(I sent it as a confession on Facebook but thought that I should share it here as well)
We hold on to those tiny little pieces of our past and fill our heart with pain and anger. The sorrow grows on inside us to the point that it shuts off all the feelings inside us. We still feel love, we still get hurt, but we learn to convince ourselves that these feelings don't matter. Our pain manifests into trust issues and anger issues.
Then what happen? One day, a good person comes into our life, gives us everything that we wanted from someone else and cares about us, but what do we do? We hurt them. We inflict the same pain on them that we felt at some point. We see them hurt, We see them cry. But we can't face the same emotions that WE felt at some point, and somewhat, we start feeling that we don't deserve that person. If we have a huge ego, we sometimes manage to convince ourselves that THEY don't deserve us.
Our fears are so HUGE that we don't want to take a single chance to get hurt again. BUT life is all about take chances. Don't let the pain of your past change your present. It's one life. There's no use of holding on to that pain and keeps on hurting all the good people who come into our life. It takes a lots of courage to trust someone, but if that person wants to be a part of your life and you want them in your life as well, give them a chance. No one said that it would be easy, but it would be worth it. Try to EXPLAIN them what's holding you back. They will hold your hand and pull you along with them into brightness.
But to give others this chance, you have to forgive yourself first. Start with self love. Daily write about one good quality that you have. Write about one good quality that you would like to have. Start practicing it. It takes 21 days to form a habit. Start with a good one.
Then, think about the positive side of the person who wants to be a part of your life. Remind yourself of all the good qualities they have, and all the good things they have done for you till now.
It's not easy at all. I have struggled with self love and all these issues which blocks me from forming a bond with a person. I didn't go through anything terrible in the past, but by observing the world around me, on seeing my closed ones getting hurt, I shut off. But now I have realized that the best way to kill yourself alive is to push away the people who care about you. To doubt them. To always think that they will leave you someday.
They MIGHT leave you, they might not. But once you learn to accept yourself, the journey does become easy! :-) Don't focus on the future, but learn to embrace your present. Because one day, your breaths will leave you, too. For as long as you have these tiny breaths, cherish each one of them.