There are two types of nice guys and one type isn't nice!

OlderAndWiser u

The term "nice guy" gets used frequently on G@G and it often leads to some very opinionated discussions. I think that most people don't have substantial disagreements once they define whay they mean when they say "nice guy." This topic is of interest to me because I consider myself to be a nice guy and some folks out there are really trashing people who they call "nice guys," so . . . let's define some terms.

There are two types of nice guys and one type isn't nice!

I try to follow what I consider to be the definition of a true nice guy. A "nice guy" is not a door mat for a woman but he is respectful of a woman and does not treat her as an object to be conquered. While a "nice guy" has an interest in sex, he does not demand sex from a woman but waits until she is ready. He never acts as if she owes him any sexual favors just because he took her out to a fancy restaurant and bought a bottle of wine.

A "nice guy" may also be a chivalrous gentleman. At the end of a first date, his greatest hope is not to get his date into bed but to hear her say, "I had a great time and I hope I can see you again soon!" If she ends the first date with a kiss on the lips - not slobbery, but just slightly more passionate than you would kiss your grandmother - he will be whistling a happy tune as he finds his way back home. If you are in a relationship with a nice guy, he will do whatever he can to help you. When you have one of those inevitable disagreements, he will not call you names or tear up the watch you gave him for Christmas. If you try to take advantage of him, he may be slow to react but he will eventually demand that he be respected or he will tell you goodbye. True nice guys don't lack self-confidence even though they may be reserved, introverted and may be confused with someone who is insecure. They may not have charisma and, if you date a nice guy, you may not be as popuar as if you were dating Mr. Rough And Dangerous, but nice guys usually make good partners in a long term relationship.

There are two types of nice guys and one type isn't nice!

The other type of guy who calls himself a "nice guy" is insecure and that leads to the difference in behavior. Let's call this type of nice guy a UOMe. This other type of guy may exhibit some of the same behaviors as a true nice guy. Initially, he is polite and respectful and very much a gentleman. But if you reject his request for a date, he does not leave quietly but instead may try to work some guilt trip on you or whine until you cave in and say yes, or he may whine until you threaten to have the police remove him. If you go on a date with him, he expects a second date.

By the third date, he has lavished enough time, attention, and money on you that he expects something in return . . . probably more than just a kiss on the lips! Yes, this guy thinks the "three date rule" is really a rule and he is entitled to sexual favors. His behavior can turn from nice to annoying rather quickly. If you find yourself in a relationship with him, he will probably be very possessive and smothering. You will run from him and never consider wanting to remain friends.

Since these guys lack self-confidence, they think the best way to score with a woman is to be so nice, and to give her so much time, attention, and trinkets, that she "can't" say no. What he is saying is, "You owe me." (UOMe) You might think that this reflects a condescending attitude towards women: they are capable of being bought. However, I think these guys don't really think of women that way but they simply never stop and look at the situation from any perspective other than their own selfish needs and insecurities. With experience, these guys may mature beyond this childish "courting" behavior.

Calling the UOMes "nice guys" is really an insult to true nice guys, just like it would be insulting to call every girl who ever had sex a "slut." So please don't confuse us nice guys with those jerks!

There are two types of nice guys and one type isn't nice!
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Most Helpful Girl

  • SarahsSummer
    Exactly! A confident nice guy is what I've chosen. There is a third self proclaimed nice guy that remains a doormat and then just becomes a martyr who never even gets to the UOME stage and never does more than sulk and become hateful of women as a whole because it's easier than acknowledging what the real problem is.
    Like 5 People
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

  • Other_Tommy_Wiseau
    FINALLY!!! this is probably the first mytake that was actually good, made sense and had an actual purpose and definitely the best mytake i've read
    Like 4 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Thank you. I'll have a peanut butter and chocolate chip cookie if you have one!

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Applefan1
    Thank you for this. Calling the second type of guy a "nice guy" is an insult to nice men because that is not what "nice" means. I am like the first guy you mentioned and I am so fed up and sick and tired of women treating me like I am the second guy you mention and treating me like shit. I am also so sick, tired and fed up of women posted all those takes about the second guy you mentioned and linking it to the term "nice guy." That is not what a nice guy is!!! It makes me wonder why I don't just be guy number two if all women are going to do is treat me like I am when I am not. I am not going to change into guy number two because that is not who I am but gosh it is so annoying women doing that. Get it right women! Gosh! because it is offensive what you are doing. As the asker mentioned would you like it if we called you all sluts when we do not know you? No you would not so why do you do that to the actual nice men. That is why the actual nice men hide and that women are the ones that are at fault for this because of course the actual nice men will hide if you treat them like this.
    Like 3 People
  • Rufus335
    the good type of nice guy is called the "good guy" nice implies he only acts nice. the good implies he is inherently a good person... its kinda just wordplay
    Like 2 People
    • Isn't it decent guy? A nice guy with a backbone.

    • That is what they "should" be called but they are all lumped together as "nice guys."

  • Doffydood
    Nice take! Well, that's all I can think to say really. It was a really good take :)

    (incoming obligatory clapping gif)
    Like 3 People
  • lightbulb27
    well said in the first section. In general, a nice guy lacks self esteem and confidence. the woman picks up on this and may blame everything but himself until he heals.

    We need a new term for "nice guy" vs wounded guy...
    Like 1 Person
  • cth96190
    I would put myself in the category of the first type of male who was described by OlderAndWiser.
    We are of similar age.
    When I was a teenager and then a 20-something I could almost not get a date, because the demonstrated female group preference was for players and sundry versions of the sociopathic bad boy.
    Based on that demonstrated female preference, I came to the rational conclusion that females wanted that sort of male.
    I was not that sort of male, so I walked away.
    Like 1 Person
  • Scrambledagain
    Genuine nice guys still have no chance against a douche/dick bag in the dating game. Fact. End of story.
    Like 3 People
    • Whenever I have been single and unattached, I have not had any problem getting dates and finding reasonably good women for long term relationships. Yes, there are some women who date the bad boys, particularly when they are younger. When a girl starts thinking about settling down, Mr. Bad Boy doesn't look like a good candidate to be father of her children.

    • Yeah I'm not saying that nice guys don't get anything, I'm saying that a bad boy gets more and more choices. And that whole "women see nice guys when they older" is the most infuriating thing ever. Nice guys miss out on love and sex in their youth and are some consolation prize in their older years where missionary causes back problems? I'm not content with that. And anyway: logically, that still means a bad boy beats a nice guy at the end of the day because bad boy started getting girls from a younger age, which would mean more experiences.

    • The choices available to bad boys when they are younger are stupid young girls who are not worthy of your time. If getting laid is that damned important, there are always hookers!

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  • Spirit_Is_Free
    Excuse the pun but nice description of a nice guy in first half, It actually took a minute or two to work out (UOMe) but that is so true that is the way they think , great take,
    Like 2 People
  • the_rake
    When people start these discussions, they always think they're bringing new information to guys that are having real problems with women. they think that nobody had said all of these things before and that shaming these men into not having very real complaints about the way things are is going to make them change somehow.
    • 1. "When people start these discussions, they always think. . .." Actually, not always, because that is not what I was thinking.

      2. There is probably nothing that can be said on this site which has not been said previously. Should we all pack up and go home?

    • the_rake

      People need to acknowledge a few basic facts. Most people already know that it is not all black and white as 'nice versus not nice' and that not all nice guys are nice just to get sex. What needs to be recognised is that there are plenty of confident, attractive men out there with genuine motivations getting shunned and quite frankly treated appallingly by many women. What also needs to be acknowledged is that men are entitled to their standards just as much as women. If a guy cares about looks on a woman then so what? Just because a woman is looking for personality factors doesn't mean she is looking for good qualities. Plenty of men are favoured just because of their dominating and otherwise manipulative attributes. This is where the ' nice guy ' topic needs to be shifted. The whole Jenna Marbles internet fixation with nice guy shaming tacks simply brings a host of equally erroneous assumptions and fallacies about what constitutes a 'nice-guy' and just as damaging (if not more so)

    • the_rake

      ... than what any of these internet white-knight key board warriors had to say before hand. They're are guys with legitimate concerns and they are being marginalised by both parties (the self-identified 'nice guys' and the feminists who can only see two colours: black and white).

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  • SunsetRose
    This is a really great take! I like the label "UOMe" quite a bit for those kinds of guys.
    Like 2 People
  • Sigh101
    UOMes can also come from "bad boys". Honestly, being a kind-hearted person is in the moral stand of a person... not in his style... nice or dangerous. A hot biker guy can either be a rapist or a helpful man. A preppy nice guy can either be a psycho or a absolute gentleman. Never judge a book by its cover... too much.
  • Beaver19
    Thank you, too many label all decent men in one big wanna be nice guy column
    Like 1 Person
  • ArchDruidMordred
    Yes I agree. Women here bash nice guys when they themselves have no idea what a nice guy truly is.
    Like 2 People
  • stardust101
    Great take! I have experience with both nice guys and "nice guys." It's easy to weed out the fake nice guys type when I don't give them a kiss or whatever that they are expecting and it's not all the time they will wait until the third date. I don't give them what they want because I myself am not looking to be used for sex and the real nice guys are the ones who deserve it even though they may be too nice to actually get a kiss or sex. It's just like what the other commenter said below how nice guys aren't as assertive to the reason why they don't get laid.
  • SweetHomicidalQueen
    I agree 1000%
    Like 3 People
  • Amanda2
    very well written
    Like 2 People
  • Rahdle
    Bravo 👏👏👏👏 this was well said
    Like 2 People
  • Notreallyhere
    You hit the nail on the head. Thank you.
    Like 3 People
  • rose004b
    Very true.
    Thank you :)
    Like 2 People
  • legalboxers
    nice guys finish last!
    • Some nice guys finish last, but not because they are nice guys. Some nice guys finish last because they they lack confidence, they are not assertive, they are not achievers, they are not. . . you can fill in the blank. Some young girls like the bad boys for a while because they are dangerous and exciting but when women get older and more serious about finding a mate, most of them decide that bad boys aren't good for LTR's.

    • You go above and beyond for someone, they take advantage of you.

    • Some of them do. Women are not all alike any more than all guys are alike.

    • Show All