Sexual Health
+1 y

Should I be upset that my boyfriend chose to masturbate over getting oral?

My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and have a great sex life. One recent morning, we both woke up a little before the alarm that we both were going to get up to. I saw the time and decided I would just keep laying down until the alarm goes off. Well my boyfriend grabs a towel and then gets back into our bed and starts to masturbate. Well I saw and wanted to help him out and pleasure him. I wasn't trying to have sex or have anything in return. Yet he said you don't have to and I said I want to. He gets a little mad and says if he wants to do it he is going to. And I got upset (I was already emotional because of another issue I was going through) because I couldn't believe he would rather do that when I am next to him and willing to help. Let me also say I do not mind him doing that because I do it too but to me it is different when I am awake and beside him doing that and willing to give him oral.
Updates:
+1 y
Also he tells me I am amazing at oral and could teach a class on it so why pass it up when offered?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • it is odd. I typically wouldn't turn down a bj.

    Perhaps he didn't want to burden you and figured he'd just rub one out real quick. Perhaps he was concerned that you may want some sexual return and just felt like taking care of business. Or perhaps there is some larger underlying issue.

    i think you should just communicate with him and ask the question. Don't be confrontational but let him know, 'hey it kind of felt hurtful that you would choose masturbation over me, not sure I should feel sort of hurt but I am curious if everything is ok.'

    I think you do deserve some sort of explanation because rejecting sex offers is rather big, I would almost never turn down a bj in favor of a my hand, particularly when my girlfriend is lying right next to me, unless something was going on

    • Thanks. I did ask him about it and he said it isn't personal. He says he just wanted to do it and thought I was sleeping. And that even they offered, he just wanted to take care of it himself because it's quick and he has been doing it since he was young. He also said he hadn't done it in a long time (now that he is with me he doesn't have to do it as much as he says). According to him he still only wants to be with me and our sex life hasn't become boring or anything.

    • good to hear.

  • Something else is going on here. The message you took from his actions was this: "I don't need you to be satisfied sexually." Of course you felt hurt.

    You need to know for sure whether he meant to send this message. Also let him know that you feel hurt when he rejects your intervention.

    • He said it to not take it personal but how can I not? And I told him that morning I felt upset but he told me to stop over-reacting and then left for work pissed off at me.

    • I think he is stonewalling. You're not over-reacting. He needs to level with you. Guys who know the pleasure of really good oral won't do this for no reason.

Most Helpful Girls

  • well becasue it seems kind of clingy or something like tha tif you don't let him do it, if you do it to wether is next to him or not you ahve your time and know how to do it. evne if your boyfriend does it good to you do it alone. so don't be mad.

  • Maybe he was already mad at you for something? My boyfriend would never expect to masturbate beside me without me getting in on the action.

  • Sometimes it's just easier to take care of things by yourself. I wouldn't take it too hard, unless this is a routine thing.

  • Sounds much like a relationship that will be ending not too far in the future.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 8

  • Maybe it was just morning wood that he was trying to drain off as quick as possible.

    Idk, I would never choose to do it myself over a bj. But maybe he didn't want morning wood so he just tried t get rid of it as quick as possible

  • maybe he just missed the feeling of his hand, with masturbating he can go at his own pace not having to tell you to go faster or suck harder.

    even though you wanted to help he might feel that he doesn't want to use you to get off every time because it's unfare for you to do all the work.

  • Even with your expert attention he just may like jerking off. Next time he does it, why don't you join him and take care of yourself right next to him. A former girlfriend & I would occasionally do it and it was hot.

  • Sometimes you just want to take care of things yourself. Don't take it personal.

  • that strange, I would never choose my hand over a bj,

    but anyway ,everybody is differnet

  • something is wrong. no guy turns down a chance to come in a girl's mouth. sounds like he was trying to control you or assert dominance or something

  • dont get mad unless it happens a lot of times.

  • i don't think you should worry about it

  • It doesn't matter why he wanted his hand instead of your mouth. He did. End of story. You don't get to tell him what to do with his own body, any more than he gets to tell you what to do with yours.

    You might appreciate that, the next time he doesn't just grab you and forcefully face-f*** you when you're not in the mood.

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