Why is my boyfriend finishing too fast all of a sudden?

[CaitO]

I've been with the same guy for the past 4 years now and for the past 6 months or so he just can't seem to last long enough for me in bed. (It isn't that I'm taking longer) He never used to have this problem. In addition to that, he's been doing things that turn some people on but he knows I don't like them. (Not that they bother me, just things that don't do anything for me.) And He's gotten really sloppy and painful with his "thrusting" I've tried looking up stuff to see if there's anything I can do to fix this and I've tried everything from grunging down, to dressing up, different positions, and I have been more then patient with him about it. I've tried very gently discussing it with him, and the only answer he has for me is that MAYBE he's nervous. We've been doing this for four years and all of a sudden he's nervous. I am a normally soft spoken person and I am not particularly in high demand among guys. He seems totally confident during these times and I can't find any reason for him to be nervous except for the possibility of him being worried about finishing too early. What can either of us do to fix this? Any insight into why this is happening and why out of nowhere? i feel used and alone from all of this and I can't help but feel that It's really starting to kick my confidence and self esteem in the butt.

[Olivia9]

A relationship especially such a long one shouldn't reduce your confidence. Your partner should build you up, be your support, your soft place to fall. Not someone that is sexually abusive, or neglectful (in that he simply ignores this issue or simply doesn't care). The nervous comment makes no sense, it's really odd and seems fishy tbh. If someone is hurting you during sex and doesn't stop or care or doesn't even notice your in pain after 4 years, what is going on? The communication in this relationship is really in trouble if you are that soft spoken that when your boyfriend of 4 years is inside you, you are afraid to speak up because you don't want to hurt his feelings. It seems pretty one sided from what you are saying. When you don't finish, does he at least make up for it in other sexual activities like oral?

You not being in"high demand" is completely irrelevant. Do you think you deserve this in a relationship, because it sounds like you deserve a lot better than this, in fact anyone does. Like I said before a relationship especially one this long should be a place of comfort for both of you, he shouldn't be "nervous" and you should feel open enough to talk about such big issues in your sex life.

You should talk to him candidly, and ask him what is going on again. I would also include the important part about his sexual conduct is causing you physical PAIN, not to mention the emotional pain as well. If this doesn't change you really deserve a better, more loving relationship, from woman to woman, you shouldn't have to put up with this.

I hope I'm wrong, I hope that everything is great in your relationship and that it was a weird fluke incident, I really do. You seem like such a nice and caring person, and I know I keep saying this but you should have better (if this behavior doesn't change). I sincerely wish you the best in your relationship. I was going to go anon, but if you need anyone to talk to hit me up. :)

[CaitO]

I'm pretty honest about that. I tell him when he's hurting me and he generally gets all embarassed and rights it then forgets it next time. :/ I'm not too soft spoken with him. just in general, And yeah I really don't want to put up with it anymore. Not a good way to handle it bt last night was kinda the straw that broke this camel's back. X_x I got upset and told him I'd go buy a vibrator and to just get off of me. He tries to return the favor with oral and what not but that just isn't as good

[CaitO]

And thank you, you're really nice yourself :)

[Olivia9]

I saw your profile pic, and you are really pretty too, the way to talk about yourself made me think you were unattractive or something. That sounds really lame, that he just stopped being a good lover. At least he cares in the moment I suppose. Either way, it seems like you aren't very happy, it seems like this relationship is really bringing you down.

[blackkid2]

No, no you're asking the wrong questions!

What happened 6 mos. ago that you're not telling us? Or he isn't telling you?

My mind immediately races to him cheating because people who suddenly change their sexual rhythms tend to be trying to incorporate new things from both relationships that they enjoy or swapping between partner behaviors.

Then if that isn't the case it could be psychological; if that were the case there's something that he's "discovered" probably 7~8 mos. ago that has begun to erode his behaviors. This could even be as simple as boredom with sex. Perhaps he's suffering from less interest; this doesn't mean that he is unattracted to you, just that the act itself loses it's ... sway. Then there's always depression, trauma, stress, etc.

Then physical. Final thoughts are health issues but primarily changes in masturbation, sleep disturbances, drug use, or changes in diet / exercise.

So what happened 6~8 mos. ago?

[CaitO]

I moved out four months ago that's it. two of those months I stayed next door to him. :/ I HIGHLY doubt he'd cheat on me but I guess anything is possible. He went through an anger spell within that time. but that came and went pretty fast. We're pretty open with each other... accept for this junk... and I dunno... I feel like I do things all the time to not make it boring. I'm the assertive one. I do the Lingerie thing. etc. I really can't think of anything else. Boredom I guess I could see.

[blackkid2]

You moved out 4 mos. ago. When did you start having problems that caused you to move out? I have a hunch.

[CuriousSteve]

I see what you're getting at but it doesn't necessarily mean that he might have been cheating. Maybe he just picked up some of new things from watching p*rn?

[blackkid2]

Cheating was the first thought, yes, but with new details ( she moved out ) that suggests there may be some form of turmoil. Turmoil can cause emotional instability which can cause "nervousness" or a sense of anxiety. Anxiety causes premature ejaculations. My best guess is desperation or it's opposite, deep-rooted fear.

[CaitO]

I mean I moved out of my parent's house. And he CLAIMS he doesn't watch p*rn. -_- he does though and that's just one of those things I think girls have to accept. Can't say I enjoy being lied to though. I know he's not embarassed about it, he doesn't really hold back on things like that when I'm around. And I can't think of what I've done to earn that bit of distrust, I don't make fun of him or scold him for it. He's been slobbering over chivettes for the past few months.

[blackkid2]

Were you arguing with him about anything 8 mos. ago?

[summiter]

If the sex is starting to hurt consider using some lube. It works wonders. If he is getting off too soon perhaps give him a handjob first. That way the second time might go a little slower for him.

[buttnick]

what are the things he jas started doing? if it's something like touching you feet maby it just gets him too excited too quick and should be alright once he gets used to it

[hannibal214]

most guys only last 5-10 minutes

[Anonymous]

It must be that he's masturbating a lot.