I have sex with guys just to boots myself esteem!

When I was a teenager , I didn't like the guys I slept with, I'm not even attracted to them , I can see the fact that they are good looking but , I'm just not attracted and I do sexual acts with them to make me feel good about myself . I feel powerful making them get turned on my me and the fact that I can please them that's what arouses me . When I was having sex the whole time I felt no feeling it was just like I was a robot just doing things no connection or anything it's not that they were bad in bed it's just I was the problem . For a few years now I hadn't had sex with guys ever but I do get a joy out of making them horny for me but I don't have sex with them and even try to avoid having sex with them . I just like turning them and get a kick out of it but when it's time to have sex I really don't want to do it . Some of the guys even wanted to date some just wanted to sleep with me but I would use all sorts of excuses not to sleep with them like I had my period , or that I needed to take a shower then I would just leave . I ended up even feeling breaking a guy's heart because of this I use to sleep with him but never could like him no matter how many times we had sex I could never fall in love romantically I ended up having sex with other guys behind his back so I could get this feeling but I could never get it no matter who I slept with or how handsome the guy would be he caught me once sleeping with another guy because the guy was his friend that pretend to be interested in me and he came out from the bushes of the guys house and said " you've been cheating on me ! " This guy hates me now and I don't blame him I don't know what's wrong with me .
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Most Helpful Guys

  • You were sexually abused as a child, and this has caused you to disconnect your feelings/emotions from sex. You also feel that being sexual is the only way you bring value to the relationship, and is the only value you have to offer, so you are desperate to get sexual attention from men, because that makes you feel validated.

    The bottom line is that your values and "connections" are all scrambled up, and your "emotional meters" are all improperly calibrated. You need some counselling, and need to talk through your memories and your feelings, and learn to re-establish the connection between your feelings and your sexuality. You also need to learn/rediscover that you have value as a person, beyond the sexual value you can provide. Sex is important, yes, but it's not the only thing you are good for. Until you respect yourself as a complete person, and truly believe in your value as a person, you're going to struggle with relationships and tend towards using your sexuality to get attention and validation, and that isn't healthy.

  • Not sure what the question is here. I am no authority on what is right or wrong, but all I can offer is my personal opinion.

    I am a virgin, but I see nothing wrong with having sex with a bunch of guys, so long as everyone is on the same page. There is this stereotype that all men want is sex, if there can be no emotional attachment, then they'd all be happy. As a stereotype, there are many men like that, but not ALL men.

    I guess I would just try to make sure that your partners are aware that they are just fulfilling a desire, and that there is no emotional attachment.

    I also understand the desire to want to be desired, and wanting to have this power over people, just make sure you aren't compromising your principles and values, whatever those might be.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • its no big deal your just a hoe bag. that's all.

  • I will agree with the anonymous guy. It sounds to me like you know something has to change, but you're not sure how to do it. I would strongly recommend that you seek professional counseling. This isn't something that you can do on your own.

    There's a book you should also read. It's called Loose Girl: A Memoir in Promiscuity. It's by a woman named Kerry Cohen. Based on what you've shared here, I see some similarities to her story and how she got out of her pattern.

    • I'm no longer sleeping with men I hadn't slept with a man in 7 years but your right I do need counseling . I no longer desire to sleep with them I just get a high out of turning them on for a self esteem boost .

  • This is coming from a guy who was under the same 'situation' you put many others through. So what I am going to say now is going to be very blunt; you took advantage of people because you AREN'T powerful, you felt that way, but you weren't. What you did is potentially destroy lives of other people not even thinking about the potential consequences. I view sex as a form of embrace to another who YOU CARE FOR. It infuriates me to no end that someone could be as cold-hearted as this. You need to seek professional help.

    • Your right . But I thought at first that guys wouldn't care because I heard all they care about is sex and nothing else . I have stop doing this for several years and I will not continue but I will seek professional help .

    • You need to have self esteemed without the use of sex as an instrument. Regardless if all he cared about was sex; he still may've developed feelings for you, I'm not sure, only he can tell you that.

  • It sounds like counseling might help you find the root of the issue. How you describe the emotional detachment during sex sounds like you might have been abused in some form. The power and control aspect of getting men aroused is another red flag to.

  • Maybe you like girls

  • Its none of my business and I don't mean to pry, but were you raped or sexually molested at some point?

    • I was molested

    • Do you feel that the molestation perpetrated against you by a man has subconsciously blocked you from feel a love connection with a man?

    • No I"m just not attracted to them sexually I tried to be that's why I had sex with so many men I just wanted to feel normal

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  • I would normally say something troll-ish, but it sounds like you may really want to consider some form of counseling. I'm no expert, but it sounds like you get some type of high from having sex with these guys..almost like an addiction to their satisfaction. Very interesting to say the least but this type of behavior can be very dangerous (STI's and possibly a crazy killer nut guy).

    My question is do you want to stop this behavior? It seems like now that you've hurt someone, you're reconsidering things. Which is good that you can admit that guilt.

    • I use to have sex with guys when I was a teenager I no longer have sex with guys anymore I stop having sex with the at age 19 . So I've stop doing this but the guy I hurt was my boyfriend at the time when I was 17 and I felt bad because I hurt him he always wanted to marry me and have kids he was in love with me but I never felt the same way about him or any of the guys I slept with my whole life . your right I do get a high I feel powerful even though I don't enjoy the sex