Sexual Relationships
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Constant excuses and rejection from husband. What are your thoughts?

My husband and I are in our early 40's and have been married 3 years. When we were first married, we had sex 2-3 times a week. It quickly dwindled and now it's one time every 6-8 weeks. I initiate often and get turned down most of the time. I will wear cute lingerie and I recently lost quite a bit of weight - mainly for myself but also an attempt to get him to want me. The last couple of times we have tried, he will start talking about something random (ex. Where did you get that bruise or you're starting to get a tan). By the time I answer or respond, he's went limp and that's the end of that. There have been times blowjobs won't arrouse him. He says he has low testosterone and needs to go to the doctor. However, he has used that excuse for 2 years and has yet to go after I've encouraged him to do so after speaking about how the rejection is making me feel. Today he came in early from work. I had a cute little outfit on and when he got out of the shower I asked him if he wanted to just go to the bedroom. He said - Now? I will give you a hug. Maybe later we will give it a whirl. Later is always the response and the constant rejection is really affecting my self esteem. Any thoughts or suggestions?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • This happened to a lady I work with. Nothing she did worked out. There's no amount of sexy outfits or doctor's potions that can fix it. Her hubby just lost all desire for sex. I felt bad for her, because I went through a similar experience. It wasn't that I lost interest in my wife, it's just that I couldn't keep up with her nympho sex drive. I was the one who suggested to my wife that we open up our sex lives. At first she was furious because she thought I just wanted to fuck other women. I told her that I really didn't want that, but that I thought I could use some help taking care of her. It took a lot of coaxing, but she finally gave in. We placed an ad and met with different guys.

    Long story short... now she has a "FWB." I told this to the older lady that I work with, and she was shocked. She said she could never do it. She asked my how she could ever even suggest a thing like this to her husband. I told her to NOT suggest it, but just relate my story to him. Just tell him you thought it was an interesting story.

    After a couple of weeks she got the courage up to tell him about her crazy co-worker, and what his life is like. She just mentioned it and then backed off. The seed was planted. She said just the story alone got him in a very frisky mood. He later said he thought it was hot.

    Now she has a friends with benefits and he is relieved that he can just hunt and fish and whatever else floats his boat.

  • Talk to him about the low T and some Cialis:

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10152-how-to-talk-to-your-so-about-sex

Most Helpful Girls

  • Have you told him how this affects you and makes you feel? Maybe go to a sex therapist together.
    Are there other problems in the relationship? Sometimes I think people desire sex less if they are not felling happy in the relationship.
    My husband did same but he was verbally abusive to me as well and we ended up breaking up because I realised he was projecting deep rooted childhood anger at me and in denial that he had a problem. He had no desire to work through our problems. I think if your husband is open to addressing the problem (s) then you probably need to be proactive by making the appointment and going with him. A few medical professionals have told me that men are notorious for not seeking medical help when they should.

  • Have you tried masturbating in front of him? Maybe if he sees that you are as aroused as you say you are it will help him be more into it?

    • You are the sweetest ever. I wish...

    • @Osprey so it wouldn't work for her to do that?

    • of course it would work

    • Show All

  • I'd find that really hard to deal with too personally. I think you need to be really honest with him and ensure the doctors visit happens.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 21

  • How long did you date before marriage? How was the sex before you got married?

  • he's maybe not as sexually active as you are. For guys, we are mostly sexually active during our teen to or 20's however for women it would be 20s-30's. As of now it seems be just want to relax.

  • Next time he's in the car, go to the doctors without him knowing ahead of time, and say your getting blood drawn or something that you need someone to take you home. Then when the doctor calls you two in, it'll be just him getting checked out with his testosterone levels, his cortisol levels, and everything else. I mean come on, two years and he hasn't gone to get his levels checked after you insisting on going. Do what that one anon did and get a friends with benefits or divorce him.

  • I'm guessing that he is suffering from erectile dysfunction and is in denial, but that's just a guess. How is his general health? Is he overweight? A smoker? Has he seen a physician recently?

    No matter what the reason, he's not holding up his end of the marriage. You married him expecting a sexual partner and no longer have one. If you aren't willing to accept 20 years of frustration then you have to get serious with your husband. You have to tell him that you are frustrated and can't continue in a sexless marriage. Or of course you can remain legally married while you find an outside lover.

  • Hello princess in distress. You have a tricky situation don't you. What do you do when love runs cold for you. Let me first say that personally all women should be given the most attention possible regardless. Now to get down to it. How to spice up your love life. If at all possible. do you want to stay miserable with him for the rest of your life or do you want to bail out? Take the lead. Make up your mind. Try spiking his meals with a love drug. see if that workz.

  • Low testosterone being some kind of disease a guy can contract is a myth created by pill-peddlers. Your husband is either depressed or not attracted to you anymore. It's possible that even when you lose weight the attraction he lost when you gained the weight doesn't come back, of course there could be 1000 other reasons he lost his attraction to you.

    • Umm your PHD comes from where? I was actually diagnosed with low T a while back. Rather than giving bad advice do some research.. Here is a nice article from Urology care foundation some people that know a lot more about the issue than you could ever hope to.

      www.urologyhealth.org/.../low-testosterone-(hypogonadism)

    • @worldscolide

      The condition does exist in some cases in elderly men but doctors aren't even sure what constitutes a low T value and what constitutes an effective and necessary treatment. It's a hype.

      www.mensjournal.com/.../the-complex-truth-about-low-testosterone-20130702

    • It's a hype and a new way of shaming men into conforming with traditional models of masculinity. You don't want to have sex with your wife every day --> must mean you have a disease, because a real man would.

  • Well, he is not a horny teenager anymore at that age more desire sex a lot less. Low testerone and ED become more common. Has nothing to do with you. Its a matter of simple biology.

  • Sounds like impotence. Can be very difficult for some males to speak to doctor. They feel embarrassed or a failure or no longer a true man.

    He must go to doctor or risk losing you altogether.

  • I would suggest getting him to the doctor. Trust me on this. This is probably a sore spot for him. He probably feels broken. I imagine you feel unwanted unloved. But try to imagine having someone in your life that feels that way, and your body won't cooperate in a meaningful fashion to help with that. Its probably feels horrible for him too. It probably feels embarrassing and like he isn't good enough for you any more. A lot of a man's confidence is connected to his sex, so imagine where that puts him. Because of embarrassment and being taught if something is wrong that is deeply personal like that you just don't talk about it, you distance your self from it. It sounds a paradox. Bottom line he needs a doctor, He needs medication to help him. This is not his fault by any stretch of the word though. But you have to find a way to convince him to go.

  • Definitely thw low t

  • lol I heard aphrodisiacs work. However, check if it is legal to give it to someone in your country without consent.

  • first thing that comes to my mind is that is he straight?

    second just check whether he has any affairs or relationship?

    if all the above is positive then go see a doctlr, try to reduce the stress level and medication might help

  • You're past your expiration date. He's not attracted to you anymore. It's over.

  • he's getting older

  • u might try cheating

  • IT makes me crazy hearing women wearing sexy lingerie, initiating sex, flirting with their husbands/boyfriends, and they aren't interested. I had that trouble with a woman that lost ibterest, & would LUV a girl doing to me what you describe!!

  • and some men in their 40s wonder why women cheat.
    😒😒.

  • Some guys in their 40s do have low testosterone, but not all of us so he should really see a doctor about it and get checked out to see why he isn't showing interest. Blow jobs should always work, I know that always got me going and my drive is still going strong at 50

  • he may have a medical issue, but he may be cheating. medical issues r hard and men don't like to talk about them. he may not be attracted to u anymore which happens but don't want to hurt your feelings. do y'all have kids?

  • Sneak some viagra into his tea. If he asks why the tea tastes different, say you bought a new flavor to try. And initiate some sexy time later when the viagra should function.

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