Sexual Health
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What constitutes "trapping" a man with a baby?

My friend and I were talking about this last night and I don't know if it is just my extreme desperation for a relationship and family or what but I don't think "trapping" is necessarily wrong. HEAR ME OUT if I am dating someone for at least a year and a half they should know if they want to marry me. I am 22 if I met a man tomorrow I would be almost 25 when the proposal time came.. Leaving a year to plan a wedding then pregnancy shortly after so I would be 26 or 27 getting pregnant. Not the youngest... I think after a year and a half an "oopsie" baby is OK. The person should know if they want to spend their life with me and in all honesty it is selfish to date for a long time and not really commit (assuming you are an adult like me.. if you are like 15 this doesn't count, only 22 and up). I have so many friends having unexpected pregnancies and then they end up engaged and I mean that isn't ideal to me but at the same time it is OK I guess. I mean if I happened to get pregnant by whoever the next person I date is I won't be upset.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Firstly. In 2013 trapping does NOT work.

    Trapping is when you TRY to get a man to commit by either going off the mutually agreed upon contraception or sabotaging the contraception so that it doesn't work ( poking, skipping tablets). then falling pregnant without you partners knowledge and refusing a TOP or adoption. Many a woman has tried and failed. It really is disgusting because the child is the one that loses the most

    There are plenty of single baby mamas because many guys would rather pay child support and have weekends than to stay with a woman they don't like, especially one who trapped them

    The best thing too to is to TALK to your partner. too many girls are afraid to communicate with their men that they would like like to settle down and start having children by a certain age. Yes you might have guys who runaway, but you don't want those anyway.

    I have friends who grew up in fatherless homes because of this. Their mother would feed them all kinds of inaccuracies about the reason their father wasn't around and unless the father was there to tell his story the others would be taken as truth. Some don't trust women and others men as a result. Please don't do this

  • This sounds like an 18 y/o girl wrote it. Look, you have a very, VERY specific life-road map here. You need to find a guy that's on the same beat as you. Getting married, having a baby is huge deal that works best when both adults are on the same page. Maturity wise, you have a bit to learn. Stop making rigid deadlines for your major life events.

    So to answer your question. "Trapping" someone with a baby means you were purposely negligent using BC or notifying your Boyfriend when you knew the BC wouldn't be effective. Ultimately, it depends what you or your Boyfriend have discussed about pregnancy or an "oops baby".

    Just because you get prego. you think a dudes gonna marry you? lol that's not how it works.

    • it has happened to so many girls I know

Most Helpful Girls

  • I don't think a year and a half is a long time at all. Granted, I'm almost 10yrs older than you, but I've been in serious relationships that have lasted 2, 4, 7 years that have ended for every variety of reason. Statistically, people who marry earlier in life are more prone to divorce too. When you add kids to that picture, it becomes messy.

    Most of the people I know are choosing to have children quite late. After they've established a career, found the right person, have a deposit for a house, etc. Planning to have children together is far better because it brings you closer as a couple and prepares you for the journey ahead. If just one person is doing all the planning and 'surprises' the other with a baby, its less likely that the other person will feel engaged or committed to the relationship.

    Having kids is a major life decision. Making that decision for someone else is just a bad idea. The only time that I think it's acceptable to exclude the other person from that planning process is if you intend to go the journey alone without them.

  • The problem is, you are putting YOUR expectations of how a relationship should go on somebody else. In your mind, a year and a half is enough to know whether you're serious or not (leading to marriage, I assume). For him, that could mean something entirely different. You are deciding for him what a relationship should constitute. I do not believe this is fair because I don't think you'd feel the same way if it were in reverse. What if a guy felt that buying dinner = guaranteed sex. So it's OK to "trap you" into having sex with him because you "should have known" that him buying you dinner meant you had to sleep with him. I know this is an extreme example, but it's just to show the point of how two peoples expectations of life and love can be *totally* different. It's unfair and wrong to force those expectations on each other.

    Simpler way? Decide if the guy you're with has the same life plan as you, and bail if he doesn't.

  • I personally do not believe you can trap a man...unless you put a gun to his head and make him have unprotected sex. The guy has the choice to put a condom on. When you have sex...you must always be aware of the risks involved. Men who think they get trapped when the girl they have sex with gets pregnant are just not wanting to take responsibility for their actions. But...I think that your theory of having a getting a relationship is very twisted. Having a child should be one of the most important decisions of your life. It should not be a means to an end. I think you are very immature and you need to grow up your self before you even think about having a baby.

    • I'm 22

    • The fact that you are 22 and are having thoughts like this is even more disturbing.

    • I'm also 22 and single and I want a husband and baby soon.

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • You are way to immature to even consider having a baby. What you are saying is absolutely NOT OK. I feel very sorry for any guy who gets anywhere near your claws. I feel even more sorry for any child raised by you.

    Call it whatever you want. The name you give it is irrelevant. Your entire question is rationalization. You are rationalizing to make something that is very wrong seem OK. Well it's not.

  • You're talking about an "accident" or a "surprise", not really trapping. Trapping would be like psychotically poking holes in his condoms and stuff to purposely get knocked up. Manipulation is the difference. And trapping is never, ever okay.

  • No. It's not okay. You have to talk to the man. Lots of men are just having fun and don't want to get married until they're older. You're f***ing crazy if you purposely have an unplanned baby that your boyfriend doesn't want.

  • Poking a needle through the condom, letting that s.hit break during sex and saying it was an accident.

    Doing it skin to skin, saying you are taking your birth control pills, and you are not.

    Having a kid to try to keep him because you really just wanted to have kids with him and keep him, but trapping him is where you have a kid on purpose by deceiving him thinking that will tie him down and want to be the father.

  • You should go for it, it actually sounds like a pretty good plan. As long as you don't tell him it was ever a plan obviously lol

  • That's not "trapping". That's the wrong word. That's something totally different. Still not a smart or effective move, but different than trapping, and it's not necessarily wrong. It's only "trapping" (attempted, anyway.. it's not very effective) if you lie about being on birth control, or do things to sabotage birth control.

    But, a baby won't make your relationship work. Not in the long term, anyway. Even if you rush into a wedding. Trying to force someone to commit to you never works. If he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. Lets see how many of your friends are still married to these guys 5-10 years down the road.

  • Baby trapping a guy is ALWAYS WRONG!!! Deceiving a guy just for you to get what you want? How does not say that's wrong to you? That's incredibly selfish thinking.

  • considering the smoking barrel of the state is pointed at a man's head once he has a child, NO, it's not right.

  • Let's say you do get pregnant, and he does propose. It's only because you're knocked up, he'll propose when he wants to, if he wants to that is. If I were him I'd leave you

  • It means purposely going off the pill to get pregnant without him knowing.

  • There's a difference between accidentally getting pregnant in a long term relationship and going behind your partner's back to intentionally get pregnant. The first isn't really bad, just not ideal usually. The latter is what is considered "trapping" a guy and is completely immoral.

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