What if your man doesn't make you feel sexy?

[Anonymous]

My man is extremely good to me. We have an amazing relationship and I wouldn't trade him for anyone else. The problem is, I'm a psychology freak and first reactions say it all. So when I can't get a reaction out of him when I try to look sexy in barely anything, act sexy, when I just get out of the shower, it really upsets me and makes me feel insecure. I can tell when he thinks a womans attractive. Problem is, I have a very slim and petite body figure. Prior to our relationship he was a big ass and t*ts man. I'm a 32A with a tiny ass. I hate it. He can also read me very well, and can tell when something upsets me. And I know that he forces himself to say and do things to make me feel like he loves my body. Hell force himself to say damn look at that ass. The problem is that I know that he forces it. And it shows how much he's trying and he's very good to me that he TRIES. But it eats me up inside regardless because I know.. Sometimes I just want to cry and wish I had a man who loved small petite figures with small boobs and small bums. It feels sh*tty because I absolutely am happy with the way he looks and I make sure he knows that all the time. And he tries to make me feel the same way but it's not real. Will I ever get over it? Will he ever love my body? Do you think it's reasonable to find someone else who loves my body like he loves curvy women? I definitely don't want to find someone else, he's perfect, but although it's not his fault that I'm insecure about my body, it does make it worse for me inside... and I have been doing squats with weights to try and get a bigger bum but it makes no major difference when I was given such a tiny ass..

[kholland65]

I don't think its you. If he didn't find you attractive, he wouldn't be with you.

That said, some people have a hard time expressing their emotions, even something as simple as saying "I love you" or, "you look beautiful", can be a challenge for people.

I fight with this a bit myself. Fortunately my inhibitions and hesitations go away when it comes to the girl I'm with, but generally in life, I have a hard time expressing myself in these ways. I can come off as being very cold to some people because I just feel weird about letting my emotions shine through. Emotionally charged situations can scare me because I feel self conscious about less my guard down in that way.

What this means is a person like this will be less likely to give you compliments, say emotional things (like romantic sayings), or to do romantic and kind gestures. What I'm trying to say is I'm sure when you do things like get out of the shower, your Boyfriend is thinking to himself "holy sh*t she is hot", he's just keeping a stone face so he can hid that. He's not the guy who is going to just speak his mind like that.

Another part of this might just be the way he was raised. Many guys fear saying things that are too sexual in nature, even to their GF's because we're afraid of being viewed as some sex obsessed pervert that society likes to make us out to be. So while many women might want a guy to act like a bit of a pervert sometimes, guys have a hard time getting past the hangups they have about this because its been so deeply rooted into their psyche from years and years of being told to keep your sexuality behind closed doors (or in your pants, so to speak). It's sort of the old stereotype that girls don't like sex and only men do. Guys just have a hard time believing at times that a girl can actually sometimes want to be sexually objectified. Your Boyfriend might also be hung up on something related to this.

I also agree with yaddayadda in that, you are showing signs of depression. I can understand wanting your partner to find you sexy. That's normal and even guys want that. But if you find that you are in need of content praise to prove to yourself that you are sexy, and you have an emotional break down when you don't get it, that is a sign of a problem. To what degree we don't know. So I would also ask yourself if you are being realistic about how many gestures and comments you are expecting. Most guys aren't going to spend all day drooling over you, calling yous sexy every 5min, probably not even every day for that matter, especially as the relationship progresses. It's just like you wouldn't expect a guy to take you to a 5 star steak joint every night. You might love when he does that, but expecting it every day just isn't realistic.

[Asker]

For the first 4 paragraphs: I know what you mean. But my man and I are really comfortable now and have gotten used to giving sexually explicit compliments as they come to mind... Unfortunately, in this case, my man wasn't shy and usually isnt..he was on the computer talking to his buddies through the headset..sometimes he would interrupt his friends and say oh I gotta go sh*t meanwhile he's messing around with me..but in this case he glanced at me and returned to his PC..Also, him and I dirty

[Asker]

talk a lot and our inner perverts have already shone through entirely lol :P To the rest of your answer: You two are right. I'm depressed and have been for a couple years. I've recently gotten better (since I met him) and he also got me out of alcoholism. Perhaps I am expecting "constant" appraisal. But I don't think so...I only expect when I TRY my hardest. Which isn't every 5 minutes, or even every day...Usually, I clothe myself inside the washroom after I get out the shower...That particular day

[Asker]

I tried a sexy entrance where I stripped my towel off and wanted him to lotion me..it's upsetting. I feel unappreciated. I hear all the time about men complaining that their women don't put in any effort to please THEIR sexual desires and the relationship deteriorating over time. Yet here I am trying to make sure that my man is happy with what I can give him, giving all I possibly can, and I get no appreciation...usually its men who experience this...it makes me feel like unworthy..so sh*tty...

[kholland65]

The probably is your are fishing for compliments but it doesn't work that way. He's not a dog where you say sit, and he sits. Compliments will come when he's ready and when he's really feeling it. You can't force him to compliment you if he's just not in that state of mind. It will sound fake. For example, if you ask "how do I look baby? He's not going to give you some genuine compliment where his eyes just light up. It's going to be a "you good great honey, now lets go."

[kholland65]

I mean, personally, I don't see the problem. It sounds to me like he does plenty to make you feel sexy, it's just in your eyes its not enough, and it sounds to me like you have unrealistic expectations based on what you've told me. I've literally been in your BF's shoes. My last serious GF, I complimented her quite a bit, but its not like it happened every day. There would be days that something about her would just hit me over the head and I couldn't help but say something.

[kholland65]

Sometimes I'd be telling her she looked beautiful in her dress. Other times it might have been complimenting her on her eyes, or telling her how sexy her body was. But every time it was genuine and she could tell that I wasn't just saying it to sweat talk her into bed. That's because she didn't fish for it. And yes, there would be times I'd be playing video games online or doing something like homework or cooking and she wouldn't get more or less ignored. Even if she was half naked.

[kholland65]

As sexually driven as we are, there are still times when I just gotta do what I gotta do and I'm not really concerned about how sexy you look or having sex. Other times, I might be in the mood and I was totally willing to just drop everything because I couldn't resist her. The point is you have to understand that your not going to be batting 100 in terms of getting him to do/say things every time you are in need of it. Sometimes your going to be feeling sexy, and he's well...not.

[Asker]

we were playing with each other before I went to go shower..he knew we were supposed to continue after...anyway I do understand what you're saying about the fishing for compliments part. but that is a whole separate story.

[Anonymous]

I'd definitely try to make things work with him since he sounds like a good guy. You might not have his ideal body type, but he obviously at least finds you somewhat attractive or else he probably would have never started dating you in the first place. The fact that he at least tries to make you feel sexy shows effort on his part. Sometimes it just takes time, I think eventually he'll grow to love your body even more, and eventually, when he thinks of the ideal woman, it'll be you he sees.

BTW, I personally love petite girls with small breasts and a tight butt. Hopefully he'll grow to love your body type as much as I do.

[Bethany94]

Maybe he isn't forcing it and you're just too sensitive. When my boyfriend started saying that I was beautiful and stuff I thought he was just saying it because it was a thing boyfriend said to their girlfriends since I'm just not someone that people call beautiful. Once your self esteem rises and you realize that he loves you and he loves your body, you'll feel better.

[Asker]

i can only one day suddenly realize that he loves my body only if he really does

[Asker]

thank you for your answer though :)

[Anonymous]

just talk to him about it and ask him to change a little. he loves your body if he's with you

[Anonymous]

he doesn't have to make you feel sexy, you have to feel sexy yourself

[Asker]

typical female response. what's the point of typing the exact same answer with less words as someone who already replied. Now, how do YOU personally feel sexy yourself? You dress sexy? Walk sexy? Now what's "dressing sexy and walking sexy"? Id say its dressing a little revealing and swaying your hips while you walk, head held high. Now how do you feel sexy? Because every other man who sees you gives you a glance or a comment to let you KNOW that you're sexy. I personally don't do that. I try to

[Asker]

look decent when I'm in public. As a result I don't get that attention from random men to boost my self esteem with my body. Instead I only try to look sexy when I want my mans attention. Of course ill think I look sexy, because I'm TRYING. BUT what happens when I don't get his attention? Do you think I still feel sexy? I hear all the time that "ALL women always want attention". But me, I only love attention from my man and family. Other than that, I rather not.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

The truth is that YOU need to find yourself sexy. Not him. Your post is full with negativity from yourself.

Until you fix that, nothing will change.

[Asker]

appreciate the honesty.

[Asker]

well I do try to look for the upsides to my body type but whenever I notice these things (and I can't help but notice) it takes me back a step... the other day I was playing with my boobs just looking at them and he turned around and said wow looks like your having more fun with thoae than I am...he didn't mean to sound rude he just says jokes like that sometimes but I mumbled yea its sad... and he realized it was kinda sad. we didn't talk about it of course there's nothing he can really say to

[Asker]

change it or make me feel any better about it..weve been over it before..:'(

[yaddayaddayadda02]

At the end of the day, he's WITH you. he LIKES you. Guys don't date girls that repulse them.

[Asker]

This is true. But somehow that doesn't satisfy me...its hard to accept that the only person I ever dress revealing for and try to look sexy for doesn't want it as much as, I think, he should...is that wrong?

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Yes it is wrong. as I said, the issues are YOUR esteem issues, not his lack of whatever you think he should have.

[Asker]

sh*tty deal

[yaddayaddayadda02]

the good news is you have the ability to change your perception, it's much harder to change someone else.

[Asker]

working on it, sir

[booza]

Have u tried twerking? Better with an audience yeh?

[Anonymous]

If you don't want to leave him, maybe you should consider injections in your buttocks?

[Asker]

i have considered it...as well as boob implants...but the truh is those aren't something you can undo or be sure that it turns out as wanted...and nobody likes a fake..its a lose lose...just something I'm forced to learn to accept :(

[Anonymous]

Leave him

[TwistedLogic]

Very thoughtful! -1

[Opinion Owner]

Lol you act like I care

[Robotic]

it's not his fault.

[Anonymous]

He still with you right? What's the problem? If he didn't find you sexy... then I doubt he'd wanna be with you. What's you guy's sex life like?

[Asker]

i want sex more often than he does