Why do guys always play the distant game?

Nothing does my head in more than my boyfriend distancing himself from me! He always comes back eventually but its really hard either freak out when he pulls away and try to call message do anything for him to comeback and then I give up and don't talk to him till he decides to get over himself! How do I stop this from happening ? Because it hurts me I'm just trying to be a good girlfriend but relationships are so hard :(


Most Helpful Girl

  • ANON is full of sh*t. that's why he's answering anonymously. any guy who says that wants sex not a relationship and or is learning disabled.

    and mr Grey has no real credentials. his book sole purpose is to give permission to guys to be d*** on the basis that women are naturally 'idiots'. men can do w/e they want because they are naturally 'men'..

    if your boyfriend can't bean adult, and talk to you about his boundaries-- dump him. he's controlling you by keeping you after him. don't cha after him. you're encouraging his behavior. I'm not suggesting you play games. but don't reward him- I e. give him attention for being a d***.

    EVERYONE needs space at some point. mature rational people I relationship discuss this respectfully with their partner. he CHOISE to be in a relationship with you.

    its not like he woke up as slave and needs to escape. if that's how he els about i. he should be singe.

    hes expecting you to jump to attention while he f***s off. its just inappropriate. if you guys can not respect each other. leaver, stop chasing him. find your dignity before you make another move. this should not have happened more than once without discussing it.

    by you calling it a game- instead of dealing with it--you play.

    without asking us for advice. you already know you are miserable why do you accept it? by saying 'guys' do this. you're agreeing that is on some level OK, even if don't like it. Why?

    Why accept it on any level. its your relationship. YOUR life. you get a say in what happens.

    stand up for yourself. don't complain. just calmly rationally decide what it is you want/ need. and discuss it. if he's not up for it. at lest half way. leave. you're catering to him, even when you ignore him. an you're sh*tting on yourself. stand up for your self.


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What Guys Said 1

  • It's not a game.

    Guys pull away because we need to. Being in a relationship is exhausting for us. Pulling away from it for a little while helps us recharge our batteries. We come back when we're better.

    Freaking out and trying to stop him pulling away, only prolongs it. You should let him pull away, and come back on his own schedule. He'll be gone less time when this happens.

    John Gray explains it very well in his book Men are from Mars and Women want Penis. (Or something like that)

    • Toulouse is one angry bitter woman - she didn't even properly read what was written, or she'd have realized we both told you the same thing e.g. don't chase him when he pulls away.

      And if you can't attack the answer, then attack the poster. (Oh yeah, she did that.) As good a reason as any to stay anonymous on this board.

What Girls Said 1

  • It's not a game..hey pple need their space...some "me" time..I for one need that...

    • thats not the problem. hr doesn't discuss it with her. he just takes off. that's not a relationship.

      i do agree people need space. but if its all the time and you can not talk about it. you shouldn't be a boyfriend or a gf.

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