How do you help ease a girl up to let you finger her?

Every time I go to finger her she'll push my hand away or move it somewhere else, this has happened on 4 different occasions

i apologized to her afterwards because I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable or anything and we're really open and can talk about things so we were talking and she said that its not that she's not ready its just she's never let anyone do it before. I said I don't wanna pressure her into anything and told her to let me know when she's ready but she insists I do it even though she's scared- she even said for me not to listen to her and just do it if she tries to stop me next time =/ I know little things like this mean a lot to her and I want to make it as easy going as I can for her so is there any advise how I can do that?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Get her turned on first.

    Progress slowly. She has to be certain you'll stop if and when she feels uncomfortable with it.


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What Girls Said 1

  • She says she is not ready but she wants you to do it anyways. Don't do it, you'll make her regret it. I think what she means is she is not ready but she feels bad telling you no. Just leave it alone and let her tell you when she is ready. Getting her to ease up is a stupid idea and it's making her feel pressured.


What Guys Said 2

  • I thought your goal was celibacy, friend. This is the wrong way to go about that goal, because fingering is definitely not the kind of activity a celibate individual would engage in. It is sexual activity and is not in any way chaste outside of a marriage context.

    Also, pay attention to her signs--she is telling you she doesn't want you to do that. So respect her. If she is not ready, don't do it.

    • She's celibate too and we know our limits

      anyway I said to her that I wasn't going to do it until she's ready and she said if I don't she'll find someone else who will =S

    • Decide what you want then. Do you want to be chaste or do you want to finger her? If you value chastity and she insists you do this then she is not exactly helping you meet your goals and she is probably not the girl for. There are so many girls out there that there is no reason to violate your own morals just to keep one.

      Seriously though, your both need to check your moral compasses, because fingering is not consistent with moral purity. It crosses the line by more than a little.

  • If you can, you should change the title, and you'd get more answers.

    Because what you really want to know is how to get her into a comfortable enough mood so she allows you to do so.

    So want to know how to better comfort her.

    After reading your article, see you understand that comfort is everything.

    So focus on only her comfort.

    In this case her comfort level is in great relation to her arousal.

    She needs to want it!

    You really have to make yourself very unselfish. I mean somewhat forget that you have a penis.

    Think smooth, think along the lines of 4-play since y'all aren't to the point of having sex.

    Sit there with her, lay there with her, and just eventually make-out with her.

    If she is letting you touch her body, but not her special spot, then just continue to be patient & focus on doing what she lets you really good. Again you want her to want you to do it...

    Just remember to take it slow...


    A Loving Black Man