Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Dear 'Nice Guys'

Dear 'Nice Guys',

I hate to break it to you but being a nice guy with a sense of integrity isn't enough to get you laid. Just like being a fat chick with a great personality isn't either. Well, that's not strictly true. As a fat chick with a sparkling personality I can confirm there are no omega females. (I'm sure if I had a conscience I would feel suitably guilty for the privilege of your dicks.). But your gender has no standards. One of the many differences between us is that we would rather not get laid than fuck a fugly person whereas you would rather fuck a fugly person than not get laid. However, I'm sure if you put me next to a supermodel with a vapid personality I would magically turn invisible. Just like if I put you next to Tom Cruise or even Donald Trump.

So are we all terribly evil and shallow? As Schopenhauer beautifully explicates, although we can choose to follow our desires we do not choose what we desire. I'm sure you cannot stop being attracted to big tits anymore than I can stop being attracted to bulging muscles. I do not think we can be morally culpable for that which we do not choose. So are we all trapped in a Matrix of our biology and if so what shall we do?

Well I suppose I could post pictures of myself in my underwear holding the slogan 'real men like curves'. You could write whole blogs dedicated to bitching about how women fuck psychopaths, are morally inferior and should be denied sexual autonomy. Oh wait, I think that's already been done. Well I suppose we could all stop feeling sexually entitled to the top 20% of our species, collectively lower our standards and start fucking each other. Nah, just kidding. I don't want to fuck the jaded nice guys of the internet anymore than you want to fuck the SIFs. So what's left? We could put down the donuts step away from the wifi and hit the gym. I would say I'll see you down there but I'm sure you wouldn't notice me.

16 11

Most Helpful Guy

  • There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy. What's wrong is being a nice guy and overwhelming a girl with tangibles signs of devotion and then thinking that she's obligated to fall in love with you or at least drop her panties. That is the M. O. of some "nice guys" but that is not really being nice.

    • I agree with you. I get sick of the term "nice guy" being used for guys that are being nice to get a woman to drop her panties. That is not what the term "nice guy" means so they should be called something else. I am fed up of women doing this all the time. 😡

    • @Applefan1 I think I'll write a myTake on the subject. Since these guys are wolves in sheep's clothing, maybe we should call them nice wolves. Or UOMe's (you owe me.)

    • I will be interested to see your take on it. All I know is I am sick of being an actual nice and kind man and getting labled as a bad person that is just trying to get sex out of women and then having women turn around and say to be nice and kind to women. If I am going to be treated like shit by women for actually being nice and kind it makes me think well maybe I should just treat women like shit if I am going to get accused of it. I am not going to do that but I think you see my point about how unfair it is for actual nice men.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girl

  • Can we stop hating on nice guys? There are guys out there with great personalities, and respect women without wanting to get in their panties.

    • Shhh girls don't want nice guy especially ugly nice ones like me.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

11 78

  • Very interesting points. Since you mentioned you were interested in what others had to say about the subject, here is what I wrote some while back:

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a6577-do-nice-guys-finish-last

  • 1) When I am dating a girl I am hoping it leads to sex... so what?

    Hoping to have sex should not put you in the "bad" category. Making it into the only thing that is important should.

    2) I have an ex who cheated on me with a girl-friend-beating, drug using alcoholic while he was out on bond and unable to return to his home because of the restraining order that resulted from said beating. (As far as I know he never did beat my ex, he just used her when he couldn't have sex with his girlfriend, you know, in between the beatings.)

    I was the "nice guy". I was working two jobs so she could be the stay-at-home wife she said she wanted to be. The above is but one example of how she chose to say thank you for the things I did for her.

    That's one classic example of those "higher standards" you seem to think women adhere to.

    3) Back in high school I dated a girl, then she moved far away. After I graduated (she still had a year left) I moved out to where she was living with her mom. Then her mom asked me to take her to live with her dad, I did. I did "nice" things for her. I did not do those things because I would be able to have sex with her, I did nice things and we had sex as well.

    She eventually broke up with me so she could sleep with a guy she had been infatuated with for years. He stood her up, I wouldn't take her back. She started dating a guy who beat her occasionally. I lost track of her.

    Many years later, after I married my second wife, this girl found me and apologized for the stupid things she did in her youth. She even may have "made a pass at me" once since then, but it was at my dad's funeral so, if that is what it was, I was married and quite sad at the time - it was really bad timing.

    Conclusion:
    I have seen many examples of how a woman's standards can be different from a man's. I have seen how women and men both can be quite superficial - if they choose to be.

    Women are not as different as you would like us to believe, only their methods are.

    =============

    I would like to point out that the above does not represent all women, only some are like that. My current wife is not perfect, neither am I. But we love each other and are nice to each other because it feels good to be nice to each other. The sex is not bad either. =)

  • Here are my thoughts, I do consider myself a nice guy, in the sense that I'm certainly not a "bad boy" I keep a regular job, am not a criminal, and yes I even treat women with all the respect they deserve. Additionally I never put any pressure on women to have sex with them. Do I want to have sex? Yes, but it is not my primary motivation for everything I do. To my way of seeing it, if I apply no pressure for sex, then the woman in question will feel comfortable around me, and when she feels comfortable, she will begin to trust me, and most every woman I have been in a sexual relationship with, has appreciated that I'm not pressuring them for really anything, so with this in mind, not only do they feel comfortable around me, and trust me they know that I'm safe, and as such I'm not going to "hit it and quit it" so to speak. With all of this in mind, many of the women I have been with have felt comfortable enough with me that they will often initiate sex, which is also a good indicator of both comfort and safety. When they initiate, I reciprocate in the sense that I'm not a selfish lover, I try and make the whole experience as pleasurable for them as it is for me, and thus far I have not had any complaints. Lastly this particular strategy allows me to establish a good foundation for something more than just sex, and it also allows me to be myself, which as it happens most women also seem to like as well. Am I a body double for Brad Pitt, most definitely not, but I'm not Quasi-Modo either. My whole point is it is about how you treat a person in addition to everything else I mentioned. The biggest sex organs we have is not in between your legs but considerably higher, and knowing how to use that will greatly improve both your sex life as well as all other sorts of relationships you can develop.

    • Women approach you for sex? Impressive. You sound like quite the catch.

    • I wish it were as simple as that. Trust me I'm not a big player, what I was trying to convey, is that when a woman displays interest in me and we spend time together, there is never any pressure from me to hurry up and have sex. Yes I do think about it, and yes I would like to, but I also know that if I were not ready to have sex yet, I certainly wouldn't want anybody pressuring me for it. So in this sense there is no pressure from me. As she feels more comfortable with me and we get closer, there is still no pressure, she can say no at any point, and she knows this, so in my experience when she knows that with me she can make any choices she is comfortable with, then she can feel comfortable initiating sex and that she will be safe throughout the whole experience. So when she initiates sex, I respond in kind and we just go from there. :-)

  • Everyone is terribly evil and shallow, yes. Some more than others.

    Sure. Ultimately we are all slave to the animal. But, at the same time, I'm morally culpable for murdering someone who verbally spins me into a rage. Actions are always judged, and they always should be judged.

    Probably not. But you can't blame me for it, either, hm?

    End of the day, humans are emotional creatures. Rationality matters very little with this kind of topic. People will feel what they feel. Too weak or lazy to change, so they only have jealousy and greed and demand they be seen as attractive and desirable.

  • A true nice guy, a gentleman, is kind to a lady simply because he is kind. The nice guys that you're referring to seem to really only be nice guys because they want to get laid. We're not all the same.

  • Please stop saying we like you speak for all women. I disagree with almost all of your post. Just because you hate yourself doesn't mean you should rip into others.

    • I never said I speak for all woman. I am actually a complete narcissist.

    • Clearly

    • LMAO

    • Show All

  • Women really need to stop lying about the types of guys they want. They keep saying "I just want a nice guy that will treat me right" then they go have sex with the guy that treats them like shit. Furthermore advice like "don't change" and "just be yourself" further discourages guys from self improvement. Women's attempt at not looking shallow, has created the problem of nice guys, by giving men horrible advice, leaving younger guys confused about how to attract women.

    Guys specifically ask for advice on how to attract a woman, and get told to be a nice guy. So when a guy is acting like a nice guy, it isn't deceitful on his part. That is what he thinks is a clear sign to show the girl he likes her in order to form a relationship. That is why those guys feel used when the woman takes advantage of his being nice, and want to remain just friends. Then when these guys get their feeling hurt from the pain of being used from women that clearly knew he like her, and remains alone for long periods of time, has their feelings thrown back in their face with women that lash out at them pretending like he thinks he is entitled to sex.

    What guys need is better advice on how to attract women. Then they need advice on how to spot a girl taking advantage of his feelings, and to stop being told they are a jerk for not letting women walk all over them. Finally they need the same level of understanding women get when women are in pain. As it is if a guy that is in pain from unrequited love with a female friend can't even stop hanging around the girl to try and move on so he can heal, without being accused of being a selfish jerk that didn't value her friendship, and only wanted in her pants, that felt entitled to sex. Women are not treated this way when they are in pain.

    Nice guys are not monsters that feel entitled to sex. They are just guys getting really bad advice, and often get taken advantage of, and aren't allowed to talk about their pain. That is why they talk about it online so much. Online is the only place guys can talk about their feelings, without having their reputations in real life destroyed.

    • THIS. Men have been sold a false bill of goods and they are angry as a result.

  • Well I guess I am different to the guys you are talking about. I am nice and kind but I don't demand or expect sex for being nice and kind. It is just who I am, not an act like some other guys.

    • I can see why you women don't like the guys that act entitled though because I get so fed up of the girls that act entitled to us men.

    • I am just fed up with being an actual good person and having women treat me like shit. It makes me wonder why I bother treating women well if they are just going to treat me like shit. I have standards and I know other men that have them as well. You maybe evil and shallow but don't you think that is unfair to treat actual good men like that. I actually do not always choose what I desire and I know other men that are the same. A woman has to have a great personality.

    • "Nice" does not mean what you are describing here and I am so fed up with "actual" good men being labeled bastards when the actual good men are not.

  • Girls don't want to wait until you know if you like their personality. They just want you to hit on them instantly based on their looks. Even though everyone says personality is the most important.

    • That's where I have the problem!! I need to know HER, and LIKE HER!! I don't hit on pretty girls, because I have NEVER met one that I can talk to for more than a minute, or two, before getting bored. "Average" girls, usually smart, wearing glasses are so much more interesting! Smart girls are HOT!! Yeah, because they don't THINK they are, and they aren't so full of themselves! Young, hot, and stupid is fine, but what happens when young, and hot is gone? All you have is stupid!

    • @SomeGuy37 True

  • I unfortunately used to be this kind of "nice guy” back in my younger years that thought I was entitled to that top %20 of the female species that you mentioned because I was supposedly “nice”. I’m not proud of having been that guy and I look back on my behaviors with a sense of shame. Most guys are going to have to learn the hard way on this just like I did. They will have to reach the point where they finally realize their behaviors (i. e. lack of confidence, whiny, clingy) and actions are the problem.

    • Commendable self awareness.

    • It was a long road before I finally swallowed my pride and realized I was the problem why women didn’t like me. I’ve done a few takes also on the subject of nice guys in hopes of reaching out to as many of these guys as I can that are behaving like I used to.

  • I am more irritated by reading these pathetic mytakes than watching the behaviour of 'nice guys'. Stop it already. The fucking same thing again and again.. there are already 100s of mytakes on this topic already and better ones. If you can't contribute anything of your own, stop copy pasting

    • I have not read these my takes since I am new to the site but will check them out. From some of the recent takes I have read the message doesn't seem to be getting through.

    • "since I am new to the site"- not a valid reason. If you are new to the site, didn't you feel the need to check whether such content already exists?

    • I don't think I need to justify myself to a random stanger on the Internet.

    • Show All

  • I guess I COULD say screw it and enjoy the company of ice cream since people are becoming pretentious self absorbed jerks, whom only see the beauty of skin and don't take the time to read the book.

  • omg, we get it -_- nice guys dont get girls b/c they're nice. CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE NOW PLEASE?

  • on point! so true. for some reason guys love to believe that we would date any ugly guy as long as he has a decent personality, even though they want a girl that looks good and has a nice personality. we are not that different, we prefer someone who also looks good.

    • @KRIEL55 it is also women's fault for making men think what you described in your first sentence. Many guys are idiots that don't think for themselves and believe it when women say they don't look care about looks, they care about personality. Women should stop saying that and maybe then guys that are idiots would not believing things that are not true. I never was one of those guys though. I am not stupid.

    • @steven7890789 well i think the reason it is so common to hear that women prefer personality is because it iss true to an extent. for example i had 2 guys that wanted to be with me, one was tall, had some muscle, nice hair, big lips, and a really nice style, but he was super conceited and just really boring. while the other one was just average looking. not ugly but not exactly attractive, but he was very sweet and considerate and just a gentleman. i went for the second guy right away because thats just a no brainer. but he has to be at least decent looking though! just like men, we are sexual creatures. and we refuse to have sex with someone who isn't sexually attractive to us. can't have good sex with a nice personality. a guy has to be attractive enough to turn us on.

    • @KRIEL55 well women need to say that so the idiots won't get confused. Women should just say they care about looks, but just about personality more. They should stop saying''I don't care about looks, I care about personality.'' Cause basically when saying that they are basically saying they don't care about looks at all and only about personality, which is bull. They should be specific. Agree?

    • Show All

  • Umm some things you said were way off. Not all men would fuck a fugly girl just to get laid. I certainly wouldn't. I have high standards.

    Also can't we just say that we are attracted to certain qualities that the opposite sex has. If they dont possess enough qualities then we aren't attracted to them. Everyone has different preferences to what they are attracted to and not everyone likes a certain type.

    The thing with 'nice' guys is its not the fact they are nice that is the problem. Its the fact they have unattractive qualities which have been collected into the stereotype of 'nice guys'. I won't go into all the detail of that but its nice guy syndrome that is the problem.

    But other than that your take was a straight and direct expression of your thoughts and feelings and you didn't pull any punches. I like to see people who can be direct.

    • As a former "nice-guy," I think I figured out what the problem is (at least the external component -- we know what the internal ones are). At least through the '80s and '90s there has been a dearth of information about what women like, as well as some very hazardous pitfalls that nobody bothered marking off. Specifically, asking women what they like or what it takes to get a woman. OMG, that's the worst thing you can do, because what they will tell you will lead you right into being a 'nice guy,' without any clue to what it is women actually like. I blame this largely on the lack of internet and broad scale fatherlessness. But things have changed, and I now have hope for future generations. We know that if you see a guy, safe money is on that he doesn't have a father or powerful male figure in his life, and he can be told the brutal truth about what women like and are like.

    • @Transigence I think the main problem with nice guys is that they try too hard to be what the woman wants. He constantly makes an effort to be really 'nice' for her and changing himself to suit her needs and not making a strong stance of his own thoughts and opinions of what he wants. A strong man knows what he wants and won't accept everything the woman says. If she is wrong he will tell her and stand his ground. He doesn't need to be validated by her or anyone else. He is just a strong individual who doesn't take crap from anyone.

    • Exactly. And throughout the '80s and '90s you'd NEVER hear this from any source (partly because you don't have a father), and even today, you still don't hear it from women. Boundaries are attractive.

  • This was beautiful! Thank you so much! I'm so sick of guys saying "But I'm nice!" just to get somewhere with me or "I'm not like those other guys." Maybe some of you men are different but it's going to take more than talk to convince me you're "nice".

  • There is a large difference between nice guy and good guy.

  • Sex? I'll start with being treated like a reasonable human being that simply wants a social life, instead of being automatically thrown out, as if I were that guy that lived in a white van down by the river.

    I'll start with, when I ask her how she's been doing, showing concern, I get A RESPONSE.

    We don't all expect and demand sex from every woman we meet. But it would be nice to be acknowledged for who we actually are, instead of treated like a paramecium.

    • I had to google paramecium!

  • well with that shitty attitude about men, I am sure the line is very short around you. and once they find out who you are inside, none stay... pretty sad.

  • We fucking get it.

    On the other hand, how come nice girls with a sense of integrity get laid?

    • One word V A G I N A

    • @Touglyforfemales why do penises give in so easily to vagina but not the other way around?

    • "@Touglyforfemales why do penises give in so easily to vagina but not the other way around?" Because women risk more when having sex so are instinctual fussier..

    • Show All
  • Show More (69)
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > Dear 'Nice Guys'