Insecurity, Sexualisation, Objectification, and What Men Can Do About it

Women and girls, from a very young age on are incredibly insecure. For a lot of us not looking perfect makes us feel like we ARE inadequate. Like we somehow failed as a person, like we don't deserve love, a relationship or affection.

A lot of women say that they dress for themselves, that they get their nails done for themselves, have long hair for themselves, get bikini waxes for themselves, get plastic surgery for themselves ....

But tbh I think that's a bit naive. What it comes down to in the end is being an attractive option for men, no matter how you twist and turn it. They say they feel more confident. Ya but what makes you feel confident? Being liked and desired by people, especially the opposite sex. So a lot of women do those things (and then some) to appeal to men and delude themselves into thinking it's what they want.

And I think that's because there is somehow this idea out there that wanting men's approval is a terrible thing and a sign of weakness, when it's not. There's nothing wrong with wanting men's approval. In fact wanting to appeal to the opposite gender is innate and it's not gonna change anytime soon.

I think or I hope that most men DO care about women. Not just getting our approval but that they want us to be happy, that they want to be with women who are smart, who they have something in common, who they geniunley have a connection with. But the thing is you're not letting us know enough. Or at all really. All we see in the media and even in real world is men caring about looks and sex. If you're not gonna continue reading the take, this is the main take away here. If you do care about things other than looks, let us know!

I hope this doesn't come across like blaming men for everything. What compelled me to write this take is that a lot of guys complain about women being vain or too concerned with their looks but they don't see their own role in it.

And the same time when we women complain about the way the world characterizes us, all you get from a lot of men is complete apathy, which is extremely frustrating.

How did we get here?

Insecurity, Sexualisation, Objectification, and What Men Can Do About it

There was a small little study where researchers looked at teenage girls diary entries from the dawn of the 20th century and today. What they found is that, back then girls focused almost entirely on being a better person. On being kind to others and being polite, while today girls focused entirely on looking better.

I suppose it all started in the 40s and 50s when it became more and more acceptable to use women's bodies to sell products. While a lot of the images were clearly sexist and often a little sexualising. It was far from what we deal with no.

And I thinks that's partially because the world was different. Often on here men ask what is point of having a relationship? Of being married? What are women good for other than sex? Well in the 50s they knew. There was little doubt about what role women had society and what value we had as well.

Most people view the change of gender roles as something positive, and I do too, but I think it's not talked about enough, especially in this context.

It's often discussed how men don't know their place and their value in this world anymore now that they don't have to be the provider. But it's rarely mentioned that women don't know their place and value in this world either. If it's not being a mother and wive, then what is it? Maybe it IS just sex? That's what the media tells us anyway. All we want from a young age is to fit in, so we follow what we're being told and that's how you get 10 year olds dressing and in some ways behaving like prostitutes.

Insecurity, Sexualisation, Objectification, and What Men Can Do About it

On a side note: There is this quite famous article out there that claims that the past US election was a referendum on gender and women lost. I'm not sure I'd go that far but it certainly doesn't help that we now have a president who has a trophy wife, brags about sexual harassment and publicly rates women on a scale from 1 to 10.

It's not real

All the imagines you see online, in magazines and TV they're not real. Cindy Crawford infamously said "I wish I looked like Cindy Crawford". Everything we see is manipulated to be perfect, but that's not what women look like in reality. Not even the models they're showing look like that and women feel terrible about their bodies because we can't possibly live up to that.

Expectations both men and women have towards how women should look like have gone a little out of control.

Take this picture of Sophia Loren for example, who would have been considered very attractive in her time. And who clearly has a healthy and beautiful body. But she also has flaws. Her stomach isn't flat, her thighs have a bit of cellulite and you can see back fat on top of her bra. And all of that is normal. But girls today who look like this will feel incredibly insecure and inadequate because of it

Insecurity, Sexualisation, Objectification, and What Men Can Do About it

And guys, I'm assuming, are the same. They'd think she's alright looking but she could lose some weight, do something about the cellulite....

Most of us know images we see in the media are fake, but it doesn't matter, it still affects out standards, our perception of what is normal. So in an ideal world, I think no one would use photoshop but that's not very realistic. For now I think the best we can do, is to not constantly criticize womens looks. As long as you're in a healthy weight range, you shouldn't have to worry about looking perfect. We should promote images that are not heavily retouched, that show what women really look like.

Insecurity, Sexualisation, Objectification, and What Men Can Do About it
Insecurity, Sexualisation, Objectification, and What Men Can Do About it

And I get most of you guys are not magazine editors, you don't get to decide what type of imagies goes into that. But well tbh that's a bit of a last century excuse. The great thing about social media that EVERYONE gets to share and promote the content they like. So do that!

You know, all those "which one of these girls is hottest?" questions on here? Just once I'd like see one with all non photoshopped pictures

Insecurity, Sexualisation, Objectification, and What Men Can Do About it

And to be clear here, because I'm sure someone will bring it up, I'm not suggesting that men should find a specific weight or bodyfat percentage attractive, but that we shouldn't digitally alter image of bodies that already conform the common standard of beauty.

Sexualisation vs Objectification

I wouldn't normally have written about this but I've found it comes up a lot here. I have no doubt guys in the comments will link plenty of pictures of guys in underwear to prove that men are equally sexualised.

But there's a difference between the two. They're related but not the same. And while both are not great, one is clearly worse than the other.

Sexualisation is to make something sexual. It'll be your average underwear ad, playboy magazine, perfume ad ....

It's really exaggeration of what is natural, men being attracted to women and vice versa. And I think it's been taken way too far these days, but in some ways it's normal and it's not going away.

Objectification is the action of degrading someone to the status of a mere object. In this context as a sex object. Treating women like they don't have feelings and thoughts on their own or like their wishes, fears and desires don't matter. I think most mainstream porn is a good example of that. (The woman is just treated as a masturbation aid, what she wants or feels doesn't matter), but it's increasingly common in the mainstream media also, like this infamous burger kind ad

Insecurity, Sexualisation, Objectification, and What Men Can Do About it

I know a lot of guys don't like laci green and I don't agree with everything she says but I think she explains this point quite well


It's true that men are also sexualised and it's becoming increasing more common and I don't think that's great either, trust me that's not the type of equality we want. If you want to talk about that though, please write your own take.

What you can do about

Getting back what I said in the beginning, the problem is men not letting us know that you care about more than looks. Well the good thing is, it's easily fixed.

It's the little things: I'll put this first because it's most important. We should all try to do little things to make the world a little better where we can, right? Don't litter, turn off the water when you brush your teeth and so on. Well the same principle applies here.

Tell your girlfriend that you enjoy her company, that you value her opinions and thoughts. Promote positive role models to your sister and don't focus too much on appearance when you buy clothes for your daughter. And tell them all to voice their wants and needs.

Insecurity, Sexualisation, Objectification, and What Men Can Do About it

Don't catcall girls. I know duh!. But also call out guys who do especially if you know them. Don't say women deserved to get raped or harassed because of what they were wearing

And it's also in what you DON'T do. Silence is golden sometimes. I see this a lot, guys calling women they see online fat or ugly, when they are quite normal. And I don't get why? What do you have to gain from it? Just don't do it! Whatever happened to common decency? I don't think this type of behavior should be acceptable and in fact it's not. Not in reality anyway, but somehow on the internet guys think it''s different. Don't you realize that girls reading this stuff also?

I used to work as a model when I was a teenager and sometimes some of those pictures would end up online. And i remember the first time it happened. I was 15, it was my first big job and it was very excited and I read the comment under that particular post and a lot of them were like "her tits are too small, would not fuck" and another comment said "great girl, where can I get one of her? " one of me? You can't get a woman like you get groceries and it's not ok to talk about us like that. Those comments hurt especially because they were about me, personally. But I've seen them on posts of other women and it still stings. I'm sure most girls will feel the same

Vote with your dollar: This goes for both men and women but mostly women. Women are half the population and women are by far the bigger consumers of products and services. Men don't buy a lot of things, which is why advertisers use so much sexualisation and objectification of women to get men to buy their stuff. So if a company, movie or TV channel puts out objectifying ads, go elsewhere.

Now that you've seen the Burger King ad above, choose McDonalds over them when you can. Or better even a local restaurant.

American Apparel is bankrupt partially because of a backlash to their infamously objectifying ads. And they deserved it.

Insecurity, Sexualisation, Objectification, and What Men Can Do About it

If a news channel continuously has to settle sexual harassment claims, hires only pretty women and forbids them from wearing pants, don't watch it.

Insecurity, Sexualisation, Objectification, and What Men Can Do About it

Vote with your vote! I mentioned Donald Trump earlier and he's in good company. If a congressman says this about a woman kneeling down in the white house, don't vote for him.

"you can just explain to me that circumstance, because she really looked kind of familiar in that position there. Don’t answer — and I don’t want you to refer back to the ’90s"

And it's not just america, for someone who has been found guilty of statutory rape, Silvio Berlusconi was in charge of Italy for way too long

Don't do it ! As I said earlier, I used to be a model. My problem was that when I was no longer a teenager, I became too fat for the fashion industry. But not too fat for men's magazines. When my agency dropped me that's the advice they gave. There's good money in it and you want feel attractive and desired. So I get it's tempting. A lot of girls dream to be on the cover of the magazines because they think all men will want them then.

But when you do that, you're being part of the problem. And I think unless it's out of bare necessity, no girl should do it. You have all those girls on Instagram now posting sexy pictures of their bodies for nothing.They don't need to do it, no one is forcing them to. As I said I get where they're coming from, so much but you'd be better off doing something worthwhile with your life. Something that's not posing in bikinis for strangers on the internet.

For guys I guess it would be don't encourage girls to do it. But most guys don't have to be told, they know that they don't want women they love to be treated like that. Women on the other hand sometimes even go as far as telling themselves it's empowering, which it really isn't.

That's it. So bring on the downvotes guys ...

Insecurity, Sexualisation, Objectification, and What Men Can Do About it
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Anonymous

    You're blaming men too much when girls themselves, objectify and sexualize themselves. If that's a problem, why not blame corporate or the advertisement? Men have insecurities as well and are completely objectified through their financial and social status, even their physical status. Also just like women fantasize of a hot, bulky dude like Channing Tatum, yes... Guys are very much objectified and women are very picky! Is a girl going to be stared at because she's showing off her ass in shorts? Of course she will be! I'll be staring at it too, so will an old lady, and most definitely men. Will they get aroused by it? Probably! Just like you'd get aroused by some physical attribute from the opposite sex. I definitely do not have this victim mentality of poor me I'm a woman. I'm going to prove my womanhood by being smart and hardworking and not blaming the world for my insecurities.

    Is this still revelant?
    • Kkaos

      Couldn't have given a better and more truthful opinion!

    • Anonymous

      I'm not sure why but a lot of guys seem to think that by elaborating one variable you deny the existence of other, which is of course stupid.
      It's a big topic and I couldn't possibly fit everything into one article, so you descope, focus on one variable also. Which I thought I had explained well enough but apparently didn't.
      Kinda the same with men sexualised, I don't want to discuss here because it deserves it's own take instead being discussed on the sidelines here, but appearently some men interpreted that as me denying it exists.

    • Anonymous

      There were so many variables you discussed and were a little all over the place with this mytake- You discussed so many broad topics from women's insecurities to placing men in the position where they are ultimately responsible for those insecurities. What I took from it is that guys should basically be nicer to women in terms of appearance. Look, it's a very nasty world out there, it's not sunshine and rainbows. Should we strive to be better? Of course, but are the majority of men going to be attracted to a half naked picture of a thin girl? Of course they are! Most men that I know, are with women all shapes and sizes, and they themselves are happy because they know they will never be models either. If you feel like you should be a walking model 24/7 because of the media then there are some major underlying issues. And honestly, if you're with a man who is ONLY into you for your looks then what kind of guys are you with? Most guys I've been with have appreciated my voice and thoughts

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Teenagekid16

    All I have to say is objectification isn't my fault. Have you seen the way some girls my age dress? And they post very sexual pictures on their Instagrams. Do you think I "objectify" a girl that dresses modestly and isn't trying to advertise her ass/tits?

    Is this still revelant?

What Girls & Guys Said

1958
  • ThisDudeHere

    "What men can do about it"

    How is that our problem? Ya know you could just not pay attention to it all. Problem solved.

  • Elarra

    I'm confused. Why are we looking towards men to change how women portray and value themselves?

  • Nuala

    Or you know... Girls could just have other values then the approval of guys?

    If all your insecurities are because of worrying about what people think of you then why not just stop caring? Find people who like YOU and not just the fake face you put on... Like you're trying to find a guy that loves you for you and cares about other stuff then looks? Then why don't you be you so they can see those things?

    • Anonymous

      why not just stop caring?

      because we're a social species. Not caring what other people think makes an outlier, possibly sociopath.
      Fitting in with the group is kinda essential to our survival, excommunication can mean death. So we're all looking for approval from the group, we can't just stop caring.

    • Nuala

      You find a group that you fit in with without being fake... It's really not that hard.

    • Nuala

      This "issue" is in your head. I don't change myself for people and I still have lots of friends... I hung out with them to have a good time not to try and fill some void with their approval.

  • LesterJester

    "What compelled me to write this take is that a lot of guys complain about women being vain or too concerned with their looks but they don't see their own role in it."

    ^ what role is that?

    In your above post you mention men's apathy towards this subject, but that raises more questions. Why is all of this our fault or our responsibility? I don't judge women on their looks. I don't go out of my way to tell women they are attractive or ugly. In saying that, I haven't come across any other guys who do.

    The judgement seems to come mostly from other girls/women. If you're not wearing the latest fashions or doing the most trendy things, especially in school, who's the one to give the girl crap?

    Other girls, that's who. How many women's magazines and articles tell girls how they should look, act or what they should eat in order to be attractive to men?

    At the same time, how many men's magazines, articles, movies, TV shows, comics, etc tell guys how they should look or act in order to be attractive to girls?

    Probably just as many, and they too affect guys at a young age just as they do girls.

    If guys don't fit the cookie cutter traits, they're losers, nerds or unattractive.

    If you think this is a problem only girls face and that the problems girls face come mostly from men, then you don't know the whole picture.

    Most of the judgement girls face are from other girls. Most guys don't care what clothing or brand you wear. We don't care about your hair style.

    And all those pictures you show of the phitoshopping of girls... They do the same thing with men in order to give an unrealistic impression. You say you used to be a model... We'll I used to be a photo editor doing the above retouching. The people more interested in making the photos more fake were women, not men.

    • And sorry but with questions like this where they only focus on the issues women face who ignore the same problems men face, yet still try and shift the blame on men, I can't take seriously.

      Yes it is an issue, an ongoing issue, but unless you tackle the problem as a whole, such as how this problem affects everybody, then you'll never find a solution.

    • Nyx_85

      YES women n get in each other's cases about their appearance but I've also seen guys do it too. "You need to lift more bro..." I've also heard guys say they would dump a girl if she gained like 10 pounds. Go read a RP or PUA forum. Of course a lot of women do this too. Most of us humans are superficial. Being the 'exception' doesn't change the general rule.

    • @Nyx_85 the general rule is that it is done equally to both genders.

      From the above, "But there's a difference between the two. They're related but not the same. And while both are not great, one is clearly worse than the other."

      Yet they never explain how one is worse than the other. The fact is, neither is worse than the other, they're both bad. The OP thinks the female side is worse due to bias of being a female and seeing things from their gender perspective. They don't know what it is like being a guy and being subjected to the same sort of stereotypes women see everyday towards themselves. They don't know how bad it is because unlike these issues women go through, the same affects towards men are documented far less.

      And the whole objectifying of women in porn? The women are usually the centre of attention, you see their faces and their reactions. The guy is regulated to being the object because you barely see them in comparison and are merely just tools (penises)

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  • Chico_brah

    We can all appreciate beauty. Just because you're insecure and compare yourself to 1% of the population that can look flawless doesn't mean you ruin it for all of us. A lot of women can reach those standards if they actually put the effort to get in shape with diligent effort. No we can't change our bone structure, but that's where a rational mindset comes in.

    Not everything is photoshopped to the extent that you think either. You fix trivial things with photoshop but the foundation of the product is already there. It's absolutely real. I see people saying this in bodybuilding all the time. The product is already there.

    We all have our insecurities. I'm not for this whole everyone is beautiful movement. I don't want to see fat chicks on the covers of magazines. I like seeing youthful busty and aesthetically appealing women. That's not going to change.

    An advertiser's goal is to sell a product. Fat chicks don't make clothing look good. Ugly chicks don't make clothing look good. Sexually attractive top tier women make clothing look good.

    Some women like to show themselves off sexually. A lot of men including myself like to do that as well. If that makes you insecure, then you don't have to participate. If what others are doing makes you insecure, then you simply need to work on your confidence.

    I'll encourage women to do it because I love it when women have the confidence to do that. If the girl likes to do it, and the guy likes to see it, and they both profit, what's the issue? The only issue is you being insecure at the fact that attractive women have the ability to do that while you don't.

  • lordpokerface

    I wasn't going to read this, but I was tempted to know your opinion. I'm happy I read through the whole thing.

    For too long, women have been subject to sexualisation, almost to the point that other men want to rape (!) an attractive woman (I've heard a lot of guys say this). Ironically, however, it's always the least attractive men who are shaming a female over her looks or her figure.

    I myself have been attracted to women who have been deemed "average" by society. But that's because my priorities are not superficial features, but rather what's in the heart of a person.

    I do want to point out, however, that tasking men with solving this problem isn't the right thing to do. Women themselves should take it upon themselves to accept themselves for who they are, and not let anyone's opinion get to them.

    I'm aware you didn't want to bring up the topic of objectification of males, but I'd like to mention it here once and for all. Over the course of my life, I've never been considered anywhere close to the men being advertised to be attractive. However, I've always copped it on the chin, and I know that although I am not visually attractive to some people, it does not mean I'm "ugly" or, more specifically, unattractive. Good myTake overall though.

  • I-am-a-nobody

    This had a few good points...

    However,... it was beyond hypocritical at times.

    "I hope this doesn't come across like blaming men for everything."
    Well, sorry, but it did to a large extent. Your "What can you do" section, should be "What can men do", because women are framed as helpless victims throughout.

    Why are men constantly portrayed as the bad guys in this area, while women are constantly portrayed as the poor victims?
    I mean aren't women empowered?

    Men objectify and sexualize.
    Women are insecure and merely seeking approval (and who can blame them).

    Men don't let women know that things other than looks are important.
    Women are just trying to please men.

    See how it's always the man's fault?

    By the way, I'm constantly on here mentioning that women emphasize looks over character, while DECENT men are more into character not looks.

    "Don't say women deserved to get raped or harassed because of what they were wearing"

    OK, I get that no one deserves to be raped, but when women objectify themselves, bad things happen. Decent men HATE rape and they HATE harassment. That's why some of us say things like, "Put on some clothes." However, if a half dressed girl gets catcalled, it should come as no surprise. Behavior has consequences!

    "All we want from a young age is to fit in..."
    Therein lies the root of the problem. You have the power to stop it. Stop it!
    A hundred years ago, women worked on their character, why can't you?

    Of posing for men's magazines...
    "And I think unless it's out of bare necessity, no girl should do it."
    So, it's now OK to sell your body images when it's "out of bare necessity"?
    No, no, no!
    There should be SOME line that you won't cross no matter what the price.
    Otherwise, you just become prostitutes haggling the price.

    Concerning women posing in bikinis on the internet, we get...
    "For guys I guess it would be don't encourage girls to do it."

    Instead you might say, "Hey girls, stop posing in bikinis on the internet!"
    Really are you women so incredibly powerless that the lure of posing half naked is just too much? Are you unable to police your own sex better?
    Why is it necessary for a man to tell you to do the right thing?

    Rather than boycotting Burger King, you might boycott Cosmo and half a dozen other magazines that objectify and sexualize women.

    • Anonymous

      Well this is a take about men's role in this, so of course it's one sided, as in it only looks at one side, not all possible variables.
      I'm not sure why but a lot of guys seem to think that by elaborating one variable you deny the existence of other, which is of course stupid.
      It's a big topic and I couldn't possibly fit everything into one article, so you descope, focus on one variable also. Which I thought I had explained well enough but apparently didn't.
      Kinda the same with men sexualised, I don't want to discuss here because it deserves it's own take instead being discussed on the sidelines here, but appearently some men interpreted that as me denying it exists.

      I think overall it's well publicised that women care about other things, even if it's only money and status. So I DO think there's a big difference there

      And I had named it "What men can do" originally, because that was meant to be the topic of this take but then I realized that two of my four points

    • Anonymous

      applied to women more so than men, so it wouldn't have been a descriptive headline anymore.

      "Instead you might say, "Hey girls, stop posing in bikinis on the internet!"" as a matter of fact, I DID say that, just in the paragraph above the line you're complaining about

      And yes I do think posing in men's magazines is better than starving. Sue me

    • @myTake Owner
      OK, I do appreciate the response.
      Frankly, I missed the "What Men Can Do About it" in the subtitle.
      Just saw the "poor helpless women" subplot in the text.

      I don't think men being sexualized is as a big an issue as you might think.
      Maybe other men do.

      My problem is women that objectify themselves or sexualize their daughters.

      Sorry, but I don't see your "Hey girls, stop posing in bikinis on the internet!" idea explicitly promoted. There's an implication (sort of), but I'd prefer to see a more mature woman, like yourself, hit them over the head with a verbal sledgehammer on the subject.
      If some 55 yo guy (like me) does it, he's just a patriarchal prude who is trying to limit their self expression. (I've gotten negged on this subject before.)

      And yes, I'd rather starve than do certain things (posing nude). I'm sure my wife feels the same way.

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  • Crapulux

    You make valid points. Now, allow me:

    https://i.imgur.com/WGrjgan.jpg

    • Anonymous

      Sigh...
      I'm not sure why but a lot of guys seem to think that by elaborating one variable you deny the existence of other, which is of course stupid.
      It's a big topic and I couldn't possibly fit everything into one article, so you descope, focus on one variable also. Which I thought I had explained well enough but apparently didn't.
      Kinda the same with men sexualised, I don't want to discuss here because it deserves it's own take instead being discussed on the sidelines here, but apparently some men interpreted that as me denying it exists.

      As I said, write your own take about it. So far no one did

    • @Mytakeowner. If you don't understand that photo, you'll never understand why guys don't give a fuck. This guy should get MHO.

    • Crapulux

      @Emma_Whatsun Exactly. You got my point!

      Now, to the OP:

      This article seems to be directed towards men. However, the moment you conjured Laci Green out of the unholy dark pit where fourth-wave feminists lurk while suckling the juices off the spayed testicles of young college beta males, any man reading this will tag you as a buffoon, and you will lose all credibility. Quoting Laci Green is akin to a Godwin Point. It instantly scuttles any argument you could ever hope to make. This is very much like asking for respect while wearing a pussy hat.

      Ridicule doesn't kill, yet sometimes, I can't help but think it should...

      FYI, I find women objectification tasteless. The American Apparel crap is just repulsive. However, modern feminism manages to be worse.

      Also, when you talk to grown men like they're puppies (OMG I'm tone policing, so triggerddd) they insta-give no fucks. Not that I had any fucks to give to begin with, mind you.

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  • Paultripp7221

    The flaw in this whole argument you're making is that women drive this more than men do. You can start with the basic premise that women want to win men's approval and affection, but for most women they do their hair and nails to beat other women and get the guy. The guy is an after thought in that equation. Hence why women often go after guys who have multiple girls interested, or deal with married men or men in relationships. It's this desire to beat each other with the hat outfit or bat body. Women's magazines are full of more naked women than men's magazines. It in there it's "fashion." What can women do about this? I don't know, because women are turning the tables on men and expectations and perfect six packs and no guys dick is big enough or fucks long enough, so what are women doing? Running around with multiple men for extra validation. The hook up culture that is supposed to be empowering women to embrace their sexuality is actually giving them free reign for more self destructive behavior. For every women who wants to be treated equal out there, who is cringing on what I am saying... what BOTH sides need to do is stop seeing any of these issues as one gender v the other or one gender responsible while we are the victim. We all contribute to this. Women need to stop buying into it and people will stop selling it. For every guy you thought only used you for sex, you stomped on the hearts of several other guys who wouldn't do that. You chase after bad boys and wonder why you get treated like shit. Everyone needs to own their shit. Men and I included. But until we start from the point that we need to fix our problem, v pointing fingers, we can never take the first step. As inherit as you think sexism is from men and how unconscious it is, that same unconscious bias caused this misguided plea for help from you. I agree with much of what you said, I hope my daughter never feels this pain but will, and I hope I can give her perspective as I try not to pass on the same bias to repeat the cycle...

    • Anonymous

      Well this is a take about men's role in this, so of course it's one sided, as in it only looks at one side, not all possible variables.
      I'm not sure why but a lot of guys seem to think that by elaborating one variable you deny the existence of other, which is of course stupid.
      It's a big topic and I couldn't possibly fit everything into one article, so you descope, focus on one variable also. Which I thought I had explained well enough but apparently didn't.
      Kinda the same with men sexualised, I don't want to discuss here because it deserves it's own take instead being discussed on the sidelines, but apparently some men interpreted that as me denying it exists.

    • You can't talk about one aspect of sexualizatiin and not bring in how it impacts both or all sides. That is sexist in how to present it. It validates your opinion but invalidates the other by omission. We can't say men have this problem with out acknowledging women's contribution to this or it makes the argument too biased to take seriously. In direct response to what you are saying, in my opinion women drive this sexualization more than men in this day and age. Men drove it more in the past. So what can men do about it? Point out to women it needs to start with them and explain why... we will stop buying or buy something else if you all stop selling..

    • Anonymous

      You can't look at only one aspect of a topic at a time?
      That's a pity really but that's not how it works for most people

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  • bobbyxx

    Lol every single guy who has answered is against. you on this and i can add my name to that list. If a woman has a problem, it always has to be a mans fault, if a woman has a problem a man always has to sort it for her. Aside from this i don't think women can really complain, they objectify men all the time.

    • ManDudeBro

      She also ignores how men are sexualized i commercials as well they are models it's kinda their job

    • bobbyxx

      @ManDudeBro Yes and and with poldark which is a UK TV show and in papers, where you get all sorts of slutty, objectifying comments from women but when you do it back, they get all jealous and say it is sexist or resort to petty insults.

    • Anonymous

      Well this is a take about men's role in this, so of course it's one sided, as in it only looks at one side, not all possible variables.
      I'm not sure why but a lot of guys seem to think that by elaborating one variable you deny the existence of other, which is of course stupid.
      It's a big topic and I couldn't possibly fit everything into one article, so you descope, focus on one variable also. Which I thought I had explained well enough but apparently didn't.
      Kinda the same with men sexualised, I don't want to discuss here because it deserves it's own take instead being discussed on the sidelines, but apparently some men interpreted that as me denying it exists.

  • justkidding93

    sorry but there is nothing you can do about this. Its biological that men only want/need women for sex and reproduction, and thus we mostly care about your looks and personality. while women care about our looks but more so about our wealth and status.

    So whats worse, being valued for looks like women are, or valued by how much money you like men are? i think women can't complain because how you look is at least part of who you are, while the ammount of money you have is external and doesn't say much about who you are as a person.

    The reason i and many men have a hard time sympathising with women about this is because women who dont look like models still get lots of attention from men, most average or above average women will have many men wanting them, the issue however is that the men who want these women are often not considered good enough for these women who are equally shallow if not more so for wanting high status high wealth males only. Women complain because they are hypergamous and want to date up in social value. You do all sorts of things to artificially improve your looks and then expect to date a rich guy or a celebrity. or only men over 6' feet etc. All women even if they dont abide to media standards of beauty would still be able to get men who appreciate them but you would have to lower your standards for that to happen.

    Men and women aren't equal, men only need you for sex and reproduction, while you need men for that as well as protection, resources and utility. This is the biological root of this phenomenon you are describing, and its never going away.

    • beautifully executed.

    • @KINGNIGGA123 thanks. Its hilarious to watch the butthurt females who downvoted me though while none dared to challenge these facts i stated with any comments, very predictable though because they know what im saying is true.

  • MelanieAmber33

    Why do you think Muslim women aren't allowed to go out in public unless theyre covered head to toe? Im not meaning to be discriminating here, but stay with me. Its because they understand how sexually driven men can be. If they aren't covered head to toe, they are killed. Muslims obviously treat this with much seriousness. Now, look at OUR culture... sex is everywhere! Movies, commercials, you name it! Thats the standard that has been set for women and young girls. So then, naturally, girls actually sexualize and make themselves objects, showing off their bodies to men (because thats the common standard, and it must be OK, right?) and then end up blaming men for treating them like objects! You want respect? You gotta give it first: towards yourself, and men, by dressing modestly. Most guys today could care less about your character and who you are as a person if you have the most gorgeous body out there. Thats what creates insecurities, humans werent made to be objects. Girls become insecure because culture is telling them act one way, but deeeep down inside they really want more: they want to be appreciated as a person, not as an object. Plus, everyone says thats the only way to get approval from guys-- your body. Do you see a big problem with that?

  • Jemini_Crocket

    I liked some parts of this MyTake but I wanna add my opinion anyway. If YOU have insecurities, it's up to YOU to deal with them. I have my own insecurities, hell I'm so self-conscious to the point of being depressed but I seriously don't feel like blaming others. Yeah, sometimes people are cruel and make nasty comments but you should learn to not give a damn about it.

    I don't agree with men in the comments below, that women love to be objectified. Normal, regular and a SMART woman/girl doesn't want that. But if some girls keep posting barely naked selfies on the internet and acting all promiscuous, I'm not surprised why they feel like this but of course, no one should ever forget that not everyone is the same. You can't put everyone in the same category. It's like with the "all men are damn cheaters" ('cause they really aren't).

    Also, it kinda surprised me. I've never really believed them before or more likely couldn't imagine why would men be insecure but have you ever visited or read through bodybuilding website? Or sluthate, lookism etc. So many men are insecure. A big number of them depressed, some even consider suicide...

  • lkghdfghkjl

    I think guys already don't give that much shit... it's women who have nothing else to do who fret too much about it

    • No shit. If a female friend asks me what to wear on a date, I say jeans t shirt and flip flops. That can look just as hot as some dress you got all done up in. We could really give a shit.. 😂

    • Anonymous

      Yes that was my point

  • rjroy3

    "Here is a problem that women face. Now this is how men are going to fix it"

    Wait... wut? lol

    The base principle is off from the beginning. It is not the job of men to solve the problems women face. Just like it's not the job of women to solve the problems men face. If I had a daughter I couldn't imagine teaching her, "honey, your life is going to suck unless you find a man to solve all of your problems".

    • PERFECTLY put. The the mytake owner is now replying to me about why women shouldn't take responsibility for their behavior and has the audacity to say ''alot of men think like..'' while calling us stupid.

    • rjroy3

      @guysaskgirls555

      How men think is irrelevant in the matter. This is something that women need to take care of if they feel it's a problem and that it needs solving. Plain and simple.

    • Poppykate

      Amen to that! For women, the world can suck sometimes. But others times, the world can be great! It's all about how you deal with it. We can do a lot to make it not suck so much! E. g. Don't read those magazines! Don't waste your vote etc. but most importantly, don't sit around complaining about it. Take action! I do think it's sad that the USA has a president who has a trophy wife and rates women. But that's ok, because I think he is a BIG ZERO, and will go down in history as one of American's greatest mistakes.

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  • ThePetSquirrel

    No one forces women to objectify themselves, it's their own personal choice. Women choose to be models, strippers, porn stars, prostitutes, etc.
    Besides, what's so wrong about admiring an attractive woman? Is it taboo to now feel attraction?

  • NerdInDenial

    The responsibility of one's self esteem is on that one person. No one can change that person's self-esteem without that person's consent.
    What makes men and women desirable are dependent on different factors. Women are valued for their physical attributes. Men are visual creatures and look for certain physical attributes in women. However, women value a man's ability to provide resources. Thus, women are better looking than men. Your view on objectification is not accurate. Women are objectified as a sperm depository, but men are objectified as ATMs. How often do women say, a man has to pay for dates? They say it all of the time. Poor men are not valued just as ugly women are not valued. When you do make your rants, why don't you tell women that a poor man has value too? The reality of dating is men date to have sex. Most men do not care to talk to women about things. That's why men have male friends. Women date a man for his job and/or ambition. More importantly, I will not vote for someone because of this issue. The economy and national defense, for example, are more important issues at the moment.

  • natured

    Well written sweetheart, i admit, i love to look good for my boyfriend, but I also enjoy myself looking good, when I was single YES i was wearing cute things, and wearing my hair nicely just to get that little attention, i admit this as I am human and I don't think I'm so self concerned like a lot of wanna be "i do this for me" women, BUT, i enjoy while fixing myself, i enjoy wearing nice clothes, they do make me feel confident and it's my choice to do so :D it's my choice to look confident.

  • clampfan101

    In the oldest days, women were seen as little more than servants. Maids and/or sex slaves. And you know what... things don't seem to have changed much for most men, even after literally millenniums! Some guys like me don't feel that way, but still... (I can still say those girls are super hot, though. lol)

    • Do you really think trashing your gender while trying to promote yourself is going to work?

    • @BubbleBoy69 I'm not promoting myself, but a percentage of men that I am part of. I'm not saying I'm better than everyone else.

  • AllThatSweetJazz

    "Treating women like they don't have feelings and thoughts on their own or like their wishes, fears and desires don't matter. I think most mainstream porn is a good example of that. (The woman is just treated as a masturbation aid, what she wants or feels doesn't matter), but it's increasingly common in the mainstream media also, like this infamous burger kind ad"

    If anything the burger is "objectifying" men's bodies in that ad, let's just have that understood, but whatever.
    The woman IS NOT treated as a masturbation aid. Firstly, the IMAGE is treated as a masturbation aid.. because it is. It's a object and it's being used. Second, men a SUBJECTIFYING the character in the image, projecting their own desires onto it. Thirdly, sometimes that not really necessary because THE CHARCTER is totally into the act on display. So no mainstream porn is definitely not a good example of your point. If anything it's a good argument for the opposite; that men actually really care what women want and that there's mutual enthusiasm for the act.

    Men tell women constantly that they don't need to put such emphasis on looks. If anything the issue is that they don't accept approval from guys. Like you said, it's all so they can "feel confident." If a guy could compliment a girl on her appearance and she could feel genuinely satisfied by that (obviously liking appearance is never going away so let's just do it healthily) then you can move on from it. Like, "yes you're physically attractive so can we accept it and talk about other stuff now?" That's when you get into communicating the appreciation of character. But no, comment on a woman's appearance and apparently you're objectifying/sexualising/oppressing her, she does whatever she does for herself and you're not entitled to an opinion. Try to tell her that such a mentality makes her seam mean or unappealing (focusing on character like you want) and she scoff's at you, feeling entitled to look down upon anyone she doesn't like because apparently being a "bitch" is some kind of empowerment thing.

    I think valuing men's approval might be the way out of this. Insecure all the time? Well, maybe try actually accepting the approval men give (and let's be real, there's no shortage of it, they want your approval and for you to accept their's and visa versa). If you can't feel attractive when you're told you're attractive then you're insecure because YOU are insecure and should work on that aspect of yourself.

  • FakeName123

    No one is responsible for your very own insecurities. So get over yourself.

  • Browneye57

    TLDR

    You wanna show it, we'll look at it. We're not gonna do anything about it. It is what it is.

    And yes, all fashion and styles are ALL based on what men like. Absolutely correct there.

    Oh, and we're not all gonna fix what thousands of yeas has brought us to. It just is. Let it be so.

  • MrWolf

    Best thing is to ignore this stupidity and continue with our life's!

    If they feel like it we are not the one's to stop them.
    Its free world or seems so!
    I like purity so i don't care about female clowns!

  • DizzyAster

    I think women should be beautiful, men should be worthy of such a beauty by being awesome, able to take care of her and her (their) offspring, and provide a good life for her.

    It's the mating game that's been going on forever and it's not changing at ALL.

  • Words_and_Wisdom

    Please. There's nothing inherently wrong with sexualization and objectification. We all want to feel sexy. We all want people to physically desire us.

  • Nyx_85

    I work at a retirement home... with ALL women coworkers. I never go to work without at least minimal makeup (A bit of powder, blush and lip balm. Curling my lashes. Maybe some mascara. I don't do eye shadow or lipstick). I'm not sure who I'm doing it for then LMAO. I haven't left the house with NO makeup since I was 15...

  • TiffyPuff

    So like, some good points and stuff :)

    But just to counter a little, I've always felt like it's my responsibility to take care of how I feel and think about myself, cuz we can control how we respond to stuff :)

  • SovereignessofVamps

    I don't think telling others how to speak or what's acceptable will work, not that you can actually tell anyone else what to think or do anyway! Just take personal responsibility for your own life.

    Your info about the agency and what they told you was interesting though.

  • MissMillionDollarMan

    You do us a disservice with this. There is an argument for over sexualisation and objectifaction but you're just going on with popular things you've been told.

  • ScottSummers

    when i saw Laci Green i didn't bothered reading the rest at all

  • spnsfi

    Lol come on, this seems like women leaving it up men to fix WOMEN'S behavior.

  • John_Doesnt

    I'm not gonna do anything about it because I'm insecure. Also, because most of the damage is caused by other women.
    Not my fault and not my problem.

  • Cruz_

    This honestly just sounds like you're blaming your problems on men. Sure some men are scumbags and treat women terribly, but don't think women are perfect. Women objectify men nearly or just as much as guys do women. It doesn't exactly sound empowering for women to beg men to treat them differently. How about you prove that women don't do exactly like men do? Everyone is guilty of a little lust now and then; men just are VERY open about it. In high school, i hear girls constantly talking about who they think is the hottest guy in school. I've never heard an actual conversation between guys about who they would like to fuck publicly. Women are natural gossips. That's probably the closest fault to us guys and "objectification".

    • Anonymous

      I'm not sure why but a lot of guys seem to think that by elaborating one variable you deny the existence of other, which is of course stupid.
      It's a big topic and I couldn't possibly fit everything into one article, so you descope, focus on one variable also. Which I thought I had explained well enough but apparently didn't.
      Kinda the same with men sexualised, I don't want to discuss here because it deserves it's own take instead being discussed on the sidelines, but apparently some men interpreted that as me denying it exists.

  • DianaWest

    the thing is, i have long hair for myself, because i think it is more attractive. i don't think all guys expect us to be flawless. if they do, unless they are god-like themselves, they are hypocrites.

  • kickme

    Rules for girls:

    1. Be thin

    The rest of this crap like eyebrows and she's and hair is 100% on women because men could care less and usually fail to notice.

    One more thing, all the things you said men can do to help? That would require lying and doing things we hate. All the things you said not to do are all the tings we enjoy and reasons we can exist in the same country as women peacefully.

    this whole conversation reminds me to go to the titty bar tonight!

    • MaxxiBonn

      Just be thin? HA! if only it were that easy.

    • kickme

      @MaxxiBonn Well, among men my age that would get you pretty far. This assumes you aren't draining the bank account or engaging in any completely pyschotic behavior. I can safely say this is true for all of my friends and coworkers of similar age.

    • MaxxiBonn

      Yes, i do notice this is an age thing. Older men, not that you're old but men in the 35 and up sort of range do tend to be less picky about women.
      Guys my age, that being 21, won't even look at you if you're just thin. Must have boobs. Must have butt. Can't decide if they want thick legs or thin legs. Must be fit, but still soft. Idevenk how that works!

  • Phantomium

    To recap: It's men's fault for women's personal mistakes and how they live their lives.

  • vishna

    Hmm, my two cents.
    I'm ok with someone finding me sexy, happy even. I'm not ok with being treated like an object... I only ask to not be disrespected. If a man can't comply with that, he's dirt.

    • vishna

      @xBreezy I'm not Indian, wanna be bigot XD XD XD nice try though

  • Blitzkrieger

    Women assume we are flirting or that we just want sex if we tell them we apreciate them. They overthink and go into to detail too much. There is no turning back once she has decided you are in it for the pussy, or if she assumes its that way.

  • Bandit74

    It was well-written, but you're not going to gain anyones support or change peoples way of thinking by placing most of the responsivility for women's self confidence on men while at the same time ignoring that men have a lot of insecurities too. The difference is that when men feel insecure they are told to shut the fuck up, stop whining, and get over it. We dont have giant political movements that validate our feelings or fight for our emotional wellbeing.

    So dont be surprised if men aren't overwhelmed with sympathy over your insecurities, especially when you paint the same narrative of men having it easy while women are the ones in need of help.
    The only people who respond positively to this take will be the people who already shared your point of view before they even read it.

    • Bandit74

      So if your goal was to get approval from people who already agreed with you, great. However, if your intent was to actually gain the support of people who didn't already agreed with you then I doubt you swayed a single person.

    • Anonymous

      Well this is a take about men's role in this, so of course it's one sided, as in it only looks at one side, not all possible variables.
      I'm not sure why but a lot of guys seem to think that by elaborating one variable you deny the existence of other, which is of course stupid.
      It's a big topic and I couldn't possibly fit everything into one article, so you descope, focus on one variable also. Which I thought I had explained well enough but apparently didn't.
      Kinda the same with men sexualised, I don't want to discuss here because it deserves it's own take instead being discussed on the sidelines, but apparently some men interpreted that as me denying it exists.

    • Bandit74

      Still, it came across like you are placing most of the responsibility for women’s self-esteem on men. Even a couple of girls perceived it that way so it’s not like it’s just guys here being assholes. And if someone had written a take about what girls should do to make men less insecure, I doubt they would get a better reaction. It would be the same reaction you got or even worse. Guys would likely respond positively while girls would tell the guys to stop whining, that girls have it worse and they should get the fuck over it. Maybe not exactly in those words, but that would be the general consensus

      “but apparently some men interpreted that as me denying it exists”
      It’s not even necessarily denying it exists. It’s the message that it’s not as important/not a priority. That women’s struggles with self-esteem are more valid and more deserving of attention. Not even just with your take, that’s just the message guys get in general.

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  • Barrabus_the_Free

    Why on earth would I WANT to "do anything" about it? It's a female problem, which means it's not MY problem, and they can't foist it off on me unless I allow it. Which I won't do.

    Men and boys have to deal with the same shit, only no one pays any attention because we're only expendable males, therefor we don't matter. We're constantly bombarded with bullshit about how we're supposed to be happy to be with a single mother who's 40 pounds overweight, but if we aren't a 6'2" underwear model who's ready for a magazine cover photoshoot AT ALL TIMES then we're somehow less than human.

    Fuck that noise.

    When women start giving a fuck about the shit men face, I *might* start CONSIDERING giving a fuck about female problems. Probably not, though. I've been burned too many times to be able to work up any fucks to give.

    • I agree with you. I think that if our culture would just stop saturating our movies, commercials, etc. with so much sex, things would not be so bad. Thats not the only factor of course. But still, today there's sex EVERYWHERE, and thats the standard that has been set for guys and girls alike. This leads to dressing inappropriately, making people only objects, creating insecurities, and on and on. Our culture doesn't care one bit about the person within if youve got the best body out there. Our culture as a whole has been deceived. We girls have a HUGE responsibility, we were given a beautiful body, but we can choose to use that to entice and distract men in ways that we females are ultimately responsible for. You want all these issues with girls' insecurities to stop? We girls better stop sexualizing ourselves and pay more respect to everyone around us.

    • @MelanieAmber33

      That's certainly part of the solution. I think it would take more than just that, because of how far gone everything is, but I'm not sure exactly what. I agree that it starts with WOMEN deciding they're not going to be reduced to objects merely for some attention and a paycheck, though.

  • manmore

    Why should men help women get rid of their insecurities if women won't do the same to men?

  • BanterBlitz

    Females have always used their bright plumage to attract a mate. It's something that's ingrained on a biological level. That is all they are doing when they are posing on Instagram, in magazines and so forth.

  • ObscuredBeyond

    Concerning the Photoshopped Asian woman: I thought she looked okay even before the doctoring. I really don't see why it was so necessary. I'd approach either one.

    • Anonymous

      sorry, which model is asian?

    • The one right above: "And to be clear here..."

  • Nightinggale

    "What men can do about it." No, fuck off. If you're insecure or some other women are insecure how is that in any way my responsibility to deal with? You have a victim mentality.

  • spoonman2014

    Someone may cut my brakes for saying this, but my one friend made a good point. The fashion industry is run by gay men. I think people need to see that sure they may have a gay friend and don't go gay bashing on the weekends doesn't mean that they understand it. And one thing people do not realize is that the LGBT community is plagued with body image issues. It is time to have a real conversation with your LGBT friends, and we can get this bodyi mage crap at the source. Because being mad at straight males and not the people who run the industry is like cops arresting junkies and not the dealer

  • mrsingle

    I've tried complimenting women on things other than looks and get friend zoned all the time, where's the men who say sexy and hot get sex or dates. Explain that please!

    On topic, I love women in jeans and t shirt, so women I like are ones that don't fuss on looks. If they wear no make up and don't comb their hair I won't care. I don't care about butts or boobs and legs smaller ones actually. Sure I will still have a look/type preference, but second choice I like a woman who is active and not afraid to get dirty or go hiking with me, so it makes sense I see non-dress clothes more attractive and a more slimmer body frame, it all works out actually.

    • You get friend zoned because our culture today is SO saturated with one thing: sex. Anything that doesn't pertain to that gets read as just trite friendliness, nothing special or important.

    • mrsingle

      @MelanieAmber33 yet over sexual they think your a pervert, makes no sense!

  • DaniaMQ

    Okay, in some countries guys act like they've never seen a girl in their lives. But let's talk about Europe in this case. Did you see how girls are posting pictures these days? 54% of teens that send nudes are girls. Go check many Instagram pictures of teen girls and you would see her wearing incredibly short or tight things. They go out with shorts that are so short to the point where you can see their butt. Then they want guys not to look? Oh cmon. -_- how will guys not objectify a woman that's
    objectifying herself? Doesn't make sense.

    On the other hand, when there's other woman that wear things in a more modest way, you don't find as much men objectifying them.

    I do think men shouldn't look at women as some sexual object. However, you can't fully fault them only when media portraits women as sexual objects in some indirect ways. And also when girls don't give anything to the guys imagination by wearing the shortest and tightest things.

  • I can't believe you made this political. Donald Trump said "grab them by the p____". And the majority of "White" women voted for him.

    Perhaps you are a woman with a certain perspective that does not reflect all women's views on the issue. I remember watching a woman giving an interview about Donald Trump and his mysogny. She basically said "he is an American man and women have to understand he has sexual needs".

    I am not saying I agree with her. But this situation is a lot more complicated than what you have written here.

  • Iraqveteran666

    Somhow women's problems always get blamed on men. Sorry girls solve your own problems.

  • Dog19

    I know I'm not pretty enough... My old friends of mine told me I am fat, ugly and a little dumb but I'm stil a good person so..

    Yup...

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