Facebook Snooping how to deal with it.


Firstly I would like to say I am ashamed of myself for doing this, but I did not think for one minute that I would find anything bad. My boyfriend left his self logged onto Facebook, his profile was open. I looked at a private message to a girl. This was sent roughly 5 months ago! He apologized for messaging her out of the blue but he thought she was cute and asked her out for a drink, presuming that she was single. He has a couple of friends who are friends with her so I guess there was some connection.

From what I can see she did not reply on Facebook, but my imagination has gone into over drive. Who else is there, will there be other messages on his phone ect.I have asked him if he has ever cheated or made advances to other girls during our relationship he said NO! Which is a lie from what I’ve read?

How can I deal with what I’ve seen, I know some relationships can have blips during the beginning but is this the future, we had been together 9mths. Do I let this go (If I can) or face my fears and admit to snooping.

I can’t really get him to admit to it any other way?


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Wait so he asked her for a drink while you were together or he had done that previously and had a more benign comment to her now? I have no tolerance for any degree of infidelity, from myself or a girl, and see it as a major flaw of character. Not the answer you're looking for but I'd just ditch him and not even bring it up. That's just me.

    • We had been together 9 months and he sent this message back in September.

      We were going through a bad patch, which now thinking back was probably instigated by him!

      I have had my reservations back then. Its not the answer I'm looking for but I don't agree with cheating and wouldn't dream of doing it myself. I've been asked out by other men since we have been together and did not even consider going. Thank you for your feedback on this question, it has helped me alot.

    • Thanks for clarifying- bad patch or not, even if it's a temporary separation, I think it is completely unacceptable for one's partner to even acknowledge, say to you, or say to another girl that he thinks that other girl is cute, or to ask her for drinks. One alone is bad enough, and maybe you could shrug it off as benign, but to consider another girl cute and ask her out is completely disrespectful and lacking character. Have you guys laid out ground rules, like where flirting ends and those...

    • ...sorts of boundaries? I think you should with him and see how he respects your boundaries. Be cautious and protect yourself from him to some degree. I am of the frame of mind that once a cheater, even in heart/mind, always a cheater.

What Girls Said 1

  • Get it all out in the open and stand your ground.

    When/if you talk to him about it, don't let the focus be on your snooping. You did something wrong, but it doesn't mean he gets to turn the whole situation onto you.

    I was in this situation before, and I should have broken up with him for it as soon as possible, but instead I dealt with another full year of being paranoid and catching him over and over again. Whenever we fought about it, he would make ME the bad guy, and that got in the way of me seeing just how douchey HE was. So personally, if it ever happens to me again, I consider it the end. And it's why I hate seeing other women go through the same thing and not know what to do.

    • I would like to make up excuses for him but it’s in black and white.

      I thought about asking to see his phone log and Facebook account just to see his reaction.

      But like you said where does the paranoia end if you stay together.