My boyfriend follows random girls on Instagram, should I be worried?

My boyfriend for just over a year recently has been following random girls on Instagram and it’s making me
feel so uneasy and at times insecure about myself, I trust him but before he wasn’t doing this. Does this mean anything?

Like should I be worried? I feel like if I call him out on it il sound annoying and nagging which I’m not like that with him. Could I get some advice pls?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • It doesn't mean anything. Men and women are different. Guys just admire the female form. It means that he has an impulse to stick his dick in them. But it has nothing to do with you.

    The penis has a mind of its own; it's separate from his mind and heart. Whereas, the vagina is more intimately connected with the heart and mind. Which is why women always ask questions like these, always show concern. But it is not necessary. He is just admiring beauty. It doesn't mean you're not enough for him; it doesn't mean you're not giving him something he needs. It just means "Oooooh look at the shiny."

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    • 4 chicks who are going to experience a lot of heartache and confusion, because they can't understand or accept male nature. Men aren't women.

  • I'd assume not, but I don't use much social media, so I don't know the intricacies of flirting by liking pictures and whatnot.

    You feel insecure because he talks to other women? I suggest looking deeper at yourself then, from my expeirence insecurity comes from within, not from external forces, so this fear is probably based off of your fears and past much more than it is to his actions (though maybe he is, i don't know). Have you ever experienced people using this method to cheat? A parent maybe? A friend? Maybe you did? People often connect the past and present even if the circumstances are different, so if you saw someone else cheat in a similar way you will unconsciously feel worried.

    You say you trust him, but if you get this worried over this, either you don't trust him much, or you are very insecure. From my experience, insecurity acted like an inflatable bed of trust issues. It'd slowly build up until my insecurity overwhelmed my trust and I felt certain I was being cheated on, even from ridiculously small things, like she'd send me a message "hey..." and I'd think to myself "here we go, she's about to tell me she cheated".

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    • An ex doing similar things could trigger it too, or just being cheated on a lot. There are more reasons why these insecurities can build up too.

    • I guess , it’s just the first time I’ve been like this with someone my ex was a very loyal person he never done things like this however we were way younger. I’m scared that’s all, because I’ve been really committed I don’t wanna over think or if I do ask him he will feel like I’m being a nag.

    • @asker I'd suggest bringing it up to him them, but take responsibility for the feelings. Tell him that it's based in insecurity and that you need to know so you can stop worrying. If you phrase it wrong it will probably turn into a fight because you will come off sounding accusatory instead of like you want answers.

      Again, did you have any similar experiences of have you been used often? Maybe some friends brought it up to you at some point? This doesn't seem like a natural fear and you said yourself that it makes you feel insecure. A counsellor could help with insecurities, but you could probably just be honest with him about how you feel. As long as you don't come across like you're blaming him then it should be okay. I think he should be able to understand insecurity and want to help you get past that, imp he wouldn't care much about you if he didn't.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I've been with guys who did this it really wound me up, but that was also because I had good reason not to trust them.
    You have to go with your gut instinct, besides the follows, are there any other signs?
    Is he being shady with his phone, or acting any different with you?
    Still intimate, spending time with you and all that?
    Usually it's coupled with other behavioural traits as opposed to just the one.

    If it bothers you just bring it up once, he's your boyfriend and if something is bothering you you should be able to have an adult conversation about it. If he flips out or acts defensive then you know there's more going on.
    I'd say keep your guard up, just be wary of any changes.

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  • I'd talk to him about it, but in a calm way. I wouldn't want my SO to accuse me of something that could just be mindless boredom like most social media.

    I'd just tell him up front, that him suddenly following a bunch of random girls made me feel uneasy. Let him know it's not that you don't trust him, it just makes you feel a little insecure.

    I'd also avoid accusing him right now, because that puts everyone on the defensive and doesn't allow open communication. In the meantime, reflect on WHY it makes you uncomfortable. If there's an insecurity on your part, or trust issue of some sort that he hasn't given any reason for, then that's something you need to work on.

    You can let him know that too, and just ask him to be patient with you while you work on it. Then actually work on it. Try to remember why you trust him, why you care about him, and what kind of person he is. Never ignore your instincts, but don't let fear or insecurities rule your emotions either. But definitely talk to him before you get all psyched out over it.

    If he acts distant, hides his phone, suddenly puts a lock on it, etc, then I'd be prepared for worst case scenario.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 102

  • Seems a little weird to me if he just started doing this, out of nowhere. If they are very attractive girls he is following to then I would probably confront him about it. Ask why he is following them, and then let him know how it makes you feel

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    • What if I'm far more attractive than all of them? lol

    • I bet you are, and if that is the case then you have nothing to worry about.

      Unless he secretly knew those girls at one point and was friends with them in the past, or he remembers them from school and he used to crush on them. You never know. Confront him and ask if he knows them, or used to know them. Also what kind of content are these girls posting? Selfies, semi nude photos, cosplays? There has to be some reason he started following them especially since you are way more attractive than any of them. Maybe they are just attractive enough to him, unless they post quality content worth following them for

  • Following girls, because they're attractive, is one thing. Flirting with them is entirely different. No need to be insecure. Either he's unable to upgrade, because he's too insecure and unattractive - or he's truly smitten with you. Either way, he's with you and not with someone else. :D
    PS. Hopefully it's the latter.

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  • Generally speaking, if something (anything) bothers you, you should always address it with your boyfriend because your uneasiness with whatever it is won't just magically go away.

    That said, unless it is someone he actually has contact with rather than just someone whose appearance he admires, I wouldn't worry about it and wouldn't address it with him.

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  • Ask yourself, what am I up to if I was doing the same thing... why would you do it?

    Then judge him by that standard.

    If there is evidence that he's pursuing women and not just wanting to oogle these women... you'll need to put that in check or not deal with it anymore.

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  • This gets asked 2-3 time sa day. NO. NEver ever worry about people following people on Instagram, especially random people.

    It means nothnig. It always means nothing. Instagram subscriptions are not meaningful.

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  • Do you have a bunch of random guys following you on Instagram? Should he be worried about them? If the random guys that follow you have girlfriends, should those girls be worried about you?
    If you make a big deal out of this, you'll not only seem annoying and nagging, you'll seem obsessive and controlling, and he will hide things from you.
    If you really want to talk to him about this, you need to approach the topic with curiosity, not judgement.
    You also can't make him stop watching porn.

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  • Yes you should be worried. If this bothers you, your insecurities can destroy the relationship. So be careful here. Never assume he's unfaithful unless you have solid evidence. Looking is not evidence for anything. And regular small talk is not flirting. Flirting is more like "Hey baby, wanna come over to my place? I'm all alone." That crosses the boundary into flirting and being inappropriate for someone in a relationship.

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  • As a guy my girlfriend always gets mad at me for following or liking a photo, personally my mind set is I'll just be bored and scroll and like numerous photos thinking nothing of it bc there's no seriius thought going into it. I believe you shouldn't be worried if you are indeed significantly worried just talk to him about it in an adult way.

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  • Yes. He surely plans on cheating you with one of them. I mean why else would he publicly visible like them, if this wasn't his plan? Lol. Don't you think he'd be more discrete if he planned something like that?

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  • He probably thinks they're hot and wants to have a wank every once in a while.

    This may sound like a reason to worry. You may think: "why doesn't he do it thinking about me".

    Well, not everyone is an instagram model, and there's no reason to feel bad about it. There's many types of girls (physically speaking) that a single guy can find attractive and obviously you alone cannot be all those types.

    Your boyfriend is together with you for more than just looks.

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  • If its one of them "instagram models" i wouldn't worry, like a celebrity crush kinda deal. Everyone has one of those. If its someone that he may know personally that isn't someone generally seen as his friend, then there may be something, but I would take it with a grain of salt.

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  • No, stop being paranoid, and stop being nosy, you'll come out as clingy, and not worth his time. If you become skeptical of your partner it hinders the true you that they want to be with. Trust me, I broke up with this girl because she said she liked her best friend, and she should trust me. I wouldn't say I'd trust her if I had a second chance, but it certainly was not fun to hang with her, because I was paranoid.

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  • My question to you would be, do you follow random guys on Instagram?

    In general, no nothing to worry about. It's natural to find people attractive or to interact with others. We are social creatures naturally but if it proceeds past talk and looking at pictures, then I'd be worried.

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  • If they're just models then you shouldn't be worried. Guy's will always want to look at boobs, butts, and girls they find attractive. It says nothing about how he feel ls towards you. If they're random then it's just that. Even if he knows them. You should be worried if he starts becoming distant. If he isn't distant then he's just looking at boobs.

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  • I'd keep an eye on it as not all men are faithful, however most of the time it is harmless and he's just following people to hopefully increase the chances of gaining followers... (From my experience anyway)

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  • I really do not think you have anything to worry about. I mean its instagram so he really isn't hiding it. Also it's instagram people are always following people. Sounds like you are reading too much into this and you should just have a calm sit down woth your boyfriend and discuss your insecurities.

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  • Well looking won't hurt. Talking... Depends... Seeing them? Questionable. Someone once told me girls and boys can never be friends. Why? Well... Nature can explain that. Someone has to love someone in a boy and girl relation. Depends if they notice or not

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  • Mutual understanding & trust are very important in a successful relation.

    If he is yours don't worry you are never going to loose him. .

    The same way if you trust him you don't have to get tensed like this.

    All these are usual & sometimes might get irritating so be careful. .

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  • You probably don't have anything to worry about. You should, however, discuss it with him if it is making you feel insecure. Communication is the key to making any relationship work.

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  • Unless he's cheating on you following random girls on Instagram isn't a crime and you shouldn't be worried unless the accounts he's following are sexual

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What Girls Said 54

  • Depends on what kind of photos they post and why he’s following them. I got really hurt when I found out my boyfriend was looking at sexy photos of girls and nudes etc not realising it was wrong. If you don’t like it ask him to stop, if he doesn’t respect or love you enough to stop find a new boyfriend.

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  • Hun. Please tell him bout this and how u feel. If he scoffs it off or makes no change or dosent tell u anything to easy ur mind... He's a dick and u have something to worry bout.

    I hope the best for u.
    Just talk it out and follow ur gut after he answers u back.

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  • Just stop watching. People who have insecurities make those insecurities worse by being all up in their partners business. Trust me, its just clicking on random photos. The worry comes from you, from your head, and you are self perpetuating it by watching his movements because you are basically fishing for reasons not to trust him. Spend less time doing that and you will both be a lot happier.

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    • Would you take a look at my question?

    • I agree that she might be causing a self-fulfilling prophecy, but there is something to be said when a girl or guy spends too much time looking at the opposite sex. I believe it is okay to fantasize and keep your thoughts to yourself, but if you just do out in the open and often; two things could really happen. One, you are testing the other's faithfulness (which to me seems wrong because relationships are based on trust). Two, you are no longer interested in what your partner has to offer. Though those are my thoughts, what do you think?

    • @Enlightened0nce maybe but people spend all day liking posts on Facebook but dont talk to each other. Instagram is just another forum like Facebook. I see so many girls whinging about men liking girls posts on Instagram that they do not know and have never met when they fail to conceive that those same boyfriends are getting their rocks off daily to porn. It's just silly to me to think.

  • Random local girls per a reply to another. I would be very watchful. Does he know them? Are they sexual in nature? If you talk to him about he is going to say it's no big deal and he isn't doing anything wrong, would be my guess. He will be more careful about you seeing. So you will not really know if he cares about your feelings and stops. Or if he is continuing. Approach it and see how he responds. But be casual when you bring it up.

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    • Why does she have to be super sneaky like a Russian spy? Trying to bring information back to the mother land? Is this what relationships are now?

    • @Mrbrainsyck - I never said anything that would imply her be sneaky. Just watchful, and be casual if she asks him, instead of confrontational/emotional.

    • Ahh that makes more sence. Your answer sounded like a spy operation.

  • You should tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable and insecure. If he respects you and your relationship, he will NOT try to turn the tables and make you feel like a crazy nag, he'll stop. Your feelings are more important than Instagram.

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  • Nooo, it's like you following male celebrities/finding certain actors/insta models hot etc. (& they could be friends? If he has other social circles)
    Doesn't mean you don't love your boyfriend any less!

    But if it worries you, talk to him & don't blow up at him- communication is sooo important in a relationship.

    Good luck babe! x

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  • I don't Find it Fair to you that He does this, I would be Pissed. It is Disrespectful and if He is Doing it, Who knows if he May one day Be... Screwing it.
    Say something to him. Call his Bluff. xx

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  • Well it depends, are these girls super exposed sexually or no? If they are not sexually explicit then I wouldn't worry to much but since it is bothering you it's best to express how you feel instead of holding it in. Just let him know so you can talk about it, it's normal to feel a little jealous at times-everyone has at some point but remember to not let take control of you or your relationship. I'm sure when you talk about it, it will help solve the issue hopefully.

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  • I would have more of a problem if he msgs them. Also, it’s important that you’re vocal about it now. You don’t want to end up in a fight and blow up with problems you’ve been holding in. Once he knows you have a problem with it, you’ll see what kind of man you have. If he decides to continue or dial it back.

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  • He is exploring but as long as he is not touching or talking, it seems okay. I have to admit it is a little disrespectful. Tell him to stop or you will contemplate something 'random' yourself with this relationship.

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  • I would ask him about it but do it nicely. Like, I've had something on my mind lately and id like to talk to you about it... is there a reason you're following all these girls on instagram? I mean, do you still love me or do you want to see other people? Following is one thing and yes I think it's strange and shady. Talking to the girls is another thing in which case id back off and say something

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    • Do girls have a higher attachment to technology? Most days i contemplate using my phone as target practice. Any apps I've ever means nothing to me, and I have a hard time learning how to use it. Don't people follow each other on Facebook? I thought this was normal, and it didn't matter who you were friends with.

  • No you shouldn't be worried. I know where you're coming from, but trust me it's definitely a problem with you and not with him. I've let my insecurities ruin too many of my relationships and my best advice for you would to be work on yourself instead of focusing on him. Your whole life will change when you learn to have a little more self confidence.

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  • Talk to him about it. Pray on it. Things will get better. Dont make a fuss about it just talk to him nicely and if he reacts badly dont let it get to u, just be real. You'll be okay☺☺

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  • As long as he doesn't talk to them, it's probly harmless.

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  • Social media is cancer to relationships. It is really disrespectful but it doesn't mean he'll cheat on you.

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  • What kind of girls? Ig models or just regular girls with a few hundred followers or less? The ig models I wouldn't care about.

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  • Being worried that you'll sound like you're nagging is what stops so many women from saying something to their man when they should. If you go about it tactfully, and don't accuse him of anything, and treat it just like any other conversation then it should be okay. "Hey babe, I just wanted to ask, I've noticed you added a lot of female friends on your Instagram. Are these friends you spend time with, or people you met on instragam? It makes me uncomfortable if these are unfamiliar women you're following". He shouldn't have a reason to feel that you're nagging if you're addressing something that makes you feel uncomfortable. If does, then I would be suspect of him.

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  • Depends, one thing I’ve learnt is always trust your gut feeling, just talk to him about it and ask who they are so you have a bit of closure on it all

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  • I saw you responded to another questions that it was random local girls. That’s not ok to me. Insta models are nice to look at but in reality it’s not different to a celebrity in movies so passable.

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  • Why the hell are you stalking your boyfriend that much?

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