I push guys away that I like and feel relieved when they leave but hurt at the same time. What's wrong with me?

Okay so im 18 and I never been in a actual relationship before. I push guys away and I wanna say on accident but I think some of its on purpose to.. not because I didn't like the guys that previously had shown interest in me its because its more complex then that. I feel like im not good enough for anyone, that if I date anyone im being selfish and that they would do better if they thought they could. I hate feeling this way I also dont like guys touching me because im insecure about my body and I hate it so I always think other people will too. I dont like guys thinking that they might have a chance with me as soon as they start wanting to get more serious with me I cut all ties with them and Iif I dont I usually find a way for them to by being to distant or not giving enough affection. Some guys in the past thag I was kinda seeing would ask me if I liked them because I was so distant. When things are over Im super sad and I hate myself for having to let them go but at the same time I feel relief.

I dont think im ugly and I like who I am as a person but I have a complicated family plus I have a eating disorder. I binge eat. Its uncontrollable and its usually triggered by emotions such as stress, nervousness, anxiety or helplessness. When I feel like im losing control ill binge eat. Im not fat but im not skinny either. Im like 156 pounds and 5'9 and a lot of that weight is in my thighs and but and I hate my body. I think if I was thinner I would be more confident but I dont know how to battle my eating disorder when noone in my family really gives a shit cuz they're all messed up too. Anyone help me? Does anyone know how to battle binging on your own and how to gwt past these insecuries?
I push guys away that I like and feel relieved when they leave but hurt at the same time. What's wrong with me?
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