Why do guys only want to hook up with me?

Question

Every guy that talks to me only wants to hook up with me because they think I'm hot. None of them even bother getting to know me. Why is this? How do I change it?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Most girls have to deal with this to some extent, and girls who are especially pretty or hot have to deal with it more.

The reason is because girls are different from guys. Girls want sex, but only with the one guy they have feelings for. Guys want sex, and they don't need an emotional connection to want it, have it, or enjoy it, and we're biologically programmed to want to have sex with lots of different girls (better for survival of the species). So, that means that most guys want sex with many/most girls (the really attractive ones in particular), but they only want a relationship with a few of them, and some guys don't want a relationship at all, especially in the age group you're likely to be dating.

Guys are in their sexual peak from about 16-25, and those instincts to have sex with many different girls is very strong during that time. Then, once a guy graduates HS, he either goes to college or gets a job, and either way, he usually has a lot more freedom, but not very much responsibility, and that's right at the beginning of the strongest part of his sexual peak. That's why college guys tend to go sex-crazy, and why so many of them have no interest in a relationship that would tie them down to only one girl. They want to go out and have fun and get a lot of experience, and they see a relationship as a hassle to be avoided. Enough girls are desperate enough for some male attention that guys actually have a decent chance of getting laid outside of a relationship, making it even harder for the girls who insist upon a relationship.

Most guys eventually settle down some and start to want a relationship, but for many, they don't take it seriously until their late 20s/early 30s. The problem, of course, is that most girls always want a relationship, and they don't want to wait that long to get one.

The solution is this:

- Date the shy, less popular, less confident-with-women guys. The popular, confident guys have lots of options to get laid, and they don't want a relationship, but the shy guys usually do, and will be a better boyfriend anyway. The only downside is that you might have to take a lot more initiative to get the relationship rolling.

or

- Date older guys, in their mid-to-late 20s and up. They're mostly past their party phase, and more likely to be interested in a real relationship.

Finally, know all of this going in, and know that you're going to have to meet a bunch of guys along the way, and that your job is to filter out (and let go of) all of the guys who just want sex from you, and only put your energies into guys who actually want a relationship. How do you know the difference? Simple: let them know you don't have sex outside of an exclusive relationship. The guys who just want sex will mostly lose interest and move on, and the guys who want a relationship will jump at the chance to be in one with you.

nicenthic · Accepted Answer

There are two major reasons for this and only one of these has to do with you. I will start with the one that has nothing to do with you.

1. In todays young dating world, girls generally go for guys who display alpha characteristics and sleep with them quite easily since they are attracted to them and feel that there will be no consequences to their actions - ie, people try not to slut-shame much, female sexual liberation, etc. This combined with recently popularized game had made it easier for a lot of men to get laid without committing to the girl, or more recently, even getting to know her. I can attest that my friends and I take a girl out and bed her on the same night. This happens almost every time and as a result, we have come to expect it. If a girl doesn't sleep with us on the first night, we toss her aside and go for another thinking she's too much work without any guarantee of results. Or worse, she might be banging other guys and trying to friend-zone us. F-that!

2. If the kind of guys that you are attracted to are alpha's or gamers, well, you have your answer right there. If you don't give the polite and good guys a chance, this will keep happening to you and you'l wake up at 30 wondering why you're single and still hitting the clubs going home with guys that treat you like a used car.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Not to be rude but do you hook up with them? Because you may have gained a reputation.  But you could have some bum days... Sweats and a messy bun :)

JamielovesKU · Accepted Answer

It happens to me a LOT to and I don't even post any pics of me. The only thing I can tell you is don't put any pics of you as your profile pic.

BatDoc · Answer

You have your answer. You're hot. Guys are thinking about one thing with you. That's why it is.

So how do you change it? Go after the guys who don't go after you. If you're hot, and you go after a shy or slightly awkward guy, or a geeky guy, then you will find a guy who will actually be interested in you for more than sex because you are actually interested in him.

kheserthorpe · Answer

1) All guys have more girls they'd hook up with then date. So for almost all women, there will be more men out there who want to hook up then date you. This is just reality.

2) Guys who prefer to hook up rather then have relationships hit on far more girls then 'relationship' guys. For one, the relationship guys find relationships and are then off the market for a long period of time. Hook-up oriented guys are -always- looking for hook ups. Second, guys who are young and confident about hitting on girls are more likely to prefer hooking up, shyer guys are more likely to want a relationship.

3) Good looking and outgoing young guys often only want hook ups (because they can get them, and for them the trade offs of monogamy aren't worth it). If you are good looking, the guys who are as attractive as you and your age are often not interested in dating anyone.

Basically I wouldn't assume you're doing anything wrong. The guys who would want to date you are a subset of guys who would want to have sex with you. Just be very clear you don't hook up, and are looking for an actual boyfriend. Guys who are looking for an actual girlfriend and are interested in you will then make themselves known to you.

johnsmith2116 · Answer

That's the downside of being a hot girl -- but it's a good problem to have; it beats the alternative of being unattractive and never having any choices when it comes to guys.

Guys are wired to desire attractive faces and bodies. But many guys are immature ( probably most ), especially if they are 15-25 years old.

Use the selectiveness that your looks allow you to have -- choose from among the few guys who will also get to know the person you are and aren't in a rush to be physical.

iamstayinganonymous · Answer

Is this happening at your school and stuff?  Guys at that age for the most part just want that.  You will have to be picky and make it clear you won't just have sex on the first date or even the first month or indefinitely and then when the guys understand that a lot will not even try to get with you, and instead move on to the easy girls.  Another option is dating an older guy who has already gone through that phase.

Anonymous · Answer

Omg that's what happens to me ALSO we  have the same problem :OOOOOO  , what should we do ://

Anonymous · Answer

Let them know from the start that you are not that type of girl. If they try to push you into hooking up stand your ground and stop talking to that guy and find someone else.

Anonymous · Answer

Colour your hair brunette and grow in the beginning of your eyebrows. It'll stop you from looking so fake. Which will make more guys interested in dating you. Not all but some.

Why do guys only want to hook up with me?

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