Does finding out your man has done stuff with his ex(es) that he won't do with you hurt the relationship?

[Anonymous]

My ex girlfriend loved having me do a specific sexual act, eating her ass if you must know, and I was okay with it at first, but then she wanted me to do it all the time, and I mean ALL THE TIME. It started becoming a real turn off, but I was too timid to tell her I didn't want to do it anymore. By the end of the relationship I didn't even remotely enjoy it, and I just became disgusted, because it no longer had the good, sexual feeling I get from pleasing a woman orally. It just became this dirty act I hated doing. Needless to say that relationship ended, but here's my current problem. My loud mouth friend, who knew I had performed this sexual act on my ex, made a joke about it to my girlfriend about a week ago. Then, it was either the next night or the night after, that I was going down on her and asked me to lick her somewhere else. She was very subtle about it, so I figured I could avoid/ignore it, which worked. But a couple of nights ago, she was sitting on my face and slowly moved to a position where my mouth was somewhere I didn't want it to be. I had to get her off me, and she looked so confused, like she didn't know what she did wrong. I then explained to her a little bit of what happened between me in my ex. I didn't want to go into full detail, because that's always treacherous waters to talk about your ex, but I gave her the gist. She still looked hurt though, and there's been a bit of an awkwardness since. My best guess is, she's hurt because I was willing to do something for my ex that I'm not willing to do for her, which makes it seem like I love her less. So, how would you react if you found out your boyfriend was willing to do something for an ex that he wasn't willing to do for you? Also, has a similar experience ever happened to you? (either side)

[Olivia9]

I would feel like I was being slighted to be honest. But she shouldn't pressure you to do something that you don't want to do. Your friend has a big mouth man. Why don'y you just say I had a really horrible experience and I don't want to resent you, and it tore our relationship apart and that you value this relationship more than your last and you would hate to ruin the special bond that you to share.

Make her feel special about it. Tell her the truth that it made you feel degraded and you really don't want this to ruin what you are your current girlfriend share. Maybe get her flowers haha, If I were a guy that would be my answer for everything. tbh though. If she keeps pressuring you though that's not cool, if it were reversed you would be considered a total ass hole for making a poor girl eat your ass. Make sure to NOT make her feel like she is too dirty or something you know, like something is wrong with her. Make her feel special and wanted without compromising. Hope this made sense and helped it's a fine line but I think telling the truth about how you felt and how this really was kind of like the straw that broke the camel's back in your last relationship. And that it reminds you of a really awful time that you had.

[christine940000]

i think I would be hurt at first too because she doesn't know the whole story like you told us. I would sit her down and tell her why you don't like doing it and then I think she will feel better because right now she probably thinks you don't want to do it because of her and not because of your ex.

[peace-love-couture]

Yes, to some extent it would. But I'd be reasonable. With something like that, I wouldn't be hurt over cause I'd understand.

But if it was something like cuddling/kissing or maybe even oral sex(if it meant something to me).

But I think it's proper etiquette to not discuss what has or has not been done with previous partners...i mean, my boyfriend has told me there's a few things that we've done that he's never done, but he doesn't talk about the past in detail.

[Anonymous]

it happened to me in a similar way and it was really upsetting and hurtful.

[Anonymous]

it hasn't happened to me, but I would feel hurt definitely. I would ask myself why not me?

[Anonymous]

no, I think I wouldn't care about it because now he is with me and he will share new things with me, I don't want my realtionship to be a carbon copy of his past relationships

[Anonymous]

well mine is kind of differnt but my boyfriend has done anal with all his exes, he asked me to do it but I said that is something I would never do.

He got really upset and kind of pissy, but after a while he got over it and our sex life is great.

You gotta draw a line, and if the person you're with loves you they will understand and obey your wishes.

[Anonymous]

wtf is up with your ex...doesn't sound like a very open sexual relationship

if you tell her exactly what you told us I think your current girl would understand. I would understand if I were her. And just be like "Seriously baby if there's anything else you want to try I'm willing to do it because I love pleasing you, but that is just something I'm kinda scarred from...I can't get out of that mindset and I just can't do it."