I watched porn and now my relationship is on the line, is she overreacting?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and I are both 22 years old and we've been together for a year and a half. Before I met her I watched a lot of porn daily, for many years. I watched it a few times after we started dating but when she found out she told me she doesn't like the idea of porn. I stopped watching it out of respect to her. She has a low sex drive but she puts in an effort to please me, which I appreciate it. We are only able to have sex about 2-3 times a month due to her low sex drive and our lack of privacy.

I went over a year porn free for her but last week I caved in and watched 1 porn video. She found out because I accidentally left it up.

She cried hysterically and told me it is a form of cheating mentally and that she doesn't feel good enough and can't trust me. She old me the only way she'll consider staying with me is if I seek professional help for a porn addiction. She told her friend about it as well.

I feel bad for what I did, but is she overreacting?

[RJGraveyTrain]

K, women might hate me but she is being a drama queen. This is more about her self esteem issues than it is about you "cheating mentally."

Women have a natural predisposition to feel bad about themselves. Sad, but true in most cases. So we're constantly comparing ourselves to others, actresses and pornstars included. A lot of women take porn as their man looking for a more ideal woman to get off to, instead of the means to an end that it really is.

Just tell her that for you, it's no different than fantasizing. Let her know that you understand that porn isn't realistic and don't expect her to look or act that way (this'll help her feel better) and that you did it simply because you feel a little deprived, not because she isn't good enough.

That's the best you can honestly do. I don't see you needing to see a specialist.

[watercolor_lions]

Ehhh... yes and no... I feel the same way about porn...

Girls feel so threatened by porn because it is unobtainable—you can literally go online and just select the sexiest girl you want to get off... that's kinda scary. On the other hand... I wouldn't call it an addiction. You obviously can handle yourself well enough to go a whole year.

We live in a very insecure time: everything is pushed to the max and we are scolded for accepting anything less than "the best", and as females, it is inherent for us to feel the need to meet all of our partner's needs. We are care givers.

[watercolor_lions]

I think assuaging insecurity would help best. Explaining to her that she is your priority and your only intimate love interest will help... Porn isn't really the issue. Not feeling good enough is the issue right now. You can promise to never watch porn again, but it won't help if she doesn't believe she can trust you/be good enough. Also letting her know that you NEED sex will help her see why porn is a struggle...

[watercolor_lions]

I must take this opportunity to ask, though... What do guys really think after watching porn? I dated a guy who watched porn, and I always felt like shit :/ He asked me to lose weight... I don't understand why guys think porn is harmless honestly... It's the same thing as if a girl went out and confided in another guy to the point of intimacy. Even if nothing sexual happened, the boyfriend feels threatened that he will never be able to say the right thing and be emotionally good/sensitive enough for her.

[SmokemJay]

@watercolor_lions Your problem isn't with porn its with assholes. YOUR EX told you to lose weight not porn... You're comparing talking to another man about your feelings and trying to compare it to a guy who watches a naked girl behind a screen, which isn't logical at all...

[watercolor_lions]

It is in the intimacy sense. Guys don't talk about their feelings because they value them more. Girls don't have sex with as many people because they value their sexuality more.

[LaurenGrace]

if you used to watch together in the past and she's stopped and you stopped for over a year i dont see why the big drama. would be like if me and my husband smoked and we both quit and one night we were out somewhere and he felt like a smoke i wouldn't be all upset with him

[AustinMan]

Of course she's over reacting. She's clearly very, very insecure and justifiably so given her lack of sex drive. Talk to her:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10152-how-to-talk-to-your-so-about-sex

This may help:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a5423-why-men-watch-porn

[Stevan7]

Okay you should give up porn for yourself not for her sake. You should respect her low sex drive and have sex with her when she is able to, and she should respect your Functional sex drive and let you jerk off when you can't. I'm calling her a selfish mofo.

[btbc92]

She is not overracting. Her terms are very clear, no porn. I not only consider that the same way she does, but porn is bad of ryour sex life period besides your mind and body. I'd don't care about what she says, then drop the relationship. But if you respect her, then stop the porn. You can't have both, or else she is going to dump you. You do realize that porn can also effect your partners sex drive and lower it? Don't be surprised when the sex becomes very less.

[btbc92]

Also I say it like this. Everybody had terms and agreements for a relationship. If you cannot respect that person for the relationship, don't get in it or be in a relationship. You should have told her this way before you two became official. It's wrong. All these people who say otherwise are wrong and uncaring and is about themsleves. This is selfishness. If you can't sacrifice porn for her. You might as well stay single.

[XRabbitHeartX]

Yeah she is.

2-3 times a month is a very low amount of sex. It should be 2-3 times a week, not month.

You have needs too and if she can't deal with it, she should find a guy with a freakishly low sex drive bordering asexual.

[bijbee]

You want it. You want her to get over the line. But if you honest you introduce her as if it is both of you watching. But otherwise, you lose her.

[Izumiblu]

She's overreacting. If you can only have sex a couple times a month because of her low sex drive and even then it's because she has to "work" at it and no porn then... well you guys aren't a good match.

[kellyg83]

yes. she is overreacting. it sounds like she has low self-esteem, so maybe she needs therapy as well. however, porn is not cheating. i do not understand women who view porn this way. i watch porn, but if i had a man i would still be faithful to him. porn is just a fantasy, nothing more.

[MasqueradeMassacreTM]

I don't know, I think you're kind of an ass for 'giving in'. You stopped out of respect for her, and for no other reason you just decided to. You can control your urges, but you didn't. She may be overreacting, but it doesn't look like you guys have talked about it. Poor communication on BOTH your parts. I

[blackchocolatelove]

Its up to you, but mis match sex drives can be a huge issue down the line.

[SarahsSummer]

Yes. I do not think the two of you are a good match. You can both be much happier with likeminded partners than you are with this tug of submission

[mikemx55]

Doesn't it beg the question, what kind of man doesn't crave for sex, and doesn't watch porn when he can't have it?

[SarahsSummer]

@mikemx55 it actually begs the question what kind of woman doesn't understand that.

[Belgie]

Hell yes she is over reacting. She in emotionally controlling you and doing fuck all about the fact that you have a sex drive which is not compatible with hers.

She will only make you sexually miserable. Get out , get out now, run and don't look back.

[justfluffeh]

She is completely overreacting... that's ridiculous. It's not like your seeking out to talk, touch or fuck these women in the videos.
If the porn doesn't take your interest away from your lady, I don't see the issue with watching it...

[teawrecks]

She's waaaayy overreacting

[Blonde401]

She's overreacting in my opinion. It's not cheating - neither literal nor mentally.

[anaspie]

She is overreacting!! She sounds like a young child who didn't get her way. At the same time I guess I can kinda see her side since she did ask you to not watch it but! If I were you I would have told her right from the beginning that I wasn't giving up my porn... especially if she has a low sex drive.. no thank you

[reptocarl]

I don't think she's overreacting

[meatballs21]

She is completely overeacting. It is neurotic, insecure, controlling behavior on her behalf.

Do not give in to this or you will set a precedent for her to push you around and threaten breakups unless you acquiesce to her demands.

Tell her that you have your own needs, that intercourse 2 or 3 times a month is not enough for you. If she says insists you seek professional help or she'll leave, offer to call her a taxi.

[chickentiikaa]

straight up that girl is crazy

[beccaboo2]

She's crazy, man! I don't understand women who freak out if their boyfriend watches porn.

[McCurious]

YES SHE IS OVERREACTING. And cover your tracks a little better, pal...

[aahan_jain]

What the fuck is she up to.. I have a idea tell you are watching porn to learning new technic. And give your girlfriend a female viagra. God bless u man.. 2-3 times in month, I do more than that iin just a one nightfall.

[DizzyAster]

"She has a low sex drive but she puts in an effort to please me, which I appreciate it."

That's a problem for me, I need a freak to satisfy me!!!