I don't believe in censorship of opposing ideals so please feel free to post here as you'd like with your thoughts. Some of us can accept criticism. : )
Insecurity. It's a word that angers some and describes many more than care to admit to themselves. We live in a world that is full of insecurities from body image, to financial stability, to how well we are liked by our peers, and many other things. I find myself here today faced with yet another one and that is the insecurity of choice.
I believe that insecurity is what leads to some being concerned about the number of partners a person has had in the past. Now, I realize to some it very well could be an issue, but why? I mean, deep down, why is it a bother to you? You can give a superficial reason of how it determines their potential for cheating down the road (It doesn't. Poor communication and an unsatisfying relationship are the primary factors). You could say it has to do with the potential for diseases (Then get tested before you have sex with them. Practice safe sex!). You could have a litany of reasons, but the thing is, it is a double standard applied to women more often than men. So then I ask myself, why would that be? Is it the conquest of claiming her virginity? Is it an ownership thing as if her past sexual relationships give them ownership of her body? Is it a learned behavior from our past where women didn't have the same rights they did today? In the end, I have decided the reason is insecurity. Whether it be being afraid of being compared to others in their past or the insecurity that they cannot build a lasting relationship through communication, kindness and hard work or even the insecurity that they didn't have the same level of sexual experiences as their partner.
Insecurity pops up as a common theme in these kinds of posts. Hiding behind a false sense of intellectual superiority when in reality it is the equivalent of a child sticking their fingers in their ears, squinting their eyes tightly and refusing to acknowledge facts. These kinds of posts bring in "proof" from things like Tinder or a random message board, but when faced with actual numbers from government agencies, the insecurity rears it's head again.
It's ok to have insecurities, we all have them. In fact, let me give you a great example of it. Women are sexually harassed at a far greater rate than men are. This puts a large amount of pressure for women just to feel safe existing in some environments. To make this simpler to understand let's use the following example:
If you are a child in school and you have a bully pick on you you might take measures to avoid them. Some of you braver ones may try to confront them, but then you get knocked back down. Now take that bully and multiply it to a large portion of the male population. Suddenly there is no real place to hide from it. Each day you go to school, you get comments made at you, you get stared at because they are thinking negative thoughts about you, and you are never quite sure which one is going to take the next step and use force on you just for their satisfaction. You get home after facing this all day long and your father comes up to you and says, "Stop being a wimp. You could have fought back. Why were you even there to begin with? You could have walked another way." In an attempt to make peace with them and just trying to exist, you try and give them what they want, but then suddenly all of those bullies know you are giving it away and they want to claim it for themselves. It's a no win situation.
Whether you think sexual harassment is a big deal or not, it is still wrong and it happens way more than you think. That doesn't even count the victims of attempted or completed r*pe. 1 in 6 women face the reality of that, nearly 4 of 5 face the former just by itself.
https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence
https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics
The continued harassment takes it's toll. Some just give in thinking they need to so they avoid further conflict or having it forced upon them. It reinforces those insecurities a lot of women already have about themselves.
That's not to say there are those out there who willingly want to do it. I say, more power to you. Experience your sexual awakening and to those attempting to shame them, stop. It is not your decision who they are with and neither is your right to know it. It has no bearing on the kind of relationship you can build if you both want it.
Don't let your insecurities be a pass to bully others and don't let them prevent you from finding a fulfilling relationship.
Thank you.
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