I'm never happy with girls. How to fight the suicidal thoughts?

It always happen... When I meet a girl the following will happen in that order :

1) I meet her, nothing much happen
2) I make a friendly move, talking, smiling
3) We develop friendship, at this point I feel good
4) I become jealous because of low-esteem and confidence
5) I will be mad and ignore her
6) She will be mad at me for ignoring her
7) I feel bad for ignoring her
8) I don't want to apologize because I need to keep distance because of jealousy.

This pretty much lead the friendship to a dead end. I really feel depressed.
I'm never happy with girls. How to fight the suicidal thoughts?
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