We had sex for the first time, neither of us came, he couldn't stay hard, hurt too much we stopped, help?

[Anonymous]

we are both our first boyfriend/girlfriend and we are madly into each other, its only been a bit more than a month but feels like so much more. we were in the moment and decided to have sex for the first time. this time, I was really wet and we put on a condom and he went for it but he couldn't stay fully hard or hard enough. I know what he feels like fully erect and he wasn't sporting one of those when we were having sex (and I think that's a reason as to why he kept slipping out in some positions, especially when I was on top). in the end, neither of us came because within 10 minutes I was in pain. in the beginning it was painful but a few minutes in, the pain went in and out. I just gave him a blowjob and we cuddled after, but we talked. I'm kind of worried that he didn't stay hard because of me but he reassured me it wasn't me. he said he was nervous and that the condom felt weird on him and that he couldn't feel nearly as much as when I give him head (which he said he liked better than sex - is that bad?) we tried again the next day and nearly the same thing happened except this time we were rushing and I didn't get wet enough so we used lube - I know I have to talk to him about doing more foreplay because I think he underestimates the importance of foreplay, but its okay since we are both new to this! I still like him a lot. 1. will he get used to the condom on him because I don't feel comfortable without it even though I'm on birth control? 2. will he like sex more than a blowjob eventually? 3. also, when we do doggie, it feels great but the pain comes around sooner, I assume this will stop after we practice a few times, right? 4. and he always slips out when I'm on top, any advice? 5. will I ever find the sex pleasurable because even when it doesn't hurt I don't feel like its that good, its just eh. I like him playing with my clit more. like with more practice, will sex feel better? i plan on having us talking this out - we have a really open communication relationship. thanks!

[MrOracle]

1. Many guys struggle with condoms. They can be uncomfortable, and even the best ones block a great deal of the sensation (imagine trying to enjoy eating your favorite meal with a balloon on your tongue). But... most guys will eventually adjust, to some degree or other, over time.

2. Probably, yes, but a bareback BJ is going to give him a lot more sensation than covered intercourse, so it's not surprising why he likes the BJ better right now.

3. You probably don't have enough experience to describe the pain, but try. Is the pain near the entrance, meaning soreness around the entrance, due to your recently ruptured hymen (which may not have torn fully, causing pain as it continues to tear)? Or is it friction pain from lack of lube? Or is it from his penis hitting your cervix deep inside you? There are different solutions for each issue.

4. Slipping out is a common issue for everybody, and it happens when the girl is on top more frequently because girls have a harder time gauging how high to bounce. Too high, and he'll pop out, especially if your movements aren't aligned to his natural erection angle (note: it's fine not to be aligned, and sometimes that's even preferred, but you just can't bounce too high).

5. Likely, yes. You are both nervous and new to this. It takes a while to be comfortable and relaxed, both of which are HUGELY important for enjoying sex. You will also improve your techniques over time. Ever tried to play a musical instrument? You are awful at first, but as you get better with practice, you start to become much more "musical". Sex is much the same.

I fully understand your desire for condoms (you are being smart), but make no mistake: they are part of the problem here. He is obviously intimidated by them and by the loss of sensation, which makes him struggle to perform, and condoms also dry out a woman's lubrication much faster than bare skin, so if you are struggling to be wet enough as it is (due to being nervous or rushing the foreplay), then you're going to have friction pain very quickly if you aren't using lube.

I would start by recommending a better-than-average condom - I recommend Durex Extra-Sensitive, which has been a Top 3 seller for 8 years running. Then, always make sure you have lube, and do not be afraid to stop and apply some at the first HINT of drying out, because if you push it, you'll end up sore and in pain. Third, please talk to him about the importance of foreplay, and communicate with him about how things are feeling for you in the moment. Let him know that you are both new to this, and you fully expect that you'll both need to learn and improve, and that the best way to do that is for both of you to be open with each other about how things are feeling and working as you go along. Nothing beats real-time feedback for rapid improvement. Set your pride aside and don't take offense if the feedback isn't great; you're just starting out, and you'll both get better if you try.

[Anonymous]

It was most likely nerves as to why he couldn't finish with you. That, added to you being in pain, and there was probably a bit of pressure on his end (and yours, I'm sure) which completely kills any hope of being able to come. Not to mention it was his first time having sex with you and with you two putting so much importance into each other, it would be a surprise if something like this DIDN'T happen.

My first time, I came but I had to finish myself off while she helped however she could. It was her, it was me being kind of nervous and trying to force myself to be normal and orgasm like I always have been able to.

Condoms are a tricky business. They take a lot of the sensation out of sex if they're too thick. I've only ever used a condom like twice because the girl I was with was on birth control. I've never finished with a condom on so in that regard, I've kind of been turned off from using condoms and trying out different types. All I can really recommend is getting thinner condoms.

The pain for you will go away. Unless he's too big or you too small, the pain is due to you never having had sex before. As for him slipping out, it's either his angle or his erection. If he's not hard enough, it will come out. And if he moves his hips the wrong way, it will come out. I'm not sure which one it is, but that's the point of being erect: so it doesn't bend and come out.

[Asker]

so this is all normal? i was really worried that since both times neither of us finished through sex, he'd be upset with me... he reassured me he's fine and I kind of apologized because I really thought it was me! the pain was too much sometimes and I feel bad for him since we may not be able to finish while having sex for a few more times until I get used to the feeling. should I just tell him that? hopefully he'll be okay with it. he wasn't sad or mad or upset after, he was actually very

[Asker]

happy and sweet so I'll take that like it was all okay. the second time we didn't have much time because he had to go and I had a feeling like he thought it sucked since nearly the same thing happened as the first time...

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, before you get used to having sex you feel too excited about it and your mind gets ahead of yourself, causing a ton of mental distraction. It's as if you were trying to masturbate while someone else is asleep in the same room: the distraction and focus in that situation would distract you from everything lol. Just keep at it, keep communicating, and things will get better. This happens to most everyone when they first have sex.

[Anonymous]

1.- either he gets comfortable or he won't have sex with you

2.- he will if you two try to figure out wht each other likes and gets used to being together

3.- it will go away because you will strech out

4.- that's basic you will get how to stop him to slip out eventually, like how high you should go

5.- yeah but it will help if he goes down on you before and if you rib your clit while he is in

[cheeky_starfish]

1. It is likely that he will become more used to it, but all guys are different and some guys are more comfortable with them than others.

2. Again, all guys are different in what they like, but I think once the issues you describe have been addressed, it is very likely that he will enjoy sex more.

3. Once you have done this more and your body becomes more accustomed to it and you find a 'rhythm' that works, the pain will likely subside.

4. Once the issues you describe have been addressed, he is more likely to stay fully 'hard' for longer and this will happen a lot less.

5. Many women can't orgasm from sex alone. If you are one of those women, allow your boyfriend to find other ways to achieve that! ;o)

It's great that you are both able to openly communicate about this, as this is an area that many couple fall down on and can cause major problems in their relationships. Don't worry about all the mishaps, as this is very normal for inexperience couples and/or those that are new together.

Talk it all through, laugh all the mishaps off and enjoy experimenting and finding what works for the both of you! Hope that helps! :o)

[Asker]

we always laugh in bed, even before we had sex because I always smile and laugh and make it seem like anything that goes wrong, just happens and there's no point in getting upset over such things since its normal and new to us! I do this to make him feel better since I worry he might self-deprecate a little and I just can't see him doing that to himself, I care too much :( if I can't orgasm via sex, what could we do? and that would suck if I couldnt... that would make me sad. I guess I won't kno

[Asker]

for sure until we do it some more. thanks!

[cheeky_starfish]

It sounds like you have the basis of a really good relationship there, especially sexually! Communication and care for each others needs and feelings is very important, so good on you both! :o) Yeah, you won't know for sure until you've done that plenty of times and in different ways etc to see if you can orgasm from it... Time will tell on that one. If not, then he could give you oral if that was something you were both open to, or he could use a dildo or his fingers on you if that would...

[cheeky_starfish]

...work for you. Just see how things go and keep trying different things. Eventually you'll both be in perfect sync and you'll know exactly what works for each other! :o)

[FV1Violin]

He sounds like he is masturbating too much - tell him to quite and just use you :) I end up the same way even when the girl is doing nothing wrong. If I masturbate a lot [like my norm] it becomes such task to come with a girl much less stay hard when I'm not getting blown

1: That is something he must discover, try different types of condoms such as - twisted, heated, lamb skin ect... Or try pull outs but you don't feel comfortable

2: Again that is something he must discover - although I personally enjoy a bj I would rather slam my girl for a good amount of time and then get blown

3: I've only been with 2 virgins, both started to enjoy sexy time after about the 6th time in bed going slow

4: Sounds like your rocking forward and backward a lot try not to go back as far? We have this problem too and some of my past partners as well

5: Ask this question again after your 5/6th time and have him go deep and slow up to that point to help "break you in"

[Asker]

Okay, so I'll ask him to stop masturbating. the second time we went for it he told me he had masturbated that day too so I guess that adds into all of this. I told him to get bareskin condoms because maybe that would be better for him also the first time we used one of his condoms, second time some I had and he said that mine were a bit constricting on his shaft, too tight - so that factors in too? when he does go slow and really goes deep, it feels weird but good (and surprising) but the

[Asker]

thrusting wasn't doing much for me, or it was doing some but I feel like not enough to orgasm. I didn't feel the same kind of good as when he plays with my clit. see I don't remember if I've ever had an orgasm from in fingering me and not playing with my clit...

[FV1Violin]

Yes pain from being constricted isn't good. You are unlikely to orgasm until after you are able to enjoy sex with him. And as the above mentioned nerves - I can relate when I'm with a new girl for the 1st time. I want to do a good job so she doesn't leave me for it

[Asker]

okay yay! hopefully I can! what should I do to calm his nerves? I always tell him everything is okay, that I like him so much not matter what even if the sex didn't go well (but again this is only our first times). I never judge him but I understand how he's nervous. any advice to calm his nerves? thanks!

[FV1Violin]

Hmm, I can remember with one of my partners, *in the middle of sex* stroked my face, looked me in the eyes and said "I want you to cum... Please cum" etc in a soft loving voice and I exploded haha Maybe I'm just a loser but you could try that xD Otherwise just let him know he's doing a good job/he feels so good... etc *watch a late night soft core p*rn movie* haha!

[Anonymous]

get him really turned on (hard)

have him get used to wearing a bone killer...make sure he has condoms that fit right

you will hurt for a while until you get used to having something inside you.

1- 'yes' but it will always suck to some extent

2- I don't know how on earth any guy wouldnt

3- yes unless you're really small/shallow &/or he is rather large...could be hitting your cervix. he could just be giving it to you harder. make sure you're really turned on, relaxed & ready for sex.

4- make sure he is hard. don't try to go too far up/down on him. go for more of a rocking/grinding motion instead of bouncing.

5- play with your clit when you're having sex. show him how to do it when you're having sex. sex should feel good

[Anonymous]

I would like to have a blow job, my long term wife simply says no she won't so it, I can eat her p**** for ages, but no return favour for me, I might just find some woman who will suck me till I blow my load. Seriously I have never blown my load in a woman's mouth, is that sad or what, so any offers lol

[pootie]

get some side or get a relationship girlfriend. let her know that you're valuable and she should be giving you what you deserve