Sexual Health
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My girlfriend wants to wait until marriage for sex but I don't. What should I do?

My girlfriend and I are both 21. We've been dating for 5 months now and we're great together. I really enjoy her company. The only thing is that I'm not sure if we're compatible sexually. I really feel sex is an important way of expressing affection and she doesn't feel the same. In fact, she doesn't like affection much at all. It took us forever to kiss, and making out is the farthest we've gotten. She wants to wait until marriage until having sex. While that's admirable, I'm not sure if it's something I can do. Without at least some sex, I don't feel totally satisfied and have found myself starting to eye other women. I don't want to be that jerk that breaks up because she won't have sex. But I don't know what to do. I don't want to burn my bridges because I don't like doing that plus I know she would be an excellent friend. Any advice?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • The only reason you'd feel like a "jerk" for breaking up over sex is because of how many girls have been trained by their parents to be immature in regards to sex. I'm referring to those parents that make sex sound like the devil and that "guys only want sex" and all that. A lot of girls get terrified from their fathers scaring the living daylights out of them about sex. Your wanting to have sex should not be considered an evil desire. Plenty of women are mature about sex, it's just a matter of finding someone who is and you have to weed through tons of girls who avoid sex like it's the plague.

    Depending on her reasoning for waiting until marriage(usually they are religious but some are just into waiting) you'll have to either deal with it or just break up. I personally could not date a girl like that and would outright tell her I'm not willing to wait and break up right off the bat. I don't have time to waste in a relationship like that. "Let's just be friends." It doesn't make her a bad person at all and she'll be much more appealing to guys compared to the girls that are at bars hooking up with guys in the bathrooms, but she'll need to find somebody who is willing to wait to. In this case, you're not obviously.

    You're also concerned that you'll marry a woman and find out the sex is not to your liking. This is a very legitimate concern. Plenty of girls are not good in bed. A lot are afraid of their performance to the point where they are bad and some overvalue themselves to the point where they act like sex with them is the best thing ever and they don't have to do anything in bed(so in reality they are "flopping fish" but they idolize themselves). You obviously want someone who is not a bar scene whore you is blowing guys in the bathroom but is not sexually paranoid. This is a very legitimate request.

    I think you should break up with her and be straight up about it.

  • Run.

    You're not a jerk. You have just been conditioned to feel that because of the propaganda that kids get bathed in trying to discourage premarital sex.

    If she was the right woman for you but religious she would be struggling to wait and wanting to move the marriage up because she's dying to have you inside her.

    This girl has no sex drive and will find new excuses to have as little sex as possible after marriage.

Most Helpful Girls

  • You're not a "jerk" if you break up with a girl because she won't have sex. You're a guy. You're a man. She has things that are important to her. You have things that are important to you. We have a name for people who try and make you "feel bad" for wanting things that are important to you, in order to get what's important to them. The name for those people is, "manipulative."

    Wanting sex isn't bad. If you want sex and don't have any emotional blocks in the way of you having sex, that's great. But she either doesn't want to have sex, or has some emotional blocks in the way of her wanting to have sex. That's fine too.

    But, it's not fair to you to wait around. And, it's also not fair for you to try and "talk her" into navigating her emotional issues until she's ready to have sex.

    The two of you are just not compatible right now. That's okay. The solution for that is easy. You break things off.

    Sorry. It's not that she's a bad person. It's not that you're a bad person. Sex is just something that's important to you right now, and you don't have any artificial boundaries or restrictions regarding sex. So, it's not fair for you to wait around frustrated. You're both clearly not compatible. You need to break things off and find someone who is comfortable and ready to have sex. She needs to find someone who wants to wait and not have sex.

    End of story.

  • If you don't want to get married, break up with her. Maybe you can persuade her with oral receiving and giving as a step to see if you two are sexually compatible. It's kind of a middle ground nowadays. It's actually a lot more intimate than sex in a lot of ways because you have to trust your partner won't bite you or whatever. I think you should break up with her if you can't control your sexual urges and are thinking about cheating on her. You don't want to be that jerk that just thinks about or wants sex, than don't be it's not that difficult. If you love her you could wait. Do you think you love her?

    • Waiting suggests that a good sex life is in the future.

    • Well if you love the person, you should be able to work through any sexual incompatibility. If women can be patient and never cum, and give blow jobs with little or nothing in return.Than why is it so horrible for a person to wait? Worst case scenario, you are with a person you love and go to sexual therapy, if there is an open communication and mutual respect and love why wouldn't it work. Plus guys are easy to get off.

  • You're not a jerk, you have different beliefs to what she does. Sex is very important in a relationship you can express your intimacy and passion in physical ways not just verbal ways and I understand that you're craving that. It's great that you respect her beliefs and find them admirable but they may not be realistic for you to follow and it sounds like you're starting to become unhappy. I'm sure that's the last thing your girlfriend wants so I would put an end to things because if you do things her way it's going to make you unhappy and that's no way to live.

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What Girls & Guys Said

9 6

  • Breaking up with her doesn't make you a jerk. It means that you've recognized you're incompatible in this regard and respect her enough not to pressure her into having sex with you.

    Sex and sexual compatibility are important aspects of a relationship. Anyone who thinks that they aren't is very naive.

  • This is an issue of compatibility, NOT impatience, being selfish or not loving her enough.

    If you're incompatible, it's better to end it because there's no fixing incompatibility (in most cases) and this isn't an issue where either of you should compromise your morals or values.

  • if you love her so much that you can't imagine life without her-wait. but,you're already eyeing other women and thinking about breaking up. sex is important,even if she lost her virginity,she obviously doesn't like affection-you're not compatible. don't feel guilty.

  • From your question it is crystal clear she wants to wait till marriage. Unless she changes her mind your options are either get married, or yes find a new girlfriend. Why would you be a jerk for breaking up with her, because you don't want to wait till marriage to have sex? You respect her wishes that she wants to wait till marriage, so why should she not respect yours that you can't and don't want to.

    She should find someone who holds similar views to her or at least is willing to wait another 2-3+ years or whenever they get married. Whether she would still want to be friends or not is up to her.

    So if you're feeling guilty for breaking up with her because you're not sexually compatible, you shouldn't. So either wait and get married, or break up. Otherwise alternative is the same.

  • you are sexually incompatible. If you stick with her you will either be miserable for the rest of your life or you will cheat on her (or both).

    It isn't an issue of anything else except compatibility. No different than if you had greatly differing opinions on religion, politics, aliens, drugs, et cetera...

  • You would not be a jerk if you left her. That is something that you want and she is unwilling to give to you. It is well within your right to leave and find someone else who will not make you wait till marriage to have sex. That does not make you a jerk what-so-ever.

  • If you want sex and are a sexual person you may want to think twice about the relationship. If she took forever just to kiss you she may not have much of a drive, which may mean that if you marry her she will still not have sex with you very often. Maybe talk to her and see if she has at least a desire to have sex.

  • Respect her wish if you love her and wank to glory..

  • If you don't like the idea, you should just find a new girl.

  • break it off,

  • well either dump her or wait to marry her.

  • Unless she's religious and you're equally religious, then break things off. The one thing we know guys want is sex. You know what she wants: marriage. You know what she's doing: conditioning getting what you want based on whether she gets what she wants. If you have half a brain, that should tell you something about her.

    Either way, sex is either no that important to you or you're highly religious (in which case you'll respect her decision). Otherwise, you should breakup and find someone else.

  • get another girlfriend or respect her decision

  • A clean break is what is needed. This will always be something between you and her. Time to move on.

  • If you hadn't waited 5 months, you probably could have persuaded her. But she probably thinks of you as not very assertive now. You sound too nice.

    Of course you should break up with her.

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