Here's Why I Think The Concept Of Single Mums Is A Bad Thing

[bubbles328]

1. Statistics

Two million families in the UK are single parents with dependant children. 91% of those families are single mums. That's 1/4 of British families with dependant children.

2. What the research says

Research shows marital status within families has no impact on children so whether the parents are cohabiting or married makes no difference to the child.

Once the parents' education and situation is taken account of the single mother household structure has no cognitive or emotional impact on the children from these families.

(This information has been provided by London: Institute for fiscal studies)

Another study by the Cornell University states single parenthood has no impact on the children and actually claims children from single-parent families to be at an advantage. The findings from this study stated children from single-parent families had a closer bond to their parent and other family members which will benefit them in the long run with their own relationships.

82% of people aged 14-22 from single-parent families stated they would prefer to have lived separated from the other parent as their household atmosphere had improved drastically and both parents seemed happier than when they lived together.

Other Research states by staying in marriages that are angry, conflicting or mediocre harms your children's future relationship as children often replicate the relationship their parents have. Children learn what is normal from their parents and if they see their parents arguing or unhappy in their relationship but stay together they will believe this is normal and how a relationship should be.

Divorce is a traumatic event for children. However, if the parents focus on the welfare of the children the transition will not have any traumatic effect at all.

Having the courage to truly live our lives for the sake of our children should be our ethic. But it needs to be more than lip service. For the sake of our children, we need to make our marriages the priority in our lives. This is the legacy that we owe them. Our marriages should be a vessel through which we model that positive value, not an imprisonment that we justify because of our children. To be the best parents we can be, we must be the best people we can be. This is what we owe our children

( Information based on The Art of Intimacy, The Pleasure of Passion)

3. Single parent stigma

Single mums raise drug addicts and criminals

If you actually look at the stats the difference in the percentage of drug addicts from single-parent families and married families is less than 1% this is hardly a figure to dwell on. If you are a single parent it doesn't mean your child WILL become a drug addict or a criminal. Some of the most famous iconic people of our time were from single-parent families.

Samuel L Jackson

Marilyn Monroe

Halle Berry

Obama

Eddie Murphy

Demi Moore

Keanu Reeves

This list goes on and on to some people that I was rather surprised to read

Single mums claim welfare/benefits

70% of single parents in the UK work and for the U.S I believe this figure to be a little higher. These rates may not seem much considering roughly 30% do not work but the majority do and they work hard to support their family! It's unfair to label the majority of the people in a group because of the minority of that group. That's like saying all men are rapist because of the few doing time in prison or convicted of it.

Single mums haven't "got it together"

Rather than base this point on research I'll save myself the time of looking for answers and answer it myself. This couldn't be more wrong. As a single parent working a very busy full-time job and partakes in voluntary work with 2 accomplished children that attend severalafter-schooll clubs per day with different uniforms and equipment I have to be organised and I mean ORGANISED or life just doesn't work. Schedules, to do lists and organisation of kits all neatly lined up in the correct bag in my house is key. Breaking down my day into time slots to ensure everything gets done and I still get me time and spend time with my kids is important and essential to get things done. Also from another personal point when a big project is announced at work I am the one that rises to the challenge and gets it done over all the singles in the office. I have actually had dates where guys have said "You really have it all together" and i'v been compared to singles and younger people for my ability to work more efficiently under pressure than the other single girls at work by my bosses.

Single mums are promiscuous or "loose"

There are reasons single mums are single mums, very few single women wake up and think "today i'm going to get pregnant." Most single mums were in happy loving relationships with the fathers of their children at one point. How many times have you met the women/man of your dreams that you thought you would spend the rest of your life with only for it to go horribly wrong, maybe not even on your part maybe the other person cheated or left "out of the blue". Many single mums may have undertaken the position of house wife at some point and cared for her children and husband while he was out earning the bread for the family. Very few single mums sleep about because they just don't have time they are not "whores" or "sluts" because they are too busy with their life to go out and get a one night stand. Their bodies are not ruined I know plenty of single women without kids with stretch marks.

4. In conclusion

Very few single parents are the stereotyped single mum. I know single mums that own businesses, are educated and bring home enough money to support their kids as well as be there for their children. With our growing world changing it is time to throw out the stigma, the world changes and so do the people in it!

[DinaM]

I was raised by a single dad, and I'm doing just fine. ^_^

[Charleslvajr]

That's rare. Single dads are almost as common as three horned dragons.

[DinaM]

I assure you, they're not. ^_^

[Charleslvajr]

I'm a dad, not single, I'm married to a good woman, but I know lots of dads who struggle just to get a chance to see their children. It's good to hear of single dads and their successes.

[bubbles328]

I love watching new single dads they struggle but once they get the hang of it they can make amazing sensitive parents

[FatherJack]

Thank you... from a single dad !! We also get less support than single mothers !!

[NYCQuestions1976]

I'm a single father also!

[jokery56]

Interesting...

[HughJass]

The interesting thing is that you got the MHO by 1 word.. hmmmm

[bubbles328]

@HughJass better than 8 page rants from nothing but a point of view lol

[englisc]

There's a ton of evidence that suggests the opposite of what you're saying.

www.heritage.org/.../chart7.jpg

assets.pewresearch.org/.../...-17_parenting-03.png

www.brookings.edu/.../figure2_marriagemobility.png

www.heritage.org/.../...e-penalty-2014-chart-1.jpg

http://fathersforlife.org/images/chap6cht11.gif

My parents divorced when I was young, and it definitely had a huge impact on me in a negative way. I see more often now that people think that it's no big deal to become a single parent, and I think it's sad. I think once you're a parent you should do all you can to keep the relationship/marriage going, and I wish more people would encourage that than try to argue that single parenthood is better for the kids when it isn't.

[fashionguy17]

A lot of women blame men for getting them pregnant or ask about the guy's involvement. Yes, the guy takes some responsibility, but it's all on the woman. No one is forcing you to get pregnant.

I see women all the time make stupid mistakes like that. I'm 26, and here is the biggest mistake I have seen from women:

Girl dates man for maybe a year, then she announces she is pregnant, then she gets into an argument with her man before the guy leaves, and then she is single.

I know a lot of women who date men for less a month, end up pregnant and then are single. Look at Kylie Jenner (she has only been with her boyfriend less than 6 months) and she is pregnant already. She is the epitome of how women act today.

Guys have the juice to get women pregnant, but it's up to women to take birth control or some type of contraceptive to prevent pregnancy, which a lot of women obviously aren't doing.

Obviously there will always be single moms. Even if you have been with someone for years, divorce does happen. However, it's happening more than ever, because people get into really short relationships, have a baby and then become single. Let's not forget to mention that child support laws always work in favor of women, so they usually always get the child.

If you don't want to be a single mom, take responsibility. If you are having sex, cool... use birth control and condoms.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for single moms who found themselves in that situation not by their own choice. But it is the kids who matter most in all of this. We owe it to them to be honest about the realities of how they are impacted by not having a real father. A lot of women choose to be single moms and we are doing everyone involved a huge disservice by not discussing the harm that does.

• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.
• 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.
• 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)
• 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average. (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)
• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (National Principals Association Report)
• Children with Fathers who are involved are 40% less likely to repeat a grade in school.
• Children with Fathers who are involved are 70% less likely to drop out of school.
• Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to get A’s in school.
• Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to enjoy school and engage in extracurricular activities.
• 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes – 10 times the average.
• 70% of youths in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (U. S. Dept. of Justice, Sept. 1988)
• 85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Fulton Co. Georgia, Texas Dept. of Correction)

[Opinion Owner]

• 43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]
• 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. [US D. H. H. S., Bureau of the Census]
• 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behaviour, Vol 14, pp. 403-26, 1978]
• 71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U. S. Department of Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]
• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D. H. H. S., Bureau of the Census]
• 85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]
• 90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. [Wray Herbert, “Dousing the Kindlers,” Psychology Today, January, 1985, p. 28]

[Opinion Owner]

• 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]
• 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. [Rainbows f for all God’s Children]
• 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions have no father. [US Department of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988]
• 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]
• Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D. H. H. S. news release, March 26, 1999]

[bubbles328]

These are all references from the 80s way outdated! My original question title said the way we thought about single mums is outdated and this is fact but it was edited. In truth as crime rates fall the rates of single parents rise therefore, showing there is no relation between crime rate stats and single parents. You also have to bare in mind back almost 40 years ago when your references were taken women didn't have as good jobs as they do now as we had just moved out from being oppressed by men. Now we have built ourselves up we can have good jobs.

New research is showing as the rates of divorce and single parents rise the rate of homicide lowers
www.theatlantic.com/.../

[Opinion Owner]

Some of the statistics I quoted may be outdated but the facts remain the same. Children who don't have fathers present in their lives suffer on an individual level in many ways, and society as a whole suffers as a result. Denying the fact that children need and deserve fathers is just wrong and unfair to our children.

Homicide levels have dropped for a lot of reasons, and thank goodness for that, but that really doesn't say much about how fatherless children are contribute to all sorts of issues in society, whether directly correlated with crime or not.

I am not trying to shame single mothers, especially those who did not choose to be single mothers, but we should not brush under the rug the harm done to our children just to make those mothers feel better. People need to make important decisions based on facts, not emotional arguments.

[bubbles328]

The do need positive male role models in their lives specially boys that is true

However if this is the impact of the fathers leaving then why should the Mum take the brunt of the abuse why are we not shaming fathers that refuse to pay or be any part of their kids lives

[Opinion Owner]

Well, firstly I agree that deadbeat/absentee dads are horrible. But they are recognized as such and shamed for their choice far more that single moms are. You do realize that, right?

But regardless, it doesn't really matter whether it is the father or the mother who makes the choice that results in a fatherless child. The end result is the same and they are equally guilty. The difference is no one is saying it's OK for fathers to abandon their children, but many women, and particularly feminists, have been trying to tell us there is no harm in raising kids without a father and in fact fathers are pointless. That was the point of your MyTake, wasn't it?

Nothing could be more wrong than trying to normalize fatherless children. Nothing could be more misguided than encouraging women to be single mothers or telling men it's OK to abandon their children (and their mother). It's the same thing.

There is no excuse for choosing that for one's kids.

[Opinion Owner]

Just to be clear, I have nothing but respect and admiration for single parents who are forced raise kids on their own. They are saints.

But I have zero respect for this... www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2701894-what-s-wrong-with-a-woman-wanting-to-raise-her-child-alone

It's pure selfishness.

[bubbles328]

I was going to represent another side of that post but then saw the poster was <18 that’s just a phase for her and she can’t represent women cos she’s a kid herself!
a lot of women do choose to do that and it’s Usually the successful type that just haven’t found the right man and are in their late 30s

[Anonymous]

For every single mother, there is a man who didn't stay. We put all this on the women while we still debate the right to abortion, and fail to make birth control more accessible (here in the US). To me, this is all just another way to trash the woman and let the man off the hook.

I think children do best in stable homes with adequate income, quality time with parent (s), and opportunity for good education. It tends to be a bit easier to obtain these things when there are two parents in the home, but many single-mothers (and fathers) have been great, so I'm not going to condemn them.

[Charleslvajr]

I agree with the second half of your statement. A good stable environment gives children a greater sense of security and enables greater chances of success. Second half of my childhood my mom was a single mother. Problem with most single mothers that I've seen, they can't stop trashing their ex in front of the children. You know the dad these kids should have a chance to look up to. My mom didn't.

[Opinion Owner]

@Charleslvajr I mean, unless the father was criminal or abuser, yeah, I don't think women should trash their exes in front of the kids. My mother didn't do that either. Most single mothers I know work very hard to maintain civility with the father so the kids can benefit from having two parents and not hate one.

And there is still an epidemic of men who do not take responsibility for their children.

Good men and good women don't deserved to be trashed. Really, even the screw-ups deserve help and support, more than they deserve being trashed.

I'm not saying men are more of a part of this issue than women. Just that it isn't all on women.

[Charleslvajr]

I'm not implying that you did. I'm just pointing out what is happening in the U. S. The court system is enormously biased against men in all facets of divorce or interaction and it's the men who are paying the price. I really can't blame the guys who run. They know what's going to happen to them. A minimum of 21 years of abject poverty, complete lack of parental rights and a belittling, humiliating experience that leaves them with no future to speak of. Most women are no where near as reasonable as you. Again, this is something I've witnesses with relatives and friends.

[Charleslvajr]

You also have to take into account that the guy doesn't always leave willingly. Women will drive them away but still insist on taking everything those guys own or make. This is not a rare thing.

[Opinion Owner]

@Charleslvajr Women have no legal claim to "everything" a man own's or makes. Children have legal claim to child support. Alimony laws favor the lower earning partner, not women - it just happens that for many social and interpersonal reasons, women are often not the primary breadwinner. But even then, she's only entitled to half of marital assets (which you agreed to when you got married), and a fair and equitable amount of ongoing support. Men are also much less likely to seek custody of minor children. Plus we still have a societal bias that says women are supposed to be the child carers, so much so that men are discouraged from learning the basics of child care as they grow-up.

It's not good for a man to be forced out of his kid's life, and I don't support that, unless he's done something really awful abuse-wise. My point is, single moms aren't something that drops from the sky. There is always a man involved in the equation.

[Charleslvajr]

For a feminist you are a very good woman, I could be friends with you but the truth of the matter is men are not being given a fair shake in court. Most men who get married then have a divorce, mostly no-fault are being raped of their life's work. While their ex-wives are eating lobster tail these guys are living on Ramen noodles. This is bullshit. Again, I'm not attacking you, strangely, I like you.

[Opinion Owner]

@Charleslvajr You see, when you actually look at the vast majority of divorces in America, what you're describing is not particularly common. When you get married it isn't YOUR life's work anymore - in most states in the US, you are agreeing that all your assets will be seen as marital assets in perpetuity. Women agree too, we just aren't as likely to have as many assets. Men often blame women for having to pay child support for the children they happily fathered.

What you're telling to me is an oft given trope, but it ignores a lot of the facts of divorce law, and a lot of men paint themselves as victims when all they are asked to do is abide by the contract they already freely entered. In this economy, fewer and fewer couples even have assets to divide, it's almost always about dividing debt. I ended up losing thousands of dollars paying for debts my first husband hid from me, and ran up on things most inappropriate to a monogamous marriage.

[Charleslvajr]

I've seen these things that I'm saying to you. I'm not making this up. At least I haven't experienced it and I will say, I have seen women who have had to suffer the damage so no, it isn't always men but it is mostly men. It's mostly men who are demonized and refused access to their children. It's men who can't get support to survive. The women who have had to pay for the man are at least left enough to make a decent life but men are expect to maintain a woman's "previous lifestyle". I'm not attacking your position, I'm giving what I've seen with the guys I know.

[Opinion Owner]

@Charleslvajr I sincerely doubt you examined their divorce papers or found out why judges made the decisions they did.

I've actually studied these statistics about divorce, and while what you're describing has certainly happened at all, it really is not the majority. Not in the US, and especially not among those of modest means. Your characterizing divorce law the way you have is incorrect, I mean, just genuinely, factually incorrect. Not that men whose wives really do rip them off and fuck them over deserve forgiveness. But the hyperbole abut what you feel you've witnessed does both men and women a disservice. It continues to enforce this idea that men mostly suffer terribly in divorce. Statistically, it is women who tend to suffer the worst financial setbacks in divorce. I know this flies in the face of the narrative than you are used to, but really... learn something new. Have an assumption challenged.

[Opinion Owner]

I mean, not that those *women* who fuck over and rip off husbands deserve forgiveness, sorry. Got confused part way through that sentence.

Here is what Findlaw says about Alimony trends in the United States:

Alimony Trends

In the past, most alimony awards provided for payments to former wives by breadwinning former husbands. As the culture has changed, so that now most marriages include two wage earners, women are viewed as less dependent, and men are more likely to be primary parents, the courts and spousal support awards have kept pace. More and more, the tradition of men paying and women receiving spousal support is being eroded, and orders of alimony payments from ex-wife to ex-husband are on the rise.

[Charleslvajr]

I will look up the things you are talking about. In respect to you and the conversation we have had. I know what I have witnessed and I've heard the decisions handed down by the courts to these men. If I'm willing to do this are you willing to watch "The Red Pill" by Cassie Jaye. It may help you to understand where I'm coming from and we can be better friends trying to make a better world for our children. Deal?

[Opinion Owner]

@Charleslvajr I've already been exposed to "The Red Pill" (vid, transcripts, commentary, etc.), and what I have found is that a lot of what is being asked is for women to fix problems men aren't willing to fix for themselves, every real or imagined social ill is blamed on feminists, and a lot of outright ignorance about the real oppression women still face in this world. Much of what "Red Pill" men perceive as their problems are actually a product of the very patriarchy women are working to dismantle - especially when it comes to rigid gender norms and expectations. Men and women are responsible for keeping these systems in place, while other men and women are trying to shed light on just how restrictive and unpleasant these gender norms make men's lives. And a system of thought that just fundamentally believes women are less worthy than men, well, that dog just don't hunt.

[Charleslvajr]

And that is not what was being said at all. But as a feminist what men say is of no consequence unless it falls into line with what you believe or worse it's to be scorned, derided and shamed in any way necessary to push the cultural marxist ideal. Globalists will be the end of western civilization. You know the one that built the basis of all the freedoms that women take for granted but somehow believe they don't have.

[Opinion Owner]

@Charleslvajr See, the thing is, we don't have a Marxist ideal or agenda, on the whole. I mean, I am sure some do, but that's not really what feminism is characterized by at all.

And when your views are sexist, they deserve to be scorned. Because sexism is unconscionable. We do in fact know what freedoms we have gained - this is more like the millionth wave of feminism by the way - and what freedoms we are still fighting for. We have American elected officials and voters actually enacting laws to prevent us from exercising certain rights, though the first with a Constitutional challenge was struck down. There are people actively working to get certain rights taken away from us. And we are still not seen as being of equal standing in all societies, and as long as that is the case, we will still have freedoms to fight for. On a social and legal front.

[bubbles328]

Dads can be bitter too though it depends who left. I think the bitterness does effect the children and when the parent that keeps the kids uses them to get back at the other parent is not healthy at all.

I was married to the father of my kids and before that friends for a long time. We owned a business together. The kids were 2&3 I found out he was sleeping with everyone behind my back then out of the blue took up coke! Needless to say I left. Contact was supervised as long as my children wanted it and a few years ago I was contacted by social services and informed his new girlfriend had her children removed because he hit one of them (this was not the guy I married at all) he trashed himself. My mother kept in contact she can’t leave anything alone but he even turned his back on her! I can hand on my heart say my kids are better off now than they ever were with him we go on holidays they get everything they want and we take a penny from nobody! I hate the way cont...

[bubbles328]

Single mums are spoken about! And I think I did extremely well blocking the kids from seeing any of that! Some SM so put kids first and to do that before feelings is very hard and work hard to give their kids everything! People say i put my kids in rose tinted glasses by still making stories up about tooth fairies and Santa at their age kids need to know the magic of the world at any age nor the horror!

[Opinion Owner]

@bubbles328, I am sure you're an awesome mom. Keep up the hard work.

[bubbles328]

Thankyou

[DonkeyRick69]

Marilyn Monroe drugs
Halle Berry drugs
Obama raised and finacially by his grandparents
Eddie Murphy drugs
Demi Moore drugs
Single moms do claim benefits even when working. If they work less than 16 hours they get housing benefit. If they work more they get child tax credit and 70% of all childcare paid for.
Some single moms have it together but most don't. Most single moms that do get a lot of support from family and their ex.
The jury's out on how many single moms are promiscuous. The smart ones are not but then you have the ones desperate for any man. Most quality Men are very reluctant to get into a reluctant to get into anything serious with them because they recognise the responsibility of a step child.
In conclusion most stereotypes exist for a reason and most single moms measure up to them. Single fathers do a better job raising kids and many statistics back that up. Also statistically children raised by single moms are more likely to suffer mental illness, have a criminal record and grow up in poverty compared to children raised in a healthy two parent enviorment.

[bubbles328]

Let have a look at some famous people who’s parents DID stay together

Hitler
Donald trump
Charlie sheen

Yeah looks promising that! Wonder if their crimes were taken into consideration in your chart 😂 I mean how many did hitler alone murder?

[MlleCake]

And why isn't this also blamed on the men who didn't stay to raise their children?

[bubbles328]

@MlleCake This is my argument too! if you look at the crime rates between men and women men are so much more likely to commit crimes. However, they lay the blame on single mums it's easier to lay the blame elsewhere or find a different trend. The single mum poverty and welfare rates are due to men not paying for their kids but then the blame still gets passed on women because she shouldn't have opened her legs apparently.

[DonkeyRick69]

Hitler was raised by a single mom.
Stalin Single mom
Oj Simpson single mom
Eminem single mom
Chris Brown single mom
Raoul Thomas Moat single mom
R Kelly single mom.
You failed to mention Matt on Sheen's other kids.
A lot of men are prevented from seeing their children by mothers and men have few rights under the law when it comes to their kids. There's a whole men's rights movement based on it.

[DonkeyRick69]

Single moms raise criminal men and future single mothers. It's a vicious cycle of crime and poverty in sinkhole estates. A lot of single mothers choose to get pregnant at a young age for the free benefits which are often more than many people can earn. A single mom on benefits gets the amount she receives from the father for maintaince deducted from for benefits.
Time and again it's been demonstrated that children in two parent families do better than in single mom families.

[bubbles328]

Hitlers parents were together until his dad died by then he was around 15 which was the norm for the time not raised by a single Mum
Single mums are a scapegoat for men’s behaviour. Most crime is committed by men. 30% of Americans have a criminal record 73% of those are committed by men. To make that theory work it would

[bubbles328]

Mean almost all single parents raised boys

Single parent bashing is a way for men to push women back into oppression women don’t need men you all just hate the fact we don’t need you anymore we can have our kids raise them well and put food on the table

[DonkeyRick69]

Hitler was raised by a single mom through his teens.
70% of criminals are badly raised by single moms, and most single moms were raised by single moms so the problem is single moms.
"we can have our kids raise them well and put food on the table" lets be real the taxpayers of the state financially puts food on the table and funds everything from healthcare to education to housing. So basically a large majority of taxpaying men are finacially supporting single moms.

[bubbles328]

Tax paying men are funding their kids what goes around comes around
Where’s the 70% from its 43%
Men are to blame here

[DonkeyRick69]

No it's the single moms who choose to get pregnant to losers. It's mostly every married or working taxpaying man that finances single moms.

[bubbles328]

So men that have impregnated women and left don’t work either? Hmm ok

[Djaaay]

Bubbles328 ... Stop being a (Sexist ) !! In the UK , men don't want women anylonger , get over it. And your a perfect example why they prefer not to.

[bubbles328]

@Djaaay 😂😂 have a queue hun! I’m single because I haven’t found someone worthy enough to invite into my family and why should I? Sacrifice my happiness and freedom just to not be a single mum

[snowangle]

😂 This guy is trying so hard.

[RachelleDraws]

My half sister was raised without a dad and she did really well. She earns more then both my parents, combined.
Her dad ditched mum. Mum got pregnant on her 1st time having sex with him. He pressured her into doing it saying if she didn't, he didn't love her. They had unprotected sex and she got pregnant. He kept telling her to 'ditch' the baby soon as it was born, she didn't want to of course, but told him she would. My sister was born and he basically told her to leave her on the street for someone else to deal with, she said no, and he left her. Mum raised my sister on her own after my sister moved out of the house, she later found my dad and I was born.

[bubbles328]

That was really brave of your Mum to do it all alone from the beginning strong mums raise strong daughters

[RachelleDraws]

Like everything, it depends on the kinda of person that mother is. My mum was strong enough to give up on her studies and raise my sister, and as such, my sister did really well.
Mum's ex-boyfriend kicked her out of his house, and because she moved from where she was born, she had to hire a flat and lived there most of her life. She got a job so my sister could get a better education and do better then she did. My sister ended up earning lots of money and paid for my mum's uni bills so she could get a job too. My sister now has a husband and two Children. Oddly, one of them is a few days older than me.

[bubbles328]

That’s a nice story just goes to show a strong single women can raise her kids right!

[RachelleDraws]

She's a great sister.

[Philyouup]

Not reading the whole discussion, i opine that a mother and a father are the best situation for a child, the foundations for a family are strong.. BUT if the parental relationship is not strong, it could be toxic for a child. Not that a single parent, mother or father is any less, but it would be different. Single and poor, doesn't precluded happiness, Married and Miserable or abused creates a very poisonous stress for both parent and child. So staying together for the kids, under bad conditions is certainly worse that being a child with 2 single parents

[Wonderingfool]

It depends on the set up. There are a lot of single girls out there with a kid because the guy has done a runner. Its harder for her to find another man because most men don't want to raise another mans child.

[Anonymous]

2nd point doesn't make sense. Studies in America show single parent mother households the children are more likely to end up in crime or drugs or other social issues. Look at black families in America after LBJ introduce the welfare state which incentive women to marry the welfare state ( left wing plans "LBJ ill have these N**gas voting democrat for the next two hundred years after my welfare state has taken place) what I'm saying is that they knew the affects of what a single parent house hold would do. Plus most guys don't wanna date a single mum often their the idiots who got knocked up by some douchbag and now she's just trying to find another provider because she made the stupid mistake and will continue to do so.

[bubbles328]

That's america though...

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I understand you really do seem great and. Admire that 😊😊 I just know the first hand effects of not having a father figure around

[Opinion Owner]

If you don't mind me asking how old are the kids? 😊

[bubbles328]

Mine are now 8&10 I left when they were 2&3 To be fairly honest it was the best move I ever made for those kids and me! They would not have him back but my ex took being an asshole to the extreme! I'm really laid back and he could have taken them as much as he wanted I worked with him too for a few years after we split and this way we co-parented well too but he went off the rails. My son gets good role models from all the sports he plays with the coaches both kids always tell me they are proud of me it's sweet.

I think america has more gangs and guns than we have here. We lived in a "gang" area for a while and I got the hell out of there with the kids I think that has an impact.

[Opinion Owner]

Good to hear your son hasn't good sporting role models , often sport is the best way for kids to lean social and team skills 😊 And also having fun. Do your children have a grad father figure to look up to? If you want send me a pm I grew up with a distant father figsure and would like to give my advice and help out (off course you don't have to agree but I thought it might just help with my point of view 😊😊)

[bubbles328]

Go for it PM me I don’t know who you are though so let me know it’s you I get a lot of weird people inboxing me lol
They have my dad but I think grandfathers are a little old to be role models. He does adore my daughter though! I also have male cousins that are close to them. I think aslong as the kids are loved I don’t see a problem

[DonkeyRick69]

You have to understand that in Britain single mothers get a he'll of a lot more financial support from taxpayers than in America.
Single mothers get a £2000 or more payment to buy baby stuff.
Rent is paid for.
They receive income support and other financial support.
They don't have to pay rates
Healthcare is free.
School is free.
The fathers are rarely chased up for child support and often mothers don't name the father for the simple reason that if they did any money the father gives officially is deducted from the mothers welfare so most separated parents come to an unofficial financial arrangement that suits both parties.
Single mothers get social housing.
If single mothers work they get 70% of childcare paid for plus working tax credits.
The more kids a single parent has the better off she is financially. A few years ago the government had to put a cap on benefits to discourage this.
In Britain children from single parent homes are more likely to go to jail

[DonkeyRick69]

www.dailymail.co.uk/.../...ikely-commit-crime.html
http://www.BBC.co.uk/news/education-22820829

[bubbles328]

@DonkeyRick69 not so much any more the 2k for a new baby has gone and this gov is a lot tighter. It was around £500 too
I have American friends and the thing that mostly gave me the advantage was education. I know US couples struggling and would love to go to uni so they could get a better job but they just can’t! I had some education and a good job when I had my eldest but I never went to uni. When I became a SM I went back to school with gov loans I have to pay back like tax and it’s not huge amounts but this is the thing that’s enabled me to get where I am today! I’m in better standing than the majority of couples I know with kids financially because of the job I got through these quals. People come from all over the world for our uni’s because of the financing. In a lot of my classes I was ethnic minority even though I’m British.

[bubbles328]

Childcare is extortionate too! Minimum wage is £7.20 per hour here yet my childcare provider charges me £12 ph god knows how they work that one out! Luckily mine are in school now so I don’t need much child care
Thing is the system is that screwed here they have to give people a “leg up” houses are pretty much impossible to buy for young people, couples or singles it’s not like that in other countries! The prices are so high because there’s not enough housing. On top of this there aren’t enough jobs. Their solution is to keep allowing people into our country when we’re clearly already full!
When it comes to maintenance fathers avoid it like the plague. I used the maintenance companies and was successful for a while... I don’t know where he is or what he’s doing now but apparently I can claim £5 a week from him which will get me far 😂 I don’t bother. The solution would be to cap childcare, make wages livable, stop upping the capacity and make fathers pay but they don’t.

[DonkeyRick69]

Single working mothers get 70% of chilldcare paid for that's why childcare is so expensive because nurseries know they can charge this.
There's not enough houses which gives landlords the ability to charge what they want, of course the people in power own rental properties so they won't support average people owning homes or building council houses.
A single mother chasing the father of her child for child maintaince is pointless because it's just taken right back off her in benefits she receives. Better they come to an arrangement outside of court that way both parties are better off which is what most people do. My cousin worked for years for the CSA chasing up deadbeat dad's yet was completely unable to get her deadbeat ex to pay a penny for his kids.

[bubbles328]

@DonkeyRick69 the gov is paid though to rectify these issues they’ve just dug themselves that deep it’s hard for them to fix it now! I dunno how many men willingly make a settlement payment out of court and it’s no where near as high as you think. £20 I asked for per week for 2 children regardless of his situation and he still refused. CSA is as much use as a chocolate fire guard they don’t really enforce it

[DonkeyRick69]

I agree. But that £20 would have just been taken off any benefits you were already getting plus an administration fee. If your guy was giving child support as he should you and your children would have been better off.

[bubbles328]

@DonkeyRick69 no it doesn’t work that way this is another thing about CSA if they calculated £1k a week and I received it I could still claim full benefits it’s an income they don’t count
I also hate receiving money from him either cash in hand or through CSA cos then I end up counting on that money. Through both methods the money can just stop without warning and I found myself then having to scrape about for the bills I was counting on paying with it which caused me a lot of stress which is the main reason I now don’t claim. A few years ago he did it to me before Christmas then he called up and said him and girlfriend had been out drinking and they accidentally spent all their money so the girlfriend had to take my maintenance for her and her kids to live off then he followed that up by saying “you wouldn’t want to see her kids go without over Christmas would you?” He’s lucky to still be alive today 😂

[Anonymous]

I agree. I know several highly educated, independently wealthy woman who got tired of waiting for a man and jsut decided to have to baby of their own. They're able to provide and love the child. I also know couples who had kids but for whatever reason, ending up divoxricng. But they're so good at co parenting that the kids aren't effected at all.

[TheFlak38]

You can own all the business of the world and tell us what a dynamic single mom you are and how you kick ass. I still haven't met just one angle mother that is happy with her life. From my own mother to the slut that I was fucking few years ago while her son was waiting at school to be picked up by her. All of them depressed or crazy.

[TheFlak38]

And the same thing goes when it comes to feminists and homes. The majority of them had a sad life with a single mother. All of these diseases like feminism, homosexuality, saw this is all because of daddy issues. They are mad that they couldn't grow up in a natural healthy family, then they go to university where the social justice professors fill their brains with shit and then they want to sabotage society with movements that are against everything they couldnt have in life.

[lilaqua]

Yeah It's not ideal and no one chooses it but what is all this shaming around it on this thread in the first place. It's likely out of the mother's control.

[LastNightmare]

You are beautiful and you got really nice theory. Everyone needs safe and happy environment to raise their kids but I still can't understand the Single mum because you don't wanna settle with anybody.

[bubbles328]

Thankyou! A single mum should be picky when she settles not only does she choose a man for her she chooses a man for her kids if the relationship is to go anywhere. I do know women with kids who move one man out and another straight in but when that doesn't work the kids have to deal with the loss of another father figure.

[LastNightmare]

Unfortunately , many single parents looking for never married or first timers to feel much safer BUT they try to find Parenting skills and better. relationship behavior which causes many problem.

[HandsomeGuy500]

As usual you are pulling things out of your ass. Here is a woman who tells the truth about single mums and debunks everything you have said:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLyCOFYBONY

[bubbles328]

What does she know she's 12

[bubbles328]

Do I ask him to do anything? was i not married when I got pregnant? You actually know squat about me and your projections are waaay too funny

[DonkeyRick69]

The video is very good.

[Unit1]

Nollagirl strikes again 😀
Or shall i say... NollaWOMAN! 👩

She's kinda right in most ways. Responsibility is the key.
Especially when she said, that having (unprotected) sex is a choice!
But many just don't want to be responsible.

[Likes2drive]

Pretty good take, my parents divorced when I was 13 and I had a younger brother and sister but we came out fine but it was a struggle financially for my mom. It’s to bad most marriages end in divorce just like mine too

[88flowers]

I still think that single mothers should be ostracized. Single motherhood should never be encouraged in society, and acceptance is encouragement. These women need to be socially made examples of as was commonplace in the past. That was discouragement enough. Society now has the habit of coddling degenerates and that needs to end.

[bubbles328]

What about the women who's parners died? or were domestically abusive? or the husband couldn't keep it in his pants? Single mums have enough on their plate without being "made examples of" maybe it's society putting pressure on the single mums and treating them second rate that makes the situations worse.

[88flowers]

No. That's why you just don't get pregnant if you cannot choose a healthy man. It is your job to use discernment in choosing the right partner that isn't going to cheat, beat you or take risks with his own life. Men have far more to lose in divorce than women these days. If men can use their discernment to find decent women in this cesspool of THOTery... you can be bothered to make wise decisions as well... Unless you're saying women are incapable of making wise choices? Is that what you're saying? Do these choices need to be made for them again as in the past when there were far more arranged marriages?

[bubbles328]

Ok so look at it this way my best friend was very happy and In love with the guy she was married to and had known for a decade. She had a baby 4 months later he just didn’t come home from work then the police came a drunk driver hit him on his way home from work! He was dead.

So now she’s gone from a happily married family to being alone with a 4 months old not only that but she’s doing it while grieving for her husband she loved very much! So because she’s now a single mum should we make an example of her? Say it’s her stupid mistake for having children cos her husband who was young could die at any time?

There’s loads of single mums and stuff like this happens to them it could be you one day!

[88flowers]

That's a nice anecdote and all but her case is rare. Most single mothers are single because they CHOSE TO BE and divorced their poorly-chosen husbands.

[bubbles328]

You never EVER truly know a person, you cannot get inside someones head and hear there thoughts just like you never ever know what will happen in the future. Have you ever been shocked by what someone has said or done because it was either really nice or really awful and you never expected it from them? its exactly the same thing. Having a baby changes the dynamic of a relationship, the couple is tired and under pressure and you certainly won't get to know this side of your partner until you have a baby. You can not control what another person does and you certainly never know what the other person is thinking. The dynamics of a marriage and family can be a difficult concept to someone that hasn't get there yet

[88flowers]

I have. In case you can't see my status on the website.

[bubbles328]

You can't see it but if you have kids why do you believe your relationship is unbreakable? Do you know 100% he won't cheat?

[88flowers]

Yes. I do. I know his moral character.

[bubbles328]

Do you though? really you cannot be sure. It would surprise me if in 10 years time you weren't a single mum yourself and kicking yourself for being so judgmental. Karma comes in the form of living your judgements when you say I wouldn't dare become a... you're challenging the universe

[88flowers]

I know that many women do not have the capacity to choose a suitable mate for themselves and that's a major problem. Women have been bred for centuries to rely on our fathers to choose our husbands for us. Now that we are thrust into the position where we have to be responsible for our own lives, women are failing miserably. It is the fault of feminism. To be honest, I'd much rather arrange a marriage for my daughters than have them destroy their lives with bad decisions that they will grow to regret... or possibly end up like the woman in the UK this year that killed herself because she started going through menopause and realized she had wasted her fertile years and poorly chosen multiple mates. Another victim of feminism.

[bubbles328]

You have daughters maybe you will understand this then. My parents are still married they are celebrating their 40th year together this year. My mother only now regrets staying married she thought she was doing the right thing by the kids neither cheated. She see's my life now and realises I am in a better situation alone than she ever was married. If one of yours became a single mum got a job earning more than you and your husband by almost double, gained her PhD while working and her children behaved well and were actually complimented at school for their behaviour. She had a nice house/car and she took her children on 4 holidays a year she never bothered with another man. How would you feel? Would you feel proud? or would you feel shamed by having a single mum for a daughter? That's pretty much me well it is me!

[88flowers]

Personally yes... I would be ashamed to have one of my daughters become a single mother. Especially if it is for selfish, materialistic gains and seeking lifestyles that have made women more depressed in recent decades than they were in the early 1900's. It's understandable if a woman's husband is a decade or so older than her and dies leaving her a widow in her 50-80, but by then, he should have a savings for her to be able to live on and her children should be adults and capable of taking care of her if need be...

It's shameful for a woman's youth to be spent alone, especially as a single mother. It's easy for people that are brainwashed to fight their own nature to say things like "better off alone" and "don't need a man" but the reality is that single women become severely depressed in their old age and are extremely vulnerable to criminals. Old women living alone are raped on a regular basis by minorities. You only need to watch Colin Flaherty on YouTube to see the many cases.

[88flowers]

I'm not comfortable with the thought of my daughters being single women, period. Children or no children. Women need men that love them to protect them from predators. You and I will never come to an agreement so it's best that we end this. Clearly we come from different mindsets, centuries or worlds entirely... I see humanity in such a way as we should practice what has been proven to have worked for us from the beginning of our existence until now... not practice modernity for modernity's sake.

[bubbles328]

I may be condemned as a single mum but it doesn’t matter what they become aslong a single they are happy and not harming other people I will always be proud and happy for them and never dictate how they should live their lives no matter what day and age it is

[88flowers]

That's your prerogative. Not for my family, though.

[jacquesvol]

Most single parents are single because the other one left.

[MlleCake]

But if a woman says the same things as you did Jacques, look at the Hell we get.

[zzzondarrr]

I wouldn't be surprised if with trends like these in 100 years children will be raised without any parrent...

[Anonymous]

news.cornell.edu/.../single-motherhood-doesnt-hurt-schoolwork

Is this the Cornell study you're referring to from 1999?

[DaTruth01]

its a bad idea but women dont want to listen they want to fuck around, get child support and live their life like a teen till theyre 80, and those who get stuck getting nothing actually start feeling what it means to have a kid, they do it for shits and giggles till shit gets real.

[MlleCake]

So, what about the man who got them pregnant?

[D_Bone_Steak]

@MlleCake I'd say he was raised by a single Mom.

[DaTruth01]

@MlleCake maybe he had a single mom and never seen it as an issue, maybe he's an asshole, maybe he pressured her to use birth control and she didn't use it on purpose... etc regardless of what kind of person he is, you are the one stuck with a kid not him, he can be great, an ass or the defitnion of piece of shit but that won't change the situation your in.

[bubbles328]

It’s not exactly “stuck with a kid” I have never felt I have been lumbered with my children I see it as his loss not my inconvenience

[D_Bone_Steak]

@bubbles328 What about a leech off of society for money and/or childcare? Way to put Mom or Grand Ma back to work so you can work to work, get that child support from the guy stuck without a kid that is his loss... or he can watch the unwanted beast so you can club with the girls (meet Daddy #2), and have big Daddy government pay and subsidise the shit out of your little shit... right? Yeah, what's better than these wonderful women being such a shining example of "autonomy" for a child... or... even better when they don't even know Mom because they're with child care all the time while she works. Thumbs up from me.

I haven't even talked about how the children end up... oh yeah, that's a big basket of wonderful things as well... thanks for your single Mothered contribution to society... thumbs up, oh yeah, thumbs up!

[bubbles328]

@D_Bone_Steak 30% don’t support themselves so that’s 70% that you are speaking for that do

Why is it the mans loss? Are ALL men automatically prevented from seeing their kids automatically?

In families with 2 parents where they both work who looks after the kids then? Are they magically able to look after themselves because of their advanced cognitive pedagogy from having 2 parents?

[D_Bone_Steak]

@bubbles328 Alright, where are you getting your numbers from? I'll be honest, I only did a quick google search with quick consensus of the results... and the statistics I'm getting basically says I'm right. Is this like the feminist argument of the "pay gap" where it's been disproven, but they like to throw that statistic out there in hopes that nobody will google it?

An unwanted child financially ties him to a kid and the kid's Mother for 18 or more years and you can't understand how that would be a loss...

And you're attempting to destroy the argument of 2 parents working better than one by assuming they both have to be working, entailed the same working hours as well I presume.

Instead of getting into a pissing contest of who is right and who is wrong... can we at least admit there are trends that correlates to single motherhood? But if you insist that they are all fantastically great trends... that it's just the mens fault... or whatever... I could use some proof of that.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@bubbles328 I mean seriously I'm looking at these stats right...

lib.post.ca.gov/.../Safe_Harbor.pdf

... and I just find myself disagreeing with the idea that everything is all fine and dandy, there's no problem here, and everything's all taken care of here folks. No, I'm not buying into that when stats says there are still some issues. Anecdotally speaking, I'm not seeing these hardworking archetypical single Mothers with great kids... instead I see things like her getting pissed with yet another new boyfriend and her kid just tried to break into my car to steal change.

All I really want to dispute the most is this make-believe "everything is already fixed" mentality. Everything NOT alright.

[bubbles328]

@D_Bone_Steak mines from uk studies maybe we’re a little saner over here!
Even with those messed up outdated figures though NOT ALL SINGLE MUMS ARE BAD!!! This is what you can understand in the US there will be a rate of male sex offenders this rate will outweigh the number of female sex offender a million times over! Now is it ok to say all men are rapists? Those figures could be from 2% of the single parent community meaning the other 98% need condemning too? See it depends on where you look at the figures from one place can distort the evidence by only giving the bad parts

[bubbles328]

96% is sex offenders in the US are men which is a way higher figure than those agains single mums. From that statement it would be wrong to say we condem all men and should shame them right? Do you understand now? Only an extremely small proportion of men actually are sex offenders. So that’s like saying all kids of single mums will be arrested for drug dealing when in reality it’s less than one percent

[D_Bone_Steak]

@bubbles328 That's a no true Scotsman argument. Yes, not all single mother are bad, but most are not exactly doing well either... and especially not without government assistance of some sort... housing, food, childcare, work preferences, money, etc.

And that's the point... destruction of the family is needed in order to push socialism (AKA welfare system) as a tool to eventually flip capitalism over and get communism. And that's the point... the talking points that will be slung my way for not thinking single parents are the bee's knees are usually done so to direct attention away from that reliance on the Government.

Simply put, I think if you need an entity to pay for your shit... it doesn't work. ... And again, true not all do that... but... anexception to the rule doesn't change the rule of thumb. The good doesn't outweigh the bad, so it's not time to celebrate the rise in single parenthood just yet as the bee's knees.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@Bubbles Also that 96% of men are sex offenders’ argument is just misleading. It can’t be used to label all men as sex offenders due to one simple question…What percent of men are sex offenders?
It’s kinda like that counter argument to Blacks and welfare…they’ll point out that more white people are on welfare than blacks to mislead you away from seeing that proportionately speaking, yes they’re a bit more than anyone else relying on welfare... quite a bit in fact.

[bubbles328]

@D_Bone_Steak THATS EXACTLY WHAT IM SAYING!! That figure alone doesn’t look good and just because 96% of SO are men it doesn’t make all men sex offender just a tiny percentage if you can look at statistics like that it condemns black, white, muslims, Christian, children of single parent families EVERYONE those figures are the figures yes but 70% of drug dealers being from single parent house holds could be 1/1000 those figure mean squat

[D_Bone_Steak]

So let's take a stat presented in that link...
➲  90% of welfare recipients are single mothers.
... Oh yeah this one should be similar right... like the 96% of S. O.'s being male doesn't really matter once we look at how many males sexually offend.
... so let's ask the almighty God Google how many single Mothers need welfare because they're obviously trying to mislead us with the large proportion of single Mothers being on welfare... right? Yes you will be right.
... Well, despite being right in that respect... because despite half of that population being considered poor, even out of that "poor proportion, only some will resort to welfare.

I still can't ignore how many of the welfare recipients are of a particular group (see why I brought up blacks and welfare earlier?)... I mean 90% of them ARE SINGLE MOTHERS... let that sink in a little. Just because many have found other means to get by (child support, family, etc.), they still are a disadvantaged group.

[D_Bone_Steak]

... take the next stat...
➲  70% of gang members, high school dropouts, teen suicides, teen pregnancies
and teen substance abusers come from single mother homes.
... It may not be quite right due to minor fallacies, but I still find it alarming enough that I don't think we should be celebrating just yet at how great single Mothers are.

Essentially I'm saying pause the self back patting single mother enthusiasts... it's not all that great, and in fact, odds are stacked against it being great at all.

[bubbles328]

@D_Bone_Steak let’s look at some other stats from 2014
73% of arrests were male perps
80.4% of violent crimes committed by MEN
90% homicides committed by MEN
94.6% arrests relating to gang crime or drugs were MEN
85% burglary committed by MEN
80% of crime against kids committed by MEN
90% of welfare recipients were single mums but why? Because of MEN the ex is nicely shacked up with wife number...: 3 kids and a dog NOT PAYING HIS WAY!!!
Oh but that’s ok according to the men here he’s entitled to do that it’s the woman’s fault 😂
I propose a line up and slaughter of ALL men since they seem to be the cause for the majority of crime men are horrible specimens. That is if we want to look at the stats your way...

[bubbles328]

And men moan about feminists why? You can moan and hate on single mums the stats against men don’t seem too good either

[bubbles328]

Just to give you a better perspection on this situation too around 30% of the USA working age population has a criminal record which is way more than the percentage of single mums in the US

[D_Bone_Steak]

@Bubbles Created by men raised by...

... and now somehow feminists being complained about by men is part of this? Ahhh, okay... I get it, you're just pissed at the straight white cis gender males... I was wondering why you kept bringing up the "what about the men" arguments when I'm just trying to point out single motherhood as a whole isn't worth celebration and in fact has many issues that could use some help.

But you just want to hear it's the "patriarchy" and push communism with endless welfare right? Oh yes, 3 cheers and a hooray for your fantastical world of state raised children. I can point out flaws all day and you'll just come right back to pointing fingers at men as a way to ignore any flaws at all.

Poor victim of the divide and conquer routine... voting democrat even if it's broken right? lol Whatever, "what about the man" isn't a good excuse to just start celebrating something that doesn't work on a whole and without subsidence from socialist programs.

[bubbles328]

@D_Bone_Steak I’m not pissed about men I’m referring to them as maybe then you will understand the logic of just reading quantitative stats then making your own assimptions about a whole group of people.