Girls - Is Getting a Lap Dance with Extras Cheating?

[Anonymous]

Girls - Is Getting a Lap Dance with Extras Cheating? I have been dating a girl for 4 years. She is expecting a ring on her hand sometime in 2014. She will do anything with me but won’t go all the way because she “doesn't want to make the same mistake again”. I’m getting tired of the current relationship and not thrilled about the expectations of having lots of sex when we are finally married (Yawn), and starting a family down the road (scared). My dad suggested that I go to a strip club in the better part of town with some buddies. It was not at all what I expected. I thought it would be a disappointment but I had the best time of my life. The 5 dancers that paid attention to me where close to my age (23). The 5 dancers were pretty with amazing bodies. I was told “you’re cute” by the 5 dancers and got a kiss on the lips from all of them which pissed off the older guys by the stage. They said I should come back because they would like to have more cute younger men sitting by the stage and to lap dance on. Having younger men their age makes their job more enjoyable. \ Here is what happened. I got kissed on the lips by 5 dancers while sitting by the stage. I got a face full of bare tit by 5 dancers while sitting by the stage. I was headlocked by their legs with my face in their crotch by a few dancers while sitting by the stage. I got 3 lap dances with 2 of them by the same dancer. During the lap dances I got grinded with only my boxers on, kissed on the lips and neck, face full of tit, and hand jobbed on the last lap dance. The last lap dance was free because the girl said “Don't worry about it, I like you, this one is on me”. I was worried that I would get kicked out but I guess you won’t get kicked out if you keep your hands to yourself and let them do all of the touching. The same girl from the second and third lap dances texted me her number and wanted me to come back after her shift was up. I didn’t go back that night and I regretted it. But I texted her everyday this week and said I will be there this Saturday night. Girls-do you consider what happened to me cheating? Should I lie to my girlfriend about the details of what happened?

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing: the "is it cheating" verdict can't come from us, society, or even you. It has to come from your girlfriend.

If my boyfriend went to a strip club, had a nice time, and did what you did - I wouldn't have a problem with it...if he mentioned he volunteered the statement "I had a really good time", and suggested a few things he'd learned there that he thought I could do to spice up our relationship.

I would be pretty miffed if he was contacting any of the girls after this whole thing happened though. I wouldn't mind an exchange of numbers so much, but if he continued flirting with the same girl like that, I'd get a little annoyed...especially if he was going back to fulfill a promise to some girl. I'd probably bring up the fact that they very well might do this to get their customers to pay more money, a form of building consumer loyalty if you will. Keep in mind that this is a business, and these women are not dumb! They are marketing themselves, and trying to turn you into a regular customer. It could be because they like you for your body, but it could also be partly that they're interested in how much you're going to tip them.

Should you lie? I'd encourage you to stay away from blatant untruths, but sometimes, being a little fuzzy on the details can foster a more healthy relationship in the long run.

The BIGGEST problem I see here is that you are genuinely not interested in marrying her, and she expects it. You are being a weenie by not having this convo with her, and getting your kicks from strip clubs instead. There's nothing wrong with strip clubs, but don't use them to run away from your problems.

Are you cheating? If you think your girlfriend would feel betrayed by this, then yes, it's cheating. It does not matter one bit what I or any of these other girls would consider cheating, because we aren't your girlfriend. Just like you accept your girlfriend's little physical flaws, little personality flaws, etc., you have to accept her standards on cheating. She is the judge, and if you think she'd have a problem with this, then yes, you cheated, because you betrayed her trust. Some people are more trusting than others, but you have to respect HER level of trust if you're going to be her boyfriend.

Why don't you want to marry her?

More importantly, why are you getting bored?

Have you gently/playfully mentioned that you don't want either of you to get bored and you'd like to spice things up a bit?

Tell her straight up that you'd like a bit of change in your relationship to rekindle that spark! Say it encouragingly, like "we can do it!", rather than "you need to do something quick, or I'm going to fall asleep".

Talk to her about all of this! Because you and she are NOT on the same page. The sooner you sort out your future plans together, the less dramatic and aggravating it will be.

[Asker]

I don't want to marry her because I feel like I've given more to this relationship than I have received. Also every girl that I'm attracted to is already in a relationship at this age and I feel that its stay with this girl or be alone forever. I don't know if will find another attractive girl who is single and under 25.

[ChooChooHaha]

Shitty reason to stay. And yes. Cheating.

[luvbunny]

I know abuse isn't necessary but if I was your girlfriend I would have to punch your small inconsiderate brain right out of you. What the fuck is wrong with you man? You are one of those people who deserve to be lonely enough to be a regular at a strip club like the rest of those boys you have seen. Be a fucking man already! You dare wait 4 F*CKING YEARS with this woman and you turn around and do this like a piece of trash?! You should be ASHAMED! If you had the balls you would man up and take this relationship seriously before you put a f*cking ring on that finger. Actually it would be better to just tell her the truth and get your ass out of her sight like the pig you are. I'm going to do the yelling for your future wife because you probably won't hear it from her because you will NEVER tell her.

I hope this post is a f*cking joke. You are the reason why women expect men to only get with girls for sex AND also the reason why girls are so insecure.

Man the F*CK UP.

[Asker]

No I'm not joking. I'm writing because I didn't expect to have a great time at the strip club and I'm confused now.

[luvbunny]

Well you had TOO much of a good time. Just get your ass out of your relationship if you won't tell the truth and remain loyal. YOU are the real shame in your relationship. Not your fianc?.

[Asker]

I manned the f up. I'm now seeing the dancer. I went back to the club to see her, had an amazing time, and spent the night at her apartment. I just need to find a right time to break up with my girlfriend.

[luvbunny]

Wow no you didn't I'm sorry (not really) but you are a complete fuck up and a waste of air. I knew you wouldn't take legit advice and yet ANOTHER woman was hurt from a mans selfish, repulsive behavior. You are giving your sex a bad name. I hope you know that she doesn't "love" you. She wants your money that's IT. She hopes that doing you this favor will give her more tips. You should have fucking broke up with your girlfriend BEFORE you did anything. You're a waste of life!

[luvbunny]

My dad's old friend married a stripper. She turned out flabby as hell, has a beer belly and did lots of drugs while she was pregnant with her first child. She expects her husband to do everything for her and her house is a WRECK. She also bums money off of her stepson because she can't get another job because not many people want to hire a stripper. They live off of EBT and unpaid loans. Have fun :) I'm not even sad for your dumbass.

[Asker]

I know the dancer doesn't love me. But I'm having so much fun with her and her friends and I'm going to enjoy it for as long as I can. I know it won't last forever. I was so bored of my stale relationship. I'm tired of my girlfriend trying to excite me by imagining how awesome things will be when we are married. My girlfriend kept me waiting too long. I just needed to be a man by figuring out what I want and not doing the right thing like everyone else wants.

[luvbunny]

That doesn't make you a man. That makes you a coward.

[Asker]

I think I'm only going to break up if the dancer is pushing for it.

[luvbunny]

I'm not dealing with a troll like you. Games over

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice! I'm sorry I put you through sh*t. I am very happy now and will have to live with my decision good or bad.

[12341234]

No. You should be honest and tell her that you are feeling a lot of pressure due to how serious the relationship is. Assuming you still like her a lot, just be honest about what's bothering you. But get her flowers and chocolate or something nice like that to soften the blow a little. By going to a strip club, you are basicly saying that you find other women's bodies more attractive then your serious girlfriend. only go to the strip club if you would feel comfortable having your wife right next to you. At this point in a serious relationship, just talk it out with your s/o. I'm sure you're feeling scared and under a lot of pressure, but honesty is key in a relationship. You cheated. But it's not over and you SHOULD tell your girlfriend. But be the suavest you can possibly be.

[Robertcw]

I don’t think this is uncommon. I’m pretty sure they wanted your cash man, especially if the hand-job was through your boxers.

I have personally experienced all the things you have (except for the five friends and hooking up at their appartment). It’s just a job man.

How did this turn out for you? I expect you’re no longer together?

[Hamburgers]

"During the lap dances I got grinded with only my boxers on, kissed on the lips and neck, face full of tit, and hand jobbed on the last lap dance."

Hold up, hold up, hold up... They gave you a HJ? Is this common? (Can anyone with experience also chime in?)

And yes, this is obviously cheating.

[Asker]

An hj is not common its rare. The girl told me you can get away with it in some clubs if its in a private room, you don't touch them, and they keep it in your pants.

[Hamburgers]

That's hot. Guess ill have to go someday.

[Asker]

They have to be interested in you to do an hj. They have to honestly think you are cute and show that they like you by offering to give you a lap dance 2 or more times in the same night. If you tell them to do an hj or force it, then you will get bounced.

[Hamburgers]

Haha, I'm sure that would be the case. I have a good chance of having their attention. You weren't afraid to kiss them though? Strippers get around, man.

[ShesSoSilly]

Everyone will have their own definition of "cheating". Some are open and kissing or messing around with other people is nothing, while others could go so far as to say their partner is emotionally cheating by having intimate (as in expressing deep feelings) conversations with someone else.

In general, if you have to hide it and you feel guilty, its obviously cheating and wrong.

Imagine how you would feel if another man touched her the way you were touched.

Man up and be honest with her, don't try to lie about it. If you are unhappy you need to fix what's wrong or end the relationship. Don't be shady behind her back and continue to be with her, that's really low.

[ShesSoSilly]

I forgot to add, if I were here I would dump you without a second thought. Instead of communicating with her and fixing your problems you looked for the wrong attention elsewhere. That's disrespectful to her and your relationship. So like I said, man up and be honest about what happened because even if you lie about this and continue to be with her, it won't fix your problems. You'll just be unhappy longer and probably create more secrets to hide, what's the point? Let the both of you move on.

[ShesSoSilly]

*Her not here.

[XRabbitHeartX]

That's cheating. Man if you were my boyfriend I'd dump your ass on the spot. That's so disrespectful. Tell your girlfriend the truth so that she can find someone who won't do something like that. She's supposed to be your girlfriend. As in the one you are loyal too. If you couldn't respect and live with her lifestyle choices you shouldn't have been with her in the first place. There's nothing wrong or abnormal about someone wanting to wait. It's a personal choice and if your partner cannot cope with that it's up to him/her to decide to stay or to go. Don't lie. Be honest. She'll be devastated but at least she can find someone who is better suited for her.

[Tatiahna]

You're being USED! The strippers don't like you they like you're money. They gave you one free to make you think they liked you and so you'd come back again. They do this to get regulars. If they think you're a sucker like you are then it's a good gig for them. It enables them to have more steady money.

And yes you super cheated

[lovedcursed]

I would be so hurt if I knew my boyfriend did so , but still it is so strange that your girl friend did have sex before and is now torturing you for it ! , I mean if she was originally virgin and haven't had any sex before , it would have been fare enough ! , best thing don't tell her , and STOP TEXTING THAT GIRL ! , cause this part would be the one considered real cheating , if my boyfriend went one day out of his mind and did what you did , I would be so angry for 2-3 days and then let it go , knowing that they are just strippers you met , but the thing that would never be forgiven is you texting the girl WITH YOU MIND ON NOW ! you got it ?

[pickledxtofu]

I think your girlfriend is selfish and immature af and you're an ass for cheating.

Y'all should just break up because clearly you're wasting her time and most importantly you're wasting your time by coming up with fake stories to post on here

[Asker]

My buddies are of no help to me and my female friends will tell on me and I'm not going to pay a shrink. I'm glad you're so quick to judge if this is fake or not. I'm confused and need legit advice.

[Asker]

Should I tell my girlfriend that I kept my distance and nothing happened?

[pr3ttybr0wn]

If it would be OK for your girlfriend to do this with another guy, then no it's not cheating.

You cheated and you know you did. Ask yourself deep down if you did it because part of you really doesn't want to be with her anymore so you subconsciously did something to risk ending the relationship. You don't seem really thrilled about the possibility of marrying her, so why not keep it real with her, tell her you cheated and break up?

[Asker]

lol lol lol

[marissalr]

You kissed them, you got a hand job and you have to ask if this is cheating? If I was your girlfriend I'd be so pissed. This is not okay.

[Asker]

lol lol lol

[Jade4]

So inappropriate. My policy is what is OK for the guy is OK for the girl. Would you be OK if your partner did what you did with a male stripper? Secondly if you have to lie about what you did to your partner it's not ok

[Prettygurl12]

The mere fact that you are questioning whether or not it's cheating means it's cheating. If my boyfriend did that I'd dump him so fast he wouldn't even know what happened. He'd be lucky to get out of my line of fire before I pound the ever loving shit out of him. He'd be lucky to not end up in the hospital. I would be furious and hurt and scorned. And a furious, hurt, and scorned woman is a force to be reckoned with.

Yes, that is 100% without a doubt complete and utter cheating and you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Just break up with the poor girl. You obviously do not care for her as a human being, value her as a prospective mate in life, respect her values, or find her attractive in any way.

Go be single and don't try to date again for 10 years.

[SandraSlip]

This.

[Asker]

I have been texting the dancer this week and have taken her out for coffee. I went back to the club on Saturday to see her, had an amazing time, and spent the night at her apartment. She is cool to hang out with. We have a lot in common.

[Prettygurl12]

So dump your girlfriend, stupid and be a good person instead of a dirt bag.

[Asker]

I think I'm only going to break up if the dancer is pushing for it.

[Prettygurl12]

So...you're going to continue to be a dirt bag. Good. Congratulations on being scum.

[broadwaybebe223]

I think it depends on your relationship. I wouldn't have minded personally up until the hand job and if you kissed the back. But most girls would have minded all of it. Honestly I think you are subconsciously scared and looking for a way out of the near engagement but you don't want to have to end the relationship with how you asked the question.

[Asker]

I absolutely kissed back

[broadwaybebe223]

Do you think you cheated?

[Asker]

I don't think of it as cheating. I think of it as getting even. But its too late now. I have been texting the dancer this week and also took her out for coffee this week. I went back to the club this Saturday to see her, had an amazing time and spent the night at her apartment.

[cassiopia]

Let me ask you this, your girl goes to a male review and gets the exact same treatment you got, how do you feel about that? You cheated, you know you did, I hope she finds out before it's too late.

[Asker]

lol lol lol

[Flippydaydream]

marriage should be EASY, no hesitation, you are not ready.

[Asker]

I could be ready to marry. I'm just sick of non girls saving themselves when there is nothing left to save.

[Asker]

Non virgin girls

[MissConfused93]

Yep cheating.

Also your an idiot for thinking they were being genuine. They're after money. That's it. This isn't a special scenario.

If you were my boyfriend is dump you faster than you could say "single"

[Asker]

Should I tell my girlfriend that I kept my distance and nothing happened?

[MissConfused93]

No tell her the whole story. You're guilty for going along with it and being lured in. I'd say lap dance and kissing isn't "nothing"

[Asker]

I'm seeing the dancer now. I've been keeping in contact with her and taking her out to coffee. I went back to the club on Saturday to see her, had an amazing time, and spent the night a her apartment. I just have to find a good time to break up now.

[Kris85]

It's cheating in my books. I don't even need to sit and go on why. It's cheating period. Your ass would be thrown out the door

[TylerDurden9087]

Is this guy serious?lol

[Asker]

Yes I'm serious. I didn't expect the experience at the strip club to go so well. I guess strippers like younger guys close to their age.

[Flippydaydream]

dude do you want to marry a stripper? you get old too what then?. but I still think your not ready for marriage.

[Asker]

Flippydaydream I'm now seeing the dancer. I've been texting her a have taken her out to coffee. I went back to the club to see her, had an amazing time, and spent the night at her apartment.

[Tabra]

Yes cheating

[Asker]

Should I tell my girlfriend that I kept my distance and nothing happened?

[Tabra]

Well how would you feel if your girlfriend went to a strip club got kissed on the lips by 5 stripper, had dick in her face, lap dances, had a strippers rub her crotch sexually over her panties. Would that be cheating on you since it's only a stripper? I really don't want she wouldn't do that.

[larry69]

any sexual touch or gratification outside of the relationship is cheating

[Asker]

lol lol lol

[Anonymous]

i wouldn't like that. the relationship would end there

[Asker]

lol lol lol

[Anonymous]

I personally would NOT approve. I do think it is cheating, and if I was your girl I would probably consider breaking up with you over that. I would come clean to her if I were you and make a decision as to what you want to do with this relationship. It doesn't sound like you're too interested in marrying her, and that is what she wants.

[Asker]

lol lol lol

[Anonymous]

You must be either really dumb or extremely naive. Both for actually thinking those strippers "liked" you (lol seriously?) and for not realizing how OBVIOUSLY this is cheating.

I'm guessing you're just dumb, cause otherwise you'd know that to cheat someone, it means to betray someone. So if your girlfriend was trusting you not to do anything like that or let anything like that, then it's cheating. If you did something that you wouldn't want your girlfriend to do, then it's cheating.

You really disgust me.

[Anonymous]

One of them gave you a hand job? Would you like if your girlfriend got fingered by a male stripper?