Why are girls hard-wired to be attracted to guys that are leaders, or guys who have, display "leadership"

[Anonymous]

traits, qualities, etc., hence that is one of the main reasons why the "nice-guy" does not get girls, because he doesn't "lead", or take the lead, overall, why are women instinctively programmed, or just want the man to lead them? and yes, I kinda know part of the reason, it involves strength, but overall, specifically, why does "leading" display or show strength? how does leading show the girl you can protect her? protect her from what specifically? Honestly, I know that me being a guy, I have no choice but to deal with this, honestly it pisses me off because I wasn't born the leader that girls naturally find hot and attractive, hence why I'm obviously still a virgin and not boyfriend material, just don't know how to become that so-called "leader", and makes me have a strong, mysogynistic hatred towards women, hate them for the standards and preferences they want in a man.

[GuyWannaHelp]

It is not the "leadership" role that attract the girls, it is the confidence.

Think about it this way: have you ever seen a leader, who always looks at the floor, barely talks and just seems insecure? You probably haven't. Why? Because in order to lead others, you have to respect yourself and thus have confidence. It shows that you know you are worth something.

Girls are attracted to this because the want certainty in their life. A feeling of safety. People who are confident seem like they can take care of themselves and take care of others. People who are afraid of their own shadow are probably not as good in caring for others.

The fact that you are a virgin doesn't say anything. I am 19 and I consider myself to be a decent guy. Yet, I haven't had a girlfriend (I have dated) and so, I am still a virgin. In itself, there is nothing wrong with that. You shouldn't see sex as an ultimate goal or milestone in your life. Sure, it is important and it will be great when you get there, but, to me at least, it is more important that you eventually find someone who loves you for who you are and who you love for who they are. You should not change yourself to a "leader" just because girls seem to like that. Even if the act works, think about what kind of girl you would end up with. Would that be the girl you would want to be with? I think not.

You should not hate woman for what they seem to prefer in a man. For one, not every single one of them wants the exact same thing out of a man. Look at us guys. A friend of yours may be into tall, blonds while another guy finds personality much more important (but still has preferences for a girl's attractiveness). Girls are much the same. All girls have different tastes, turn ons and turn offs, and that is what makes it so great. There isn't a "perfect guy" who every girl wants to have. Sure, you have celebrities who girls consider hot, but that is only because his appearance is considered attractive. It doesn't make him boyfriend material.

I have heard a lot about "nice guys" and I used to consider myself as one too. The definition of a "nice guys" is very simple, it is a guy who has a friendly personality and respects girls. And basically, that is it. Don't get me wrong, most girl love a guy who respects them and is friendly and would pick him over a jerk any day. The problem however, is not being nice, it is being nothing MORE than nice. Nowadays, nice guys are not hard to come by. Guys that have their act together, who have sorted their lives out, are. Even if you have your life in order, girls still won't come running while taking off their shirts. That would be way too easy :P. You have to find the girl who is your type, who shares interests with you.

The best you can do is to live your life and eventually you will come across a girl you like.

I am running out of characters here. I hope this answered your question! :)

I have one question for you: what makes you think you aren't boyfriend material?

[NoirPrincess]

wow even more for me to read ahaha but I like this very well thought out.

[Cottoncandydreams]

WOW you really did right a lot aahahah I agree

[GuyWannaHelp]

Thanks for reading and agreeing! :)

[Asker]

because I don't attract them

[GuyWannaHelp]

Prhaps there is something you can do about that. Since you seem pretty certain that girls aren't attracted to you, you probably can think of at least one thing a girl wouldn't be into. Because I don't know you personally, I can't help you with that. If you want a girlfriend, you do have to change some things. Don't get me wrong, you must stay yourself, but say you only shower once a month, you need to do it way more often. If you know what you want, you need to go for it.

[Asker]

and guys have to take responsibility for every god damn thing in life

[Anonymous]

Girls feel entitled to stuff like that

[Arcano]

And why are guys "hardwired to be attracted to petite, big ass, big breasted, perfect face, fair haired, submissive women"? Gee, "it makes me have a strong, misandristic hatred toward men, and for their standards and preferences."

Your question generalizes too much. You seem spiteful, and I can easily see why girls have not gone out of their way for you. Are your views and behavior fixable? Yes, certainly, but it needs to come from /yourself/.

In theory, I prefer the "nice guy," actually; I even often prefer the quiet ones. What I do NOT prefer are men who are bitter and play the victim... which is what you have displayed in yourself in the last portion of your post.

The biggest issue I have noticed with a handful of "nice guys" (and likewise confident males, mind you) is that they feel sorry for themselves-- they think they're entitled to love, they preach "nice guys finish last" to the hills and beyond, they blame their current situation on others, they do not take responsibility, they wallow in their own misery, are unrealistic in what they want in a partner, and every guy who has a girlfriend is suddenly a douche bag. /That/ is what I detest.

Are all "leader"-types the type of guy all females want to date? No, of course not-- /anyone/, regardless of what you "categorize" them as, can turn out to be a jerk. In general, though, the initial attraction would be that they are comfortable in their own skin, they are confident (and not necessarily in an arrogant, showy way), they have ambitions and have went after them, and they are trying to make the best of themselves and the world. The CONFIDENCE is what is attractive.

Below is an article I wanted to link you to (there was a second, but I cannot locate it)... www.girlsaskguys.com/Articles/Behavior/Nice-guys-finish-last.html

I quote: "-it's not nice guys that finish last in life, it's passive ones. Ones that don't take responsibility for their own choices or the consequences of those choices, don't believe in themselves enough, don't stand up for themselves, and don't summon the courage to initiate interaction with the opposite sex. Yet, who feel justified in blaming anything or anyone else for their own lack of success in life, whether it pertains to dating or other matters. THOSE are the guys that finish last.

Best of luck.

Please realize, like I said above, you are not entitled to anyone loving you. A relationship needs genuine, honest people to be successful. You need to constantly work on yourself - as does she; it is a two-way deal, and you need to acknowledge that.

[jlb03]

Very well put. Confidence can overshadow a good amount of what the guy may be lacking.

[Asker]

women can play the victim and still get dates but not vice versa

[Prof_Don]

QA, it is simply ASTOUNDING how the aura of high self confidence can mask a guy's overall flaws to a female. A guy with absolutely nothing going for him BUT confidence, gets WAY more female success than a guy that has EVERYTHING going well in his life but severely lacks self confidence.

[Asker]

prove it

[Arcano]

Prof_Don is correct, QA. And as for women playing the victim - you can say that all you want, but the reality is is that ANYONE like that (male or female) has something that is keeping people away, or pushing them away if a chance is given. They're usually whiny, insecure, possessive, etc. Relationships do not often last, or if they do they are very strained and unhappy situations. I know girls like that, and they're not as successful as you blindly claim them to be.

[Arcano]

And to your "prove it" comment- flip it to rich guy with poor personality, and I can. Have you ever watched the TV show "Millionaire Matchmaker"? I suggest you do so, and stay with it for multiple episodes. You will eventually stumble across a guys (and girls) who "have it all" (money, fancy cars, mansions, and "winning" at life), and yet his prior relationships and the pairing by Peggy is unsuccessful because he has no confidence, is unsteady, is immature, or a number of other reasons.

[IHateBeingaMan]

yeah well at least those girls end up in relationships in the first place, if a guy is like that he won't even get a first date, or just won't get past the first date

[Cottoncandydreams]

chill.

Try getting a job in sports/buisness/politics ect...

[Asker]

how would that help?

[Cottoncandydreams]

you said you really wanted to be a leader right? I guess It's because I didn't feel like reading all of that

[GuyWannaHelp]

I would like you to read what I wrote as an answer. I hope you agree with me.

[Cottoncandydreams]

wow ok

[Cottoncandydreams]

@relax...

[MrOracle]

I can answer the question (and have, in detail, many times here), but will knowing the answer change anything for you? Women aren't going to change, so you have two options: you can either get angry and resentful and stay the way you are, and struggle with women your whole life, OR you can learn to be confident and strong, which will not only GREATLY help you with women, but will also benefit you in your career, your relationships, and other aspects of your life.

You can't change other people, you can only change yourself, and to do that, you have to first DECIDE to change, then you have to WORK at changing. Yes, it's hard work at first, and you'll make mistakes and have set-backs, but in the end, it will be extremely rewarding. Or, you can take the "easy" way and stay the same as you are now, which is really NOT easy, because it means you will be miserable forever.

The choice is yours, and ONLY yours. You can live whatever life you want to live, but you don't get to change the rules, you just get to decide how well you want to play the game.

[Asker]

its like men have to change for women but women don't have to change for men in order to attract them

[MrOracle]

Women spend several hours a day working on themselves in order to look good, dress stylish, and be attractive for us. They stress and worry about that stuff constantly. Quit trying to be a victim and grow a pair.

[Asker]

true but they don't have to worry on how they speak or talk, because how women talk and speak does not really attract us men to them, the words and sentences that come out of their mouth don't really mean much, they just have to respond

[Asker]

social skills are not as important for women to have, that is a fact

[MrOracle]

Denial is not merely a river in Egypt, my friend, and you are deeply in denial. Being angry and bitter isn't going to help you get girls, that's for sure. You may not like the rules of the game, but a smart person learns the rules, and works at playing the game better. People who stand on the sidelines and whine about the rules never even have a chance at winning. That's you, dude.

[Asker]

well it's a card I hate, despise, loathe with a huge passion, hate having to take responsibility, having having to be in control of my own destiny because I see it as a chore, as work, I want things to happen when I want them to happen, on my terms, not on other peoples terms

[Prof_Don]

Well said, Mr. Oracle. The QA, to be blunt, needs to quit bitching and take action. He clearly already knows what to do, but is too LAZY or SCARED to gradually better himself.

[Asker]

and bettering, improving yourself is a masculine thing too I guess, unfortuneately, it's the way it is but that doesn't mean I have to like it or enjoy it, don't see the logic as to why is taking action is a masculine thing

[Asker]

women don't have to work on their attitude, character, mentality, confidence, social-skills but men do, and that doesn't seem right for the socially-retarded men, that's why

[IHateBeingaMan]

basically women are allowed to be losers but men are not

[Asker]

seriously makes me wish I could beat up a girls boyfriend out of jealousy and anger

[moviedude714]

The way I see it, the man earns the woman, not the other way around

[IHateBeingaMan]

guys like you, i wish i could punch you so very hard

[IHateBeingaMan]

reason why is because guys like you, who perpetuate this gender role only make this still an expectation of society and reality

[IHateBeingaMan]

wish I could kick your ass MrOracle for saying that, I feel women DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXPECT MEN TO BE STRONG AND CONFIDENT!!!, THEY DON'T HAVE THAT RIGHT!!!

[MrOracle]

@IHateBeingaMan Good luck with that. Bring a lunch. LOL. And it's no different than guys expecting a girl to be pretty or have a nice body (and you can't deny that most do). You just don't want to compete, so you want to change the rules so you don't have to. Well, tough shit.

[IHateBeingaMan]

ya I just didn't like how you responded, so I was defending the Question Asker

[jlb03]

I will give you the blunt truth. Girl's want an a**hole/bad boy, because they are exciting. That type of person generally has the most confidence in the room, and doesn't mind showing it. You have to have balls and be willing to take chances.

It's not about money either. Up until last year, I was broke and had no job. Living with my grandma. My car was older me. Guess what, I still managed to have sex girls. Usually in the back of that 25 yearold car. I now have my life together, new car, solid job and my own place. My sex life hasn't gotten magically any better. If anything, I get even less girls now.

Confidence is key. It beats looks, money, body etc... I'm not saying those things don't help land you certain girls, but if you have no confidence in yourself. All that other stuff won't matter.

If you never become a "Leader", don't feel too bad. Most of the a**hole types don't make good boyfriends, and girls find that out eventually. They have there fun with us, and then end up getting married to those same nice guys they never seemed to of paid attention to before. Once women's biological clocks start ticking in there late 20's, you will have the advantage. Nice guys cheat far less and usually make better fathers.

[Asker]

when their biological clock start ticking how will I have the advantage?

[jlb03]

They will start to want the nice guy more, seeing that they generally make better husbands/fathers. Women like to have sex with the bad boy, because they more exciting. Though after years of being screwed over and cheated on by them, they start to realize the errors of there ways. This usually happens after college when a woman gets into her mid 20's.

[Asker]

happens when they are past their prime I guess

[Aizou]

you don't have to be a "leader", just don't

be too selfish, even if guys are more realistic

girls are more down to earth in relationships

I can sum down what girls want in a man

into two words, be mature with a childlike side, is all

if a girls standards seems high, it's usually

because her friends just got a boyfriend, and as

we all know girls like to compete with one

another, so they'll obviously want someone

better than the one their friends got, in this case

just give her some time to cool down

and you'll be good to go ^.~

[TedStar]

I've been taught that social behavior is not "hard wired". It is a choice that we make through repeated exposure.

[Asker]

I wonder

[drjohno]

You can begin your journey here link

[Asker]

it's like men have to be on their own all the time

[drjohno]

We don't have to be on our own all the time. We have other men, in the heterosexual sense I mean. Also, please, stop asking advice from women about, precisely, women.

[kheserthorpe]

Because they provide the most resources, and they produces sons who become powerful, get access to tons of women, and produce dozens of grandkids.

We're all descended from the women who slept with THOSE men. The women who slept with gentle nervous guys either got killed or their sons did, and they left the gene pool.

You want the good news?

You're descended from the badass leaders. You are not the product of the weak, shy guys. You are the great great great grandson of the most badass, toughest, smartest men who walked the earth.

Its in you. Something is preventing you from realizing that potential, but it is IN YOU.

[kheserthorpe]

You seem to think women have it easy. I think they have it worse then us. You think women don't have to do anything. That's sort of true. They just have to be young, reasonably attractive, and reasonably pleasant. Requires no effort! Only downside? When they're no longer young and attractive, they can't do anything about it. Your attractiveness is more under your control. Whether that sucks or is great depends on how you take on that challenge.

[moviedude714]

How is a mans attractiveness more under his control?

[kheserthorpe]

You're right. However most don't realize it because their self esteem is low. On too of that, I'd suggest women are less programmed to be happy with an average partner. You're frustrated because they all want alphas, they're -also- frustrated because that's what their instincts are telling them they need. Anyway, have you channeled your desire to pummel someone it I something productive yet?

[Prof_Don]

Not necessarily leaders (cauz frankly world would cease to exist if the world had only leaders!).

Women are attracted to qualities in a guy that resembled strength (one can be strong and be more of a follower/role player than a leader/superstar). The absolutely necessary foundation for this is confidence.

Confidence is built by one's ego being raised by two things:

1) [the easy part] recognizing your positive traits, what you're good at and your knowledge on various subjects

2) [the hard part] acknowledging your negatives, short comings, and weaknesses

[Asker]

well they expect, want the guy to lead the relationship, be the leader in the relationship

[Prof_Don]

The female gender naturally craves that in a mate. Either go with the natural human nature and gradually learn to exert more self confidence and leadership, or she will simply find another guy that will. Are you not a competitive person? The dating world is very competitive; you have to believe that you are an awesome dude any female would want to be with. If you're a gamer ESPECIALLY an online gamer...that same competitive edge in video games you have, transfer that to dating.

[Asker]

and people argue that being competitive is a masculine trait

[Prof_Don]

If you want to be a "winner" and not a "loser" when it comes to girl, you gotta put in the work.

[Prof_Don]

The only advantage "super good looking guys" have is that they can catch a girl's INITIAL attention...if his social skills are lacking, he is no better than any other "non-winner" guy when it comes to girls

[Asker]

basically it's free for girls but not free for guys

[Prof_Don]

Look at some more posts on this website...you will learn that this dating thing isn't as easy for girls as you think.

[IHateBeingaMan]

well when it comes to struggling with dating and relationships, it can be interpreted in different ways, from what I've noticed, when a girl is struggling, it's usually that she is struggling while in the relationship, but when a guy is struggling, he is struggling initially, you know in "getting the girl" part, getting the girl attracted to him in the first place, whenever you hear of late bloomers with the opposite sex, it's almost always guys

[Asker]

"The female gender naturally craves that in a mate", yeah well I hope those women end up becoming victims of domestic violence or rape as punishment for having those standards in guys

[ihatetakingcharge]

I feel you man I guess natural selection gave us bad genes

[WishICouldChangePast]

because women want men that are laborers

[Anonymous]

Dude, what the f*ck?

You're not having to EARN anything. Dating is a numbers game. All you're doing when you talk to a girl is finding out whether there's any mutual interest. If there isn't, you just move on to the next. It's got nothing to do with earning sh*t.

The only difference between guys and girls is that we choose who we're we're going to check interest with. Girls get "interest checks" cast on them whether they want it or not, but it's the same game either way, and it's all about numbers.

[Asker]

this guy admits women do the choosing: link

[Opinion Owner]

This guy's got a lot of good information. But it's still numbers, man. If you're not talking to them, they're not talking to you. You choose who you're talking to. If you're talking, you're interested. They decide whether or not they're going to f*** you, but that's the way it should be. You don't get to just "choose" whether or not someone ELSE is going to spread their legs for you. I don't even know why you're complaining about this.

[Anonymous]

because women want men who will be like their daddies

[Anonymous]

Allow me to clear something up for you.

Women aren't attracted to "leaders", specifically. Yes, there are some basic evolutionary ties to this, but for the most part, humans have overcome their evolutionary instincts and replaced them with these stupid little things called "emotions" that the rest of the animal kingdom has been smart enough not to develop.

Humans are horribly, horribly, horribly insecure. About our personhood, for starters. About our ability to attract a mate. Our ability to provide. For women, this means that they're filled with body issues. I don't care how confident a woman might seem on the outside. Internally, there are tons of things she wishes she could change about her body. For men, this means we're generally insecure about having the right qualities needed to attract and keep a mate. Often this centers around our manhood and sexual performance, which is why you see so many guys asking questions about penis size, and guys wanting girls who are virgins (so they can't be compared).

See, humans by their very nature have little to no confidence in themselves. The only confidence that they have is given to them by affirmation or achievement. If enough people tell you that you're attractive, you might start to believe it. If you succeed at something, then you'll start to think that they're good at it, but we don't have any confidence in ourselves innately.

And conversely, when people tell you that you're stupid, you start to feel stupid. When you're told you're unattractive, you begin to feel unattractive. When your'e told that you're bad at something often enough, even if you succeed at it, you start to believe that you're bad at it. Because we can't create our own confidence, we rely on others. It's unfortunate, but that's how we work, and that's why you'll see women who stay with emotionally, and even physically, abusive men. Because those men isolate them from the people that build their confidence, and then they tear it down until she doesn't feel like she's got any worth at all.

But I digress. When we see a person with confidence, which is something we desire, we can experience several different emotions. If we have confidence in ourselves, we may feel admiration, attraction or desire for that person. If we lack confidence, we may feel uneasy, jealous, or even spiteful.

And this is why women are attracted to confident men, and even arrogant men. Because they have something that she want for herself. They're attracted to men who appear to be having a great time, because we want to have a great time. They're attracted to men who have a lot of friends, because we all want to be liked by others. There's a huge ego-centric element to attraction, along with the physical elements.

Anyway, I know this isn't going to fix the problem, but hopefully it helps you to get a better grasp on why people behave the way that they do, why they feel the way that they do, and why you feel the way you do.

[Asker]

it's like women only want men who are better than them

[Opinion Owner]

That is, in fact, exactly what they want. It's what most men want out of women, too.

[Anonymous]

Rich guys always win. Money often equates to power.

[Anonymous]

Huh? That last part of your rant threw me off.

[Asker]

why is it wrong of me to hate women for the standards they expect, require in men before considering dating him?

[Opinion Owner]

Have you met all women? No.

[Asker]

obviously no but they expect guys to have balls, which I hate having and using

[Opinion Owner]

Well lets say a woman keeps running into douche bags. Is she right to assume all guys are douches? Why am I wasting my time with you?

[Asker]

well at least she was able to date those guys, be in a relationship with them, but the guy has to do everything in order to make a date or relationship happen

[Anonymous]

Because they're likely to make the most money and give them the most stuff