Sexual Relationships
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My new boyfriend just found out my ex boyfriend had a very large penis. Now he is freaked out. What can I say or do to reassure him?

I was at a party this weekend where we all skinny dipped in a hot tub. My boyfriend and I were talking about the party and he commented jokingly on how he felt bad for this certain guys girlfriends cause he would really stretch her out and wreck her. Well I didn't say anything but one of my friends told him we used to date. How can I reassure him now. Cause I'm sure he feels inadequate, and I want him to not think of me and my ex together. He asked me last night what sex was like with him and all the things we did. And how I managed to get it in me. He keeps pestering me for the details? Do I tell him? Plus we have had sex yet? Now he's dwelling on this what do I do?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • This is one of those things where trying to "reassure" yr boyfriend can ONLY make things worse.

    I mean... I don't understand this insecurity, I really don't. (I understand it even less because boys are so fixated on length -- which isn't even the dimension that matters, for women who *do* tend toward the size queen thing.) But, I've seen enough to know that there's absolutely NO possibility of "reassuring" a boy with this insecurity. Talking about it AT ALL is only going to make him dwell on it even more.

    I've been with a dude whose penis insecurities were so damn crippling that I just... I just couldn't. Couldn't stand to try again with him. The sad part is, he wasn't even "small" -- he was at least average-sized, in terms of both length and girth. Smmfh.

    You can even see this here on GAG. Some boy with penis issues will post a question, get 18 female answers that say "meh size isn't a big deal to me" and 2 answers that say "yeah it's a big deal" (... and one of those 2 answers is an obvious male troll saying smoething like "9 inches or gtfo")... and he'll ignore the 18 answers and pay attention to the 2. Even if they're obvious trolls trolling obviously.

    Srsly, you're going to just have to take the tough-love approach here. @jp612612 's opinion is wisdom here. Read it, learn from it.

    If yr boyfriend is more than a tiny bit obsessed with this, then, I hate to say this, but yr sex life together is pretty much fucked, and you may have to just break up with him and move on.

  • I suppose I've never really been in this situation, my boyfriend got the opposite... My two ex boyfriends, one was like a micro so we never actually ended up having sex, and the other was selfish and not once ever did anything to me, never even had an orgasm til my boyfriend who did it.. So he has that going for him.
    When he would ask about my ex's, I guess it was easy for me to just say how it was bad, selfish etc...

    So, the little advise I can give, is if you didn't like it (because sometimes too big can just plain hurt), tell him... Say how it was difficult, and annoying and oftentimes you didn't even want to have sex by the time it got started etc etc (if that's true - don't lie please!).
    Otherwise, if that's not true and you did enjoy it 100%, jp offers better advise with just ignore it.

  • I think the problem is that so many men on here it seems are obsessed with their penis or think women are obsessed with size. Some women do have a size preference, but not all women do.

    I personally would rather have a guy who actually cares about me and actually wants to have sex with me rather than a guy who has a big penis who just sits there and does nothing.

    I would reassure your boyfriend, tell him the things he does that turn you on. Tell him about what he does that you like. Hopefully he believes you.

    But it sounds like he's really insecure. But that has little to do with you and everything to do with him. He needs to work on those insecurities and be able to over come them.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Tell him that the past is the past and that you don't even think about your ex anymore. If you don't think about your ex then your boyfriend shouldn't be thinking about your ex either. Maybe try explaining to him that if you had a huge steak one day and a slightly smaller steak the next, would it automatically be true that the huge one was better? Does quantity equal quality? The smaller steak might have been the finest cut of meat available. Comparing things on size alone it just stupid. Besides which, you can't have a relationship with just a dick, it doesn't talk and it damn sure can't hug you.

    Your boyfriend needs to get over himself and grow up a little bit. He should focus on being the best version of himself, not trying to compete with someone else.

  • Okay. First order of business is to set a boundary: your life with your ex, including your sex life, is off the table. Period. Full stop.

    Second, you're with him now and you're happy and you're eager to have sex with him. This may help:

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11031-how-to-turn-your-man-on

    Question: are you kinky? Is he?

    • No that's good advice, I think it should be off the table too! that's good idea

    • I'm glad I could help. If there are kinks in the mix, it can open up other frontiers that are esp interesting.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 20

  • Young guys dwell over stuff like this, but I would be firm about it. Like I would let him go on for a bit and then I'd snap at him asking him to stop asking about it and talk about something else because the subject just doesn't interest you as much as it does him. He might get offended, but the truth is, if you don't nip this in the bud now, you're going to have to listen to his insecure drivel for the rest of your relationship.

    • ^^ This is excellent advice.

  • Tell him there was no sex and you have no attraction for size, only a good fit.

  • Just tell him what he wants to hear, "It wasn't that good. It was kinda painful." Little white lies don't hurt.

  • I don't know if there's a lot you can do. Maybe just answer his questions. Some guys have issues with penis size and no matter what anybody says or does it won't change. It's just a mental thing. Honestly I haven't had any insecurities about my penis since I was 15-16 when I first like realised pens size is a thing lol. I felt a bit insecure for a while because I didn't know what was big or small or if it mattered but once I figured out the answeres and I knew I was fine I never thought about it again. Maybe I should consider myself lucky because of all the questions on this site :p. Maybe just answer his questions because otherwise it'll seem to him like you're hiding something and you liked your ex better or so. And also you'll leave everything up to his imagination. But maybe answer them in a very matter of fact way try and make him feel a immature and childish maybe that will help.

  • No, don't give details. It will only make him think about it more. Just reassure him that HE is all you want and need. When he asks for details ask him "why?" The past is the past. Tell him you are with him now and don't want to focus on the past. Your friend should've kept their mouth shut, you can thank them for that!

  • LIE
    but what you tell him can become the truth in time, so no worries

    Sex with him was like... a chore but he must never know. Obviously it wasn't a good fit and the big ones are usually awkward, not capable of finesse and getting feedback on how to orgasm others.

    We didn't do much, he only likes the humdrum position or two and that's all I really want to remember about all that... unless you want to give me a psychological problem = you don't really love me

    In fact, if you continue to dwell on this, you'll turn my special feelings for you into thinking you are really a sexual pervert and that's all I mean to you. Do YOU want to recall all the sexual episodes in your life? Not sure I even want to hear them. Now... are you done? If not then let's take a break.

  • First of all it's his fault for talking shit about some other guy. Secondly why would you bring your new love interest around your old... I'm totally against "friends with exes". I know a bigger penis doesn't mean better sex that's just facts I'm also smart enough not to ask someone's sexual history if I'm not ready to accept it.

  • don't tell him if you want to keep him

  • What length are you talking about? 12 inches?

  • He realizes that babies are born from the vag, right?

    • If he's still insecure, just remind him that he's taken shits bigger than his dick and it hasn't made his asshole all loose.

  • Reassure him that it was problematic having sex with the ex and you didn't like it and thank God you no longer are seeing him. I was an insecure little mofo like your boyfriend and tended to obsess about stuff like that. It was idiotic. But the best way for you to make it go away is tell him how happy you are not seeing that other guy any more. Yes, men's egos are ridiculously fragile.

  • Tell him it hurt and that you hated it.

  • What @AustinMan said. The thing is, do you feel comfortable talking to your current b/f about this>

  • Why would you skinny dip in front of your ex boyfroend while you were with your current boyfriend? Thats awkward as hell
    Are you sure he's not actually into it he might be one of those guys that gets turned on by the idea of his girl getting slammed by a big dick

    • There was like 30 people skinny dipping... And he didn't know till my friend said something

    • This seems suspect as Fuck... who skinny dips with 30 people?

    • Regardless of how many people are there its weird for someone to go skinny dipping infront of ther ex when the person they are dating is with them Especially sense you knew your ex had a big ass dick It was kinda messed up on your part

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  • Just be reassuring. He should be ok.

  • tell him it hurt your cervix and big penises make you puke

  • Tell him easily its ex no more issues.

  • Tell him he will never live up to your expectations because his penis is too small.

  • ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

  • Well hun my boyfriend was like that. As he admits he hasn't got the biggest penis and knowing my past he knows he's not the biggest I've had. But as we've talked he knows how happy I am with out sex life and how he pleases me in other ways they didn't

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > My new boyfriend just found out my ex boyfriend had a very large penis. Now he is freaked out. What can I say or do to reassure him?