My boyfriend can't get an erection. Is it my fault?

[Anonymous]

Ok so my man and I have been dating for 6 months now and when we first started dating we would have sex every day sometime twice a day. One time he finished really fast and after I made the comment "that sucked" so wrong I know but now we have sex maybe every 2 weeks. He has had some really stressful things happen and is a workaholic. When we do he has a hard time staying hard even in the morning. I will try to get him hard and it's just not happening can guys mentally prevent a hard on. I can't help but think maybe he's just not attracted to me anymore. He keeps saying he should start taking steroids again because then his sex drive will be really good again. When I talk to him about it he just says he's to tired, sore from work, stressed etc. but that if I can get it hard then great lets do it. He doesn't even want me to give him head. He also says he doesn't want to feel like a piece of meat. Ugh help...Just some insight would be great.

[MrOracle]

If he was taking steroids (aka artificial testosterone), his body will reduce its own testosterone production. When he goes off steroids, it can take quite a while for his normal testosterone levels to rise back up to normal levels. It's a really bad idea to take steroids for that reason (among others).

The stress doesn't help, your comment didn't help, and putting pressure on him to perform only increases the stress.

You need to back off some, take the pressure off, and give him some time to decompress. Let him know that you desire him, and that he can have you anytime he wants, but that you're going to wait and let HIM make the first move. Then, do nothing more than perhaps a bit of teasing or strategic skimpy dressing. It shouldn't take long before he starts to relax, and then his natural horniness will build up. That, combined with you dressing skimpy when you're alone and teasing him a bit will have him ready to go before too long. It might not be at the pace you had before, at least, not right away, but it will still be much better than it is now.

In the meantime, get used to masturbating, and don't be afraid to let him watch you sometimes...

[Asker]

So I took your advice, bought something new and sexy and NOTHING. Not even a comment or cuddle or anything. How does a girl not take that personally.

[MrOracle]

"You need to back off some, take the pressure off, and give him some time to decompress." When I said "time", I meant a week or two at least. THEN you can wear the sexy outfits. I know you take this personally, but I promise it isn't you. Give him some "no sex pressure" time until you get the feeling he is ready (at least a couple of weeks), and then try again. Even then, it could take a couple of days before he pounces.

[Asker]

I guess I should throw this info I'm also. I caught him looking at a dating site, he constantly says he's leaving me but never does and then moves his stuff in to my house and is all baby. It's been 3 weeks since we were intimate but I have been asking so I will try going a couple weeks without any advances. Maybe I should just go. Thanks for all your helpful advice. It great to hear a guys perspective.

[MrOracle]

Wow, yes, that's definitely an important bit of info. Yes, it's possible that he's fallen out of love with you, but it's also possible that he's trying to see if looking at other women will "fix" his issue. Still, if he's constantly saying he's leaving, your relationship is NOT healthy, and that may be the root cause after all. I recommend some relationship counselling! Get the real issues out on the table and deal with them, with the help of a third party.

[rejectionist]

I am sorry but steroids do the exact opposite.This guy has had the same job since before you met him?So you guys go at everyday and he just now starts having stresses.Might of been the emasculation comment.Sounds like he started taking those steroids again,.

[bunny_luv]

It sounds like your boyfriend's been under a lot of pressure which in turn has affected your sex life. Try focusing on the intimacy between you and him for now. Like just cuddling, kissing and caressing him and maybe ask or show him how you would like that in return. I don't know but I think this kind of phase happens in a lot of relationships and it could be either partner... and please remember it's not about falling out of love or not having an attraction. Hope things improve for you and him. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

If he's a workaholic and under a lot of stress and tiresthat would affect his preformance big time.

[Thatguy321]

Pointing out or if he thinks about how embarrassing will just make it more difficult, just tell him to clear his mind, and don't think about it while your making out and boom. He got it, my ex did this once when I was under pressure for a project. Try it out