What to do when girlfriend is away?

My girlfriend is going abroad for this upcoming semester. And not only abroad, but across the world in Australia.

We've been dating for 7 months now and everything is going well. About 3 months ago she brought up to me that she was concerned with what our relationship will be when she's away. She didn't want to feel tied down to a totally monogamous relationship when she can't see me for the amount of time we've been dating.

Here's where things get a bit strange. She's bisexual and she explained to me when she said this it isn't really guys that she's interested in. Her interest lies more in what would happen if she's at a club or a dance. Is she allowed to dance with or hook up with a girl?

Since she asked her opinion has become a little different regarding this. She still doesn't want to be tied down but she doesn't feel any urge to be with anyone else.

What do you feel I should suggest to her? The thought of her kissing a girl doesn't frustrate me nearly as much as a girl. Where would you draw the line?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Personally, I would consider both cheating. I'd probably tell her that if she is so concerned about hooking up with others, then we should take a break while she's abroad and revisit the subject when she returns. After all, hooking up with others is almost the same as being single anyway.

    But what I think doesn't matter. This is all about you and what you are comfortable with. You say that you're more comfortable with her kissing a girl than a guy - does that mean you ARE comfortable with it, or it's the lesser of two evils? You have to be honest with her, even if she may not appreciate what you have to say. You two need to work through this together, not just do what she wants when she wants it. A relationship is about discussion and compromise.

    • It's the lesser of two evils. I feel that if I found out she kissed a girl I would be able to forgive her. This doesn't necessarily mean I should suggest it though you're right. Just because she want's it doesn't mean I need to be OK with it.

    • Then you need to tell her that. You should feel every bit as comfortable in your relationship as she does.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 5

  • The situation seems a bit weird. If she's faithful to you than she should be faithful to you, period. Couples survive long distance relationships all the time (like when one if in the army, etc.). If you think that you guys will stay together while she is away than I don't see why she needs to mess around with anybody else. The fact that she's bisexual doesn't mean she shouldn't be faithful to you, right? I mean in all honesty kissing a girl is really no different than kissing a guy, it still means the same thing, right? If you are really comfortable with it then go for it, but in all honest it seems a bit iffy.

  • A similar situation happened with a friend of mine. His girlfriend brought up the idea because she was going to be away but she pretty much reassured him that she wanted the option much like your girlfriend.

    He basically felt comfortable enough to let her do that so long as she was open and truthful about it. I'm sure he also hoped that these hook ups wouldn't lead to anything more serious so he made sure to maintain the feelings between him and his girlfriend. Like you he was slightly more comfortable with the idea of her being with a girl than a guy haha.

    • I did bring up to her, that I would want to know of anything she did do. In my eyes if she's (or if I am for that matter) doing something she doesn't want to tell me about that's cheating

    • That's good and I'm sure she's very open with you as it is considering she's brought this up in the first place. Also regarding the answer below me, I highly doubt she would lose respect for you, on the contrary I'm sure she would really appreciate the fact that you are understanding of her. Just make sure you BOTH are comfortable and are willing too compromise if anything. Hope everything works out for both of you!

  • Coming here to see others opinions should be just that. Others may approve of things you may not in the long run. You'll have to do some soul searching, see what she would do if you were in the situation to maybe define your relationship more on both sides. Her leaving is going to be tough on both of you so the smallest things that either of you do could be a make or break situation.

    Just think about what you could stay with her over and what would really hurt you. Best of luck to you guys!

  • She will do it, even if you don't want her to. She just wants some action. At least she's not asking you if she can get with guys and begging for jizz all over her face

  • depends on how serious this relationship is to you. if you guys are just together for fun, then it's fine as long as she doesn't bring home some weird pubic bug? LOL. But if you see her as long term material, then respect your boundaries and make sure she knows that these are your boundaries, and that it's really a take it or leave it situation. Personally, I wouldn't respect my man if he lets me get away with too much, kuz then he's just a push over in my eyes.

    • It's more of a long term type of relationship. And yes if she goes there and gets an STD that's over the boundary lol

What Guys Said 4

  • that she isn't at all commited to you, you fool. a relationship is with one person, no exceptions. for god sake you people annoy me lol.

    mate split with her, sleep around as much as you like and when you get back, get back with her IF you want to get back with her. cause as far as I see it she's saying, "i want to cheat on you without any consequences, you OK with that?"

    if you are, then your tad weird. girl or guy its exactly the same in my eyes.

    BTW keeping options open? oh come on seriously, you don't do that once your IN A RELATIONSHIP, kinda breaks the point of a relationship doesn't it?, when your starting to date a woman yeh sure but not when your ACTUALLY A Boyfriend OR GF.

    mate its better and healthier if you stay committed and if your girlfriend stays committed to you, if that's not going to happen its better to go alone until both parties can stay together without the urge to cheat

    • No matter what kind of relationship you're in a line has to be drawn somewhere. I wasn't "happy" she brought this up believe me I'd rather her not want to do anything with anyone else.

      But honestly, if all it takes is her kissing a couple of girls and that makes the difference between me having her when she gets back and me not having her is it worth it? In my eyes it is.

      I asked for advice on where you'd draw the line, not an attempt to analyze the strength of our relationship

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    • Actually you spent most of the time telling me she was being unfaithful and how relationships shouldn't be like that and how I'm a fool

      Only your last paragraph addressed the question but it did so in an indirect manner really just continuing your rant on relationships

      Relationships don't fit in a single mold. If you think the line should be made at "look but don't touch" that's all I wanted to know

    • they arnt in molds mate, a relationship by definition is a partnership with a person, you can't do that if your cheating or going off with others so it ain't a good relationship if you do. all I'm saying is that for you it would be healthier if that wasn't the case.

  • She does not respect monogamous relationship which means she might or might not have it at some point in her life or have it and then decide to not have it.

    What you should ask yourself is do you want to be in a monogamous relationship or not? And then decide if she is worth to keep.

    Does your preference of a good relationship fit in with hers? Then yes if no well it’s up to you how you want to do it.

    Regarding this situation she clearly does not respect a monogamous relationship with you because she either doesn’t want a monogamous relationship at this point or at any point in the future at all or because she wants one right now but don’t think you are worth sacrificing yet for it.

    In other words she doesn’t respect you as a man if she wants a monogamous relationship later on but is not giving it to you right now.

    • I think what I said there was a bit confusing but still clear, that if she wants to be with you she would commit herself more, you can think that she just wants to have fun and all and maybe later on settle down but that is where you ask yourself, do you want a person with those preference of choice? That reasons that way.

    • I think I'm trying to separate this upcoming semester from next. Outside of being gone she definitely believes in being monogamous. Maybe the mistake I'm making is thinking next semester is the only one she wants to be open in. You might be right I'll have to explore that.

  • ive seen going abroad kill a relationship

    it all depends what your OK with. if your OK with her hooking up with girls than its fine. but honestly, the different time zones and how long it will be, itll make it really tough. there's going to be a lot of jealousy there.

    maybe you should be on a break until she comes back at least?

    • I've thought about it...but what purpose does it serve? So we can mess around without guilt when we're away?

      I understand the jealousy aspect I don't want that to get out of control, but in my eyes that's what I would use to set "the line" that I wouldn't want her to cross

    • thats totally fine. I completely understand trying to make it through that time. I just see a lot of emotional pain for both of you the whole time, especially since being in Australia is going to mean hardly any talking, considering the time zones and both of your busy schedules. its probably going to be weird. unless you arrange times to talk and all that, which I guess is doable

  • For me I'd appreciate the honesty, but her going away shouldn't change the relationship if she's into it. Seems like the trip gives her a feeling of excitement and freedom, yet she feels the relationship is holding her back.

    As for guy or girl, I wouldn't make a distinction if it wasn't alright with me. But it's your relationship and up to you if you're alright for her having some freedom, or whatever other options you have in mind.

    • There is something strange about her kissing girls. I'm not one who gets off on the idea of girl on girl. More of the case with me is that I don't see girls as a competition for my affection.

      And I think the freedom thing is exactly why she brought this up you're 100% on there

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    • I think she has every intention of staying serious. At least that is my gut feeling. She isn't one to want to talk about the future and thinking until this summer is pretty far ahead considering our relationship has only been 7 months.

      I think the issue is more with her having fun. And what sort of "line" I set. I feel that if I set a no touch policy she may feel I'm being overbearing.

    • From an outside perspective, it's not unreasonable to state what you find comfortable or not. It's part of a relationship (I'm learning this myself)