If you learned that the person you're dating had sex with your friend before, what's your move?

[HawkPerception]

End it

Keep dating them

Updates

1 mo

I'm FLABBERGASTED from the responses and poll so far. I expected opposite results.

Updates

1 mo

Y'all saying you'd still date them are WILD

[ohsheeT]

Every girl that I have liked every girl that I have dated I'm sure has had sex with somebody before me

When I like somebody there are many many more things that are more important to me than the sex part even those sex part is very important but I'm not an insecure person

I would ask what happened and then that would be it because if I like her I like her for who she is and what she's all about

And I become friends with somebody before I start dating them just to see if we're compatible so I'm sure that I would find out before we started dating

This is a good question because the flash that I got was one of these days all we will have to do is put in a name and a whole bio will come up on the person

Every person they dated every person they've been with everything they've done in life that's when our planet will suck LOL I guess it's a 50/50 deal could be a good thing or a bad thing

[melnc]

For me, I'm not gonna sit here and act like I'm cool with that. It's not about insecurity it's about respect. My friend knew who I was, and my girl knew what she was doing. They both made that choice before me, fine. But I'm not the type to share mental space with that image every time we're all in the same room. I'm not gonna be the dude playing cool while my gut tells me otherwise. So my move? I walk. Not angry, just done. I don't need that energy in my life. There's too many women out here for me to force myself to be okay with something that'll eat at me later. I'd rather be alone than be around people who make me feel like a fool.

[HawkPerception]

Well said

[melnc]

Thanks for MHO

[choco-latte]

Yeah if I were in that situation I couldn’t keep both him and my friend knowing that they fucked, I would probably think about it anytime I interact with either of them. I think I’d just end it.

[choco-latte]

Accidentally voted for “keep dating” by the way

[HawkPerception]

EXACTLY. I would NOT be able to NOT think about it. I'm a pretty visual person too.

[DishLady]

Exit stage left.
Also if I know he’s been with my friend I don’t go for him.
ALSO, if he knows and I somehow don’t, smack him and end it. A donkey would know not to do such a thing.

[EveryDayIsPretzelDay]

@DishLady What if it was something that happened years ago?

[HawkPerception]

Honestly, I love this answer.

[been_burned_b4]

“Years ago,” earns you no bonus points in this situation. If you had no morels then, what gives you the privilege to have them now?

[DishLady]

Thanks, HP. BBB4, I agree.

[EveryDayIsPretzelDay]

@DishLady You're 52. That leaves a LOT of room for water under the bridge.

What if you were dating a guy, and it turned out that twenty years earlier, when he didn't even know you, he had a brief fling with someone in your circle of friends? Would you drop him immediately because of that?

Seems pointless, no offense.

[DishLady]

@EveryDayIsPretzelDay You're a very rude sort of kid.

[HawkPerception]

@EveryDayIsPretzelDay Not everyone operates with standards as low as yours. I know you wish they did though.

[OlderAndWiser]

I would need to weigh how much I have invested in the romantic relationship, how long ago she had sex with my friend, and how close I am to the friend. I don't have an automatic answer for all such situations.

[Finchie40]

It would depend on the connection I shared with her and how much I liked her , even though I don’t like dating girls’ that my friends’ were with first , it would come down to how are chemistry and connection and attraction is for each other , I have done it before , so it’s not the best thing but not the worst thing either

[AviatorTom]

One cannot change the past, but one s change the future.

If we're doing well together, we'd keep dating.

[HawkPerception]

So if a girl slept with 1000 guys or murdered her ex in the past, you'd still date her? She can't change her past so as long as you're doing well together, it's all good, right?

[AviatorTom]

@HawkPerception Murder would be a different situation. 1000 guys is a bit much, I might think about that. But my basic premise still applies

[HawkPerception]

I just proved it doesn't

[AviatorTom]

@HawkPerception Dream on! You didn't prove anything. My comment is about dating and body count, not about murder.

[HawkPerception]

I don't know where I'll explain the logic.

Your original basic premise was "You cannot change the past. If we're doing well together, we'd keep dating."

By saying "Murder would be a different situation. 1000 guys is a bit much... But my basic premise still applies.", you concede 2 things:

1. Your original rule isn't universal because you immediately make an exception for murder.

2. You also make an exception for a very high number of past partners ("1000 is a bit much").

So your original statement becomes closer to:

"Some parts of the past matter, but I weigh them differently."

My point wasn't that they're morally equal. My point was that past actions can matter.

If this doesn't explain why I proved your comment incorrect, I don't know what will 😂

[HawkPerception]

Ignore the "I don't know where" that wasn't supposed to be there 😂

[AviatorTom]

@HawkPerception With all due respect, your logic is flawed.

1. I never contended my original rule is universal. The rule only applies to this question, which deals with whether she and my friend had sex. Body count isn't even in the question until you mentioned it. And neither was murder until you brought it up.
2. I didn't make an exception about the high body count. I simply said "I might think about that", not that I would necessarily take any action about it.

My general rule still applies. Simply put, one cannot change the past, so live for the present and the future. That doesn't mean one should ignore the past.

[HawkPerception]

Cognitive dissonance is tough. No worries.

[Purpleronnie]

Assuming I could ascertain the ‘truth’ , the circumstances may matter to some extent because it would speak to each of their characters at the time , again another factor , but what may matter more potentially is why they stopped having sex? and if any of it all has any bearing on our new relationship at all? Or my feelings towards her as a result, and how I see my friend in light of the history that may be revealed. 😅


Yup , it’s all complex and there are many variables and so my decision / the outcome would be predicted by what I find out and what may transpire because of it.


At the end of the day though , generally your partner is going to have a sexual relationship history , the fact it may have been with a friend doesn’t necessarily have to complicate things or make them weird.

[manicmage42]

End it. Why would you want to be with someone your friend has already been with?

It'd be weird to see someone naked and know that your friend has seen all of that before.

[HawkPerception]

Exactly!

[RavVid]

It would depend on circumstances a lot. Are there residual feelings on either side? How long were they together? Was it a one night stand?

I might find out more than I would like to know about the girl and call it quits or it might be OK.

Really depends on circumstances. I don't see a blanket rule applying.

[beenherebefore]

We've been together for four years and have a life together. Too late for me to end things over something that happened in the past. If we had just started our relationship then that would be a whole different story.

[Kelly6]

@beenherebefore
100% agree

[Historygal]

Don’t think it would make a difference for me, taken that relationship is over and done with

[CaptainSmartass]

I'd be thinking about it all the time I was with her. It would feel pretty weird, knowing my friend had, how shall we say, "road tested" my girlfriend...

Simples...

[FunkyMonkee]

It's ancient history! There's nothing I can do about it! As long as she stays loyal to me now, everything should be fine. Did you ever hear of, "The Brady Bunch"?

[SazidRahman]

Thats my point too of she stays loyal with me thats all it matters

[FunkyMonkee]

@SazidRahman Cool!!
I can't change her past any more than she can change mine.

[Just_Ken]

Happened before. Nothing you can do but accept it.

[HawkPerception]

Or walk

[Just_Ken]

Was seeing a girl a few years ago. She was fun to be with a nd pretty but there were some serious redflags like cheating on exes and heavy drinking so I just enjoyed the ride for a while knowing I was never going to get serious.

[molonski2]

I would like to have known before I started going out with them...

[HawkPerception]

How would they know you were friends with someone they had sex unless you personally knew them?

[HawkPerception]

had sex with***

[molonski2]

Same circles , generally you may well know , this has happened in my life..

[_Jenny_]

@HawkPerception

it doesn’t matter what they did before

[Limited_Edition5]

If they had a relationship, no, but I would never date an ex-SO of my friends. If they were just friends with benefits, I wouldn't be opposed, but it also depends on how I found out.

[Micheal6918]

Since it is before, I won't be angry. I will still continue my relationship

[Mark_Est]

Men only date virgins, there are no magic numbers or cooldown periods, we aren't cucks

[LC75LC71]

Hate yourself for not knowing in the first place! The better question is: Do you move in on a person your friend already dated?

[Kelly6]

@HawkPerception Keep dating as it doesn't mean anything,

They both were not good for each other doesn't mean we can't date.

[dragoblack]

Unless they are making googoo eyes at eachother, be an adult and accept it was just their past. Let the person's actions speak their truth.

[Crimsyjo]

Me too. I'm surprised

[SmartAss06]

@Crimsyjo why suprised?

[Crimsyjo]

@SmartAss06 about results. That more people would stay with the person. Maybe it's cos I have a highly creative analytical mind and therefore would not be able to get thoughts of them together our my head.

[SmartAss06]

@Crimsyjo i understand your point of view, its tough to stop imagination sometimes

[Crimsyjo]

@SmartAss06 yeah. Amd if it's just a fear you can stop yourself, but in this situation it's fact not made up.

[SmartAss06]

@Crimsyjo haha so true... I have imagined things so taboo and I am like whyyyy

[Crimsyjo]

@SmartAss06 haha same. And then I start to think is everyone like this? Do all humans have dark or taboo thoughts and just hide it? Or is this something odd about me? Another odd thing lol.
Sometimes I feel so many people just lie. Like living lies. Acting pure - yes I'll accept that. No i never think that. But really they have the impure thoughts just like the rest of us haha.

[SmartAss06]

@Crimsyjo i think most people just act pure and they are not truly that ways... I like to be myself and embrace my true life with all my cons

[Crimsyjo]

@SmartAss06 haha as long as there's a difference between thought and action lol. Like serial killers lack that boundary 😋

[SmartAss06]

Haha ohh i don't think I would go that faar... M more of Kinky and BDSM type risky maybe 🤣 @Crimsyjo

[Crimsyjo]

@SmartAss06 same lol

[AgentG111]

Find out what was good and one up the other person times 10.

[Ironco]

Just have a conversation and clear the air. Then go from there.

[Cidknee]

Idcbe like navigating through a mine field. There's a lot of if'n to sort through.

[SazidRahman]

They can have sex before so whats problem with it? as long as she is loyal to me thats matter most

[Mark_Est]

Cuck views. Men have basic standards for themselves and women. You might learn the hard way why when you grow up.

[melnc]

The question is why you cool with being the finish line when other dudes ran the whole race for free? Loyalty starts with respect, not leftovers.

[SazidRahman]

Not cuck views I am not cuck... virginity doesn't matter to me in relationship sex can happen so whats wrong with dating them after break up?

[Mark_Est]

A cuck is somebody who is okay with other dudes f'ing their woman. Past, present, future doesn't matter. doesn't matter if you started dating on Monday or on Wednesday. Chad was still blowing her back out on Tuesday.

You are a cuck.

And men aren't. You being one is a bad choice for you and won't end well. You can do what you want. Some dudes need to learn it the hard way.

[SazidRahman]

Thats wrong definition... Whats wrong with dating non virgin woman? cuck means who get pleasure seeing their woman getting fucked... I am not cuck... Dating a non virgin woman is not wrong

[Mark_Est]

No, that is a cuckold. Again, you are a cuck, who is somebody who is okay with other dudes f'ing their woman. Which you are.

And again, you can do what you want. However men dont. Cause we have basic standards for women. And no good woman lets some random dude f her, who isn't her husband. For men it is rooted in basic biology, mate selection. To ensure the paternity certainty, health of a child so they dont have issues from past std damage, that the mother bonds to the husband and doesn't cause tons of issues down the line etc etc.

[SazidRahman]

That's made up theory you made... dating a non virgin woman isn't any wrong... and I ain't cuck... you are misogynist who is judging me...

[Mark_Est]

Keep dreaming cucky. I am sharing facts with you. And i dont bother going in circles.

Good luck with your Bonnie Blues or other women you date who have been f'd by entire football teams.

There are no magic numbers.

[SazidRahman]

I am not saying girls like Bonnie blue... are you out of your mind? pre marital sex is not morally wrong

[Mark_Est]

Then you should have no problem dating Bonnie Blue. By your own logic

[SazidRahman]

Having sex in relationship and having sex with pornstar is not same

[Mark_Est]

Sure, they aren't the same, one is more private, while the other more public.

However are you now saying that 1000 in 24h in private is okay, while 1000 in24h filmed isn't?

You all are cucks, just different levels. You can argue among yourselves who is the biggest cuck.

That is why it is simple. If you are okay that other dudes f your woman then you are a cuck. Your woman has been f'd by other dudes and you are okay with it. For you, you draw the line at 3, some at 7, some at 10, some at 50, some at 6000etc. But essentially you are all the same, just cucks at different levels.

Cause again, there are no magic numbers or cooldown periods.

[thegreenyogi]

End it because it's complicated.

[lessthansane]

Invite the friend over for another round

[FrodoSkywalker007]

Rah roh...

[MereAnarchy]

Threesome