Boyfriend lied about being a virgin when he wasn't

[Anonymous]

I found out that my boyfriend of 3 and half years lied to me about being a virgin,I lost my virginity to him in 2011 thinking it was both of us first time, he is my first boyfriend, first kiss basically first for everything and he told me it is the same way for him as well. So when I confronted him about it he denied it until a week after when he realize that I was being cold towards him he told me he did infact lost his virginity when he was 17 he is 24 now, he siad it was more like a friend with benefits cause the girl had a boyfriend at he time. It's hard to think that he was that kind of person cause he used to say that he don't know how people could just sleep around just so. Anyways he said he couldn't tell me cause he didn't want me to feel like I came second which I think is bullsh*t. So after all that I asked him if there is anything else I should know about and he said no that was the only time it happened, until 3 days later he told me that he had sex with another girl as well like another friends with benefits. I'm really hurt and upset I don't know what to do cause I can't trust or believe anything he says again cause he's such a liar. It had so many times he could have come and tell me the truth instead of lying to my face all the time and having to find out on my own. What should I do? please any advise

[Anonymous]

Something very similar happened to me with my boyfriend. The only difference is that he came clean much earlier, just a few days after we had sex. And he had only had sex once, with one girl. He lied to me because he regretted losing his virginity and he was afraid of what I would think, since I was a virgin. It was very upsetting to find out, and hurtful that he lied. But I forgave him and we got through it, and are still together several years later. In my situation it felt right, because he is a very sweet and caring guy and I understood that he only lied because he was scared. It was still wrong, and it was immature of him to make the decision to lie, but it wasn't something I couldn't forgive.

Your situation is a little different because your boyfriend lied for much longer. If I was in your position, I don't know if I could forgive him or not. It is really something you will have to decide for yourself, based on how you feel. Does this make your boyfriend seem like a different person to you now? Do you think his reasons justified his decision at all? Is he treating the situation appropriately now that you have found out? Does he seem to regret lying? Do you think it's something you can get past? Only you can decide that.

[Asker]

he did say that he regret lying to me and is really sorry but he used a remark saying that "why it should matter cause it was the past, I wasn't in the picture and it don't have anything to do with me" which made me think that he don't really care about my feelings and is just so much lies like I don't know what else he maybe hiding from me.

[Opinion Owner]

I understand. It's a tough situation. What happened with me was much easier to forgive. But it all comes down to what you feel you can handle. You could try to talk to him about this and see if, through thorough communication, you can get to a point where you feel that you can forgive him and learn to trust him. Or maybe this was too big, and you would be better off with someone else.

[Asker]

thnx a lot but I still don't know what to do.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sorry. It's just not a decision someone else can make for you. Take some time to think and maybe things will become clearer.

[Anonymous]

I lost my virginity whin I was 14, I used to sleep around a lot growing up. but I'm 20 now and inlove with a girl whos never been with anyone but me. I lied about being a virgin to her.. Only because she said she could never sleep with someone who wasn't, I couldn't stand the thought of losing her so I lied :/ people change, I know I have to tell her.. And that will be the hardest thing I ever do.

[Asker]

does your conscience bother you about it and when are you going to tell her?

[Opinion Owner]

A day dosn't pass without me thinking about it, it bothers me a lot. I just hope that as time passes I can tell her and she will forgive me because of the time we spent together. Every day that she's with me is the happiest day of my life. She's part of me I can't live without. I don't know if its better to tell her now and get it over with or wait..

[Asker]

it is better to tell her now instead of her finding out one day cause a relationship shud b based on honesty and trust.

[LacedandBraced]

Well in my opinion and I've been cheated on by just about every relationship, I think that such a lie and continued lie is unforgivable its up to you but if I were in your shoes id leave him. but then again I am biased. chose is yours and only you can choose

[Asker]

thnx I was thinking the same thing too

[G_GTom]

It was, simply, a white lie. These are heavily promoted on this forum and, apparently, perfectly valid.

[samhradh_leannan]

I don't know why you would say that unless you agree with it as well.

[Asker]

it is far from a white lie