I'm 16 years old. People think I'm cold and rude, which is true to some extent. I don't have a father because he left when he found out my mom was pregnant with a girl. I was physically abused my my baby sitter in Mexico the first 5 years of my life, and I think that makes me stronger. I consider myself strong emotionally and physically. I haven't cried since I was 6 years old, but just today I realized that I'm not as strong as I thought I was... I'm just scared. Inside I'm still a 5 year old child scared for my life. I'm weak and have no one to cry to because then I'll feel like a 5 year old trying to survive. I've never really been an emotional person, probably because if I cried at my babysitters place, I would get hit harder, I just bottled myself up. It's pretty hard to express myself even if I try. I don't convey feelings easily, it doesn't matter if they're good or bad. I come off as cold and people always tell me I'm mean and that I don't deserve to be treated nicely. Are they right? Have I let my past control my personality?