Why does this guy hate me? We never dated and I never did anything to him?

carinabina820 Xper 6

I go to community college and this guy in my anatomy class three weeks ago confessed he has had a HUGE crush on me since September of last year. I was just getting over another guy and wasn't sure what was going on with him, but I agreed to hang out with this guy from my anatomy class anyways (I am 20 and so is he). The first time we hung out with my best friend and it was a great time, I haven't had that much fun in years (this was Wednesday night). I had so much fun, I decided to friend zone the other guy and told him so, and also told him I really liked him (b/c he'd said the same to me, with a <3) we hung out again the second time that Friday and cuddled on the couch and kissed a lot. He didn't even try to get it in with me or anything. Friday night I went to bed to "goodnight baby can't wait to see you tomorrow I really like you." I woke up on Saturday morning to see on Facebook that he is in a relationship with some other girl. I was devastated and he'd promised not to do that to me (change overnight) and so I got really upset with him and flipped out literally all day. Couldn't eat until Monday after class when he apologized. So then we agreed to be friends. Monday night we had an inappropriate and somewhat sexual conversation but I promised not to show his girlfriend and didn't. Tuesday his girlfriend came over and he was really rude to me out of nowhere. Wednesday he pretty much ignored me all class but then we talked it out on the phone on Thursday and agreed to be friends. Saturday, he was being really open with me and told me about something that happened with his dad and said it meant a lot that I was there for him. Sunday he told me about his bad weekend and said talking to me made it better. This was St Patty's day so I got drunk and texted him 4 times saying things like maybe I will put pink in my hair again, I have a song stuck in my head. He didn't say anything at the time about it being annoying. So, the next day, I woke up and told him I wasn't jealous of his girlfriend anymore and I was happy by myself and that I was giving the other guy a chance and he FLIPPED OUT (interestingly enough his girlfriend came over again that day) like "go kill yourself," "go get yourself raped again," all day. Had to block his number and after the whole day, I said two mean things. Apologized two days later and he was like stop texting me I never wanted to be your friend. He's been ignoring me ever since. WHY DOES HE HATE ME? When he's the one that hurt me so much </3 (not trolling not fake, serious problem here).

Updates:

+1 y

Ok here's the thing I would totally just ignore him but I am unfortunately stuck sitting next to him every Monday and Wednesday for 4 hours...and I don't really wanna be friends with him I just wanna know why he's acting this way...

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Most Helpful Guys

Amazo Xper 5
+1 y
To answer your question, he is angry based on how you have behaved to him. It seems (in the way you have described) that he is angry because you are deciding to go for that guy you friend zoned earlier. This could be because he could thinks you are trying to get back at him and piss him off intentionally.

I advise you to be civil and talk to him in person and ask him what's on his mind. Revitalize your friendship with him and tell him you still care for him. Remember that he is angry and not you, this requires communication to work things out so tell him you are concerned (and confused) about his anger towards you. Also ask him if his girlfriend found out about the time you texted him that night where the content was very sexual. If she has then this could explain why she keeps being hostile towards you, if not then if you may want to tell her. Either way if you want to fix things between you two then you may have to tell her about it personally, and everything else. And by everything else I mean what happened between you and her boyfriend, or have him explain it to her if you can.

Ultimately, this guy seems to be unstable for one reason or another, talk to him, tell him you are concerned, give him space and establish your desire to remain close friends.
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- carinabina820
  +1 y
  But he had already been dating this new girl for like two weeks before I decided to do that so why would he be mad? He said something like that he was just a replacement and I don't know about the girlfriend she doesn't know but she was apparently mad because when I first found out they were dating he told me it was just a joke and he wanted me so I asked her because I knew he was lying, and so apologized for bugging her and she got mad at him for me apologizing...
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  Also when he flipped out he was all "you're in denial you are totally jealous of her" but I really was not and am not jealous in any way now would I do anything to destroy his relationship on purpose...she is not very good looking (nor am I but I am much bigger looking than her) and I'm smarter and more talented so there's nothing to be jealous of also we were just friends so I don't know why is be jealous either...
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  ** better looking not bigger looking
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- Amazo
  +1 y
  Firstly, I find it quite unfortunate you want to stop your friendship without properly correcting it and rectifying any misunderstandings. You have proven you know why he is angry to a certain extent and your attitude is playing towards it. I believe you want to understand what makes it okay for him to hate you rather than you actually knowing what he hates about you. You also continue to prove that you care about him to an extent but you deny it because your life isn't shattered because of him.
- Amazo
  +1 y
  (continued) I admit I may have it all wrong. It's just out of place to me that you are so willing to discard such a good relationship from this unsettled dispute. Regarding the fact that he flipped out on you, just be honest with him about your feelings. I think you should start by admitting you cared for him that night you spent together, but you knew he decided to choose someone else over you and you have made peace about that long ago.
- Amazo
  +1 y
  (continued) The case he made to you about being jealous of his girlfriend is totally showing how you've both failed to establish things with each other on how you feel. Why did you tell him? I mean you literally was all over him one moment, and when you're not you just let the other guy "have his chance." I reckon he feels you don't actually care about him, and to an extent played with his feelings in the past and now want to rub it back in his face since he isn't with you.
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  I suppose that makes sense. Should I give it some time though? It was only a week ago Monday that he freaked out on me and I'd gladly still me friends but he said he never wanted to be friends with me, just to help me through it.
- Amazo
  +1 y
  What did you mean by "Just to help me through it?" I'm pleased to hear that you've had a change of heart now to allow yourself to remain friends.Yes give it time, and also don't cold shoulder him. Be open and friendly but you don't have to talk to him straight away. Change your body language and facial expression around him to show you don't have any hard feelings. He may himself even decide to talk to you himself because of your new approachable attitude.
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  Idk that's what he said I was almost suicidal the day I found out about him and her because I have emotional issues. I Facebook messaged him "hey I'm sorry about everything, and if your be willing to listen I'd like to explain and apologize (in person) let me know Monday after the exam."
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  At the same time though he said some really awful things like "go get yourself raped again"
- Amazo
  +1 y
  Firstly, you should have did the personality switch over first before trying to speak to him. The reason being, he pretty much doesn't like you and as far as he's concerned you can't maintain your attitude. This is why I told you be more open to him physically rather than just go right into it. Isn't that what you meant by "give it time"? If he doesn't seem welcoming to your message on Facebook then this could mean you have rushed ahead too quickly.
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  Ok well I didn't see your response before I did it. I will try being more physically open during the exam
- Amazo
  +1 y
  (continued) Whatever happens you need to warm up to him, act very friendly but make sure you take things slowly. Whatever you do, don't pretend this matter didn't happen and leave it unresolved if you want answers. It will only burden your mind and be a recipe for an unsettled dispute to be rectified in the future! I just thought I should let you know you arr takimg this really well.
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  Well yeah I manage my emotions very well because I spent over a year learning how to do it. I don't think he really does hate me maybe he does just feel like I played him and was just using him but I wasn't. I honestly wasn't and I don't know how to prove it it's really frustrating
- Amazo
  +1 y
  Stick to my advice. Don't focus on his statements, accusations and false judhements. You need to focus more about his feelings and yours together. You need to hear from him personally, why he has been angry. You need to clarify how you cared about him, possibly even when he had a gitlrlfriend but you accepted that and made peace with it. But this conversation will only take place when it is the right time. Focus for now that you have your emotions under control to show to him him this first.
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  He is still dating her you know, they will have been together a month a week from Monday...and she deff has a problem with me.
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  When he was flipping out too my friend stole my phone and said she looks like a troll (she's not attractive at all). So he was pissed off by that too but that was after seven hours of flipping out. She also lives two hours away, and every girl he's dated has cheated on him...and she said she loved him three days into their relationship. But he's also told her to go kill herself too years ago apparently.
- Amazo
  +1 y
  I don't think it is wise to concern yourself about the girlfriend at this time. I do think however, it's irrelevant how long ago they've been together. The only reason you should mention the girlfriend isn't even really about her personally. You had an intimate moment with him and thought it was promising when in the end (almost immediately), you were incorrect to believe so because he chose another girl (his girlfriend). This is exactly what you need to tell him and help him understand.
- Amazo
  +1 y
  (continue) I'll just reiterate my previous points, this was a moment where you were feeling devastation, not jealousy (so you make it clear to him having a girlfriend did hurt you indeed). But you eventually made peace with that (so you didn't want to "replace him" or "get back at him").
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  He did understand that it hurt me a lot, we'd had several very long talks about it the week after it happened. He was completely convinced he was just a replacement though because I said I'd need a distraction from him, and so after seven hours of him pulling out everything I ever told him to hurt me with, I said yeah you started as one but became more immediately. And I told him I was dating that other guy hoping he'd be relieved we could just be friends but he just got more convinced he was a
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  replacement even though he never ever was not even for a second. I'm still devastated because I never knew what love was until I met him and like I'm stuck with this friends with benefits situation with the other guy now and I don't like the other guy, I still care so much for him and it hurts me that he doesn't wanna be even my friend.
- Amazo
  +1 y
  You're making an incredible breakthrough with being more honest with yourself. You've told me for the first time yourself that you "still care so much for him." This is a big jump from you when you mentioned earlier "I don't really wanna be friends with him." Your honest with these circumstances should be really clear to yourself, why have you let yourself get into a situation where you are being friends with benefits? Are you unsatisfied with that? And has your past have an influence on this?
- Amazo
  +1 y
  (contined) If you happen to start thinking your devastation has had influence on your current feelings for the other guy and reasons for being with him, you may need to take a break away from the guy. If you try to hide it from yourself by still seeing still seeing him, that to me will be "replacement." So in the end that would show you have mistakenly thought that attempting to regain your past emotions was a legitimate thing to heal your devastation.
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  My past has affected it considerably. I was raped twice and the only guy that ever cared for me died trying to protect me. Since then, there have been a long string of guys who weren't interested, just wanted sex, picked other girls over me, abused me and such. He and the other guy are the only ones who have only hurt me emotionally and not physically. He is the only one that ever made me happy really happy. And I am going with the other guy because it's better than being alone.
- Amazo
  +1 y
  But what I'm trying to say is if you know you don't really like the other guy. You also miss the times you've had with your friend when you felt love. But unfortunatley wanting to simply be with this guy just for the sake of avoiding being single can be emotionless. This seems to be the case for you, is this really worth it?
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  No, but I don't see how that would affect my being friends with the one that matters.
madhatters4 Master
+1 y
why are you dealing with this guy. He lied to you, disrespects you and his girlfriend, strings you along all the while being hot and cold.

He's a douche and so to ask why he is acting any particular way is just absurd.

He is who he is and his behavior reflects a man who is immature, unfaithful and disrespectful. Find a better guy. Don't engage in romantic talk with him at all, and in my opinion just put a lot of distance between the two of you since it is clear that he is on a destructive path and you don't want to be involved in that
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- carinabina820
  +1 y
  He is in my class and he sits next to me because we are alphabetical and he is also in my lab group so I would love to pretend he doesn't exist but simply cannot
- madhatters4
  +1 y
  well you could ask your professor for a switch and explain that you've gone through some bad personal issues with him... OR... just tell him that you will deal with sitting next to him and having to work with him and that is it. be nice in a professional way but don't involve yourself with him otherwise. I would def. just tell your professor that you can't work with him and go into as much detail as you feel you can.
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  I'm not gonna go to the professor and make a big deal because he doesn't bother me in class he just ignores me and vice versa I just want to know why he hates me
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- madhatters4
  +1 y
  he doesn't hate you. he's just a f*cking a**clown... why do you care what he thinks. He's a liar, he cheats on his girlfriend, is disrespectful, unfaithful, irrational. frankly he sounds insane and you should be thrilled that you didn't get sucked into a serious relationship or something with him.
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  Where is everyone getting this unfaithful stuff from? He started dating her a few hours after he left my house on Friday night so he didn't cheat he just led me on.
- madhatters4
  +1 y
  but he was unfaithful to the girl. he may have become fb official but I guarantee that he didn't only after hooking up with you decide he was with his girlfriend... Either way the guy is an idiot and a dipsh*t AND leading somone on is the same thing as being dishonest which is the same thing as not disloyal and being unfaithful to a person synonyms of unfaithful...dishonest, untrue disloyal, faithless
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  Apparently she had asked him to be in a fake Facebook one with her on Friday morning then after he left my house they hung out and she asked him to be her boyfriend and he didn't think it would hurt me because he thought I still liked the other guy so he said yes to her. He hasn't been unfaithful to her at all?
- madhatters4
  +1 y
  well he sounds like a catch

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yaddayaddayadda02 Master
+1 y
He sounds like a f***ing psycho. Be thankful you are not in a relationship with him.
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- carinabina820
  +1 y
  This isn't about me being in a relationship with him or not I just wanna know why he's acting this way because I'm stuck sitting next to him...
- yaddayaddayadda02
  +1 y
  I couldn't tell you...nor could anyone. We don't know him, we don't know you, we don't know the whole story. What I do know is that he was perfectly willing to cheat on his girlfriend and doesn't act like a rational adult man would do.
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  He never cheated on her? Where'd you get that from? We never hooked up or like sent pictures or seated or any of that...
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- yaddayaddayadda02
  +1 y
  But you said he had to delete texts that were 'inappropriate' in your words. I'd put money on the idea that she found the texts and he's trying to cover his ass.
- carinabina820
  +1 y
  He was talking about fapping because he got a cast off his left hand...that was it. There was nothing going on and he deleted them and so did I so how could she have seen them? She lives two hours away. Also she asked him out and said she loves him three days into the relationship but its been three weeks and they haven't had sex yet.
- yaddayaddayadda02
  +1 y
  As I said, I don't know you and I don't know him. I'm guessing based on the information you provided.
dwiller943 Yoda
+1 y
The guy seems like a fucking psycho if you ask me.
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bulat1990 Xper 6
+1 y
He sounds like a douche bag, forget about him he is not worth your time to me it just sounds like he leading you on.
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- carinabina820
  +1 y
  Even if he was leading me on the point is he hates me now and I just want to know why