First sexual encounter, didn't feel anything and faked orgasm?

[Anonymous]

Hey boys and girls, so I had my all firsts with my FWB. Yes, first kiss, first getting naked with, and first sex. During foreplay I didn't get turned on, even though I got really wet a couple of years ago when a guy got really close and tried to feel me up. My FWB, he was already hard when we were just kissing. Is that possible? Can a guy get hard just by kissing, with no tongue? When he fingered me, I didn't feel good. It was more of a "meh.." feeling. I didn't even feel his fingers inside me. And my clit, which is usually very sensitive, also wasn't all that sensitive when he rubbed it pretty vigorously. Since he was trying so hard to make me come, I faked it. I felt bad, imagining that his arm must be starting to get tired.. He might know, because I was dry down there. I knew that from when he put his fingers for me to lick, there's not much fluid on his fingers. And then when he f***ed me in the ass, it also didn't feel good as well. Again, kinda "meh.." only a little better. And I would think it's gonna feel intense and maybe even painful, because his d*** has a decent length and girth. But he didn't keep any kind of rythm and he didn't move that much, so I almost didn't feel anything. Also when he came in my ass, I also didn't feel anything, although judging by his expression, it was good for him. The f***ing was also very short, couldn't be more than 10 minutes, I think... My question was: why wasn't I feeling anything, both during the fingering and the f***ing? It occurred to me that somehow my brain was kinda shutting off the nerve receptors because I was thinking too much, about what he wants next, about how to suck his d***, about him watching my reaction, etc. So then the sensitive spots are turning a little numb. Or maybe he was just not that good? P.S.: He was hot, so it can't be because I wasn't attracted to him. He has a killer body. P.P.S.: Just in case it's important - we used lots of oil-based lube

[143nat143]

Um, is this a joke? For your first sexual experience you let him f*** you in the ass!? WOW... Were you on any type of drugs, pills that could make your feeling lessen? Pain pills I know take away pain but also make it hard to feel good sensations.

Ummmm... Yes it is hard for a man to get hard from kissing even with no tongue. A man get hard at the thought of a kiss or the thought of a boob. Doesn't take action.

I am having a hard time believing your question is real because for a man 10 minutes is a pretty long time especially for their first encounter and in the ass... Ummmm the first time my husband put his d*** in my ass I don't think it lasted more than 30 seconds. And it didn't feel good, it was painful. The pain felt good and enjoy pain but if he did this to you that wouldn't make you cum. It would take a very talented man to give a female an orgasm through ONLY anal penetration.

Why would you fake the "clit orgasm"? I think I would show him what to do next time, show him what feels good to you.

[Asker]

yes, I didn't want him to f*** my p****, because I wanted p****f***ing with feelings, and since he's just my FWB and not my BF, I don't want him in there. It might not make sense to other people, but it does to me. Well, it could be 5 minutes or even less than that, I don't really know. 30 seconds? wow, that's really fast. I didn't want to make him feel like he lacks experience, because I don't think he does. He's older than me, and has had GFs before while I'm the inexperienced one.

[Asker]

And no, I didn't take any kind of medication, not even vitamins.

[MrOracle]

The answer to your actual question is this: you, like MANY, maybe most women, need to feel an EMOTIONAL connection with the guy you're having sex with before you can enjoy the actual sex. Women's arousal is strongly connected to their emotions and feelings for the guy, and not just physical attraction. That's an area where men and women are different: men as a rule don't need an emotional connection in order to be aroused or enjoy sex.

I'm not judging you when I say this, I'm just making the connection: this is why women are generally taught to make sure their first time is with someone who is meaningful to them, rather than just a fling or FWB. Without that, many women struggle to get aroused, like their "arousal switch" was never turned on, and so the experience isn't enjoyable for them.

I don't know what your situation is, and again, I'm not judging, I'm just answering the question you asked, but it's something you might want to think about.

[Asker]

I don't feel judged. I was aroused when a couple of years ago a guy who wanted a one night stand wanted to feel me up. And I'm usually a very responsive person when it comes to touches. I'm very aware of them. But what you said about the emotional connection is definitely something to think about. Thanks!

[summiter]

The first time is always difficult no matter how ready the guy or girl is. I think we have a lot of unreasonable expectations that both have to have P*rn type sex every time. It sounds he is also inexperienced, so you have to tell him what feels good for you. Don't feel like you have to orgasm every time. If it happens it happens. As a young guy, I do not want any girl I am with to fake it. It is what it is. Of course a young guy is going to orgasm and love it even though he is fumbling his way through sex. Perhaps let him give you some oral attention and let him know what feels good for you. Just talk to each other, take it slow and let each other know what feels good and what does not.

[Asker]

actually he's not that young, he's in his 30s. And yes, we were quite in a hurry because he had to be somewhere so maybe that was it. Thanks.

[ManySplendored]

ROFL took it in the *** on your first time! What a champ! And yes a man can get hard from kissing. Hell, we can get hard from a slight brush or woman's glance or just looking at someone pretty.

I'm guessing you didn't get turned on out of nerves, being your first time and all. As for the "I didn't want it in the p**** because I don't have feelings for him so I let him put it in my ***" comment... That's kinda messed up. You might have sexual issues.

[Asker]

Well, I've dildoed my ass before, as well as my p****, but idk, somehow in the p**** feels more personal and intimate. Could be because of the risk of pregnancy, despite contraceptive measures. In the ass is more like playing.

[JonJames]

This is why every girl's first sex -- I mean penetrative -- should be anal. Well, one of the many reasons.

[noumenon]

Sounds like your FWB is just a bit rubbish in the sack. He should try to educate himself a bit on how to please a girl.

[summiter]

I get hard if the wind blows in the right direction and I certainly do from kissing and getting naked. It is normal for a young guy to get hard just thinking about sex.

[Crispin7]

A guy can get hard just by looking at something so yes a kiss with no tongue can still initiate an erection. Faking an orgasm is def not cool. I think you had to much in your mind. Next time talk to each other see what feels good tell him to take his time maybe put him on his back and let your self get sexual by controlling things and seeing what you like. Not sure as to why you didn't feel anything aside from a mental block or he really wasn't that good. Try some elongated foreplay next time and let the sexual tension build up

[abw121290]

I would say that the guy was pretty inexperienced and didn't do enough to please you or warm you up during foreplay. It may also be because your first time was with someone you weren't emotionally connected to.

[ThreeIn]

Maybe you need to f*** differently, more kinky?

Or you need to like him emotionally to be turned on maybe?

But also if you focus too much on his feelings, you'll forget about yours, and that's not very helpful.

Before anything else, I would just try again and see if its better.

If nothing changes, then get another guy or just do something different.

[ThreeIn]

link

I couldn't help it lol

[Asker]

lol now I wanna read the article!

[ThreeIn]

Me too lol

[Asker]

lol well we've talked about doing kinky bondage stuff, but since it was our first time and my first time ever, I guess he was gentler. There was a bit of spanking and biting, but all very gentle. I think he was still probing.

[ThreeIn]

Well just communicate, tell him what you like and what you don't like.

[Asker]

ok, thank you.

[ThreeIn]

Don't thank me till I've actually helped haha Just thank me if it works.

[Anonymous]

Those who don't believe your story have no knowledge about the difference between sexual cultures.

Yes I believe you.

[Asker]

hey thanks! :) So what do you think the problem was? Why couldn't I enjoy it?

[Anonymous]

Asslove on your first time?

[Asker]

yes, I didn't want him to f*** my p****, because I wanted p****f***ing with feelings, and since he's just my FWB and not my BF, I don't want him in there. It might not make sense to other people, but it does to me. Now could you stop with the judging and maybe try to answer the question? I'd appreciate it.

[ThreeIn]

Didn't sound like she was judging, sounds like just a Q to me. Also lots of girls lose it in the ass first, for the very same reason.

[Asker]

why should she need to ask again? Other people seemed to understand from my other comment. And her "answer" isn't helpful at all.

[ThreeIn]

Idk but you shouldn't assume she's talking sh*t.

[Asker]

if she's not, why go anonymous? Other people don't. And why not reply? I think she's only here to judge. And get the 3 Xper points. And why are you defending her? Do you know her?

[Opinion Owner]

QA, get over it

[Asker]

Answerer, why don't you say something useful instead of just spamming here with judgmental comments?