Why does he tell me he loves me but does not want me?

My ex fiancé purposed in May , had been dating long distance for a year. I moved out of state (to live with him) with 2 kids in June, gave up house, job, family to be with him. The kids and I were there for 4 weeks. My youngest and his oldest did not get a long at all. The kids are: mine 11 (g) 10 (g) his 10 (g) 7 (b) . Mine had control issues due to abandonment by her dad. I talked to my ex about how she would handle the move, she does not handle changes well at all. He said we would work through issues that we loved each other and kids would be gone to college in few years and we would have each other, yada yada yada. His girl is also controlling just not as out spoken is mine. His ex wife was not happy we were there, the girls and I were way better than she was. I made it a point to get along with the ex and her new boyfriend. His daughter made it a point to make sure we knew she did not want us there. Long story short after 4 weeks and a huge fight he told us to leave. We never fought until we moved and our fights were about the kids. Now all our stuff is there. I was devastated in beginning and did everything your not to do to get him back. Finally I stopped contacting him them he waits 2 days contacts me. Says he is sorry all that, we talk few days as friends then we fight again. He is going through custody issue and trying to get full custody. Ask me not to contact him while he has kids. I go through this a few more weeks and we get mad again, stop contact he calls me. I am at my Moms, have no money to get our stuff, no job. He sends email tells me what a great person I am but cannot make things work at this time because he is going through custody. I love this man and do not want this to end. Will we get back together or do I just keep no contact and see what happens. I have made no contact for 3 days since email. My daughter did text him that she was mad at him, they had been texting earlier in the week. I am just so lost. My kids do want to go back if things work out, I am trying to find a job and get both girls and I into counseling. I do love him and I am so confused, do you fight for love 300 miles away or do you just say f it and move on. Why send email telling me he loves me and the girls and misses me but has to put his kids first. Please help. Sorry it is so long. It has been 8 weeks since we left


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  • Woah! Slow down!

    It appears to me from your post that there are 2 major issues going on here. First and foremost... you have issues with your new beau's ex. Ok... NEVER... EVER... belittle the ex. It puts down your partner and his life choices. Petty crap like that is immature... so axe that behaviour right away if you want him in your life... because guess what the ex is in your b/f's!

    Part 2 - it appears you are blaming the kids for the problems. Again, another MAJOR no-no. I hope that isn't pervasive or something you have expressed to your children. The sad reality is ... your children are just that children. You are the adult. If they are acting out you are the responsible parent. YOU introduced them to a male father figure; YOU moved them away from their life; and YOU chose to chase an ideal 300 miles away.

    It sounds to me like the boyfriend is overwhelmed... overwhelmed with the responsibility of being a new father of some non-well adjusted kids... and overwhelmed by your actions. You sound quite co-dependent. I mean... as a mother... who uproots their kids to go live with a guy... without pre-planning a job, a place to live, etc.?

    If you really want this to work. Move out immediately. Get yourself together as a responsible parent... one who isn't shuffling their kids around the country after a guy. Step up to the plate... get a job, a house and some roots... and once you demonstrate your independence to your ex beau he will see that your neediness is no longer an issue.

    Good luck!

  • wow. from experience I'm going to tell you when a man says he's not ready for a relationship esp when he still has issues from a past one, accept it. don't get back together just because its easier now that youve given up so much to be with him. he's kind of late telling you this but waiting for him to sort it all out is much better than than trying to force the relationship. the two of you have big issues of your own to deal with once he's fixed his custody situation and that is blending your families. go slow and make sure you have other options next time since he may be too quick to give up.