Will he get back together with me?

I was with my boyfriend for six years and eight months ago I broke up with him. In hindsight I did it on impulse, because he'd lied to me, but it wasn't something we couldn't have discussed if I'd waited for the dust to settle before deciding. The first three months I went numb, I didn't feel anything properly, I don't even really remember those months now. He asked me back during this time and although it's what I really wanted I stupidly found myself saying I needed time. What I actually said was 'It's too soon' and he took that to mean to be friends.

Over the next couple of months I realized I missed him and still loved him terribly and put into place a number of things that would prove to him how I felt rather than just saying I'm sorry. When I told him just over two months ago, I discovered he'd been seeing someone for two months (so now just over four). He didn't tell me though, someone else did.

I know when I told him, it took him a while to believe that I wasn't just acting in reaction to his being with someone. Although he agrees that I acted in panic, he does believe me. I also need to write off the first month as he completely had his head in the sand. Although we'd always been in touch, the level of contact has increased since I've told him how I feel. He texts constantly. Some of them are about 'us', most of them are just random day to day stuff we always would have chatted about and some are also incredibly sexual. He also calls round, just to 'hang out'. I know she doesn't know where he is.

Over the last month he has told me he is still in love with me, that everything within him knows he wants to be with me, that he doesn't feel safe without me, that anyone else is just settling, that he's petrified of my hurting him again, that she had given him hope he could move on, that he thinks about me everyday and it's getting stronger, that when I told him his feelings for her changed, that she's being funny with him at the minute because it's obvious that he doesn't feel the same toward her, that he feels trapped in the relationship. Only he's told me that he is feeling under so much pressure, I would never have known. He's so casual when we hang out. He repeatedly says he just wants us to hang out without the pressure of having to talk about 'us'.

I never mention her or am naive enough to think they don't get on, but why tell me all those things if he's not going to do anything about it? He says he's a mess, that he's so stressed it physically hurts. I do he doesn't want to hurt anyone but he can't see he's hurting everyone. I think either his fear of being hurt again or hurting someone has left him paralyzed or he's not entirely hearing what he's saying to me. Do I take it that he wants to be with me and is struggling with hurting her and do the 'friend' thing until he decides even though it kills me? Or do I assume that if his actions don't match his words he does't mean them? I am actually going crazy over this.

Thank you!


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What Guys Said 1

  • I am in a similar situation with my ex. Though we were only together for six months, we had a great connection and bond with each other and we ended up falling in love. Unfortunately I lied to her in the beginning to impress her (part of the "game" I guess) and it later came back to bite me in the ass. Also something from my sexual past surfaced and was taken out of context and I was not allowed to even explain it. The combination of these two things and her immature brother who I was formerly friends with speaking nonsense about me to her, created a break up. She didn't do it with any kind of class, and sent me a text ending it. No phone call, no sit down, nothing. This was a girl (not woman) who loved me. I tried to fix the issues in calls, texts, emails.. and got no response. To this date 9 weeks later, I still haven't heard a thing from her. Just that she has been seeing other guys and I've heard valuable rumors that she's slept with numerous people since. I was completely heartbroken when she left and my life went into a downward spiral. Men require companionship and don't usually fall out of love easily like some women do. Men dwell on things for some time while women tend to rebound and sleep around and then realize their faults, and most of the time it's too late. In my ex's case, if and when she ever does realize this- it's over. She has no chance with me ever again. I'd love to, sure but it isn't worth the effort to get nothing back. I am sure he still loves you and it's not easy to move on, but I mean if you were willing to leave him that fast he is going to have doubts about anything in the future. You are going to have to prove your love and show him that you won't be fickle ever again.

    • See that's what I'm worried about because I'm not really in a position to prove it to him because he does have a new girlfriend and I can't ask him on 'dates' or anything to rebuild the trust. That's why I'm willing to put the time in to prove to him that I'm not going anywhere. But I don't know if I'm wasting my time. Can a guy say he's still in love with someone and wants to be with them and then do nothing about it? I couldn't. Any suggestions of what would work to prove my love to him?

    • Absolutely. She fills your void.

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