My boyfriend might have fathered a child?

[frankydoodle]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months, and I'm falling in love with him. He recently dropped a bombshell about how he may have fathered a child around 6 years ago. He was seeing the potential mother of his child for a few weeks and apparently she was a mess who slept around a bit and cheated on him, so he broke up with her. A few months down the line he gets a call saying she's pregnant and he's the father, my boyfriend being only 20 at the time wanted her to have an abortion and didn't want anything to do with this child, he felt he was not ready. The mother of his child said she would get an abortion and my boyfriend didn't hear anything else, assuming she'd had it, he got on with his life. However, her due date comes round and she tells my boyfriend she's gone through with it.. my boyfriend immediately asks for a Paternity test, but he never hears from the girl again. He hasn't spoken to her since and doesn't know if he's even got a child, let alone if it's his. It's affected him greatly since, he tells me he doesn't think about it much at all, but it's something I need to know about his past. He says he feels guilty about what happened, but that this "potential" child is not part of his life nor is even sure if the child is real. I don't know how I feel about the whole situation.. It makes me uncomfortable that my boyfriend might have been immature enough to get a girl pregnant and then not step up to the mark; it makes me question his character, however, 6 years is a long time and I fully support him now. Although, find it odd that the potential mother of his child would deny him a paternity test and would not want a father to her child, especially when she contacted him. I am beginning to love my boyfriend and I feel that this might be too much baggage to deal with ... What should I do?

[LoneWolf21]

Do nothing... do absolutely nothing. You said it yourself... that she "slept around and cheated on him". Since she did this it is impossible to know who the father is without a paternity test. Why should your boyfriend support a child that might not be his? The fact that your boyfriend demanded a paternity test speaks volumes about his character, and the fact his ex has not gotten a paternity test , or even contacted him again about it speaks volumes about her character.

Personally, I have strong doubts that the child( if there is one) is your boyfriends. I base my opinion on his ex's actions. She slept around, she cheated, and she hasn't gone threw with the paternity test. She hasn't even contacted him since he demanded the paternity test. It seems to me that she just wants him to be the father, and isn't actually sure who the father is. That is why she won't get the paternity test.

In my opinion, if she is unwilling to do the paternity test then it's not your boyfriends problem.

[parkway]

You might keep your distance. Too much baggage dressed in common selling points. You only know one side of the story. What you do know for sure is that for 6 years he has refused to force the truth. If the child is his, remember he wanted to kill it, not much of a father figure.

You are questioning his character and are correct to do so. He is playing the fear factor in that if the child is his, he is ducking the responsibility fact by not knowing. Tell you that there is a possibility is giving you heads up that he may be forced to pay child support.

For you to accept him and the outcome is he is the father, his mistake becomes your life long mistake that may have a built in hatred toward you. He may have been young but was old enough to have unprotected sex, what if the issue was AID's, when would he have told you?

One thing you do know for sure is that if you were in a similar situation, you could count on a similar outcome.

Good Luck,

[iPood]

You need to insist on a paternity test. If that is your boyfriends child, he has been a terrible absent father for 6 years. If you fall in love and eventually want children who's to say he won't do the same to you? If it's not his, you can rest easy and get on with your lives.

[katiesmuff]

This could be a very tough experience for both of you along with the possible child. Your boyfriend would be much further ahead to put this behind him, move on positively with his life.

[ArabianPwincess197]

Justewait till the paternity reveals the truth then make your decisions Trust him he needs you atm it could be her way of trapping him into a marriage for financial stability etc

[madhatters4]

well I don't think you should think so differently of him... having sex has it's risks so the fact that he might've gotten a girl pregnant shouldn't be a scarlet letter. next he didn't step up but also wasn't asked, expected or even informed of the stuff going on with his ex so it seems like while he was a bit negligent in following up it doesn't sound to me like the mother of the child (if it exists) has asked much

I think you should talk to him about a process. that you feel like he should at the very least try and figure out what is what with his ex. met with her and see if there is even a child, and if there is then figure out if he should get a paternity test. thsi should be done as much for you but also for him. god forbid that 10 years down the road when the (potentially real) kid is 16 and teh mom starts asking for stuff.

[UlsterScot]

The possible paternity is a time bomb. The mother can change her mind at any time and file suit for paternity testing. If he is proven the father, he can be liable for past and future child support.

It would be good to locate her and determine if she has a 5-6 year old child in tow. This might be done by staking her out, placing a motion-activated security camera some place or by using a detective. Either she does, got an abortion or gave up the child to adoption. If no child is detected, he should let it go and get on with his life. If she does, things will get more complex and he will wither have to litigate to establish paternity and pay child support or for her to sign a consent judgment releasing him of obligation.

This should all be thought out before the pants come off.

[SaltandVinegar]

Demand he get a paternity test asap. If he is not the father you have nothing to worry about!