Sexual Relationships
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Sex, sluts and relationships

I hear women often ask the question

Am I a slut?

Well let's get something straight, this is a topic I've wanted to write about for a while due to the overuse and misuse of the term.

To answer that question we must first answer the main question.

What is a slut?

According to Oxford dictionary a slut is

A woman who has many casual sexual partners.

Sex, sluts and relationships

Now if being a slut is an act than how could someone dress sluty?

From what the media tells us it is to dress provocatively.

Sex, sluts and relationships

This looks fine to me and so does this.

Sex, sluts and relationships

The clothes you wear do not make you promiscuous, it is the actions you take that do. So calling clothes "slutty" makes no sense.

Lastly I will talk about slut shaming and relationships.

Why do women hate sluts?

Simple, because they aren't getting any and are jealous.

Sex, sluts and relationships

They may claim to have the moral high ground and what not but at the end of the day they are just jealous because they can't get a guy.

Sex, sluts and relationships

If you want sex than do something that will make you look better than the other girl or at the very least be more outgoing and confident than you currently are. Guys always want an attractive and confident girl.

Sex is not only with the person you love but something you do for fun

Now for those of you that claim that you're waiting for Mr. Right to take your virginity and that is why you look down on sluts. I've got news for you. Sex is no longer about love and respect and whatever else you think it is about. It is about having fun and enjoying yourself. It is very unlikely that you will find someone in this day and age that wants a loving relationship with very little sex. Those who claim they do, most likely say that because they can't get it anywhere else so they have to wait for you to give it to them.

Sex, sluts and relationships

Sex should not be seen as something sacred because it isn't. It is a physical act between two consenting indivuduals. If you keep claiming that it is you will never find a guy that will want to be with you since all relationships require it. Some require more than others based on the sexual needs of each individual.

So go out there and try to meet someone. Whether it be just for sex or for a relationship.

Life's too short to be constantly judging people who are happy. Instead go find your own happiness.

2 1

Most Helpful Guy

  • You've done a fine job in your take...
    of ignoring half the population. Congratulations!

    It's totally understandable though. At the age of 48, I've only recently learned the name of a trait that describes an important aspect of my sexuality. I've come to find out that I am sociosexually restricted.

    Yes, just like gender, sexual orientation and gender identity, people also exhibit sociosexual orientation. Moreover, just like the other characteristics I just named, sociosexual orientation remains constant over a person's lifetime.

    What is sociosexual orientation?

    Its a person's internally determined attitude toward casual sex.

    There are two designations for sociosexual orientation :
    - sociosexually restricted
    - sociosexually unrestricted

    Sociosexually unrestricted individuals:
    - start having sex at a younger age
    - engage in sexual activity earlier in a relationship
    - engage in casual sex
    - view sex as a purely physical act (sex is just sex)
    - tend to not form attachments with their sexual partners
    - have relatively higher partner counts
    - have no concern for their partner's number of past partners

    Sociosexually restricted individuals on the other hand:
    - hold the romantic view of sex (sex is an intimate act with emotional, spiritual & physical components)
    - strongly prefer sex inside a committed relationship
    - routinely form attachments with their sex partner (and value that this happens)
    - regard casual sex as missing something essential
    - have relatively low partner counts
    - desire that their sexual partners have a similar number of past partners and that they hold the same values with regard to sex

    What of the word 'slut' then? 'Slut' is just a pejorative term that a restricted individual would use to reference an unrestricted individual. Similarly, an unrestricted individual might call a restricted individual a 'prude'.

    Currently the US has the following distribution of sociosexual orientation within the population:

    [males]
    47% restricted
    53% unrestricted

    [females]
    53% restricted
    47% unrestricted

    There are only two things you need to know about sociosexual orientation as it impacts yourself:

    1) know your own sociosexual orientation

    2) only seek relationships with individuals that have the same orientation as you

    • Prior to the sexual revolution (and the ready availability of reliable oral contraception) everybody had to behave as though they were restricted, whether that was their true orientation or not. We are three generations into the era following the sexual revolution. The pendulum has swung in the opposite direction. Now everyone has to at least pay lip service to being ok with casual sex regardless of their sociosexual orientation. How about we meet in the middle? Don't try to convince me that sex is merely physical and casual sex is totally cool, and I'll agree to not call you a manwhore or slut. 😀

    • The reason I only mentioned females is because they tend to be the victims of slut shaming and not men, since if a man sleeps with many women he is seen as a role model. As for sociosexuality this is the first time I've ever heard of such a thing.

    • Some links for additional reading:

      en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociosexual_orientation
      www.hookingupsmart.com/.../
      www.hookingupsmart.com/.../
      www.hookingupsmart.com/.../
      www.hookingupsmart.com/.../
      www.hookingupsmart.com/.../
      www.hookingupsmart.com/.../

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Most Helpful Girl

  • so apparently now im jealous because im not hoeing around or wearing short dresses. sorry but some people actually have respect for themselves. in no way am i jealous of a woman who sleeps around. i can sleep around too if i wanted. sex will always be something special to me. if sex wasn't special then rape wouldn't be a thing now would it? we would just act as if someone hugged us without us wanting a hug. some people have morals therefore sex is considered special. think about this for a second. would you give this advice to your daughter? if yes then please dont have kids.

    • I respect myself a lot thanks and I have many sexual partners.. It's not because I don't respect myself, it's because it feels good and it's really fun. So it goes both ways, I don't think ALL girls who hate sluts are jealous, but at the same time, lots of sluts do respect themselves

    • @wetpu55y just seeing your username lets me know what kind of a person you are. thanks for your opinion :)

    • Dont listen to the take owner he sounds like a giy eho can't get sex because girl don't want to do it with him... LOL ... you have respect for yourself and we want girls like you ! And we have more respect for girls like you... 😊

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What Girls & Guys Said

40 38

  • Ahhh. So refreshing to see this opinion. Another question you should have added was, "What exactly is WRONG with being a slut?" As long as they aren't knowingly spreading around deseases, what's the big deal? I know plenty of actually slutty people with degrees happy lives so what gives?

    By the way, that shade of penis joke had me ROLLING. I was crying, too fucking funny.

    • Thank you :) I did not expect myTake to become so popular and get so much praise. I actually thought there would be a lot more hate from the "I'm saving myself for marriage" types. I thought I covered the part that there is nothing wrong with promiscuity. "Sex is no longer about love and respect and whatever else you think it is about. It is about having fun and enjoying yourself." I guess I should've emphasized it more.

    • No no no, you did wonderfully. I was just knit picking. Seriously bra-fucking-vo. I was surprised too. I expected you to be a huge scapegoat. Congrats, man. Truly.

    • Women with many casual partners are at a higher risk for cervical cancer for example. So it is "bad"

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  • the definition of slut has changed over the years, obviously. Since society has destroyed any idea of morality, what one person calls a slut another calls a confident woman. People now have freedom to so as they please openly, but we do not ask what the long term effects on society are with this freedom. I will address only societal and not moral issues. I have been in education for over 30 years and I the children of women who had babies as teens, without a family support, without the maturity to know how to raise a child emotionally or socially. Many of these children are the result of generations of ignorance. Overall, as our society gets more and more technologically advanced, our citizens get more and more ignorant. That is only one effect. The suppressed data on the psychological effects of the results of casual sex, especially with the very young, suggests that often emotional growth is stunted, and people never learn what a love-based relationship can be. The family break down with children being tossed back and forth between parents and new families creates more problems than benefits (I am not talking about divorce because of abuse). But we have become a narcissistic society that believes our our happiness and pleasure should come before the needs of society in general. So, the term slut, although almost meaningless today, is a distraction from the fact that freedom to do what one wants should be balanced with the responsibility to society of ones actions.

    • This! You should do a much more in depth my take on this. One of the best analyses of modern scociety I have ever heard. Do you know the concept of individualism originally focused more on one's deep thoughts and introspecrion. However today it has become nothing more than encouraging the fullfilment of random base impulses.

    • I would LOVE to know more about your ideas on Individualism and How "Freedom" affects the society as a whole PLEASE do a take on this !

    • thanks, guys for the compliments. i will have to give these some thought. Much of what I say is, believe it or not, what my generation calls common sense, Young people since the 1970's or so, have been taught that they should not listen to the "older generation" and it has led to many young people making mistakes that could have been avoided. Freedom is a fragile idea. Simply put, to have the freedom to do what one wants is lost if one does not consider the consequences of one's actions. I will have to think on this for a while and get back.

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  • I agree people use the term slut too often out of jealousy, but it isn't impossible or even very hard to find someone who wants both sex and love and sex can be a really beautiful affectionate tender and loving thing. Either way if you do it for just fun or for fun and out of love it's all cool! as long as everything is consensual and safe!

    • My point exactly :)

  • While I agree with the majority of this, I still don't think anyone should lose their virginity to someone they barely know or have few cares about (or are having a one-night stand with) if they have the choice. You should at least know and trust the person you're having your first time with because then you'll have fewer regrets when looking back on it.

    • I agree the first time should be special, but the rest don't matter as much.

  • This is sooooo man-centric and innaccurate. All of it.

    Sex isn't sacred, but for women it is love based. We need to feel safe to want you and if we have sex outside of that, that means we're making up for some emotional whole in our hearts. Like fat people overeat. Yeah food tastes nice, but you don't have to dig deep to see the taste is only means of covering up some emotional baggage.
    We are not men, we do not and NEVER will think of sex as something to "get".

    To say that some women hate sluts because they are jealous of them getting to have all that sex, is like saying some people hate fatties because they are jealous that they can't afford to eat all that food.

    Every woman's deepest desire from a very young age is to find love, marry, have kids (wanting kids can come later on, but sometimes it's early too). A slutty woman is a woman who despite her deep, long term desire is engaging of the most intimate of acts with someone who 99% chance will never want her as anything more than a sex partner.
    For a woman to throw away that womanly, emotional, pure part of herself and treat her sexuality as if she is a man, is degrading and depressing...

    • Very well said. While it is in the nature of a (small) minority of women to "have sex like men", it is a fools errand for the remainder of women to behave like them.

    • I'm writing another myTake, it will cover this topic as well. Thanks for bringing it up.

    • Wow you claim it is sexist than go on to bash men. Do you just not read your own posts?

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  • I agree with many points but why is this aimed at women? Just as many, if not more men are nasty little asshats about it. Pissed off that these women are promiscuous but not interested in them. It's a double edged sword. They hate it but also want to fuck it.

    • I have been with enough heating sluts to know I dont want to fuck any of them, as have many men.

    • @genuinlysensitive heating sluts? Is that aimed at me? Haha! You might not want them or respect them but I bet sure as hell you've wanked yourself off imaging fucking them...

    • Not really. I do not want meaningless sex. Its a womans right to do as she sees fit with her body and I don't think any one should prevent that, however there are consequences to that and she should also accept that fact. I do not want to be in a relationship with a woman who so easily gives away sex, it to me, seems to be a character flaw. I don't do it, I would expect any woman I am with/want to be with to be the same. That must also be respected because just as its her body and her life, its also his body and his life. "slut" shaming exist for a reason. Most studies show women do it more then men because it devalues womens reproductive power, since he can get it for free and is less inclined to give up resources ie pay for it by initiating a relationship with a woman to get it.

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  • Sex doesn't feel good for the sake of feeling good. The notion that it does is absurd. Its to encourage reproduction, it is also thanks to the chemical oxytocin that gets realesed in the brain during sex, meant to create strong emotional bonds. Just because it feels good doesn't mean you should do it without thought of consequence. Its doubly worse for women because a woman who has sex with random men for free does not endear herself to a man who is looking to settle down. Why would he expend all of those resources on her if she is just giving herself away for free? Any women who does not consider this possibility and instead fixates on the temporary physical pleasure does not come off as being particularly trust worth but rather impulsive and short sighted. How can you respect an indulgent person, its no diffrent then being a drunk or lazy. As for the slut remark, its true slut is an act not a clothing style and should not be confused.

  • Here's my intake on it and comment for those points: First of all I wanna say that everyone is different, has different beliefs and ways of doing things.
    With that being said ^, based on those points: Clothes. Clothes are clothes, whether you prefer to be revealing or not. I don't, but whoever does, that's fine.
    I'm a feminist in the right sense of the word (equality). Nothing more, nothing less. I'm not jealous or particularly 'ugly'. Not bragging, but a couple of guys and girls consider me attractive. Their words, not mine. I can get some, but I choose not to. That's all there is to it.
    We all have our reasons for what we do. Whether it may be just for fun or something else.
    I don't look down on "sluts" as the dictionary and society calls them. It's their life and if they want to have fun or do it to pay rent or money for their kids or whatever. I have friends who like to 'have fun' or 'make money'. No judgement here.
    And finally, sex may be a recreational activity to some people, but not to me. I can't have just anyone touching me and people I don't feel comfortable with and don't have a connection with touching me lustfully. I prefer to wait to lose it when I'm ready to Mr. Right hopefully. Sex is sacred to me and I believe in making love. Whoever doesn't, I don't look down on them or "sluts".
    Like I said, we all have our own beliefs, perspective and ways of doing things and living life. We should respect that.

    • A very level-headed and sensible viewpoint.

    • Thanks. It's about tolerance and acceptance to avoid judgement. Otherwise if you can't then mind your own business.

  • The reason that people think they look promiscuous by what they wear is because women that ARE promiscuous purposefully wear revealing clothing to attract attention. They don't really have respect for themselves. If you wanted casual sexual relationships, the best way to have them is to let people know you want them. The best way to do that is to wear clothing that says you want them. Not saying that the women in the picture are promiscuous (bottom picture). However, they're dressing as though they were. That, to me, is where the problem lies.

    • Sometimes people just have big tits and ass though and anything they wear looks "slutty" cause their not rail thin.

    • Not really. They can be "well-endowed" but still look good without looking promiscuous. Now, if she's wearing a fitted dress with lots of cleavage showing and big openings in it, then, yes, she will look that way. However, there are lots of types of clothing that don't look like that way even if they're "well-endowed."

    • "they don't really have respect for themselves". And what makes you think that? Self respect is having enough respect for yourself to do whatever makes you happy and is the best for you. Not to conform to what society says is socially acceptable to make everyone else happy. Someone who has respect for them self would do what makes them happy, not what everyone else says. That is not respect. "they're dressing as though they were". There is not a certain way promiscuous people have to dress. I can find a promiscuous girl in sweatpants and a t shirt just as quick as I can find one in a revealing outfit and vise versa "that, to me, is where the problem lies". No, the problem lies in our society constantly sexualizing women, especially in the media. Your comment is full of generalizations, nothing

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  • You are awesome. Thank you for this post! It seems that people are so quick to slut shame women and it's important that we get rid of that stigma. I think it's all about CHOICE. we should respect women who decide to sleep with tons of men, women who wait til marriage, and everything in between. All women and men should be equally respected- we're all human after all. Someone answer this question for me:

    Why should a woman have to be modest in order to be respected?

  • This is good. I seriously don't get slut shaming. If someone's having a good time, no one's getting hurt and everyone's being safe, what exactly is the problem? So yeah, I liked this :)

    • Thanks :) I went anon just in case cuz I expected a lot of hate.

  • So slut shaming shouldn't be a thing but virgin shaming is ok.. I can sense your bullshit level is in an all time high my friend 😏 Hyposcrisy.. Hypocrisy EVERYWHERE!!!

    • Only those who claim they are better because they are saving themselves.

  • This is completely inaccurate. When you dress "like a slut" it's obvious what you're after, and it's obvious what kind of attention that you are seeking. I don't like being friends with sluts. Period. This is not due to the fact that in jealous and crap, it's due to personal experiences of hanging out with sluts. I can never seem to have actual convos with them, because they are constantly texting s guy, talking to a guy, Trying to flag down a guy, and if they do talk o you, it's almost always aboit their last sexual encounter. I don't like to be associated with people that have nothing on their brains but pleasure, I also don't like going places with them, because what they wear always attracts the wrong attention, and I do not want to be involved with any such things. Saying that women who disapprove of sluts and wouldn't live their lifestyle are just being that way because they can't get any attention for themselves is just plain wrong. Women (most cases) are looking for something that will last. Women want a genuine emotional connection to a man. Giving yourself away like a slut would do, is indicative of someone who has deep rooted emotional problems and craves attention and flattery. They need people constantly telling them they are beautiful and approving of their looks and body. People don't respect sluts because they have no self respect themselves.

  • "Simple, because they aren't getting any and are jealous." This is not why women don't like sluts. A woman can have just as much sex with ONE PARTNER as a woman with many partners.

    • So why the hate then?

    • Everyone has their reasons I personally will not hate a woman for what she wants to with her vagina that does not concern me but I can't be friends or associate with sluts.

    • Why can't you be friends or associated with them?

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  • what about the STD rates? I never seen anybody talk about that

    • Condoms do a really good job

    • yeah but I would like to know the facts.

    • I'm covering it in more detail in my next take. Condoms prevent STDs 98% of the time.

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  • To me... It's not as simple as "having fun" (as much as I like things to be simple)
    Personally, I believe marriage before sex

  • I look forward to the day when the word "slut" is a compliment. I already consider it as such, personally. Sluts are rare and precious. We shouldn't shame them.

    • It seems most women are prudes for some reason.

    • well, it seems sex isn't really a priority to most women. That is to say, actually having sex isn't a priority. Many girls have dirty minds and think of sex constantly, but those thoughts don't really frustrate them. In fact, they seem partially satisfied by them. I don't know why things are this way... Social pressure is only part of it, i think.

    • So girls are satisfied by mere thoughts?

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  • Fucking love this 👌.

  • I'm quite alarmed by a lot of responses to this point. Yes I disagree with the notion where he's putting down people who don't sleep around or calling those people out "jealous", but the people who don't shouldn't put down people who do.

    First off a couple things to dispel like I mentioned on a few replies

    Sex with a certain amount of partners and self-respect do not correlate, period. The reason a lot of you do that is because you stereotype those who do, as people who just party all the time or picture immature individuals, when there are far more people who don't fit that image, and do.

    Another thing is the moral thing, again how is two consenting individuals having sex, and going about their lives a problem? Especially when people are responsible with their actions? There needs to be valid reasoning aside from your personal religious or cultural beliefs that state otherwise, because this people are very good people, they're just having sex.

    I truly believe that sex is great with someone you care about, only because the connection makes its better, not because it's morally correct. Anything you do with someone you care about us 10x better, but it doesn't mean you can't have fun with people you aren't too close to, or know it all.

    Honestly no person is better for choosing to have sex with one person or more people, like no one person for having a million friends in comparison to someone who have a few close ones.

    • This^^

  • Wow... defending "sluts" while taking a shot at virgins. Classy.

    • Only the virgins who think they are better for waiting.

    • Only you think that. Everyone is an individual and not all cookie cut outs of whatever your viewpoint dictates Take Owner. Your just mad because some chick is sweating you.

    • Mad nah lol I've been waiting for some chick to come up with a counter argument. The reason promiscuous people get a lot of hate is because the more conservative leaning virgins put them down by calling them hateful names. These virgins have the whole holier than though attitude because they are "saving themselves for the right guy" and that's just a load of bs. In reality they are jealous, afraid of getting hurt and hold on to an archaic view of sex that was promoted in Maoist China.

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