Man Up: Boys Shouldn't Cry And Real Men Don't Cry

Man Up: Boys Shouldn't Cry And Real Men Don't Cry

Boys Shouldn't Cry And Real Men Don't Cry is the gender stereotypical view of the stoic male.The toxic patriarchal society has instilled this belief into ALL males. They are instructed from a young age that boys who cry are weak.A man is strong, they are told, and emotions are weak. At all costs never ever show, even feel, emotions. Throughout their day to day consumption of media and their social interactions ,whether it's their parents, peers, playground games , teachers, or television they are told - real men don't cry. Toughen up.Man up.Be a big boy. Be a real man. Quit being such a pxssy, or mangina. They are made to feel shameful, weak and inadequate for feelings of sadness and pain.They fear being mocked by their friends and family instead of being supported.So they learn from childhood to suppress their emotions to hide their feelings. As they grow into adulthood suppressing their emotions takes hiding their emotions to another level. They start to repress their emotions , which means that they have taken uncomfortable feelings and emotions , and hidden them in their unconscious to the extent they are no longer aware they have them at all

Loneliness does not come from having no one around you .It comes form being unable to communicate your feelings and emotions- the things that are important to you

Suppression refers to the act of consciously suppressing your feelings,emotions , thoughts, desires and wants. This means that a person is aware that a particular feeling, thought, or emotion has made way and they are making a deliberate effort to not think about it or feel it. We all suppress or hide our emotions from time to time, but persistently suppressing our emotions is ineffective , and dangerous to our psychological state , because holding back an emotion,for example ,anger- that feeling usually returns with rage and vengeance. Being private with how you feel is different than the issue of suffering repressed emotions. Repression is a subconscious act. It means not acknowledging or acting upon your feelings,emotions , and thoughts. So much so, that you deny their very existence. You unconsciously forget an experience ,incident ,or how to feel . The subconscious mind will block these impulses because they are viewed as potentially harmful and disruptive to your psychological well-being, stability, and self-image.

Any type of relationships is meaningless if you can't actively express your genuine emotions without feeling ashamed

This suppression and repression of emotions and feelings causes untold and unnecessary suffering for millions of men across the world .It can hold them back in all aspects of their lives . It means that they constantly miss out on what they truly want from life. Relationships and friendships are far shallower and less meaningful,which can lead to isolation and loneliness. Emotions are a vital tool for decision-making ,and help us communicate and form stronger friendships and relationships. Ignoring feelings and emotions can lead to anxiety and depression, both of which can have a detrimental affect on a person's physical health,and emotional & mental state. It can also lead to addictive behaviours , and in some cases suicide,because men are not getting treated for mental illnesses ,and psychosomatic symptoms caused by repressed/suppressed emotions and feelings.There’s no way to tell when someone is suffering in silence,so it makes it more difficult to get and give emotional support

The Healing Property of Tears

Man Up: Boys Shouldn't Cry And Real Men Don't Cry

Tears are produced in response to that strong emotion you experience from pleasure, stress,anger, sadness , loss, suffering and physical pain.So when you cry, it's a signal you need to address something.It is the body’s (both male and female) way of signifying that something is wrong.Tears are controlled by the parasympathetic nervous system, which is triggered by emotion. The Parasympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system controls the lacrimal glands. When the lacrimal gland is stimulated it produces tears.Emotional tears have many special health benefits. Tears contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying. It helps to emotionally clear sadness and stress by releasing feelings,which in turn can elevate your mood.Emotional tears also contain a natural painkiller, called leucine enkephalin – this is the reason why you often feel better after a good cry. The act of crying can also lower a person’s manganese level - high manganese levels can lead to a variety of psychiatric and motor disturbances. Including anxiety, nervousness and irritability. Crying is a way for the body to release toxins from the body.When humans get stressed there is an increase in ACTH ( adrenocorticotropic hormone) Over time as this builds it leads to more stress ,that demands to be released.It either comes out in its healthy form as tears, or if suppressed can cause a number of physical symptoms to arise known clinically as Somatoform disorder (psychological/relational issues that manifest themselves as physical symptoms).Crying is also essential to resolve grief. Tears help us process the loss -whether it is the loss of a loved one in death,or the sense of you feel after a relationship comes to an end.Emotional tears are a physical detoxification.It helps to heal your heart ,so you can keep living with an open heart.

Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on. Sometimes a good cry is all you need to release all the hurt and pain you have built up inside
Man Up: Boys Shouldn't Cry And Real Men Don't Cry

Of course, there are other reasons why men don’t cry as often as women –High levels of testosterone affect parts of the brain linked with emotion .Testosterone can impair emotion, so it can take longer to identify emotions which reduces the likelihood or even ability to cry.Scientists and doctors claim that when women go through hormonal therapy to have more testosterone during their transition to become men,they end up crying a lot less than they did before . Similarly, when men have surgery and hormone therapy to become women, they often end up crying a lot more. The effects of testosterone can also be dependent on a person's individual body chemistry and personality makeup.

Man Up: Boys Shouldn't Cry And Real Men Don't Cry

Regardless of our backgrounds whether it is race, gender,sexual orientation, age, religion ,ethnicity, education or political stances, we are all HUMAN. We ALL have pain, suffering, vulnerabilities,hopes, dreams, plans, goals, failures, weaknesses, objectives, beliefs, feelings, emotions,needs, and desires.Men feel emotion just as much as women, sometimes more strongly, but are less willing to express these emotions openly due to expectations put on them by society.The damage inflicted by this societal idea is incalculable. The repressed pain ,hurt and fear that no one must know about ,forces men to put on a tough exterior. This Hyper-masculinity hurts boys as they are developing and growing up. Society ,and parents need to help boys from a young age to feel included and curious about their feelings, not shame them ,or make them feel badly about their feelings and emotions. It's vital to encourage boys to admit to any feeling and emotions outside of the narrow range of feelings and emotions acceptable for a man.

Displaying emotions prove a man is a human being, instead of an unstoppable ,unbreakable, strong robot.It shouldn't be necessary to stop being a person in order to be a man.Crying doesn't compromise a man's masculinity.

Allow yourself to really feel your feelings. It's okay to bear your soul ,break down and cry.Because through that breakdown comes your breakthrough

Man Up: Boys Shouldn't Cry And Real Men Don't Cry


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Most Helpful Guy

  • to quote Mr. T "Mama said never to trust a man who can't cry"

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    • people downvoted Mr. T

    • When I didn't cry I was a terrible person, I was a backstabber I didn't care what I did to others, I was hurting a lot on the inside but I was HURTING A LOT (others) on the outside... I thought I was being manly not a dick...

      NOW i know that being an adult.. is NOT about being what society wants of you...
      it's facing yourself, taking all your problems and happiness... taking what you have and don't have, can and can't do, how you feel, who you are... taking that all the good and the bad... and accepting it.

      If you have a problem and don't want it, then work through it, being a man comes from being able to work through your problems and be proud of whom you are.

Most Helpful Girl

  • TLDR all of it but i get the basic idea. i disagree with it to some degree. i think real men don't cry. in front of their woman. i think it's good for men to cry when they commune with their God or counselor or friend who understands what they are going through. but like it or not, a woman perceives a man crying as weak. in tough times women want the man to be the strong one to see the family though. i'm not talking about something as serious as a death or something like that. of course if someone you love dies nobody is going to think you less of a man for having tears. i'm talking about the emotional things in life. for example, if you're possibly going through a divorce and you still want a chance of fixing things. if you cry she'll see you as being weak and run the other way. confidence in the face of trouble might make her rethink splitting up. and even if you do actually split the odds are at least she will respect you. i've heard plenty of girls talk about how clammed up their guys are and wish they would talk about things and their feelings- only to turn around and use the issues close to their hearts like a knife to jab them with. men may cheat sometimes because they are thinking with their dick, but i think women are more cruel.

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    • If her vagina is the only thing a woman gives to her man (meaning no emotional support), why the hell not get it somewhere else? Men dont cheat because they think with their dick, but because they are not emotionally attached to a woman who doesn't want them to show their emotions.

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    • @Journeyman11 emotions are annoying as fuck to me. I'm a woman, obviously; but I just choose not to utilize those emotions that can complicate everything because they have made me too readable (that can be a weakness) in the past. Call it manly, I don't care. I'm not your average emotional, dramatic woman (I'm speaking for the majority), and I'm proud of it.

    • @Journeyman11 unfortunately i think its true to a certain degree. but men are encouraged to show emotion- just certain ones. like dignity and love and happiness and excitement and thankfulness. basically- positive emotions are okay. crying is a result of sadness and loss though- which is seen as weakness in a man because he should keep a stiff upper lip when the going gets tough so to speak. if your wife leaves you- no big deal. you're an alpha male. just go bag a new ho. lose your job? what's that? go hunt elephants with a toothpick and a winning smile for a living. someone trashes your car? so what? build a new one from scratch. guys are expected to sort of 'get back on the horse' and honestly it is kinda attractive to see a guy rapidly rebound from a loss. loss should be expected in life and able to be mitigated. if you lose your job because of a flat tire you're doing something wrong already.

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What Guys Said 70

  • Growing up, I never had a male tell me not to cry when I got hurt. It was from my mother, grandmother and other women, that I heard boys don't cry. Be a big boy and stop crying, a man does not cry.

    As I hit puberty and I became interested in females sexually, I started to notice how females reacted to a male that cried. They say one thing, but how they really react and feel is something else. Females love a male that is emotional and sheds tears, as long as it is not the male they are in a relationship with.

    Most females will react negative to what I am saying, but experience has show me. That no woman keeps her respect for her man long, after he has shown weakness by crying. Women want a man they feel can protect them, they don't want a crybaby.

    I have seen it with my own eyes, and heard it with my own ears. That same woman that is all understanding to you when you have shown weakness to her, is the same woman that is bitching to her friends about you not being a real man that she can rely on in a crisis or laughing with her friends about what a weak pathetic crybaby you are.

    How many of you guys that have ever cried in front of your woman, felt respected by that woman after or for that fact are still with that woman.

    Are there times to get emotional, sure there are. But when you need to shed a tear or too, don't do it in front of your woman. The only time you can get away with tears, is at a funeral for people that helped raise you.

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  • You sure seem to know a lot about being a man for a woman.
    I've never been told by other guys to not cry, I actually rarely talk about emotions with any of the men I know. Women on the other hand are the ones who tell me not to cry.

    My mom, teachers, and aunts are the only people who have told me to not cry. Maybe its because I was young and they didn't want to deal with it, but I've only heard "don't cry, be a man" from the women in my life.

    I don't think guys have an issue with emotions. I feel things perfectly fine but I chose not to indulge those feelings because most of often it would be a waste of my time and energy.

    That being said, I have cried in front of guys and girls as a teen/young adult. From my experience guys care much less, as in it doesn't change how we interacted. But with the girls it seemed like they felt this new 'power' (its the wrong word with too negative of a connotation but I don't know a better word) over me. Like me crying somehow proved something about them as a person.

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  • It's a trap, don't fall for it! Barring douchy jock types men are okay with their friends showing emotions, but many women are not (maybe they think they are, but they really aren't when push comes to shove).

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  • Crying is essentially the result of becoming overwhelmed with emotion. A man who doesn't have control over his emotions is a pussy. The logic is quite simple.

    I'm not for this whole notion of pussifying a bunch of men because the result will be a generation of men that have no pride in their masculinity. If I cried as as a boy my dad would tell me to stop acting like a girl and I honestly thank him for giving me that tough love all these years because he gave me that foundation of my values as a man.

    A man is someone who can take charge of any given situation and a man who is habitually crying because it's "healthy" has no domineering presence for the fact that he can't control his own emotions. He can't lead others when he can't lead himself. The man who is crying and bitching all the time is mentally weak. Who do you want in charge in a situation? The over emotional pussy who cries because it's healthy or the alpha male who doesn't let emotion cloud his better judgement?

    Given, everything is circumstantial. If you just experienced a tragic death in the family or lost a good friend, then crying is absolutely acceptable. If you're just overwhelmed with life, and can't seem to control your emotions to the extent of crying habitually... then get a fucking grip.

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  • Normally, I would type up a whole spiel on how I view this topic of "emotion vs crying vs masculinity." But I really don't want to right now. I guess you can call it laziness or whatever.. oh well.

    But I'll sum it up: Simply feeling strong emotions and understanding said emotions doesn't negatively impact your masculinity. What matters is not letting those emotions take hold of you.

    In fact, I've found that men who can think with clarity and act with control despite immense internal pressure actually command MORE respect and support than men who are 100% emotionless. For example, John Harrison from Into Darkness.

    31.media.tumblr.com/.../...eypNdC1sz95rlo1_500.gif

    As previously mentioned, extremely calculated, precise and composed with just about everything he does. But even though he's cold in that regard, it doesn't take a psychologist to see that he's heavily driven by this passionate love for those he considers his family and the pain of knowing he could lose them should he fail to act.

    images6.fanpop.com/.../...han-34540323-500-220.gif

    I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in saying this. If he were just your standard issue unemotional and heartless killer who's only real drive was to control sh*t, he wouldn't be half as respectable a character in my eyes.

    You can see it in real life as well. Typically the most highly respected people are very emotional as well as driven. They channel their emotion in a way that doesn't cloud their actions, but rather empowers their actions; lets them push themselves harder towards the goal at hand without losing focus, and makes them relatable in a way that inspires those around them to follow.

    Fuck.. this is exactly what I said I WASN'T gonna do..

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  • Life can be hard and often times men do have to "man up", avoid crying , put emotion to the side to be strong and carry the day.
    Like my father when my older brother died. He had just lost his son but still had a family to support, a job to hold down, bills to pay, kids to take care of and a wife that was so heartbroken that she had to be institutionalised. That is real strength and love to keep going when all you want to do is crawl under the earth.
    Men not expressing themselves in an emotional way is to do with biologically. More times than not men would rather not discuss their feelings and emotions either because they don't want to relive bad feelings or they just don't know how they feel.
    More and more men are being shamed and discouraged from expressing themselves in a masculine way, this is branded toxic masculinity and it's having a detrimental effect on the health and well being off men. As anyone would tell you men who play sports, martial arts or other traditional masculine pastimes and activities are usually very happy well rounded guys as these thing produce testosterone and testosterone production is beneficial and necessary to a man's health. Often a man going through a bad time may find it more beneficial to rather than discussing his feelings to engage in a project, hang out with the lads, lift some weights, work it out out on a punch bag or express his feelings in smaller low key ways. Men and women are equal but we will always be different sides of the same coin. If you weigh up the strengths and weaknesses of both genders you often find where one is strong the other is weak.

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  • I don't repress my emotions, I was never told that crying is weak.
    I simply don't cry because I'm not a messed up bag of hormones that gets emotional over the smallest things.

    Stop trying to apply your female mind onto men, we are completely different.

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    • And if anyone ever told me to stop crying it wasn't the "toxic patriarchal society" but it was the cunt I had for mother.

  • To me personally, if you don't show that side of affection then to me you are not a real man bc I have learned along the few years and spoke to few girls, you sbould be able to show your feelings. Many females find that somewhat attractive bc he is not being egotistical when he shows that.

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  • " is the gender stereotypical view of the stoic male. The toxic patriarchal society has instilled this belief into ALL males. They are instructed from a young age that boys who cry are weak. A man is strong, they are told, and emotions are weak. At all costs never ever show, even feel, emotions. Throughout their day to day consumption of media and their social interactions , whether it's their parents, peers, playground games , teachers, or television they are told - real men don't cry. Toughen up. Man up. Be a big boy. Be a real man. Quit being such a pxssy, or mangina. They are made to feel shameful, weak and inadequate for feelings of sadness and pain. They fear being mocked by their friends and family instead of being supported. So they learn from childhood to suppress their emotions to hide their feelings. As they grow into adulthood suppressing their emotions takes hiding their emotions to another level. They start to repress their emotions , which means that they have taken uncomfortable feelings and emotions , and hidden them in their unconscious to the extent they are no longer aware they have them at all"

    I dont know where you have gotten this information from but i have never experienced something like this, nor have i seen any other boys or men experiencing these things which you have described.

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  • Men can cry in certain circumstances. Death, extreme sadness. But men should never cry like women... ever. 1st off, most women would lose all respect for their SO if he did cry like a woman. They wouldn't admit it maybe, but somewhere inside, they will feel less safe if he breaks down that easy. 2nd, other men would view him as weak and that isn't good either. I would not want my boys crying at the drop of a hat like women do.

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  • When you are scarred enough, you don't cry anymore, you become hardened. The level of misandry that western men are subjected to creates the male we have today. Treat a dog cruelly is will become a mean dog... children are no different.

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  • Boys are taught to be tough but not only our dads, but our moms too. Now a-days, a boy is told he can show emotion, but yet, if we show too much were considered sissies.

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  • I don't exactly know why it's so hard for me to cry. It's either because of my high testosterone level or it's my social programming since I was a child or both. Either way, I don't care. It's not in my nature to cry.

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  • Chicks always think crying is a good thing, but it's not for men.

    I've tried it, it don't work!!

    I think working through the issues and finding proper channels of support (friends, family, therapist) is needed. Nothing good has come from me balling my eyes out.

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  • Maybe it is a stereotype, but if testosterone has something to do with being less emotional, then it isn't a stereotype. You just contradicted your own statement of it being a stereotype! I don't think testosterone is linked with less emotions. It is linked to aggression and motivation, which leaves you no time to be crying and worrying! If you get what I mean. Nice myTake though!

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    • That's kind of weird Asad. I have fairly enough of those T hormones, yet I don't feel aggressive at all (I'm laid back in fact). And I do get emotional at times with tears in my eyes over the fact, that I can't find a good girlfriend.

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    • I believe there is no normal amount of having them T hormones (but a deficit is possible, which i don't have for sure) just like it is with the libido as it's individual.

      You're Making it sound like all men should be aggressive. I disagree. I don't feel comfortable or like being myself being aggressive. I'm laid back.

    • @Unit1 Just measure it and find out! You don't have to tell me.

  • You can't just cry about everything. Sometimes you need to man up and get on with the job at hand.
    It's no use crying like a little girl.

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  • This is also a cultural thing. Some cultures have men being the emotional ones and women being more stoic.

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  • Being less emotional by nature =/= suppressing our emotions. Men and women are different. Stop assuming the average female's emotional response as the healthy default for both sexes.

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  • Anyone who agrees is being a bitch. Real men only cry when a certain situation calls for it.

    I can't even remember the last time i cried
    Probably somebodies funeral

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  • Please stop victimizing men. We couldn't care about petty little shit like this.
    If a guy wants to cry he can cry all he wants, no one will judge him.

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What Girls Said 19

  • See, this is what I feel like is the problem with a lot of society today. (I'm not judging anybody for their opinions, simply expressing mine.) Guys should be allowed to cry, not forced to reel in all of their feelings. Crying is human nature. You feel down, you cry. You feel happy, you cry. It does not confine to any gender. Men are forced to keep their feelings and load them up until it's unbearable.

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  • what kind of modern woman can stand to see a man open his heart though? it was experienec that taught men to build a shell around them. as women we have quite many insecurities, and issues of our own today to have the cojones to deal with men's sensitivities as well. it wasn't some magical "patriarchy" that instilled this toxic masculinity but mothers, sisters an girlffriends as well. we all perpetuate it.

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  • Guys tend to bottle it up because society has made them think that crying is only for babies, children and girls. It really is fine for a guy to cry and in the past I've had a few big tough guys break down in front of me because they had to let it out and trust me everyone needs to cry sometimes.

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  • It's so damaging to a little boy to hear that he's "acting like a girl" when he cries. This is why we don't recognize depression in men. Because sadness comes out in the form of anger and we're surprised when they commit suicide because they seemed to be "alright" or behave like a typical boy.

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  • this is interesting because i talked about this to my boyfriend. and he felt that we shouldn't assume that men were like us where they should be allowed to cry and be judged. he said thats what make men and women different, and we should just appreciate that.

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  • Real men know when it's okay to cry. People cry when they have no other way of expressing their hurt. Or when it becomes too much. If you're in pain, or your life is falling apart. If you're stressed or you just feel you need a good cry, it's alright to let it out. I gain respect males who choose to cry in my company. It means they feel safe with me. They trust me. Boys on the other hand, they're boys. They can cry like babies because they still are babies. And that's okay.

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  • My ex boyfriend used to cry over everything and I found that such a turn off, I understand if there is a genuine reason but to turn on the water works over the dumb things like a small argument is so infuriating. In saying this I feel the same way about women who do this, my old roommate was the same.. I'd tell her she needs to clean up after herself then she goes on about how he life is so crap coz he mum died when she was 4... umm I just wanted the dishes washed lol

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  • Boys should cry and Real men do cry.
    How about that?

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  • i think it's sad how they are not allowed to cry because of what they have been thought or "think".. it's okay to cry everyone has emotions can't keep it all in...

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  • If a man wants to cry then there's nothing wrong with it. To me, if a man can't cry then he can't be emotional. A guy can be masculine and sensitive at the same time.

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  • You have very good points, nice mytake, just recently, I started comforting my friend, some girl broke his heart and he was crying as if it's the end of the world. I hope he gets better someday :(

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  • Crying is vital to our emotional balance stop telling men they can't cry and that its feminine ITS HUMAN , I wouldn't ever date a man that couldn't cry in front of me his woman

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  • I think it's ridiculous that society created this stereotype. It's good to show a little emotion. I even think it makes a guy more attractive. OK but bitch please, don't cry 24/7.

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  • men are allowed to show emotions just as much as women...

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    • Another female having to make this about females. Here, why don't we rewrite the whole fucking thing just to make this about women?

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    • just shows what a coward you are

    • And of course it got downvoted by toxic masculinity 🙄 why am i not surprised?

  • Crying is a natural phenomenon that occurs for a reason. Not processing emotions properly leads to a whole lot of mental health issues ranging from anger management issues to depression. There is strength in vulnerabilty. I'm not asking you to cry at a beautiful sunset, but if you can't shed a few tears at the funeral of someone you love then you need help. I also have yet to meet a man who didn't turn into a huge crier when he had kids. And there is nothing hotter or more manly then a man who loves his kids.

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  • Crying does not take away your manhood. Men are and have been told they are supposed to be strong and not show their emotions. I am a woman who has been through hell and back. No one has ever said to me I couldn't cry it makes me weak. No it makes me human just like any man. Men need to be in touch with their feelings. I am dating someone who has not been afraid to show me his sensitive side. I love him for it even more. I at least know he feels things and can be open about the crap he has been through. It has made our relationship stronger. I love that my man can express himself even if it is with tears!!!

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  • Exactly. Don't cry man up. Seriously, no girl wants a womanly man.

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    • Uhh, I guess I would be considered "manly" with this sort of logic. I hate emotions, and I just don't show them because they're annoying. I don't want to be considered a woman if this emotional shit is tied to our stereotype, tbh.

    • @the22ndpilot no it's not that. People are to PC I like to be the devil adovacte lol. I wish guys were more manly though. Nothing say I love you when I guys physically holding your hand and protecting you.

  • Disagree

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  • I like sensitive guys. It's okay to cry :)

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