Why does my fiance continue to watch p*rn when he knows it hurts me?

First of all I want to establish if you are going to tell me that it is normal for a guy to watch p*rn I do not want your advice. I am looking for help from mature, and respectable men who may have tried kicking their p*rn addictions and who can understand and appreciate that it is WRONG to jerk off to another women's pussy and asshole getting reamed ... That being said I (24) am 6 months pregnant and my fiance (19) is really amazing to me in so many ways but he was previously addicted to p*rn when I met him, it was normal for him, and through enlightenment he realized how dirty and unhealthy it is. He doesn't want me to be like a p*rn star ... he considers p*rn kind of girls as "ratchet" ... he even hates my best friend because she is very p*rn star esque .. and he says she destroys relationships by just existing. Because of this and my agreement, I have stopped almost all communication with her. He promised he would stop. The other night we had sex, it was good, not as good as it always is but not bad... we fell asleep together, naked, and then.. he went in the shower... and the thing is I know that he likes to jerk off continually after we have sex... I figured he would in the shower.. but .. he actually went and snuck the computer and brought it in the bathroom and jerked off to p*rn .. and then we fucked again that night and it was great... but I would have never suspected he relapsed HE KNOWS I DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH A MAN WHO WATCHES p*rn .. he's RISKING OUR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP AND WE HAVE A SON ON THE WAY ! WHY IS THIS p*rn SHIT WORTH THAT TO HIM ? He says he was addicted... please tell me... is this really a fucked up addiction he might have ? I don't know if anyone on here will even be intelligent enough to help me but I am desperate for understanding on this. I don't know what to do anymore.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Why bother asking a question if you won't be open-minded enough to listen to differing opinions? Saying people are immature or unintelligent for providing an alternate viewpoint is immature within itself.

    Anyway, this sounds like a rather unhealthy relationship overall. Don't take this the wrong way but you seem very controlling and manipulative. You can't force someone to stop doing something just because you don't like it or it makes you insecure. He has to want it for himself. I think you should just discuss it with him in a mature and adult manner. Yelling at him, making him feel guilty, or putting him down, ect. likely will not achieve your goals.

    Perhaps simply explain in a CALM way that it bothers you and hurts your feelings. If you have already had discussions with him about it, then nothing is likely to change until he realizes the harm it's doing to your relationdhip (since you view it as such a detrimental thing). Maybe ask him why he feels addicted to p*rn and if it is a legitimate addiction then he may need professional help. Addictions to anything are not good but as I said before, the problems will not be resolved unless he willingly wants them to.

  • The majority of guys watch p*rn. It doesn't mean they don't love their girlfriends or aren't attracted to them. That's just what guys do. It also doesn't mean they're addicted and likely when he said that it merely meant he just really likes it.

    If everything else is great about the guy why not just let it pass? You'll ruin the relationship by constantly bringing this up. Also, the "enlightenment" you say that changed his mind... Was that just you picking fights about it?

    You say he did this before you started dating him. Why continue dating and building a relationship with someone who partakes in such a massive deal breaker for you?

    Accept him for who he is and be happy he's not sleeping with other girls. You say he's amazing in all other ways so just let this one go. P*rn is harmless. Don't let your insecurity ruin your relationship, especially if a baby is on the way.

    • I agree. He's committed and he loves you and that's not even good enough for you

    • No the enlightenment came from his own genuine conclusions he says its sad and that it over stimulates men, he is very intellectual and philisophical, which is why I do think it might be an addiction why would he do that ? He's either lying about his stance on it.. or he is lying to himself by watching it, you know ? Porn is not harmless :( and especially because there is a baby on the way I am sensitive.. we established we don't want our son brainwashed by the p*rn culture mutually

    • just cos he watches p*rn doesn't mean he'll be watching it with your child? no need to over react!

    • Show All
  • That's kind of disgusting you ended your friendship with your best friend because of her own choices that don't hurt anyone else.

    I understand you think watching p*rn is wrong, and even though I disagree it's something you both need to be honest about. Is it a deal breaker for you? Is it something that is really important to him. It's a discussion you two need to have

    • her choices do hurt many people, married men send her money every week, she destroys and breaks up families because she chooses to give men around her no choice by dressing like a total whore for attention. She says she likes to be "hott" I odnt want my son to be sexualized by meeting her and seeing her ass and tits hangning out... Yes it is a deal breaker for me and he knows this. I had that discussion with him, he said it wasn't important to him that's why I am reaching out to strangers online

    • That must hurt to see him doing it again after he told you be wouldnt. Helping people cheat is wrong but men actually do have a choice. You talk of men like their robots. Give me a break. If she was making good choices the way she dresses doesn't matter. You would only teach him not to judge a book by its cover, which is a great lesson You've got to talk to your man and tell him the boundaries of your relationship. I think it's really sad and unfortunate you would end everything you've buil

    • Built with him over watching p*rn which is natural and harmless (unless he's addicted and it affecting other areas of his life) Lay down the line

Most Helpful Guys

  • How can someone be addicted to p*rn? Does he crave it, to jack off all the time 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week? Can he not function normally without p*rn?

    Here's the reality of everything he is a KID, can't even buy a beer yet, and also a teenager, and you wonder why he watches p*rn, almost every teenage guy watches p*rn.

  • There is a big issue here but it's not the p*rn.

    It's the fake dichotomy in his mind (that I think you are also pushing )

    That there are nasty p*rn girls and good girl.

    He's turned on by the girls in p*rn but doesn't respect them or want anything to do with them.

    He can't be happy.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 5
  • This reminds me of the movie Don Jon

  • Insecure men have a similar issue with a women's sex toys.

    • I think if a man doesn't want a woman to use sex toys because it hurts him - she should sacrifice her little excitement in it, because she loves him ... no ?

    • Or he can get over his insecurity.

  • You're the immature one. Grow some self esteem. Don't be insecure. It's a very unattractive trait.

    • Also he's 19 and still a child. Not a man (nineTEEN) so I'm not sure how you expect him to just stop with p*rn. Most men watch it. Teen boys more than anyone else.

    • he is extremely mature for his age and more of a man than most men I have dated, and how is it that I have no self esteem because I am willing to stand up and say no to something I know goes against my spirit ?

    • Your "spirit" hahahah OK. No I think you're immature for your age and he's right where all the other teen boys are as far as maturity level goes. You're threatend by girls who are more open about their sexuality, and by videos. Videos make you insecure. How does that NOT make you insecure?

  • Maybe he likes masturbating to women in videos because one that he knows in real life throws tantrums on the internet while calling people who disagree with her "immature."

    • ^this.

    • thats just ridiculous and so not helpful why even bother writing your bullshit comment, wow you really hurt my feelings buddy

    • Sorry, but to be honest I think you went to the internet expecting people to agree with you, and when you saw that this site had varied opinions, you wrote an angry, hate-filled response. "I don't even know if anyone on here will even be intelligent enough..."? That's a pretty distasteful way to ask a question. Porn is a multifaceted issue, but it isn't going to shatter your marriage. You have a CHILD on the way. Work on creating a peaceful environment between the two of you for his/her sake.

  • He's 19 and immature. Some men watch it but you can't expect a 19 year old to stop it.

  • Porn is very bad. Internet has made it worse. Perhaps your boyfriend to see that, maybe not.

    • You're missing the bit after *because*. Not that I'm necessarily disagreeing with you, but a few word judgements isn't particularly helpful.

  • there's nothing wrong with watching p*rn. you sound like an insecure control freak. back off before he leaves you. what is wrong with watching p*rn if you have an otherwise normal sex life and he treats you right? be thankful for what you have

    ps the fact that he has a son on the way is irrelevant to his p*rn watching

  • Don't feel so insecure by p*rn. He said he has an addiction, so he does.

    I was addicted to p*rn for months. Yes, girls can enjoy p*rn too, shocker.

    Luckily I broke the habit before it became too much of an issue.

    Just talk it out with him, and he'll only stop if HE wants to.

  • Have him read this link

    It might change his mind.

    • Did you talk to him any success?