Boyfriend hasn't been getting me off lately. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

Stuff you need to know: - We've been together for about 1 1/2 years. - We lost our virginities together 9 months ago. - We've lived together for the past 6 months. - He finally made me orgasm for the first time about two months ago, and has done it consistently ever since (Hallelujah! No longer have to rely on the vibrator!). I can get off either with oral (takes about 10-15 mins) or manual (5-10 mins). - This trend started last Friday. I gave him head and received nothing, which I was okay with since I was on my period. - Then we got intimate again this past Monday (I was off my period) and he seemed off somehow. He wasn't really trying, if that makes sense. We started in the bed and then he moved us to the shower, so I didn't get off because I can't orgasm while standing up. - Then we got intimate again last night (Wednesday) and again, he didn't seem terribly into it. He seemed to be trying to get me off though, but he kept changing what he was doing rather than doing something long enough to achieve orgasm. I thought maybe he was intentionally prolonging it, because he's done that before, but in the end I guess he gave up and we had sex. Somewhat ashamed to say I was a bit of a "dead fish." I just wasn't that motivated to pleasure him after not getting off three times in a row. What do I do? Should I bring it up? Is something wrong in his mind?

[AustinMan]

You two need to talk and nip this in the bud. You can cum from intercourse which is much easier for him.

First, the conversation:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10152-how-to-talk-to-your-so-about-sex

Now , cumming:

Cowgirl tips
Here’s the way I have found, with the help of a very cooperative girlfriend, that a woman can ride her man all the way up the mountain to multiple, increasing powerful orgasms and ultimately, squirting.
• He needs to understand that he can help with this position by grabbing her hips and helping her move. At first, leave to her own devices but as she gets more and more aroused, he should become stronger and more and more forceful in moving her back and forth.
• Put him on his back and mount up with you on your knees.
• Slide him in and settle in so you’re comfortable.
• Rock like you’re riding a horse, slowly at first and faster as you get more aroused.
• When you’re ready for him to help, reach down and put his hands on your hips. For effect, you can beg him in your sexy slut voice to help you.
• When you start to get close to cumming, move like you’re trying your best to break that thing off. Of course, you won’t but the point is to not hold back. Just go crazy.
• When you’re right on the edge, tell him to do you. He thrusts up as powerfully as he can and holds it with you impaled as deeply on his cock as possible, perched on his erection. He also forcefully tilts his hips and slams his shaft into your G-spot.
• As you cum, don’t even slow down. Keep going and you will cum over and over, each time increasingly intense.
• If you have The Big One, as I call it, you may very likely squirt so if there’s a gush, it’s not urine. It’s female ejaculate. Keep going until you’re completely done.
Here are a few ancillary suggestions:
• Pee first so that if you should squirt, you can be confident it’s not pee.
• If you’re into S&M, have him forcefully pinch your nipples as you’re starting to cum.
• He can slap your tits around if you’re into that. One girlfriend of mine liked to be slapped while she was up there with me telling her what a trashy slut she was for being up there in the first place.
• Some ladies like their men to reach around and smack their ass while they ride.

[Asker]

I've seen you post this multiple times before. This won't work with us because he finishes in less than 20 seconds. Besides, I'm not terribly motivated to do all the work until he's able to get me off again.

[AustinMan]

I love anonymous posters. I'll step into the abyss here and say that it sounds to me like you're being awfully entitled. Sex is half your job too. Talk to him, When I was younger, I discovered that if I thought about something sad during sex, I could distract myself long enough to get past that first crisis point and not cum then but much later. I thought about the last pet I lost. Does that help? Please spare me an diatribe. I'm trying to be helpful here.

[Asker]

I appreciate you trying to help. Maybe I am acting entitled, but I don't think I'm asking a whole lot here. Shouldn't sex be pleasurable for both? Like if I have to resort to my vibrator, then what's the point? Put yourself in my position.. Would you enjoy sex if all you got was buildup but no release? I'm being serious; give me answers. I need to know if I have a right to be frustrated or if I'm being unreasonable. :/

[AustinMan]

You're not being unreasonable aside from the fact that you're more than willing to use sex as a weapon by withholding what he needs just because you haven't talked to him about what you need. You say it's about both of you. That includes you so work it out and stop trying to manipulate the situation. Sorry but that's how I see it based on what you've told me.

[Asker]

Yeah, you're right. Talking about it is easier said than done, though. I'm awful at verbal communication to begin with, let alone when it's a sensitive a topic as this.

[AustinMan]

Maybe this'll help. It's a My Take I wrote that's gotten lots of positive feedback from folks.

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10152-how-to-talk-to-your-so-about-sex

What do you think?

[Asker]

That's good advice. It's still scary for me (like I said, I struggle with the most simple communication. I'm seeing a counselor for it) but if I can work up the courage, I will certainly follow your formula. This may call for some Courage Wine.

[AustinMan]

Use your therapist to help prep you for the conversation. Remember,: calm, direct, matter of fact. Almost like a business meeting. No tears, screaming or name calling. Just ask for what you want.

[AustinMan]

Thanks for the MHG! What happened?

[Asker]

Well, I had to wait two weeks to see my counselor because she's super busy, but thankfully the issue seemed to resolve itself before then. We are working on my communication skills though.

[AustinMan]

So are you getting off with your boyfriend now? How's that for you?

[Asker]

Yep! Well, still only with oral and manual. I won't be able to attempt getting off with intercourse until he figures a way to last a few minutes.

[AustinMan]

Suggest a distractive technique. I used to think about of a favorite pet and how much that hurt to take my mind off what's going on in the head of my cock. If you're riding him, you can also use what I call the ball pull. Make a circle with your thumb and forefinger around the top of his scrotum. The balls have to ascend and rise up close to his body for him to cum, Gently close the circle and then pull down slowly but firmly until the scrotum is fully stretched. This should preclude his orgasm. You can do it repeatedly.

[OzFarmer]

Best advice I can give you is communicate... start by doing things to him, it could be kissing, or hand job, or bj or ss etc and ask how does this feel, then change your rhythm, or angle and ask again, ask if there's anything he would like to do that you haven't done yet... and encourage him to ask you questions when he's touching you...
You just need to learn to be open and honest with each other.

Good communication is the basis of any relationship, without it, you'll end up having "hallway sex" where you walk past each other and say "Fuck you!"

Hope this helps

[tinyclit]

Wow, less than a week and you're already worried. You should probably start telling him what to do while he's doing it. Don't just allow him to blindly do whatever he wants however he wants to do it and hope for the best. That's not gonna work. Teach him and guide him every step of the way to your orgasm. Not just once, but consistently. You can also talk about it with him, but be non-threatening and very careful to avoid making it worse by making him self conscience about it. Some guys have very delicate egos.

[Asker]

Lol I went several months being sexually frustrated before he finally managed to make me orgasm (my fault, too, for being inept at communication. But he wasn't trying, either). Yes it's only been less than a week so far, but I'm not excited to resume this trend. We really should start talking more in bed. The most we currently communicate while doing it is occasional hand guiding, and making loud noises when we're doing it right. But I'm overly scared to hurt his ego.

[NJ_Casanova]

Is there something wrong in the rest of his life that he is bring home to you? If he hits a spot you want him to stay at, You have to speak up, load enough that he knows. You'll never get what you need being timid. You can give him the cold shoulder and use a toy to get off. Soon he'll be asking you ,"whats wrong"?

[igfunnyboi]

You should just talk to him. Talking can solve lot of issues. Just one person trying everything doesn't make any sense.

[Asker]

Sex is such a sensitive issue though. How do you bring it up?

[igfunnyboi]

I guess you can have a roleplay of sorts. Predeciding what to do which will be better for both of you so that in the end, there will be happy ending 😀 Hope you can talk to him about this. Need not be a face to face talk. Can do it using text too.

[larry69]

He might have cheated.. period would not have deyerred. e.

[Anonymous]

You can allways get off with someone else. Less complicated.
Mutual maSturbation if you feel like you would be cheating having sex with some random.