term commitment and to make them wife, I guarantee they can never be loyal because thwy are addicted to sex.

[justme20]

Its funny how you say western girls are not good for a wife yet you are looking for one. WHORE. Good thing your wife is gone. did she suffer? Not as much as she suffered from living and being married to you lol... so I say its a win win for her :)

link

[Lj238]

Busted lol

[ChickenBear]

"also its my fantasy to know how it feels like having sex with a foreign girl, western girls".

Read more at link So western girls are good enough to have sex with, but for nothing else (since they can't be loyal)? Oh hello there, Mr. Double Standards. You are so creepy I don't have words for you.

[satyam7487]

I don't have double standards, you know when a tiger taste human blood, his shot or either send in a zoo, my point is clear when you girls got taste of sex with different guys, I can bet you will never be loyal to your husband, most of your men go for divorce because you get caught in adultery or some cheating, and as far as sex with foreign girl is concerned, you get laid its fun for you, I also don't see any harm having sex with you wearing condoms, like one night stand you are good at that,

[MissConfused93]

No, we're not as loyal as Indian women because we aren't afraid of being stoned to death. I agree, you are a creep. You're not allowed to have an opinion on virginity if you haven't ever had sex. That's your opinion - but it's uneducated and doesn't count for much.

[justme20]

BUSTED big time lol

[satyam7487]

Its no use talking to you girls.

[Lj238]

something is wrong with you satyam7487

[peace-love-couture]

Indian guys are from a world and society where women are second class citizens. So really, he has an opinion but it's an Indian opinion. Very close minded

[satyam7487]

We don't treat wonen second class, I am not narrow minded, but I personally don't even like an open minded girl like u, for you all sex with different guys is not a big deal, and the way I see it for me its a sin, you girls think doing lot of sin is your way to salvation.

[HandsomeRaj]

whoa there ... education & internet literacy doesn't certainly change a nerd's think tank does it? Why are you guys even here buddy? If you have something to say that you cannot substantiate or is baseless and so low then stick your mind, tongue & whatever else inside your own domain. Just FYI for your fundamentals of sexuality - INDIA created the Kamasutra and OSHO Rajneesh who are revered and accepted globally. What You call Indianness is merely Mughal & Victorian morality - You have no ...

[HandsomeRaj]

... idea about real Indianness - PERIOD! How can you even talk about any woman or human this way just cause you are a pip squeak who is scared of people & especially women who can stand up for themselves and live their own life without being dependant on morons like you?!

[satyam7487]

Friend you are asking a very good question but to wrong girls, what they know about marriage, they themslves get laid daily for sex, they don't have a character you understand what I am trying to say?, and I firmly stand for sex after marriage. Its no use arguing to girls here for them its just sex ssx and sex.

[simpleguy2010]

100% true brother.

[Popples]

Wow, you are pathetic. The fact that you have twisted and misogynistic views doesn't mean that it's just "sex sex sex" or, the way you seem to imply, that girls on here are whores. There is nothing wrong with wanting sex and having sex doesn't make you a worse person. I realize you're from a country where they teach you misogynistic crap and women are treated like sh*t, but keep that crap off from here.

[satyam7487]

GuyThankyou simpleguy i

[JennieF]

I felt ready.

[Anonymous]

I believe in sex after marriage and not before. Your friend was played for sex.

[Anonymous]

"hen a guy have sex, he doesn't loose anything. It is a simple thing for guys. If a girl has sex she looses virginity".

Are you daft? A person, male or female, is a virgin until they have sex. Once you've had sex, you are no longer a virgin.

If you're seriously telling me that such a high value should be placed on a goddamned hymen, then you're one pathetic individual.

At least be honest here. The REAL reason this means so much to you is because you're scared that if a woman's had sex with other men before you, that she'll compare you to them, and you won't be as good as they were in bed. That's the truth of it.

[Anonymous]

For guys, women tend to not want to marry a man that is a virgin. I guess they figure the guy is only a virgin because no other woman wanted him. When these guys do get married it is normally to horrible women that are just using them to help raise their kids that they had with other men in the past.

I would never suggest to a man to wait until marriage to have sex for that very reason.

[Anonymous]

Why?

Because sexual compatibility is VITAL in a successful happy marriage.

And you don't know if you're going to be compatible with another person, unless you take them to bed.

[RasmusAiken]

One could also argue that staying cancer-free is also vital to a successful happy marriage. In truth, how many partners have you been sexually incompatible with? I'm 0 for six.

[Opinion Owner]

If you think his magic d*** gave her cancer, you're living in the dark ages.

[RasmusAiken]

You need enlightenment. Google HPV cervical cancer, please.

[Opinion Owner]

Don't be daft, we have a vaccine for that.