Is it normal that I feel this way? Is it normal that I’ve come to fear black people and usually feel uncomfortable around them? How can I change?

Jack9949
I always end up feeling kind of bad after I meet most black people for the first time.

Its not so much that I downright cuss them out like people used to do in the 1950’s.

It’s not so much that I believe I’m better than anybody else on the mere basis of my physical appearance.

It’s more that I form premature judgements of black people before I get a chance to really know them. Then I end up realizing afterwards that I should’ve been more open to them in the beginning.

I feel like a lot of my perceptions towards the black community are shaped primarily by the media. Especially since I live in a part of the country where almost everybody is exclusively white. Therefore I almost have to end up basing my firsthand knowledge on outside information and limited personal experiences outside my community.

And given the tremendously high crime rates that affect neighboring black communities to mine own, it’s almost made me more fearful of black people more generally. There’s a part of me that’s been trained to avoid them and not trust them.

And it pains me to say that. Because a lot of the white people living during Jim Crow felt the same way. So even though I don’t identify with their actions, I almost relate to their thoughts.

I wish I didn’t have to feel this way because I’m starting to feel really guilty about it and I notice myself becoming very irrational in my thoughts and actions.

If I come across a black person who seems ghetto or “out of place” relative to my sense of comfort I often can’t help but stare and try to avoid.

Sometimes it even seems that they can detect the mere hostility of my body language. Its not so much that I want to look down on other people but more that I’ve been trained to and it’s hard to find a way around it.

I guess what Nelson Mandela said is true.

”No one is born hating another person. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love”
Is it normal that I feel this way? Is it normal that I’ve come to fear black people and usually feel uncomfortable around them? How can I change?
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